#61 | Be You Do You (LGBTQ Journey, Ally Support & Courage to Thrive)

Welcome to Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child. Filled with awesome guests, practical strategies, and moving stories, host Heather Hester always makes you feel like you're having a cozy chat. Wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone. And here is Heather for this week's amazing episode.

Welcome to Just Breathe. I am so happy you all are here today. I am really, really happy to introduce Sam Castle to you. Sam is a life coach in training. A mental health professional of 13 years and the creator of the brand new podcast, Be You, Do You. Be You, Do You was inspired by his gender transition from female to male 3 years ago. He has been married for 3 years to his lovely wife, Vanessa, and they have 2 fur babies, Hershey and Snicker. Which is so cute. I love that. He believes that all of us are placed in boxes by our family, our religion, and society, and he is on a mission to encourage and inspire his transgender brothers and sisters to break free and live life courageously. Stories like Sam's that you are about to hear are so important to share to help remove stigma bias and fear, to educate in a loving way, and to continue creating allies around the world. We are at a precarious time in our country where children and loving, supporting families are being targeted by some of the ugliest, most harmful legislation in our history. I am grateful for Sam's courage and that we all have this opportunity to learn from him so that we can be better informed advocates and allies moving forward. Sam, thank you so much for being here today and for doing this with me, and I think this will be really fun.

Yes, this is going to be awesome. I thank you for having me. I'm grateful for this experience and this opportunity, and thank you for the great introduction as well.

You are so welcome.

Awesome.

I've been really looking forward to this conversation. Sam and I have— we were introduced by a mutual friend, uh, a month or two ago, right?

Yeah, through Evans, the master of connections.

He is the master of connections. We love Evans. And, um, I've been really looking forward to this conversation because I love your story. And I think it is such an important story for many reasons to hear, to share, to learn about. So, um, you know, I am— I, and I really appreciate the name of your podcast because it really embodies you and it embodies what you want to share with the world and what we want so many, you know, we want every human to really embrace, but that is such a, it's such a great message. So thank you.

Thank you. So, I mean, I like to start with, uh, like I said, Evans is the master of connection, but it goes deeper than that. Um, I was actually at a point in my life last year where I was close to committing suicide. I was depressed, I was anxious, hated my job. But prior to that, I started my gender transition in 2018, but there was a lot of emotions built up around that that I had never handled. Like I told you before in previous conversations, I just, I'm the type of person that I wake up and I just put one foot in front, in front of the other, and whatever I have to do next is what I do, whether I'm afraid, upset, pissed off, angry. It's just something that I just do it. But I got to that point in my life where I was just tired of just existing. So last year I reached out to a life coach after going through therapy for over 10+ years. It just wasn't— therapy wasn't— it wasn't getting to the roots of the issues. Um, and life coach— life coaching is what helped me dig through all that garbage. I mean, I had to get butt naked dirty to figure out exactly what the hell was going on. Like, who am— who is Sam, right? And it was from that, that moment that I made that courageous act of hiring a life coach that my life has transformed. Um, how I look at myself now— months, couple years ago, I didn't look at myself that way. And then fast forward, I went to the Ultimate Coaching Event, made some wonderful connections, and then connected with Melissa Ross, who's also a life coach creator. She connected me to Evans, who then connected me to you. So that's why I say The world is huge and it's full of people who do love you and who do want to support you no matter what you look like and identify as. Because I didn't know any of these people. I shared my story and they said, "Hey, I got someone I want to connect you with." And here I am in front of Heather Hester sharing my story of Be You, Do You in hopes that it inspires someone else.

I love that.

We— isn't that interesting? We don't ever know who we're going to meet, and we also don't know how we're— what impact we're making, right?

Right.

That just by shit like this, like you sharing your story, not only in that way, which brought you all, you know, new people in your life, right? Positive connections and supports and love. Right, that, but sharing to other people who need that and people, people listening, people who down the road will listen and, and hear your story, which is— it is so— I just, I mean, I can't say it enough. It is just so important. And I'm so grateful that you had the courage to, to share, not only to share now, but to look at your life and say, okay, yeah, what do I need to do? Right. That took a lot of courage. That was really hard.

It did.

And there was some really hard work.

Involved. Yeah, I, I mean, just my two breakthrough sessions that I had, uh, left me feeling like I partied the night before. That's how much crap I uncovered just in, in two days with my life coach. Like, all of my trauma, all my limited beliefs, everything that I thought about myself. Like, I was literally wiped out the next day just from digging through that. But it's in that that I am learning who I am, which is learning to love who I am, learning to value who I am, and recognizing the greatness within myself, which is what I want to spread to, you know, my brothers and sisters, is that you have greatness within you. You are valuable. You are loved. You know, and it all, it all starts in your, in your mind and the thoughts because you are the creator of your reality. And yeah, there is, there are going to be assholes. You're gonna feel some kind of way about it, but you don't have to take that on as your identity. That doesn't define you.

Right. And that is something you said earlier when we were talking that I is so— I just want you to share that again because I think that is something that we all need to hear, that we probably need to hear multiple times before it really sinks in, right? I mean, I think that there's like that moment for everyone where they're like, oh, that's what that means. Oh my goodness. Yeah.

And you're going to have those. You're going to have that to the day you die, those moments, those aha moments. Excuse me. That's what life is about. And that's what Be You, Do You is. It's a journey. It's a process. It's not a final destination. So I still have my days. I'm not saying that I'm perfect, but because I'm more aware now, I'm able to reprogram my negative thoughts. With the thoughts I want in creating the life I want, right? And, um, like I said, I don't even remember what I said in the beginning. You know, it's— it never comes out good.

It never comes out the same. No, it's— it's not supposed to. It's okay.

I think what I was ultimately saying is that I used to get really triggered by everything, by everything someone said, did to me. But it wasn't until, like I said, I worked with a life coach that I learned what's valuable to me. I was able to create new beliefs because what I learned was a lot of our beliefs are painted by other people and they're given to us from when we're very— from when we're very young. So they're, they're ultimately not our beliefs. We just take those on and then we pile on more crap, crappy beliefs to those.

Right, right. Well, that is, I think that is a really, really goodness. I really think we were meant to have this conversation today about, about, well, about so many things. But I was just having this conversation the other day with somebody that I'm working with, a coach that I'm working with, and really digging down to my core beliefs. What are my core beliefs? And I will tell you, I have thought all along, well, here they are.

Yeah.

Well, when we were talking about it, I was like, I was saying 100 words, but I really wasn't saying, and I realized, oh my gosh, like I have, I know, and to your point, which is, I know what I was given.

Given. Yeah.

But that doesn't align with who I am.

Yes.

Right. And so, and some of it, a little bit of it does, but in a very different way than I learned it. And so a lot of this is being able to take those pieces and be like, okay, well, that that still feels right and good, but maybe shifted, right? And then being able to take those pieces where you're like, that wasn't mine ever. And I'm letting it go because only once you're able to let go of those pieces, can you really be who you are meant to be, 100%, fully who you are meant to be on this Earth.

But you have to be definitely willing to challenge them.

Absolutely.

Because if you don't, you'll stay stuck in those beliefs, and I feel like you miss out on a lot of opportunity to meet a lot of great people.

Yes, you do.

That may not look like you or think like you or believe like you. You know, I— that's what life is all about. It's— we're all having this human experience, and who I'm being every day, that's what matters. Like, I'm, I'm being loved. Like, you don't just— I'm not— you don't deserve my judgment. Like, that's not for me to— for, for me to do, right?

Right.

My, my goal is My job is to love you, right? To show compassion, to be empathetic and understanding. And I understand that that's not the world that we live in currently. But it's people like me, people like you, we're challenging that. We're going to change that. Because there's more people that want to see good than bad. I know that for sure.

