January Isn't for Reinvention. It's for Regulation. A Nervous System Reset for Parents of LGBTQ Kids

If you feel emotionally hungover from the holidays, this episode today is an invitation to slow down, settle your nervous system, and remember that nothing is wrong with you. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started. By the end of this episode, you'll understand why your body can feel overloaded for weeks after the holidays, even when the season was joyful or calm, and why this is a nervous system response, not a personal shortcoming. You will learn gentle, science-backed somatic strategies to help your body complete stress cycles and restore a felt sense of safety. And you'll walk away with a simple daily reset practice you can return to anytime you feel overwhelmed, helping you meet the new year with steadiness instead of urgency. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester. Despite what every ad, email, and headline has been telling you, January is not the time for reinvention, productivity, or pushing forward. It's a time for regulation. If you have been feeling tired, emotionally thin, unmotivated, or even just a little outta sorts, let me say this clearly. There is nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system has just been through a lot. Today's episode is about understanding what your body needs after a season of intensity, even joyful intensity. And how to gently bring yourself back into balance, not through discipline or forcing rest, but through attunement, breath, and care. So let's take a moment to land right here. Let your body arrive before your mind does. And let's begin. Every January, I notice that my body wants slowness long before my mind gives it permission. I used to override this, forcing myself to be productive, set new goals, that whole fresh start energy. But I realized that my body wasn't behind. It was actually really wise. And it was recovering. And once I started honoring what my body was actually asking for, everything softened. Everything became more clear. So what exactly is nervous system recalibration? Well, one of the million extraordinary services your nervous system provides is to constantly scan for safety. During the holidays, even in joyful households, we experience sensory overload, emotional labor, disrupted routines, family dynamics, unpredictability, travel stress, grief triggers. All of these activate the sympathetic nervous system, which is your fight flight, freeze, or faint response. Also can activate the dorsal vagal states, the shutdown states. Recalibration means bringing your body back into a regulated state where clarity and calm are possible. Breaking it down a little bit more. Here's why your body feels off in January. The first reason is you completed some of the stress cycles, but not all of them. Somatic therapy teaches that stress must complete the physical release through the body, through things like either shaking, crying, breath changes, or movement. And most adults actually interrupt this process. If this sounds a little weird to you, that's okay. Think about this. Think about how much better or calmer you feel after taking a few deep breaths or after a really good cry. And if you have a dog and you've ever watched them do that really good shake that they do all the way from their, their nose all the way to their tail, That's them regulating their nervous system. Here's the second reason: you were emotionally multitasking, especially if you're parenting an LGBTQ+ teen in mixed support environments. Your body was constantly co-regulating the room, and that is just exhausting. Third, Rest doesn't equal regulation. I'm going to say that again. Rest doesn't equal regulation. You can sleep and still be dysregulated, and you can take time off and still be in survival mode. Regulation requires intentional, gentle signaling or effort. 4, you're returning to a stable environment now after instability. Your body needs transition time, not a jumpstart. The RESET method is the how, one way to recalibrate your nervous system. R is for release. Name what you're carrying. Say it out loud or write it down. I am carrying tension around, fill in the blank. Naming activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces limbic system reactivity. E is for exhale, but not just any exhale. Actually lengthen your out-breath. Longer exhales activate the vagus nerve. Try to inhale for 4 and exhale for 6 and do this 3 times. S is for scanning your body and noticing one hotspot. Do this right now. Is it in your shoulders, your jaw, your chest? Your stomach, and just notice. No trying to fix it. Just notice. Awareness is regulation. E is for expressing or moving the energy. Try one of these. Shake your hands for 15 seconds like you're trying to air dry them, or roll your shoulders a couple of times forwards and then a couple of times backwards. Hum along to your favorite song. This actually stimulates the vagus nerve. Stretch your neck or hips. Here are two simple ways to do this. For your neck, gently pull your ear to your shoulder and then repeat on the other side. For your hips, stand and pretend like you have an invisible hula hoop. And reverse and move it the other way. This will help you complete the stress cycle. T is for tend. Offer yourself some comfort. Tend to yourself. Place, place your hand or a warm compress or a soft object like a weighted blanket or a weighted stuffed animal on the area you feel or felt tension and tell your body, I am here and you are safe. And then ask yourself, what do you need from me today? And listen quietly for the response. Think of how an LGBTQ+ teen's body visibly relaxes in an affirming environment. Their shoulders drop. Their eyes may soften. Their breath deepens. Regulation isn't just a thought or mental exercise. It's a felt sense of safety. We'll get to the rest of the episode in a moment, but if you like the show, please make sure to subscribe, leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. Watch us on YouTube and share with your friends. Today's unlearn is dispelling the myth that calm must be earned. It is vital that we unlearn the beliefs that you need to power through your body's signals and that rest is laziness. Your body is not an inconvenience. It is your oldest, truest narrator, friend. It's asking for your attention, not your discipline. Today we talked about why January can feel heavier than we expect, how stress accumulates in the body even during good times, and how to gently recalibrate your nervous system instead of pushing past it. If there's one thing I hope you take with you, it's this: your body is not behind. It's not failing you. It's healing. Thank you for being here. New episodes of More Human, More Kind drop every Tuesday and Friday, so make sure you're subscribed so you never miss one. If someone you love feels overwhelmed by January, consider sharing this episode with them. It might just be the permission their nervous system needs. And if you are ready to release fear, shame, or the old patterns that keep pushing you past your limits, I'm here to support you. You'll find more information in the show notes or at morehumanmorekind/discovery. Until next time, take care of your body. It's been taking care of you for a very long time.