Before You Hang a Pride Flag, Ask Your LGBTQ Child This One Question First

In today's episode, you'll discover the most important conversation to have with your LGBTQ kid before you hang your flag. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast for parents of LGBTQ+ kids and anyone trying to stay human in a world that keeps hardening. I'm Heather Hester, and here we talk about fear, belonging, boundaries, courage, love, and what it means to protect what matters without losing yourself in the process. Your child doesn't just need a parent who's informed, they need a parent who is grounded and strong. Let's take a breath and let's begin. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester. So before you hang your pride flag on your house this year, or get online and order that fabulous Ally t-shirt, before you invite everyone to the parade or post something that you feel is really supportive online, I want you to pause for a moment and ask your child one very important question. How do you want us to show up for Pride this year? One of the most loving things that we can do as parents is stop assuming support always looks the same. Today's episode is for the parent who wants to celebrate their child well, but may not have stopped to consider that pride can feel very different depending on the person, the season, and the level of safety they feel in the world around them. In this episode, you'll learn why visible support can feel empowering for some kids and overwhelming for others. You'll learn how to have collaborative conversations about pride as a family, and you'll learn ways to celebrate that honor your child's comfort level instead of unintentionally putting pressure on them. Support is not just about being loving. It's also about being attuned. I think a lot of parents, especially loving, supportive parents, can accidentally move faster, go public faster than their child is emotionally ready for. And it makes a lot of sense why that happens. Sometimes parents arrive at Pride after years of fear, confusion, grief, learning, unlearning, and growth. And sometimes getting to the point of wanting to put a flag outside the house feels huge. You feel like celebrating and you may even feel some relief, like, we made it here. We're so proud of our kid and we want them to know how much we love and support them. And don't misunderstand me, that sentiment is beautiful, but your child may be having a very different internal experience. For one kid, a flag on the porch feels like, "I'm safe here," and for another, it feels like, "Now everyone knows." One teenager may want glitter and music and parades. And rainbow shoelaces, maybe even 27 different Pride events in one weekend. And another may want absolutely none of that. Not because they're ashamed, not because they aren't proud of who they are, but because visibility can feel very vulnerable, especially right now. And I think this is such an important distinction. Pride is not only about celebration. For many LGBTQ people, Pride is also about safety, exposure, identity, grief, courage, exhaustion, joy, and belonging. Inviting someone into your home to paint is a big deal. You want people you can trust, people who show up on time, respect your space, and do the job right the first time. That's exactly what we do at Heather Hester Painting and Decorating. With over 58 years of experience and a commitment to true craftsmanship, we treat your home like it's our own, creating masterpieces one wall at a time. To schedule a consultation, go to go. Go.heatherdecorating.com/mhmk. That's go.heatherdecorating.com/mhmk. And sometimes all of that at the same time. And that's why curiosity, being curious, matters so much. Instead of deciding what support should look like, we can ask, not interrogate or pressure, just open the door. Ask questions like, what would feel supportive to you this month? How public do you want us to be? What feels good? What feels uncomfortable? Are there things you'd rather keep private? And what makes Pride feel meaningful for you. And parents, and this part really matters, try not to make your child manage your emotional response to their answer. If they say, "I don't wanna flag outside," that does not mean that you are failing. If they say, "I don't wanna go to Pride events," that does not mean they're rejecting themselves. Sometimes kids are trying to figure out who they are while also trying to figure out how safe the world is going to be with that information. And that's a lot. And honestly, this conversation applies far beyond Pride Month. It's really about learning how to support our children with them instead of for them. There's a difference. Sometimes as parents, we think, "If I just do enough visible support, they'll know I love them." But often what builds trust most deeply is listening, adjusting, slowing down, and allowing your child to have agency over their own visibility. And that can look a lot of different ways. Maybe your child wants a pride flag in their room, but not outside the house. Perhaps rainbow cupcakes, but no social media posts. Maybe they want to attend a small local event instead of a huge parade or have just a quiet dinner conversation. Maybe they'd like books by queer authors, or a Pride playlist for the car. Maybe they want matching bracelets, or to volunteer with you, or to buy from LGBTQ-owned businesses. Or maybe they just want life to feel normal for a minute. There's no one correct way to do Pride. And I also want to say something to parents whose kids do want all the visible celebration. Lean in, enjoy it, and celebrate with them. Take all the pictures if they let you. Dance badly, wear the ridiculous rainbow sunglasses. Joy matters too. Sometimes LGBTQ kids spend years bracing themselves for rejection, and there is something deeply healing about being celebrated openly and enthusiastically by the people who love you most. This isn't about making parents smaller. It's about making room for your child's actual experience instead of the version that we imagined. I think one of the hardest parts of parenting in general is realizing that just because we love our kid, doesn't mean that we can read their mind. We can love our kids fiercely and still misunderstand what they need. Most of us were not raised in environments where emotional attunement was modeled. A lot of us were taught parents decide and kids adapt, but relationships deepen when people feel considered, when they feel asked. When they feel like their comfort matters too, especially in moments that involve identity, visibility, and belonging. If you're listening to this realizing, geez, I may have gotten ahead of my child a little, that's okay. Repair is always available. You can still say, I want to understand what feels supportive to you. I realize I may have made assumptions. I'm listening. That conversation alone can become a form of pride too. So before all of the decorations go up, or you post your next reel, or the plans are finalized, pause and ask, how do you want us to show up for Pride this year. Because support is not one size fits all, and neither is Pride. Maybe Pride this year looks like going to a parade in your town. Maybe it looks like a quiet conversation in the kitchen. Maybe it looks like finally letting your child set the pace. Or maybe it looks like creating one small space where they don't have to explain themselves at all. Thank you for being here. Thank you for doing the kind of parenting that makes conversations like this possible. New episodes of More Human, More Kind air every Tuesday and Friday. And if this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with another parent who may be trying to figure this out too. And for deeper connection and community, come join me in the Kendra Collective. The link to learn more is at the top of the show notes. Until next time, stay curious, stay compassionate, and keep becoming more human and more kind.