More Human. More Kind. | Parenting LGBTQ Kids, Unlearning Fear, Becoming More Human
26 Dec 2025 · 6 min
0:00
Heather Hester argues that joy isn't a betrayal when your child is struggling, but nourishment and allyship. She offers a brief guided practice called the Soft Smile to help parents sit with joy without guilt.
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In today's episode, you'll discover one way to experience true joy without guilt. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started. Welcome back to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester, and today is day 10 of our 12-day holiday capsule, More Human Moments for the Most Wonderful and Complicated Time of the Year. These 12 days will guide you through simple exercises and responses to empower you and help you stay grounded and reflective. You do not have to conform to holiday pressure. Your peace and presence are the rebellion. These are not fluffy holiday tips. They're real moments for real humans. Today we're gonna talk about joy and the guilt that so many parents and allies feel around experiencing it. By the end of today's short episode, you'll learn why guilt hits when we feel joy during difficult seasons, a mindset shift that makes space for joy without shame, and a 30-second practice that wakes up the joy centers in the brain. So let's get into it. Here's the scenario. You catch a genuine moment of laughter with your kid. Maybe you're watching a silly movie or playing a game, and immediately you feel a twinge of guilt. How can I be happy when things are so hard for them? When they're so hard in the world? Joy feels risky when the world is heavy. Or when your child is struggling, or when family dynamics feel unstable. But joy is not betrayal. Joy is nourishment. Joy is resilience. Joy is how we stay alive inside of the work. You cannot pour from an empty heart, right? Joy refills you. Joy strengthens you. Joy steadies you and grounds you for whatever comes next. So let yourself feel good. Allow joy, not because everything is perfect, because you matter too. So here's the strategy. Joy is nourishment, not betrayal. Reframe joy as fuel that helps you keep going, not something you have to earn. Today's ritual is called the Soft Smile. So I want you to take a moment and take a really deep breath and loosen your shoulders, roll your neck around. And soften your face. Really think about what that means. Unclench your jaw, maybe stop squinting your eyes, stop clenching your teeth, and then let a small, gentle smile rise. One that's not performative, not forced. Just soft. And hold it for 10 seconds. And then another 10. Breathe through it if that helps it feel more genuine. And feel the shift. The warmth, the ease, the tiny spark inside. That spark is yours. If you want a little more time with this one, try making a list of where did joy find me today? Even briefly, even the smallest amount. Thank you for taking this tiny pause with me today. These small, steady practices are how we stay grounded, connected, and courageous this time of year. If today's reflection felt supportive, please share it with someone who might need it. And for more resources, weekly reflections, and support, visit heatherhester.net. Tomorrow is Day 11 of our holiday capsule, and it is about intentions: how to enter the new year with clarity, not pressure. Until then, Remember, joy is not irresponsible. It's essential.
