#110 | A Legacy of Unconditional Love

Welcome to Just Breathe Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child and empowering all LGBTQ people. My name is Heather Hester and I am I'm so grateful you are here. I want to welcome you to the Chrysalis World and encourage you to take a deep breath, for it is here that you will find unique solutions for parents, families, and friends, for organizations, and for global outreach. Whether today's show is an amazing guest or me sharing stories, resources, strategies, or lessons I've learned along the journey, I want you to feel like we are just hanging out at a coffee shop having a cozy chat. Most of all, I want you to remember that wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone. Welcome to Just Breathe. I am so glad you are here. Today's episode is a really, really big deal for me. Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen is turning 4 years old, and I am just so thrilled. I, I laugh now when I realize how so very little I knew about podcasting when I started 4 years ago. All I knew was that it would be an incredible way to connect with so many more people who are on this beautifully messy journey of loving, raising, and supporting LGBTQ people, whether it is a child, a friend, a coworker, or just being a good ally. It began as a love letter to you all, and while I have built a blossoming business alongside it, this podcast remains a very special, very personal part of what I do. So I've spent weeks trying to decide how to celebrate and commemorate this milestone. I couldn't decide whether to have a big guest on the show or do a recap of lessons learned or just a trip down memory lane. I also didn't know whether I should make it only about the podcast or mix in other lessons learned or just scrap all of that altogether and talk about the holidays. And then it became clear about 6 weeks ago when our beautiful 10-year-old golden doodle Tegan had to have emergency surgery and we were given the news that she had a very aggressive form of cancer and did not have long to live. There are people who love their dogs, and then there are people who consider their dogs members of their family. And we definitely fall into that latter category. You all know how much I love our dogs. I talk about them in episodes, and there's always some little funny story of, of something one of them has done. They are my 5th and 6th kids. And they complete our family unit in every way. This news about Tegan really stopped me in my tracks. All I could think about was giving her the care she needed and making sure the kids, all of us, were all spending as much time with her as possible. I know this may sound a bit nuts, but As we all dropped all of the unnecessary activities and focused on just being really present with her and with each other, the most heartwarming stories and memories began to come up for all of us. One of the first things Connor said when I called him the day of her surgery was, Tegan stood by me through everything. She loved me no matter what was going on. Grace's first comment was, she knows every single one of my secrets. Since adding our baby dog to the mix in 2020, we've always laughed that although she is a mini Bernedoodle, she has a larger than life personality. And Tegan has remained constant, sweet, loving, and always willing to let us soak in her incredibly calming energy. While all of Mackenzie's activity seems to be accentuated with an exclamation mark, Tegan brought a loving wisdom with her wherever she went. My office and my studio are in our home, and she was my daily companion. Always sitting right behind my chair, radiating peace, and occasionally getting up to put her head in my lap when she could feel my energy changing. Her shifts really only came with the sheer joy she got from chasing Mackenzie around our yard or in the park. I'm not sure at what point it occurred, but some point years ago, the kids decided to give Teagan a voice, which always sounded a little bit like Eeyore. And it completely matched her unruffled, very chill, sometimes melancholy demeanor. Mackenzie's voice has always been full of sass, and she really actually enjoys the many ways in which one can use swear words. I mention all of this because the dialogue the kids imagined and created for Teagan and Mackenzie during this time became quite poignant. And it was really a great way for everyone to process and express and begin to work through the reality that we were going to lose our Tiggy girl way sooner than we ever imagined. So in those few weeks, we shared hundreds of memories, pictures, and videos, and Soaked in every single cuddle and moment that we could. As I've reflected on her 10 years in our lives, I recalled the seen and the unseen moments that she lovingly leaned into. There were physical shifts like the addition that we built on our home and living with my in-laws for 5 months. The musical chairs of bedrooms as, as each of the kids grew older and outgrew their spaces, and she had to get used to where each of them was again. And of course, the introduction of a very sassy puppy in the middle of the COVID years disrupting all of her peace and routine. As I've recalled the unseen moments, I've realized that I had not consciously acknowledged the impact of Tegan's presence in every single one of those memories. Through Connor's coming out and the difficulties for each of us during those first few years, through Connor's time away and the sadness and uncertainty it held, through the mental health challenges for Isabelle and Grace, as well as the unkind bumpiness of those middle school and high school years, through the unknowing for Grace and Rowan because we deemed them too little, through the heartache of very painful truths, through the discomfort of evolution, through the sadness of my sister's illness and the loss of my darling father-in-law. And through the celebration of growth and the discovery of solidarity and friendship within one another, through the delight of successes and achievements, through the discovery of authenticity in ourselves and in others, through the laughter and humor and beautiful messiness Through every tear, every kept secret, every long hug, Tegan was there, ever patient, always willing to dip her head under your hand for one more pet, or lay her head on your lap at the end of a very long day, or let you rub her belly while you spilled out your soul. She absorbed every moment. She transmuted the hard stuff and radiated back the most beautiful, warm, calming energy of any creature I have ever known. She was the epitome of unconditional love. That was her legacy. And her everlasting gift to the 6 of us. Just like no 2 humans are alike, no 2 dogs are alike, and there will never ever be another beauty like our Teagan. She passed on October 30th as Steve and I held her in our arms. As the intense pain of that grief has begun to lessen slightly, I've purposely layered it with the deep gratitude I feel for her. And so while this 4-year anniversary episode is a celebration of the incredible guests I've had on the show, the many solo episodes of sharing our journey and everything we have learned along the way, including the massive growth and shifts we have all experienced these past 4 years. It is also a tribute to Tegan, to the joy of having her in our lives, and to the exquisite gift and lesson she gave to all of us. Unconditional love. She embodied it in every way. Thank you, my sweet girl. You are missed. Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you feel empowered to be the next ripple, whether that is through connection with your child, your friend, your community, or the world. I would be delighted for a rating or a review. Click on the link in the show notes or go to chrysalismama.com to find all of my resources, as well as to learn how you can work with me or have me speak in your organization. Organization. Please share this podcast with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone. And remember to just breathe. Until next time.