How to Support Your LGBTQ Teen in High School: What Parents Need to Know Before the School Year Starts

Today we're going to talk about the support our LGBTQ+ teens need most in high school. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester, and I'm so glad you're here. Today we're turning our attention to supporting our LGBT+ teens as they navigate going back to school. High school can be a beautiful space for self-discovery, and it can be a battleground of peer pressure, gender norms, and a million tiny stressors. As parents, caregivers, and allies, we really have an important role to play, not in fixing those things or trying to control them, but in supporting and empowering and equipping our kids with the tools and strategies they need to show up authentically, and in ways that keep them safe. So here's what you'll gain from today's episode: a deeper understanding of the challenges LGBTQ+ teens face in high school today, practical ways to advocate for and emotionally support your teen both at home and in school, and tools to help them access safety, community, and identity-affirming resources. That also give them agency and teach them self-sufficiency. So let's explore what high school allyship looks like. I think we can all agree that being a teenager today is hard. Being an LGBTQ+ teenager adds an extra layer of nuance and hard to that. For many teens, high school is a space of transformation, But for LGBTQ+ teens, it's also a place of constant negotiation. What does that mean? Well, it means they are managing how out they are in different classrooms or friend groups. They're trying to stay safe in gendered spaces like locker rooms or restrooms. They are hearing microaggressions, slurs or exclusionary language on a daily basis. And they are navigating gender dress codes, school dance expectations, or even class projects on family that assume cis-het norms. They're often doing this while also navigating all of the typical teenage development, identity formation, hormone fluctuation, friendship drama, and academic pressure. The Trevor Project's 2023 U.S. National Survey on LGBTQ+ Youth Mental Health found out that 53% of LGBTQ+ youth experienced discrimination based on their sexual orientation or gender identity in the past year. 67% reported symptoms of anxiety, and 54% had seriously considered suicide. Those who reported having access to affirming environments at school reported significantly lower rates of depression and suicidality. This means that what we do as adults, both at school and at home, matters immensely. As a parent or ally, you don't have to control the school. In fact, that's a fool's errand. What you can do though is show up, speak up, and offer collaboration. The first thing you can do is connect with key adults at the school. Your teen may or may not want you to talk to school staff, so definitely ask them first. But if they're open to it, reach out to their homeroom teachers or a trusted subject teacher. You can reach out to the school counselors or social workers, uh, GSA club sponsor, even coaches or club advisors that your teen is connected with. You can advocate for safer spaces such as bathrooms and locker rooms, Ask about gender-neutral options or single stall alternatives. When it comes to classroom language, encourage inclusive practices such as allowing or even encouraging students to introduce themselves with name and pronouns. And you can check with the school librarian and the administrator in charge of books and curriculum and ask whether queer authors or LGBTQ+ historical figures are included. If they're not sure, you can share with them LGBTQ+ Reads, which I will link for you in the show notes. Encourage peer connection. Help your teen find or start a GSA or an LGBTQ+ student club. These groups can really help prevent isolation. And they model beautiful leadership, solidarity, and resilience. You can also encourage volunteering or attending local LGBTQ+ events, events going on in your community, connecting with affirming organizations or online communities like QChatSpace. Or Trevor Space. We sometimes forget this, but teens don't need us to be perfect. They need us to be present. So let's talk about some ways you can be an ally at home. The first is affirmation is greater than assumption. What does that mean? It means to avoid guessing or labeling your teen's identity before they are ready. Let them come to you when they feel ready, and in the meantime, just use inclusive language and signals that tell them this is a safe space. For example, you might say things like, "Are there any names or pronouns you'd like for me to use right now?" "However you identify, I love you and I'm here to support you." Or, "Would you like for me to talk to your teacher about anything?" Even if they roll their eyes or they push back or they close their door, they are listening. Your opinion and thoughts matter to them, and your words stay with them. The second thing you can do is to model continuous learning. Teens are tuned into whether adults are truly open and listening Or if we're just checking the boxes, they are really, really good at reading the subtle signs, the body language, our tone of voice, our eye contact, as well as just effort and curiosity. When they see you reading books or sharing affirming articles with someone else, or watching queer creators. They know you're invested. Share with them what you're learning. They may have information they want to add, and that builds trust and shows them that it's okay to evolve. Respect their pace. Some teens come out in a big— Others may test the waters slowly. Either way, affirm every single step. And remember that the information they share with you isn't something they realized yesterday. They have likely been thinking about it for a very long time. Let them guide the pace, and don't push for labels or milestones. You can be proud and supportive, without rushing clarity. The next one is to support their mental health proactively. This means helping them access affirming therapists or peer groups before a crisis occurs. Encourage check-ins about stress, relationship with their peers, and emotional regulation. And if your teen is struggling with depression or anxiety, don't wait. This is something we learned the hard way. When Connor first came out, I knew something was going on. The rollercoaster of emotions and brand new behaviors were beyond anything we had ever dealt with. And my intuition was trying to alert me and every way possible, and I ignored it. It took a really scary crisis for me, for us, to catch up and to begin to wrap our heads around what Connor needed. Even if you feel like you are without the language or life experience or knowledge Trust that you know your child and trust your intuition. These are the two things that ultimately saved Connor's life. So now it is time for our listener query segment. I invite you to reach out with any questions, myths, comments that are LGBTQ related that you have always wanted to know the answer to. Today's is a myth, and it is the myth that marriage is between a man and a woman. The reality is the concept of marriage has evolved significantly over time. While it was traditionally defined as a union between a man and a woman, this definition has changed in many cultures and societies around the world. The core of marriage is about love, commitment, and partnership, not the genders of the people involved. Marriage has always been a social contract that changes as societies progress. In the past, marriage was often used for political or economic reasons, and women had limited rights within marriage. Heather Hester: Same-sex marriage is simply an extension of the right to marry someone you love, just as interracial marriage was once banned but is now recognized as a basic right in many countries. Over the past few decades, many countries have legalized same-sex marriage, affirming that love and commitment are what truly define a marriage. This shift is part of the broader move toward equality and civil rights, allowing LGBTQ+ couples to enjoy the same legal and social benefits as heterosexual couples. Marriage today is a legal institution that grants certain rights and protections. By expanding marriage to include same-sex couples, we are simply allowing more people to enjoy these rights not altering the core idea of marriage itself. To— so to circle back and wrap up Back to School for our high schoolers, today we looked at what LGBTQ+ teens face in high school and how it impacts their wellbeing. We looked at how to partner with schools to create safer, more inclusive spaces. And we talked about how to build a steady affirming home base that routine can trust. High school can be intense, but it can also be transformative. When we offer our LGBTQ+ teens love and support and safety without conditions or pressure or shame, we give them the foundation to truly thrive, even when the world feels shaky. Remember that you don't need to have all of the answers. You just need to be a safe place for them to land. Let your team know over and over and over again that there is nothing more powerful than being exactly who they are. Thank you for showing up today with your with an open heart and your curious mind, you are making a difference in your teen's life and in this world. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday, so subscribe or follow so you won't miss what's next. I'm in the process of creating the Parenting with Pride companion journal, and I'd love to hear from you. Your valuable insights will shape the journal's design and content and create a meaningful resource for parents and allies. As a thank you, all survey participants will be entered into a raffle for a chance to win a $50 Amazon gift card. This optional survey is linked in the show notes. Until next time, stay open, stay grounded, and remember you are doing brave, beautiful work.