Let Go of Traditions That No Longer Fit: A Holiday Guide for LGBTQ Allies (DAY 8)

In today's episode, you'll discover how to let go of traditions that no longer work for you and your family.

Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester.

Let's get started. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester, and today is day 8 of our 12-day capsule, More Human Moments for the Most Wonderful and Complicated Time of the Year. These 12 days will guide you through simple exercises and responses to empower you and help you stay grounded and reflective. You don't have to conform to holiday pressure. Your peace and presence are the rebellion. These are not fluffy holiday tips. They are real moments for real humans. Today we're talking about traditions, the ones that feel outdated, painful, or no longer aligned. By the end of today's short episode, you will walk away with a framework for redesigning family rituals with intention, permission to leave behind what no longer fits, and a creative prompt to invent one new ritual for this year. So let's get into it. Let's imagine this scenario. You are at a gendered gift exchange where all of the girls get one type of gift and all of the boys get another. Your non-binary kid is standing off to the side, clearly unsure where they fit, and you feel the sting. This tradition just doesn't work for your family anymore. Traditions can be beautiful, and they can be limiting, and they can be just plain old and outdated, especially for LGBTQ+ kids who've never seen themselves reflected in them. A tradition is simply a repeated practice. Which means you can revise it, or you can retire it, or you can reimagine it. Think of your rituals and traditions as containers for connection, and you get to choose the shape of those. Maybe this year you start a new tradition lighting a candle for visibility, or writing notes of gratitude for chosen family. Or giving gifts that affirm identity, or just tossing out gendered expectations. The goal isn't tradition for the sake of tradition, for blindly and numbly just continuing what you've always done. The goal is belonging. Here is the strategy for this: redesign rituals and traditions for inclusion. Ask, does this tradition create belonging or exclusion? If it excludes, you have permission to change it or create a whole new one. Today's ritual is Invent a Ritual. What you're gonna do is very simple. You are going to finish the following sentence. This year, we will introduce a ritual that helps us feel— fill in the blank. Is it connected, seen, safe, joyful? Choose a feeling. Create one small action that reflects that feeling. If you want a little extra reflection, try journaling using this question: What is one old ritual or tradition we're ready to release and one new one we're ready to try? Thank you for taking this pause with me today. These small, steady practices are how we stay grounded, connected, and courageous this time of year. If today's connection felt supportive, please share it with someone who might need it. And for more resources, weekly reflections, and support, visit heatherhester.net. Tomorrow is day 9 of this capsule, and it is about world overwhelm and how micro-kindness becomes activism. Until then, remember, the very best traditions are the ones that grow with you.