#68 | Your Voice Matters: LGBTQ Ally Guidance, Parenting Courage, and the Power of Storytelling

Welcome to Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child. Filled with awesome guests, practical strategies, and moving stories, host Heather Hester always makes you feel like you're having a cozy chat. Wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone. And here is Heather for this week's amazing episode.

Welcome to Just Breathe. I am so happy you are here with me today, and I am really, really just excited and honored to have the guest that I'm about to introduce. Um, I have been begging for months for this amazing person to be on the podcast with me, and I'm just so excited for you to hear from her today and to learn from her because she just has so much to share. Michelle is— I actually work with Michelle. Michelle is a coach for me. And, um, just a little background on Michelle that I think you'll find really, really interesting. So She is the host of Amplify You. She is an international speaker. She's a podcast producer, and she was voted number 14 in the top 50 moms in podcasting in 2020 and 2021. Michelle is also the category director for kids and family in Podcast Magazine. She is the host of Blissful Parenting Podcast as well, and she is the founder of Amplify You. Michelle and her team have launched well over 300 podcasts in the last few years, and she actually began her work in the podcast industry 10 years ago in 2012. So just think about what was going on in podcasting 10 years ago. Not many of us knew about it, right? So something unique about Michelle that I love and that I love to share is that she doesn't just speak about a freedom lifestyle, she actually lives it. She and her family live off the grid in a boat-access side of a lake that she actually takes her kids to school either by boat or by jet ski, which is awesome. And I've been on calls with her when she has shown this, and oh my goodness, it's so beautiful. And doing all of this, she runs her business 100% online. Absolutely extraordinary. So I wanna share a couple of quotes that people share about Michelle. One is from a client of hers who says, Michelle is not only extremely knowledgeable about how the how and what of podcasting, she is also a wonderful, supportive, and nurturing coach. She's a pro. And I actually have so many things I'd like to say, but I have just loved working with Michelle the past 6 months. She is intuitive, she is an active listener, and she is an incredibly savvy businesswoman. These combination of traits allows her to really see her clients and guide them in a way that is truly helpful. So I am just really thrilled to introduce Michelle Abraham today. And Michelle, thank you so much for being here.

Oh my gosh, Heather, that was such a nice intro. Thank you so much. You're so awesome. I am honored to be here with you today. So, so excited to be able to share this podcast interview with you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know this has been just a long time in the, in the coming, and we've been, we've been trying to find dates and all of that. So I'm just so excited that, that it's working and we're together today. And I just want to jump in. There's several different kind of big topics that I want to jump in between and see if we can work everything together because the podcast that you do, both, um, Behind the Mic, Ask the Experts, which is part of Amplify You, and then Blissful Parenting. Those are two really different topics that you cover, and I'm wondering if you can kind of share how you discovered podcasting as a whole, and then what led you to taking on those two very, very different topics.

Yeah, for sure. Um, it, uh, well, podcasting actually started for me when I became a new mom, and I I remember playing on the floor with my son, and I think I probably got into a little bit of a funk after being a new mom, as I'm sure many women do. And looking back at it now, it's probably a little bit of postpartum depression where I just couldn't get motivated to do anything. And I remember, you know, goo goo gaga on the floor every day was amazing. He was so cute, but like my brain was like going to mush. So I looked at our Apple TV. I turned it on one day and I found this purple little app And I thought, hey, this little app, if I click on it, there's some really cool things that happen. Took me to a show called The Eventual Millionaire, and it was this show about people who had a story and an idea, and then they turned it into a business that made over $1 million. And I thought, wow, it was super motivating listening to these people. So soon enough, I'd listened to all 100 episodes she had at the time. I put my earbuds in, and every Monday morning as the new episode would drop, I would put my earbuds put the earbuds in, take my son for a walk, and I'd listen to the new episode. So as a listener, if she didn't produce that episode, I'd be pretty mad if she didn't, you know, put out an episode that week because I was an avid listener. And I built this relationship with the host, like she would have no idea who I am. But I built a relationship of this, like trusting her, loving the stories, loving the show, looking forward to it every week. And I thought, wow, if this is the power, and I started to feel much better, I think it pulled me out of that funk. If this is the power this medium has on me, could you imagine the difference it can make in millions of people's lives who are listeners? Um, can, you know, all sorts of things. So I just, my, my imagination went wild at the time and I started down the path of really wanting to inspire others to get their voice out there in the world.