Yes, I believe that as well. I do believe that. And I also believe there are so many more people out there who think this way and believe this way. But there is a lot of fear and it's becoming a little— it's becoming scarier to be able to say those things or voice out loud the way scary, you know, you may feel about something, you know, based on where you live, right? So it's not becoming less scary, it's becoming scarier. So that's why what you're doing and what I'm doing is even more important. And to encourage, you know, every, you know, anyone out there who has something to say, say it. And there isn't an expectation of, like you said, I like that, of perfection. Of it is being curious. And when you can allow yourself to be curious, right, that doesn't mean you're going to agree with everything. That doesn't mean everything's going to align, right? But it means that you see the other person.

Yeah, and do what's best for you, right? That's what Be You, Do You is about too, is just do what's best for you. I mean, if it doesn't align, it doesn't align, but you don't have to be an asshole to other people because your belief doesn't align with theirs.

I think that should be your tagline.

Sorry, I mean, we can all have an understand— like, it's understanding, you know? But you don't have to be a jerk about it.

Right.

Right.

And I think sometimes that, that, um, the, the jerkiness, that those behaviors— well, I don't even think, I know that that all stems from fear.

Fear, right?

And misunderstanding.

And the unknown, right?

The misinformation.

The just the Yeah, I think what bothers me the most is people's opinions about someone else's lived experience.

Um, could not say that better myself. Yes, ditto.

Like, how can you have an experience— how can you have an opinion of something you've never experienced, right?

You just can't.

It's like, take a seat, buddy, and have some popcorn. And watch, and watch this show so you can learn something, perhaps, you know.

Perhaps. Yes, perhaps.

I'm fired. Hey, I'm fiery too. That's, that's what I'm gonna help my clients is to be fierce, fearless and fierceful. Like, yes, I'm gonna take life on, you know.

Well, it, it is.

You have to.

This is no time to sit back and, and kick your feet up. This is. And it is. If there's any one message that I share is I was scared of everything. I mean, I have my personality is I'm actually an introvert. I am an extroverted introvert. That is what I am. But I am fiery and I am I'm a mama bear and don't you dare mess with my kids. And then, and don't you mess with their people, right? Like, whoever their people are, right?

Right.

And, and, and don't mess with me, my people. Yeah, right.

Yeah.

So that helps me walk through my fear, right? And I'm guessing that may be part of what, you know, when you have those days where you are scared or when you're like, oh yeah, yeah, you are fiery and you are fierce and you are determined.

Yeah.

And that is what helps you be like, okay, this is maybe the scariest thing I've ever done, but I'm going to do it anyway because I have to.

Yeah. The fear is what I think— fear helps you. Yes, it can. It can. You can either hide Or you can take it with you. You can take flight. Even— and that's what courage is about. It's doing something when you're scared.

That's right.

I mean, I was scared to tell my story about my transition on Facebook, but I did it. I mean, what's the worst can happen? I was fearful, but I did it. I went through my transition. I was scared, but— I did it and I don't regret it. I don't look back. I mean, it's actually helped me mentally, emotionally, overall for my wellbeing because I wouldn't be here had I not done it. If I didn't go with my transition, I wouldn't be here. I hated feeling lost, trapped in a body that I knew was not mine. Like, it was almost— made my skin crawl. Like, I just wanted to get out. That's the best way I can describe it. So I don't encourage anyone to stay in that place, regardless if it's, you know, transition, whatever it is in life. Like, if you're that miserable, just get, get out some way, connect with someone, get support. You know, resources are there. You can talk to me.

That's right.

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing that, and thank you for sharing that in a way that is so clear. There's no question Yeah, what your lived experience was and what your lived experience is now. And I love that. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I think many times we, um, it's easier to dance around and right? Like paint the pretty picture.

But it ain't been pretty.

I think being able to, you know, I know being able to share in such a vulnerable way is not only helpful for every person listening, it's helpful for you. It's helpful for me. Those vulnerable moments are what people connect with.

Yeah, there's so much of that I can share. I, I mean, there's so much, and I, I just, I don't want to leave nothing out, but I just know that I was an emotional adult, but it was unhealthy emotions, right? You know, I acted out when I shouldn't act out, you know. Um, but once I became aware of that, like I said, I, I reached out to a life coach. It was the biggest investment I've ever made in my life.

The biggest investment, which says many things, but probably one of the biggest reasons I think when we make investments like that, whether it's financial or time or whatever, those are the things. I mean, not only is that a statement to ourselves, like, this is important and I'm going to do this.

It is.

I am not wasting, you know, whether it's the financial resources, the time resources, the whatever your, you know, the resource is. Yeah, that makes you, you get every single ounce of value out of it and you give as, you know, every single ounce of value that you possibly can, right? Absolutely. So I think that is a really, um, I know, I mean, my working with— I work with Evans. He is one of my coaches, and he— working with him is the biggest investment that I've ever made. And I, every single day, I'm so grateful for the line of people that I had to meet to meet him, right?

To meet him.

But these things all happen for a reason. And whatever your belief system is, whether it's God, the universe, the angels, your messengers, whatever it is, they are talking to you all the time. Pay attention.

God has never given up on me. And that's another, uh, thing is I— my relationship with him has grown closer because he's a— he's a creator. So, and he's given— he's given us these gifts to create, right? So I know we go through challenges, I know we go through heartaches, we go through ups and downs, but they're meant to grow us, you know, not to break us. And it's through him that I'm still here and he's helped me create all of this.

Yep. Yeah.

And faith, have— having faith is another— is a— is huge.

Yeah, agreed.

Yeah, agreed. Yeah.

And, and how awesome is it that it doesn't have to look just one way?

It doesn't. You can have whatever relationship you want to have, and it looks different to everyone. Praise how you want to praise. You don't—

right?

Just be you, do you in it authentically, your own way. And that's the thing that I want to share too, is be you, do you in your own way. It doesn't have to look like my journey. It doesn't have to look like anyone else's journey. And I say that because I was so worried about my podcast having to look a certain way, having to sound a certain way. But people are going to see you for you. And if you show up pretending to be someone else, no, it's, it's not going to work.

Well, and people know that. People can feel that.

Yes.

Right?

Yes.

I mean, think about how many times that you meet somebody or you hear somebody and you're like, yeah, there's something off about that, right? Right. You just don't connect because there isn't that authenticity there. And so, um, I know for most of, most of my life, I had this like great fear of not being perfect, whatever perfect is, right? Perfect doesn't exist. But yeah, and in the sense of like, that's kind of what, you know, I was the oldest. I was, you know, this, this, this, this, right?

So you were held to a different standard or you felt that.

And so I was, there were, you know, there were the boxes that had to be checked that never felt quite right. I checked them, but it was always like this kind of disconnect. And I still remember, and it took, you know, Connor coming out for a lot of these things to, you know, come to light and for them to come to realization for me where I was like, oh gosh, I don't have to be perfect. I, I can cry in front of my kids. Yeah, I can, I can be messy in front of my kids. I can mess up and have to apologize. And it's okay that they know that I'm not perfect. Like, in fact, it's better that they know that I'm not perfect. Right. But that was a huge, I know that sounds so obvious and perhaps silly, but I, it was a huge. Hurdle for me to, to realize that. And that was, you know, part of my Be You, Do You process.

And you just answered my question. I was gonna say, I was gonna say, so would you say that's a Be You, Do You moment for you? Because it sounds like it. Like you came to that awareness that you didn't have to be perfect. You can be vulnerable in front of your kids, which I think we need a lot more of, right?

Well, and then doing, starting this podcast, doing this podcast. Yeah. When I started it, it was, you know, I'd been doing my website and, um, and that was kind of the place where I was just listing my resources and things that I found and I thought would be helpful to other families. And, um, really that was just my whole goal at that time was I don't want other families, other parents, other kids, other allies to go through what we went through because it was so hard and it was so isolating and it was, you know, just all of these things. So when the idea, when I, you know, decided I'm going to do a podcast, I didn't know what I was doing. And, and it scared me to death because I was like, well, I don't know anything about podcasting, but I'll just go ahead and take a class on it because, you know, that's going to tell me everything I need. And, um, and jumped in there and just did it. And I— and it's one of the few things in my life that I haven't overthought forever because I'd probably still be sitting here today thinking, oh, should I do it? Should I not do it?

Likewise.

Yeah, right.

But I was like, this is important because there are other parents and families out there like ours who need this information, and it's not easily accessible right now.

No.

So, and people, other people need to know that it's okay to be messy and that this whole thing is messy and that's okay. And so I think that was, you know, kind of another, another moment for me, another be you, do you moment where I was like, I'm just doing this and it is going to be messy and I am probably going to cry. On my podcast and I'm going to tell our story and I'm going to talk to other people who are amazing and wonderful and we're just going to do this. Yeah.

Well, no one wants to see perfection. Like, people want to see your mess. They want to see the messiness and then see how you got through that so that they can get through it too.

Right. Well, I think I inadvertently, you know, at the time I didn't realize that's what I was doing. But now I look back and I'm like, oh, well, Look how that worked out.

Yeah, I mean, because when I heard a couple of your episodes, for me, I was just like, oh well, I wish that was available when I came out. Oh, you know, but things like— yeah, podcast wasn't even a thing. No, I mean, I didn't— in my household, we didn't even talk about mental health. We didn't, we didn't share our emotions. Um, My mom was head of the household, um, the provider. I didn't really see her cry. Oh, you know, I always saw this strong woman, you know, she had to be strong for us, so that wasn't even a thing, right?

Well, and likewise, um the range of emotion was very narrow. And, and yes, there was great strength. And it's, it's interesting that you said that because I think you and I and so many were and are programmed to believe that strength means you don't express emotion.

Yes.

And it doesn't. And, um, it took me a long time to realize that.

Yeah, me too, right? Yeah.

And I am grateful that you have— excuse me— have learned this at a much younger age than I did.

And that— I wouldn't say I'm young. I'm an OG. I'm an OG.

Well, you look young, and I know that you are younger than me, so You know, I just think anybody who's younger than me is young. Well, I, because I don't feel old either. Although, you know, when I think about, I mean, this is a total aside, funny thing to say, but for the longest time I would, you know, be like, oh, I have 4 kids and this is, you know, so much fun. And I'm, you know, 30, woo, whatever, whatever, 35, 40. And, and now I'm like, oh my gosh, I have 4 kids and I'm I'm not 40 anymore.

I mean, no joke. You look about 35. You look about 35.

You're very kind. You're very kind. I just had a very big birthday.

You did?

I did.

Did you do anything exciting?

I did.

I did. You be you, do you.

You know what? I really did be you, do you for my birthday. It was pretty awesome. It was the big 5-0. Just for anybody who's like trying to figure it out.

Yes, I'm 50.

Thank you very much.

I'm right behind you. 10 years.

That's, that's good. See, because you know what? This is what I think when, when I think, oh, all these, these years, and I'm like, wisdom, lived experience and wisdom, right?

I've got a lot of that.

Yes, you do. Yes, you do. And you get to share that with Yeah, the world. And that is one of the coolest things about podcasting.

It is. I just feel like I haven't shared enough. I'm like, what is there more I can share? I mean, there's just been so much that has happened, like positive things that have happened in such a short time that it's just unexplainable. You know, the things that are just unexplainable, you just, you have to be there to experience it.

Yeah, that's how it feels. Yes. Yes. Well, and you over time, I'm guessing, might find words to, to describe them. Um, but I think, you know, that's part of this whole amazing journey.

Journey. Yeah.

And, and over time you will find that you weave your story, pieces of it And whether it's different podcast episodes or if you write things or however else you share things, you'll kind of weave everything in and out. So it becomes like this really cool sharing over time because I think it's really hard to get it all out in one sitting.

It is.

I mean, first of all, you'd have to go take a nap afterwards because I just, I just want to add value.

I, there's a lot more that I want to share, but I just, you know, just hoping it adds value and helps someone out there that may be struggling, you know, with their identity and trying to figure it all out. The thing is, is you don't have to have it all figured out, is what I learned.

No, you don't.

Yeah.

What would be your advice for— and I think it would be different for two, so I'm going to ask us two separate questions. Your advice for an adolescent or a teenager who is— who just realizes is in that same spot that you were in, where they're just like, this doesn't match. Who I am on the inside does not match who I am on the outside. What would be your advice to them? And then again, the same for somebody who is, you know, in their 20s, over 25, let's say, because I think it probably, I'm guessing it would be probably a little different maybe, but maybe not. So I don't want to assume.

Maybe not. It just depends on where they're at in their mindset, thought process. It just depends. So, um, That's a good question. I know for me, I mentioned when we spoke previously, I had to figure out a lot on my own. So now that we do have social media, we have tons of resources. I would say connect with someone you trust with that information. Whether it's a teacher, a counselor, a therapist. I know they have all types of apps. I don't know how much has changed as far as age-wise, but I know there's a lot of things you can do where you don't have to let anyone know, like parental— if you're afraid to tell your parents or if it's not safe to do so, Uh, but I would just say get connected with someone that you feel safe with and sharing that information, or whether it's a pastor, you know, a family friend, someone, someone who's close to you that you can open up to. I think for me, I— if I had that outlet, if I had someone to express that to, I think I would have maybe navigated a little differently.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I had to figure it out on my own. I had to, you know, it came out in other ways. Like, I acted out behavior-wise, toxic relationships, connecting with the wrong people. That's how I kind of like helped figure myself out. Was in not so healthy behaviors.

Not so healthy, but also, um, not so healthy and gave lots of good information. And this is something that I, I find just so interesting where you know, we are all so programmed that, you know, anger is bad and, and acting out is bad and, you know, whatever. And yes, if it, you know, obviously there are extremes in there. If it is, if it is harming another human being, absolutely. Right, right. But if it is just, you are, there's, that is information, right? There's such good information in that, that if If we're able to kind of stop and be like, why am I so angry right now? Or why did I just like have a meltdown over having to unload the dishwasher for the 10th time this week? Like, that's kind of silly, right? I mean, yes, it's annoying, but it's not worth a meltdown, right? So, I mean, that's such a funny example, but it can be something as benign as that where if you I guess my message would be know that there's information in anger. Yeah. And don't beat yourself up for it.

Yes. Yes. Another piece of advice would— don't judge yourself.

Yes.

Be patient with yourself in the journey, in the process. There will be things that will catch you off guard, like the anger. You'll question it, like, why am I angry? Because I did notice that a lot. I was angry. I was angry, frustrated. I had anxiety. But fast forward, I know why now, right? I was trying to figure out who I was, and that's how it came out. And like you said, it's not a bad thing, but some of my acting out did have consequences. Like, some of it was extreme. So I would say, you know, pay attention to those, those emotions, you know, too.

Right. Well, I think that the, the, the— what I hear you saying, what I think is really important, that I want, um, there's a lot out there about, you know, any— from any age, starting at, you know, tiny, tiny little children all the way through life, right? That bad behavior equals a bad person, right? Or anger equals a bad person. And we're all just kind of taught that, right? So, you know, that kid is acting like, you know, throwing stuff in school. So they're a bad kid. Well, there's information there. So, you know, getting to the root of whatever that is.

Yes, yes.

Whatever it— there's typically something there.

Yes, that's correct. There was something there.

Yeah, there's something there.

There's typically something there, and it doesn't make you a bad person at all. There's nothing wrong with you. Um, there's just something there that you need to investigate and figure out how to move forward.

Right. And if you are listening to this and you're thinking, okay, how do I move forward? Who do I reach out to? Because I don't know who to reach out to. Then please reach out to Sam or reach out to me, and all of our contact information will be in the show notes. So one of us can connect you to a multitude of people who are safe and loving and will help you through this. And the same goes for parents who are listening who may, you know, if you have a child who is, you know, struggling with gender identity, um, again, reach out to one of us. Because that's why we're here. That's why we're here.

With no judgment.

Absolutely. Oh my goodness. Absolutely no judgment. No judgment and no shame. Not allowed. So I love that you're doing this and because I think it is very thought-provoking. And so I, my challenge is to, um, to really think about that. So to, you know, to, to you, to our listener, and to really think about what does do, be you, do you mean to you? Because it's different for everybody, right? So when I was thinking about it, you know, for me, I I thought, you know, for me now in this space I'm in right now, and I think this is also a really awesome point that you made, which is we are constantly growing and changing. You are in a different space now than you were even a month ago when we talked. And so we are constantly learning new things about ourselves, about others, about how we want to be in this world, how we want to relate to other humans, all of these awesome things.

Yeah, I remember I was nervous as hell and sweating bullets when we last talked, right?

Look at you now, calm as a cucumber. Just, I just want you to know this is so just right. This is so much fun. All this is, which is what I love, is they're just awesome conversations.

And I agree.

Um, so, but I think the whole be you, do you right now in this moment in time, like I I should say, uh, means living fully as who you are meant to be in this world.

Yeah.

So embracing all of yourself, not just the pieces that you're like, ooh, I really like that about me, but embracing the pieces where you're like, eh, not my favorite, but that's kind of part of what makes me me. Right?

Exactly. Yeah.

Like those imperfections and those cracks. Are kind of the coolest part in some ways, right? So embracing all of that and just like really being like, yeah, yeah, be you, do you, is in all of your uniqueness, all of your quirks, your personality, all of it, all of it, not just different pieces.

Not just the mushy stuff.

Right, exactly.

The mess too. The mushy and the mess.

The mushy and the mess. I like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just came up with that.

I think you need to trademark that. The mushy and the mess.

The mushy and the mess. Embrace it all because that's a part of who you are and your story. And people need to hear all of the story.

Right. Well, and if you think about the people that you love the most, right?

Yeah.

What do you— what are the things that you love about them? Not that they have perfect hair or that they, you know, can run really fast or that they're incredibly fit or what— the things that you love the most and that you connect the most on are your imperfections, right? Where you're like, oh my gosh, we totally have this in common and this Right.

Yeah, even the embarrassing family reunion moments, right? That, that favorite aunt, uncle you have, right?

Yes.

Oh man, I had this uncle, um, he's passed since, but he would come to the family gatherings with Styrofoam plates and he would pack up his food Like, yeah, he would pack up his food, put it in his trunk, and then come back to the gathering and eat. So he would already, you know, like he was already prepared.

Oh, that is awesome.

He'd be the first to pack up a to-go plate.

And yeah, before there was even to-go, before there were leftovers.

He was that one uncle.

Oh, I love that. See?

It was hilarious.

And that is just—

yeah. Or he would go— we'd go out to fast food somewhere, he'd stock up on— he would take their straws, their napkins, their ketchup packets, the sugar packets, everything.

You just never know. You'd never know.

Oh man.

Oh my goodness.

That was that one uncle. Gotta love him.

You know, you do, because those are like the quirky, fun things that just make, make a person a person.

Or this one, this was hilarious. He'd walk into church when church is almost ending, eating, just snacking away like he's entering a movie to watch a movie. I kid you not.

And amen. Yeah, that was my uncle.

Yeah, that was my uncle. He came as he was. Well, you know what?

Love that. Yeah, yeah, love that.

That's why— what I appreciated about him, he was, he was himself.

Look, these are the stories you're still telling, right? Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, this is good stuff.

This was pretty awesome. I'm so glad we made this happen, made this connection.

Too. Very much so. Very, very much so. Thank you. Thank you so much for doing what you are doing in the world.

Thank you.

Because I know that it's going to make a huge difference. And, um, just really, really grateful that we were connected and look forward to a, uh, a long long relationship back and forth sharing things.

Likewise. Thank you for having me.

You are so welcome.

Thanks so much for joining Heather today. Remember to just breathe. Take a few minutes every day to calm and center yourself. Reach out anytime with ideas, questions, or feedback. Please rate and review Just Breathe on your favorite platform. Subscribe to Heather Heather Hester's website, www.chrysalismama.com, to receive her monthly newsletter and stay informed. Join the private Just Breathe Facebook community to chat with other parents and allies, and share with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone.