From Overthinking to Inner Knowing: A Practice for Parents and Allies of Queer Kids

If you've been searching for answers outside of yourself, asking everyone else what to do, second-guessing your instincts, or feeling disconnected from your own inner knowing, this episode is an invitation to come home to yourself.

Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started.

By the end of today's conversation, you'll understand why fear, stress, and emotional overload make it nearly impossible to hear your own voice and why that's not a personal failure. You'll learn how intuition actually works in the brain and body, and why inner knowing is grounded in science. And you'll walk away with a simple, repeatable practice to discern your true voice from fear, cultural conditioning, family scripts, and urgency. And stick around for today's Unlearn, where we will dispel the myth that someone else knows better than you do. So let's get into it. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester. If you spent the holidays or honestly the past few years searching for answers outside of yourself, Googling every scenario, polling friends, replaying conversations, or spiraling in fear-based decision-making, you're not alone. We live in a world that teaches us to outsource our wisdom, to trust experts, systems, and opinions before we trust ourselves. And over time, that constant external focus can leave us feeling disconnected, unsure, and quietly overwhelmed. Today's episode is about coming back to your own inner knowing, your own intuition. Not forcing answers, not fixing yourself, but remembering that the wisdom you're craving isn't out there. It's already within you. So wherever you are, take a breath, let your shoulders soften, and let's begin. After the holidays a few years ago, I found myself just staring at an email, a decision that I needed to make right that moment. My brain, I remember, was just spinning with everyone else's opinions and input. What would my coach think? What would this person think is the right move? What would a good mother do? Or what would a good business owner do? I realized I wasn't asking, what do I know? What do I know already? What does my body say? What feels aligned? With the life I'm building. And it hit me, I had been outsourcing my intuition, not because mine didn't work, but because I was exhausted and afraid of being wrong and completely overstimulated. Fear, complete exhaustion, and lack of trust in ourselves drown out that inner knowing, our intuition. The good news is stillness reveals it and it allows us access to it again. So what does it mean to seek answers within? This is not about magical thinking or ignoring information. It's about Turning down the external noise. Rebuilding trust with your inner voice. Listening to and feeling into your body's signals. Honoring your lived experience. Enter-oception, not introception, but enter-oception, is the ability to feel sensations within your body. And it is a scientifically supported component of intuition. Your body is giving you information, but if you've been in survival mode, you can't hear it clearly. Many queer and trans people describe knowing before they had words. This is inner knowing. This is their intuition, that truth that lives in the body before it becomes language. And you have that too. You may have just lost access to it. So why do we lose, or how do we lose access to our inner voice? First, chronic fear actually rewires the brain. Research shows that prolonged stress strengthens the amygdala, the fear center, and weakens the prefrontal cortex, which is the clarity center. What does this mean? You literally can't think clearly when your body believes you're in danger. Parents of LGBTQ+ kids often live in anticipatory fear, worrying about safety, acceptance, and protection. And after time, this erodes self-trust. 2. Overfunctioning disconnects us from our intuition. If you spent the holidays managing emotions, smoothing tensions, navigating family dynamics, or protecting your kid from microaggressions, your focus was external, not internal. You can't hear your inner voice when you're listening for everyone else's. 3. Conditioning teaches us to seek authority outside ourselves. Culture, family systems, religion, and parenting messages all reinforce that "someone else knows better" or "don't trust your feelings." No wonder inner trust or intuition feels foreign. You've actually been trained out of it.

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Inner Knowing feels quiet. It is a soft voice, a calming voice compared to fear. Fear is loud, urgent, and demanding. Your true voice is steady, subtle, body-based. It whispers, "This is the way," while fear screams, "Fix it!" The Three Voices practice is one I teach in coaching and workshops, and I have seen how it changes lives. What it does is help you distinguish the voices inside of you so you can follow the right one. Voice 1 is the fear voice, and it sounds like urgency, catastrophizing, worst-case scenario thinking, a tight chest, and racing thought. Fear in and of itself is not bad. It's protective. But it should not be in charge. Voice 2 is the should voice. This one is sneaky. It contains family expectations, culture, religion, productivity messages, people pleasing, old identity stories. And it sounds like: You should be able to handle this. Or, "You should say yes." Or, "You should be grateful." The should voice is the mask you learned to wear. "Don't should on yourself" is one of the most helpful phrases my therapist has ever shared with me. Voice 3 is your true voice. This one is quiet, steady, and it lives in the body. It sounds like, I already know, this feels right, I don't want this, this matters to me. It does not rush, it does not panic, it is calm, and it simply tells the truth. So here is how to use the Three Voices Practice: Step 1: Ask which voice is speaking. Name it without judgment. Step 2: Check your body. Your true voice feels grounded or open. Fear feels tight or buzzy, like you're lightheaded. Should feels heavy or pressured. Step 3: Slow the moment down. Intuition cannot be accessed in urgency or in when you're in a hurry. Take 10 seconds and take one long breath. That's all it needs. Step 4: Follow the voice that supports the person you're becoming, not the person you were trained to be. We'll get to the rest of the episode in a moment, but if you like the show, please make sure to subscribe, leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts, watch us on YouTube, and share with your friends. So take a moment right now and just place a hand over your heart or your belly and ask, "What is one decision I'm ready to take back from fear?" And just listen. No pushing, no reaching for an answer, no pressure. Your body knows. Just listen. Intuition often arrives long before external validation. Queer and trans folks speak about the quiet truth inside them years before coming out. It is a deep, embodied knowing that persists despite noise, pressure, and fear. Your intuition works the same way. Your truth is not fragile, it's persistent. In today's unlearn, we are going to dispel the myth that someone else knows better than you do. Let go of the idea that fear is the smartest voice in the room and flip the belief that intuition is mystical irrational or irresponsible because it is the exact opposite: scientific, rational and authentic. Your inner knowing is not a luxury or accessible only if you believe, act or are gifted in some way. It is your compass, It is the anchor and voice of your authentic self, and it has never stopped speaking to you. It is there, waiting patiently for you to hear it again. Today we explored what inner knowing really is, why it goes quiet under fear, exhaustion, and overstimulation, and how to gently reconnect with it. We named the voices competing inside you, grounded intuition in real science, and practiced listening for the one voice that belongs to you. If there's one thing I hope you carry forward, it's this: your intuition hasn't disappeared. It hasn't failed you. It's been waiting patiently, for the moment you were quiet and, and safe enough to hear it again. If you're ready to release fear, shame, or old patterns that keep you pushing past your limits, I'm here to support you. You'll find more information in the show notes. Until next time, trust yourself. You know more than you think you do. You always have.