I love that. That is so cool. So you started, did you start your company Amplify You? First, or did you start podcasting first and then create your company from that?

Well, that's a great question, and it's a little bit of both. So I had opened a coworking space, um, outside of the downtown Vancouver area, and it was the first coworking space in, in a suburb. Um, and this is back in 2012. And then we got to the suburbs and we opened this beautiful coworking space, and we realized that nobody in the suburbs needs a coworking space because they have bigger houses which have offices in them. While we were out there, we had this lovely space. So we started hosting events and, and meetups and to get some people into our space that we were paying for. Um, and so one of the groups that I wanted to start was a podcasters meetup group. And so I thought, well, I want to learn more about podcasting. So I sought out some experts in the area, which to be honest, I only found 2 or 3 in the area that would come in and talk to our group. And every week we would meet and we would talk about podcasting. While I was at the coworking space, I was doing digital marketing. So I was helping people build their funnels, helping them launch their, their webinars, helping them create, launch their, publish their books. We were doing all sorts of things for digital marketing for their businesses to get online. And soon enough, people started asking me to help them with their podcasts. I said, sure, I know all about podcasting now. I've been learning about it forever. And, you know, I started getting good at helping other people with their podcasts. Meanwhile, there was this little voice inside me that wanted to start their own podcast, but I couldn't figure out what topic I wanted to talk about. I was too scared that no one was gonna listen. I didn't feel like an expert on any particular topic that I wanted to share on. And I had all these fears surrounding starting my own podcast. And I see now why I had to go through that. So I spent 4 years thinking about my podcast while I was helping other people. So to answer your question, the company came first, helping other people launch shows. Before I had my own podcast.

Wow. I mean, that is— I love how you did that because you, you were first doing something that was just, that is just your natural gift, right? I mean, that's something that you've always just had a really deep understanding of both in a business sense, but I think, you know, what I'd kind of mentioned earlier, and it's one of the things that I think makes you really unique and really gifted, is that you're extremely intuitive. And so you're able to kind of read between the lines and really see, I think in a lot of cases that I've found just in working with you, you know, before the other person kind of sees what they need to do or sees what is going on in their greater world, right? And I just love how you were doing this for everyone else. And this is like, shows just such a great piece of humanity. And you were like, well, I kind of want to do this, but I'm not quite sure. I think that's That's such a common— that's how almost everyone feels, right? And that's why I really wanted you— you know, one of the reasons I wanted you on today, because I have a feeling that there are, you know, many of you who are listening who are thinking, "I'd kind of like to do that. I'd kind of like to have a podcast, start a podcast." And one of the cool things that you always share with us are the numbers that blow me away. And I was just wondering if you could share that because I think, you know, kind of to your other point, people think, well, there's so many, who's going to listen to me? Right, right. So can you just share all of that awesomeness? Because it always blows me out of the water.

Yeah, for sure. Well, there's 2.8 million podcasts out there right now, which is crazy. That's a lot of podcasts. And now over 75% of the US North American homes now listen to podcasts on a weekly basis, which is great because thinking back to that 2012 story of mine, when I'd asked my mom friends what podcasts they were listening to, they were like, "What the hell is a podcast?" They really had no idea what I was talking about. So there's a lot of podcasts out there, but a lot of podcasts don't make it past episode 20. In fact, more than 75% of shows don't make it past episode 10. And out of those 16 I mean, out of those shows that don't make it past episode 10, there's even less that make it to episode 20. So to keep consistent and keep going out there is really something that takes a lot of effort. And it's so worth it though. It's so worth it. And I think if you have the right strategy, you have some support in place at the beginning, then you can get your message out there. And I think what you really need to think about if you're thinking about starting a show you don't need to be an expert. And Heather and I were talking about this before. You know, both of us have been curators. You know, we're not the experts on the topic, although 100 and 200 episodes in, we, we're probably experts on the topic now, but we don't have to be the expert when you're starting out. For example, one of my shows that I do is a parenting podcast called Blissful Parenting, and I'm definitely not a parenting expert, but I feel like it's gotten the best I've gotten the best parenting coaching advice, hundreds of hours of free coaching in the parenting space. And now I feel like I've become a little bit much better of a parent, but also a little bit more of an expert in the parenting space. So you don't need to be an expert to start. But Heather Hester, all those things that I went through and the fears that I went through is exactly what we see people going through now, um, getting started. And I don't regret waiting 4 years. Well, I wish I started my podcast a little earlier, but I see why I had to go through all those things because now understand what goes through all of our clients' minds when they're about to launch a podcast and use their voice, right?

Right, right. Well, I think it, you know, you were meant to go through that because it helped really build even, you know, that much more compassion, right? So you could be like, yeah, I've been there, I get this, this is scary, and you can do it, right?

Right.

Absolutely. I mean, I had some role models growing up where I saw them do things that were out of the norm and they used their voice and they stood up for what they believed in. For example, one example is my dad. My dad was like this, like serial entrepreneur. He had many, many businesses over time and I always saw him chasing his passion and standing up and although other people would be like, oh, what's, you know, what's, um, what's this? What's Wayne doing now? Like that was a big joke. What business is Wayne in now? He's done so many of them, right? And another example is I have my grandmother's brother, so my great uncle. He is probably one of the first LGBTQ people I've ever met. And this was like in the early '70s, late '60s. And he, he stood up for what he believed in. He was his own person. He used his voice. And it was really cool to see his life unfold because he was— had the courage to use his voice and had the courage to to live the life that he wanted on his terms, um, even though there was a lot of, a lot of exterior factors that were probably against his, uh, against his, his way of living. But he was, he was such a role model for me too.

Oh, I can imagine. I mean, that is really extraordinary because especially in that time, as, as we know, It was very scary to come out and not just to come— he didn't just come out, he advocated and spoke up. And it's because of your uncle and people like your uncle that, you know, my son can come out, right? And, you know, everyone listening, your kids can come out. And yes, it is still hard in a lot of ways, but it's exponentially easier because of people like your uncle. So, um, thank you for sharing that. I love that. Love that. Love that so much.

Um, yeah, you're welcome. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for him. Yeah, it must have been super difficult.

But he, yeah, just, I mean, how, just how scared he must have been a lot of the time and just kind of pushing through that fear. Fear knowing that what he was doing was so important. And that was, you know, that was what was driving him. And I just think that kind of bravery is really, really extraordinary.

Yeah. And I think in both of the situations— Oh, sorry, go ahead.

No, no, no, go ahead.

Oh, we had a bit of a delay there. Sorry. I was just going to say, I think what I gathered from You know, both those stories from my uncle, you know, and my dad is that their happiness and doing what they want and what made them happy was like the number one thing, which is why I've done some of the things I've done in my life is that, you know, there's no— you don't want to do things that don't make you happy anymore. And I've seen— I know we've seen a lot of that in the last couple of years with people, the great resignation, people quitting their jobs and moving like we did. We moved off the grid and this is well before COVID but We did it earlier on, but living a lifestyle that you are happy with and you're— it's on your terms, I think, is the important takeaway too.

I really— I think that's a very important takeaway and something that I hope is really, really hitting home, that that is possible, that it is possible to follow what you're passionate about, make that into a business of some kind, right? And kind of take that chance to create the life that you want, create the lifestyle that you want. That is very, very possible. And your story is just a beautiful example of that.

Well, thank you, and yours too, right? Um, it's amazing how when we're aligned with what we're, um, what we're doing, how, um, we inspire others to do the same as well, right? And, um, you know, having, uh, one of the, one of the reasons I wanted to do, um, the parenting podcast was because I wanted to be a better parent. And so starting that podcast was purely for that reason, um, and it's been really helpful, um, when we're aligned with what we want to do and we're aligned with something that we're passionate about, how easily that kind of unfolds. Absolutely, absolutely.

And I think too, and this is something that I just—

I've—

it's been kind of hammered home for me. I don't want to say I've learned it, but I feel like I've just learned so much more about this, and that is being— having that spirit of being here to serve, right? So you, like, for instance, you started your podcast, the Blissful Parenting Podcast, with the spirit to serve, not the spirit of I'm the expert and everybody's here to learn from me, right? And, you know, rather unknowingly, that's what I did as well. And but now that I realize that, you know, that's something that's really important to me to continue because I think we all are lifelong learners and that's It's just part of the gift of being here on this earth. But I just want to shift just a little bit because I kind of circle back maybe and ask you, in your discussions with all these amazing parenting experts you've had the chance to interview, and I love that because it's really hours and hours of free parent coaching. I mean, think about that, y'all. This is awesome, right? But I am wondering if between all of these people that you've talked to and just your own life experience, what do you feel is the most important, or the, you know, couple most important things that a parent can do to support their child when they come out as LGBTQ+?

Yeah, great question. You know, I love that. I love this answer too, because it's, it's something that's so, so simple. Yet I think like sometimes we overcomplicate things. And I think one of the, one of the things that I've gleaned from all the experts is that, you know, one, treat your, treat your kid like a human being. You know, like, you know, say things, express things the way you would want to see things are expressed to you. Um, you know, they're another human being. They're— even though they're a lot smaller than you, maybe, or younger than you, they're a human being. So just treating with them with that respect, I think, is number one. Yeah. And then I've got a few others. Do you want to hear some more? Yes, I'd love— what—

whatever you have, I want to hear. Yes, because that's so good and So important.

Yeah, one of the other things that I've learned, and this is like parenting in general, but I think this could also support parents who, you know, whose kids are coming out as well, is ask them for help. So ask them, enlist them to help support you. So, I need your help with this. I don't, I don't know how to act. I don't know how to be. Can you help me figure that out? And this works as well for those kinds of conversations, as well as like, I need your help unloading the dishwasher kind conversations. Their innate human, their innate, you know, enable— they really want to be able to help. Their kids want to help in any way they can. And so when they're asked to help rather than told to do something, it's a whole different kind of person that comes to the table to help. I know that difference. And so I think so one of the things when your kids are coming out, I think asking them to help you be a better person, I think would be a, a huge help.

Huge. I love that answer. I've never gotten that answer from anyone, and you've hit the nail on the head. I mean, it's been like talked around and said different ways, but that is spot on because it does so many different things. I mean, to your, it's to the whole like being a human point, right? It shows your child that you're human.

Yeah, you don't have all the answers, right?

Exactly. That, that we need help as parents. Like, we, we need help understanding things. And, and I think that's been one of my most favorite things of, you know, having teenagers and, um, and having, you know, teenagers who are coming out is the amount of— the number of things I can learn from them, that I have learned from them. And it's It's just kind of amazing.

Yeah! Well, I would say that third thing is something that I've noticed about figuring out where your kids will let down their guards and share with you—figuring out when that is—and for both of my kids... well actually for my daughter it's probably more like driving in a car or spending time alone she'll open up and start blah-blah-blah telling me everything and anything but my son it's like we're right before his head is about to hit the pillow and go out, all of a sudden he wants to tell me everything I wish he had told me, like, for the several hours before bedtime. So my kids are, like, still on the younger side. So, you know, however much criticism I might get for lying down with my kids to go to sleep still, it's because of those conversations that are had. If they're gonna let me lie down beside them, I'm gonna lie down beside them, 'cause I hear and understand so much more about what's going on in their world at that moment of the day. Um, so wherever that is for your kids, like, see if you can have more of that time. And for me, I will not give up that before bedtime time because that's— I had learned so much in those few minutes.

Oh my goodness. Yes. And that, that is fleeting, that moment, the lying down in bed with, maybe not with your daughter, but I know with both of my sons that's happened where I've been like, oh, So you kind of have to find a different— you gotta find another time, right? Yeah, exactly. When else are you gonna talk to me? Right, that's such a great, you know, a great point and something that I know, you know, you may hear this and think, oh well, yeah, holy cow, that's something I totally— I can do that, right? And I think sometimes sometimes we just need to hear things out loud to, to be like, oh, that's such a— yes, that will help me be a better mom in this situation, or it'll help me understand this better.

So yeah, one of the things I love too is like, I heard— I had a couple of, a couple of really great guests on my show that were like specifically about like how to like, how to parent boys. And I thought they were amazing, these ladies. And, uh, their podcast is called On Boys. And one of the things they told me which is really helpful is like, don't expect your son to look you in the eye because boys can't, they can't talk and look at the eyes at the same time. And I'm like, oh, that's interesting. So I was like, look here, look at my, look at me, I want to talk to you, right? You don't expect boys to do that. And then also, um, for if you're past the lying down together point of, uh, they're, you know, my son's 10, I can still get away with it, but you know, as they're getting older, I know that's going to go away. Another great place would be in the car, but if they come into the car, just be quiet and let them do the talking and don't ask them a bunch of questions. And I noticed this, I was playing around with it, I was like, what would happen if I just let him come in the car, spend a few minutes, might be silent for a few minutes, all of a sudden he starts talking again too, and I'm like, this is great. So perhaps that could also be another place that parents can look at is in the car, but don't ask a lot of questions, just let them open up.

And it's hard. It is so hard to be quiet. And don't turn the music up. Like, I know you could be— I, I— there are times where I'm like, I'll just turn the music up a little bit. No, leave the music down low and just like sit there. Because I too have done this experiment, and it is the— especially with the boys, like, it is the hardest thing where you just want to be like, so how was your day? Or how was baseball practice? Or how is this?

And And this is exactly what these ladies said. They're like, moms ask too many questions right out of the bat and it makes the boys shut up. I was like, oh yeah, but we just want to know how their day was in more than one word. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Oh my goodness. In more than one word. Amen to that. Fine. Good. Grunt. Sometimes it's just a sound that comes out.

It's true.

Oh my goodness. Yes. Oh my gosh. Well, I'm wondering if there, um, so many things we could talk for another hour, I think. Um, but I want to be respectful of your time. And so I'm wondering if there's just something else or, you know, one or two more things that you would like to share. And, um, and just, you know, so you know, I plan on sharing all of Michelle's contact information in the show notes. So you can, you know, listen to her podcasts, and if you have questions about starting your own podcast, she is your gal for sure. Oh my goodness. Just a quick aside on that, I will tell you all that I, you know, for the first 2 years of my podcast, I did it all myself just because I didn't know there was another option, and then I met Michelle, and she has changed my life because now Michelle's company manages my podcast for me, and it is Oh my gosh. And as I meet more people who work with you and have seen just how easy you make it to start the pod, you know, to be in that like even beginning stages of brainstorming and building all the stuff that you build beforehand, right before it even launches out into the world. I'm just amazed by that. And I think, wow, I mean, so lucky. I just want to tell each one of them, you're so lucky. So if you're even contemplating starting a podcast, reach out to Michelle.

Well, thank you for that, Heather. We love, uh, doing your show because I think it just matches so well with our mission. Like, we only want to work with shows, uh, with people who are changing their lives and making an impact in the lives of the people who are listening. And you are certainly doing that. And I would encourage our— your listeners, um, you know, if you have a message inside of you that needs to come out and needs to be shared, there's no better platform to do it than podcasting, whether you be on a podcast as a podcast guest, or you have your own show and do like Heather and I did, become experts by gleaning all the amazing information from all the people that you're interviewing. I think there's no better place. And like, you know, I love the podcasting platform because all opinions, all walks of life are welcome. It's something that it's, it's so There's podcasts on everything and for everyone. So your message is important, and I can't tell you how many people I've heard say that a listener reached out to them and said they changed their life. You know, they were going down one way and something they said changed their life completely. I know, Heather, you've gotten emails like that yourself too.

It is, it is quite extraordinary. It really is. And it's a gift. I feel, I mean, every day I feel like doing this is is such a gift. And, um, just being able to meet all the people we get to meet, right, is— right, it is beyond anything I ever imagined when I started doing this, for sure. So absolutely.

And I'm gonna go a little dark for a second because I want to just— I think this, this will hit home this point. My— one of my best friends was— we were 19 years old having the time of our lives backpacking through Europe, and she was killed by she was just becoming this amazing woman, really coming out of her shell and like truly like, you know, starting to live her life. Her message was not able— it's never gonna be able to get out of her. So I, I feel like I'm very fortunate that, that I was with her, that— and I feel like her sharing her message is kind of what inspired me to help others get their message out. You don't know how long you have to live. And you don't want to have that message still inside of you when you leave this planet. So make sure that you're sharing your message, and you have no idea the impact it's gonna make on others when you do share it, 'cause everyone's gonna resonate with your story in some way or another. And that's why I share that story, is because life is so short. You wanna be, first of all, make the most of it, like my uncle, my dad, like what we're doing. Live the life that you really want, what makes you lit up and happy and excited, and don't let anyone, you know, deter you from doing that because of their opinions. And number 2, definitely turn on the microphone, press record, and have a great, uh, have a great time out there sharing your message because someone needs to hear it.

That's exactly right. I, I can't even add anything to that because that was beautiful and perfect. And thank you, just thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and yourself and your time with us today. I'm just really grateful. Oh, thank you.

I am so honored to be on this show. You're doing amazing things, Heather. So proud of you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks so much for joining Heather today. Remember to just breathe. Take a few minutes every day to calm and center yourself. Reach out anytime with ideas, questions, or feedback. Please rate and review Just Breathe on your favorite platform. Subscribe to Heather's website, www.chrysalismama.com, to receive her monthly newsletter and stay informed. Join the private Just Breathe Facebook community to chat with other parents and allies, and share with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone.