Inspiring LGBTQ Courage & Authenticity by Moving Beyond Labels

Welcome to Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child. Filled with awesome guests, practical strategies, and moving stories, host Heather Hester always makes you feel like you're having a cozy chat. Wherever you are on this journey, right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone. And here is Heather for this week's amazing episode.

Welcome to Just Breathe. I am so glad you are here. Buckle your seatbelts for this mind-expanding conversation with Julianne and Vicente. Julianne is the founder of Influence Publishing and a thought leader in her own right, creating the Misfit Movement with her partner Vicente. Our conversation today touches on masculine and feminine energy, as well as the freedom that comes from removing labels. This episode is one you'll want to focus on and perhaps even take notes. So Julianne and Vicente, I am really excited to have you on my show today and to learn more about you both and about your stories and to have my audience just hear your stories. And I think it will just be so educational and enlightening and really, really beautiful. So thank you for agreeing to, to meet with me today and to be on my show. And I'm wondering if we can just kind of get started by, um, you know, sharing first, you know, who you are, and then, um, you know, Vicente, just talking a little bit about your journey that brought you to where we are today.

Yeah, I can, I can start my, uh, so I'm Julie-Anne. I'm the founder of Influence Publishing. Uh, Vicente and I got together, um, uh, in October. Um, our souls were joined, uh, possibly by my, uh, my past fiancé, um, who, who passed in August. And, uh, and we started our soul journey together. And, um, it's been A really fun ride ever since.

I call it a very interesting soup of experiences. I like that. I like that.

So, Vicente, you've had quite a journey yourself, haven't you?

The journey from where, coming from, actually, coming from Detroit, actually. I was born in Detroit and I kind of went out throughout the city meeting all kinds of different people. And I think what kind of helped me understanding the differences in people was seeing the differences on how people just kind of lived. 'Cause Detroit's in a very interesting spot right now. You could experience people who are living in pretty much like hard times, what we will say, like down in the gutter. And not 2 minutes away, you'll find somebody who's affluent enough to buy or renovate the entire neighborhood because this is what they can afford at that time. So what was interesting to me was I kind of was going around the city and just meeting and talking to people of all walks of life, from what we would call the fringe or the outside, the people who are loners or drifters, the wayward people. But I didn't really see any disconnect from themselves about, about like what we all like want to experience, and that is a community. It is heartfelt joy with somebody, a moment to be open with somebody. It didn't matter who they were, what they were doing, I could always find that constant rhythm in people's heart to want to be open with somebody else. Wow. And It actually, by experiencing the journeys of others passing by, I was able to kind of get a chance to look back at my own journey and see what was constant in my own life. And that was one of them being I am open to— I am a— I just feel the energy of attraction towards anybody that I meet. I have no preference of what kind of makeup their body was born with, but what makeup they choose to go with now. What they choose to make with. They want to be the makeup of how they express themselves. I'm attracted to that. And I know people got names for it, for wanting to just love people for who they are. I'm just happy I get a chance to just love the person just because that's what they would like.

That is such a gift that you are able to do that and able to do that at such, you know, at a young age and to be so— it's not only introspective, but it's really But also at the same time, it's very, uh, like, it just, like, it's like, it is expansive, right? It just has, it kind of, it allows you to take in everything. And I'm, as you were telling that story, I was sitting here kind of picturing you, you know, like walking down the streets of Detroit. I live north of Chicago, so I'm very familiar with Detroit and, and I grew up in the Midwest. And so anyway, I, you know, I'm picturing this, you walking down these streets and like, and just having this like, connection and like, you know, just being so open to others' energy, which is really, really— it's a gift. It's a gift. And it's a gift that's available to all of us. But I think quite extraordinary that you were able to realize what that was, become aware of it, and really take it and run with it.

That's what I would, I would say is the gift for me, is to be able to be on this planet to experience that, to be here with other people to experience all these different journeys. And that to me is a gift.

Wow, that is— I mean, it really, really is. And anyone who comes into contact with you, what a gift that is for them as well.

And it's a likewise gift to be able to hear their journey. That's why I would like to say I can't stress enough, but I also want to say is I hope I am stressing enough on how much I want somebody to be able to just express exactly what they want to say, whether it's mad, sad, happy, or glad. Amen. It's what you want to That's how you wanna express yourself. So I'm, I'm cool.

It's actually really, really nice, Heather, to be able to come across a fellow human being that literally has no judgment or no, uh, expectations or like literally no boundaries in terms of, you know, what the human, what that human shape takes, like whether it's somebody, you know, like there's a big age difference between us. And so even that in itself comes with judgment from some people. Right. But of course he doesn't see any of that. He doesn't see any like age difference. He doesn't, you know, it's, it's there's no consequence because it is the soul. It's who you are as a person, which is what he's attracted to, right? And so it doesn't matter if it's a man. It doesn't matter if it's a disabled person. Doesn't matter if it, like, there's no boundaries because it's just literally who that person is, who as a person, as a soul. And so, you know, I, when you talk about all the things that stop people, you know, whether it's, you know, racism or sexuality or, you know, all the things that people, they, they judge what's right or what's wrong based on how they perceive people.

Right.

And that perception often comes because these are the beliefs that we've been raised with. Right. So to be able to like meet somebody who No, like none of those beliefs or expectations, they're not, they're not there. Like they don't exist. They don't exist at all. And, and, and for me, we have this conversation, Heather, but I, I feel like there's more and more people like Vicente that of his generation that have this viewpoint. And so I feel now that there are more and more children that are, you know, identifying this way that are saying, well, you know, why do I have to have a label or why do I have to say I'm this or I'm that or, you know, why is that necessary? I just love, I just love and this person I love is this and this person I love is that. It doesn't matter, there's no, there is no, there's nothing, there's no boundaries, there's nothing that actually says this is right or this is wrong, it's just love.

Which is really, really, I mean, as I'm sitting here, you know, taking this all in, I'm thinking this is so needed, right? And so extraordinary because when you are being true, I mean, we talk about being authentic, right? You are being like, this is the epitome of being authentic because All you see is the soul, right? The what makes us who we are, the, our personality, our everything, right? Just that all that inner stuff. And I mean, that's who we are, right? All the outside stuff is just a covering.

Yes.

It's like a window dressing or whatever, you know, like it's like curtains and, um, And I just, I really, really, and we did, we talked, I love that because we did talk about how like my kids' generation, absolutely so much more like that. And thank goodness because, you know, I, I know you come across and I come across that many people and, and this is just how we were brought up is labels, right? Like everything has to fit into a certain box and, um, it, and it didn't matter, like it was like you hit the box first, whatever that checkbox is, and then you could actually see the person, right? Where you flip that around. You, you see the person first and then everything else.

Well, it's not necessary to have a box, right? And I think, I think that's why we started the Misfits Movement as well, because we realized that this is something that's really, really needed, right? It's, It's this message is needed that, that it, there, you don't need labels and you don't need boxes. You just, all you need is to remember that it's all about love. That's, that's it. That's the only thing you need to remember.

I, I do wanna express right now, um, from what I was, uh, seeing, um, from different walks of life. When I would meet, say, somebody who was born in an affluent family, they would have a structured home and regimen on how to behave and how to act and do things. Now, the same from people I met in the city, there are people who actually wish they could say the same, not because of the— not necessarily like of the affluence, of the wealth, but of to have some form of community direction. And they— some people would actually feel comfortable by having a form of like a structure of idea on how to identify with, how to measure themselves with and stuff. So when people— like, I get it with people who want to use the wordings to help structure how their body is sexually programmed. And it helps them to identify, at least to communicate to somebody else, that it is something that is different and that is something that they want to communicate. It is something that they want to trade ideas with other people. So I got one of those.

It's kind of part of belonging, I think.

Right.

I think it's—

well, it is.

Yeah.

I think there— I think, I think what I— so what I'm, what I'm hearing, what I'm hearing you say is, um, that there is kind of a middle ground there where there's some Um, and, and perhaps it's just part of this journey, right? As, as we kind of move along this journey, um, part of it is like, we kind of just need that just to like figure out, and it's almost more so to figure out who we are.

Yeah.

Right. Not necessarily that we want to be labeling everyone else around us, but we're kind of trying to just figure out. And once we're really settled with who we are, then it doesn't quite matter as much. Is that what I'm hearing?

It is. It's like as if you want to get to the other side of the valley. You want to experience a different part of the world. It would benefit the person to at least conform to a certain regimen or practice or discipline. To help get them across. Like, uh, real world example, if a person wants to get across the valley, they have to build a bridge. They're going to have to dedicate themselves to a specific trade or practice to help get them across. Now, that doesn't mean that's who they're going to be. It's just a tool to help them get across where they're trying to go.

That's brilliant. I like that. It's a very good visual.

Thank you.

You're very good at this. This is quite, quite amazing. Oh my goodness. Okay, so I want to— can we talk a little bit about the misfit movement? Because you mentioned it and, um, I want to know more.

Yeah, please.

Well, we— I mean, between us, you know, I think we started— we started in the love vibration, right? So everybody that meets the Senti says, oh my goodness, like he's just love, right? That's what he represents. He just, he's just love. And I think that's how we started this conversation that, you know, well, why is, why, why is, what's wrong with that? Or, you know, why, why is it that this is not what everybody's doing or living their life in this way? Right. And when we started to identify who are the people that are living life this way, they all kind of fit into this word called a misfit. And it's not that, you know, we didn't want to be attracting people that just go, "Well, I don't fit anywhere, so this must be where I fit," right? That isn't what that's about. It's basically gathering people together that have this same viewpoint that they don't fit into boxes or they don't fit into, you know, the normal, if you like, what society, how society wants to label you or fit you into boxes. So the Misfit Movement is all about really gathering people so that we can have like-minded conversations and know that, you know, we're not crazy, or maybe we are crazy, but at the end of the day, we're all just coming from a place of love. It's all about connecting people together and collaborating together to actually help one another. So we are here in Puerto Vallarta. It definitely attracts a lot of what we would maybe call misfits. And so we're seeing a lot of people that are arriving in the city and they're, you know, they're scattered all over the place. They're looking for one-bedroom studios and now they're saying, well, where's my community? Like, where where can I actually— I mean, I'm settled in a new country, so where now can I actually meet people? Um, so, so we started that, the Misfits Movement, so we could actually meet people and say, hey, we're going to gather, we're going to have misfit mingles, right?

So like-minded people.

Yeah, there's no agenda, it's just like connect and, and have juicy conversations, right, uh, with like-minded people. And then we realized, well, we can just do that worldwide by going online with it. So we have, um, uh online meeting like every Tuesday, which is just an open Zoom room so people can just join us and just join the conversation. Yeah. And then we will eventually be doing events to bring people around the world together. And here in Vallarta, we are in the process of creating a retreat center. And that retreat center is a place where people can come and feel safe and there's no judgment. It's a no-judgment zone. You can just be you, you can explore everything, explore who you are as a person. And that in itself is a place where, you know, we're attracting such a diverse group of people that are attracted to that idea, right? So like we are, you know, some people say that Vallarta is like the capital, if you like, of LGBTQ, if you want to give it a label. But Outside of that, there are so many other people that come here for different reasons. And, you know, like, for example, just the other day, my hairdresser introduced me to a lady. She recently had a mastectomy and she made the choice that she— why do you have to have reconstructive surgery, right? Like, why can't you just, you know, what is it about sexuality that a woman has to have breasts? And if she doesn't have breasts, then What, she's not feminine anymore?

Right?

And this woman is very beautiful and, you know, and she's chosen to be flat-chested and she's like, well, let's all embrace our beauty, our feminine beauty, whether you have breasts or don't have breasts, right? So we're saying, wow, this is awesome. This is like, we can bring women like this to this sanctuary that we're creating and we can show, look, let's explore your feminine beauty and who you are as a soul, as a person. And so, just as we're starting to create this, we're beginning to see all these people that we're attracting that would identify as misfits for whatever that reason is.

Oh, that is really, really neat. Oh my goodness. I, okay, first of all, I have to, we need to put the, Zoom link in here for, for people.

Yes.

So they can— and I mean me, so I can have it.

Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.

But I am, I am just thinking, you know, it is, you know, at least from my generation, you know, we— I know that I grew up thinking, you know, being a girl means this, right? These, all these things, right? A girl has breasts, a girl behaves this way, a girl, you know, um, you name, you name it, right? But all of these things that make you a girl, and then the same for making you a boy. It's just how we were— this was what was taught, right? And so I, I think this is such an important conversation that you're having because I, it gives people, people permission to explore this, to think, oh, I, I can actually step back and, and think about myself as like a human being, you know, my traits that make me inherently, you know, whatever, whatever those traits are, and not be defined by your whatever your physical appearance is, your, uh, you know, sexual programming. I loved that wording. That was really good wording because that's what it is. Um, and I, um, I just— I want everybody who's listening to this to really think about that, to really think about We all, we all have permission to do this, to really consider who we are in this world. And that's, and it's at the, the very last thing that it should be judged on is all of these boxes, right?

Yeah.

And, um, and then just thinking about, you know, I remember Julie saying, Vicente is just love. His love vibration. And the thing that's coming back to me again and again is love is the one singular most important thing that every human needs to survive.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Right? Like, really survive.

Yes.

I mean, you need food and water, but to thrive— let's use thrive, maybe that's a better word.

Yes.

Okay, I do want to express, there was a time where it was my perceived relationship with my father and how when I was really young and his involvement— oh, I'm gonna be honest, it was a lack thereof of his involvement in the family. And my expression to him was very angrily, like, hateful. It was like a very hateful resentment towards my father. And I, for quite a few years, I continued to just want to forget that he existed. And that entire time of doing that, I cannot shake the, the almost like part of me that recognizes regardless of how it's turning out now, I would not have been here if it wasn't for him. And no matter how much I try to forget him, I could not get rid of the love that got me here in the first place. It just— I could fool myself, but it was a thing of— yeah, it was a journey of why kind of thing. It was— it wasn't—

That is—

yeah.

Quite— well, that is quite a journey, and it's quite, um, I know it's quite an enlightened way of thinking, um, to really be able to come to that conclusion, right? And I'm glad you shared that because, um, I think it's important. You know, you went through a lot of different stages there. I think anger is a very important emotion that people are afraid of or think is bad if they experience it. Yeah, but anger can be very, um, productive in that it's, it can, it is telling us something.

Yeah, right.

Like something that we are needing to learn or understand or just feel, right? And then moving through that. And I, so I'm glad you walked us through that because I think that that is really important. Whatever, you know, whatever it is for everyone listening, everyone has something, right? Yeah. That it's it is okay to sit with those feelings and to really think about them and question them and think, okay, what am I supposed to be doing with this? Yeah, right. And staying uncomfortable because uncomfortable is hard. Yeah, right. But you, you did that. And what a really extraordinary conclusion you came to.

Yeah, because it was, it was a to express to my— like, from me, what I knew what I was expressing. I was expressing that I really, really just hate what is going on in my life with my father. I just hate it. I could say I hate him or I hate the moment, whatever I wanted to express it to. The bottom line was I was going through some really, some deep hate right there. And expressing that though was I was able to see that how I constructed that idea from then on was how I was going to construct, say, the bridge to the Nother Valley. I was going to recognize later on that if I build this bridge in this direction of life, I am also building a bridge for other people to connect with me in that way.

Yes. Yes, you are.

And that was a big thing is as much as I wanted to build a bridge, because the reality was I wanted to build a bridge because I wanted my dad to come on that bridge. I wanted my dad to meet me on that bridge. But this is the thing is he is his own person. And what he did was he didn't want to meet me on the bridge of hate. He wanted to meet me somewhere else. So I can't— I can build a bridge out to the world, but I can't force people to take it.

No. No, you can't. You can't. Again, another fantastic analogy. That I'm just sitting here picturing and really, really helpful, um, helpful and very healing, um, because it can be, uh, thought of in so many different ways. I'm just kind of imagining people as they're listening to this thinking, oh, I can apply this here in my life, or here, you know, in so many different facets, right?

Yeah.

Um, so I really appreciate you sharing so much, and I want to be mindful of our time.

So yeah, yeah, sorry, we could talk. Thank you so much, Heather. Thank you for letting me.

Really, we could, we could continue this for like another hour, I think, but I know both Julie and I have, have to, uh keep moving. Um, and we can always continue this conversation another time. So I'm wondering if there's anything else that you would like to share before we wrap everything up for today.

Uh, I think I just love to encourage people to come join the Misfits Movement and, um, and just, uh, have a safe, nonjudgmental place where you can join conversation. So every Tuesday at noon PST, we have the open Zoom room. You can just pop in and join the conversation, or if you don't want to join the conversation, you can just observe and listen to the conversation and join on chat if you want. And if you're in Vallarta, come see us on Thursday nights and meet us in person.

So yeah, I quick Last bit for me. I want to say I am training on my journey to help people, to facilitate expressions that people go through. Like, say the bridge analogy one last time. It's the last time I'm going to use it. When people built bridges in their life to get to somewhere, to express themselves, to trade their energy to somebody else, as a way of expression. Many times people at a certain point in life built a bridge that may have led into a certain part of human expression that may not be advantageous to themselves. And sometimes most things what people try to do is— it's nothing— it's actually, I think it's one of the coping mechanisms is to just stop, is to ignore that bridge that is there. It's a way how they express, but they just try not to put any thought into it to make it less pronounced if they could. What I'm doing with Julie is why it's a no judgment-free zone is that I am willing to— I'm training myself to meet people on bridges that affect their lives, to examine why that bridge is there and possibly change the direction of that bridge to something else. Not from my choice, but from how they want to go about it and say, okay, I can see how this expression helped me at a certain time, but it's not helping me now. I would love to change the direction of this bridge, right?

How do I do that? Yes, right? Yes, yes. Oh, that is fantastic. Thank you for sharing that. That was— thank you for a really valuable, great way to end this. Oh my goodness. Well, thank you. Thank you both so much for being with me. And that was just so enlightening and wonderful.

Thank you. Thank you too. Thank you very much, Heather.

Thanks so much for joining me today. My goal is to make this journey a little easier for you. So reach out with questions or topics you'd like to hear me talk about. Check out the show notes for my email and website information. And if you love today's episode, I'd be so appreciative of a review. Until next time.

Thanks so much for joining Heather Hester today. Remember to just breathe. Take a few minutes every day to calm and center yourself. Reach out anytime with ideas, questions, or feedback. Please rate and review Just Just Breathe on your favorite platform. Subscribe to Heather's website, www.chrysalismama.com, to receive her monthly newsletter and stay informed. Join the private Just Breathe Facebook community to chat with other parents and allies, and share with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone.