Parents of LGBTQ Kids: How to Stay Informed Without Losing Your Mind

Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started. Hey everyone. Welcome back to Beyond the Breath. I'm Heather Hester, and today we're diving into something that's been weighing on a lot of us. How to take care of yourself while Trump and his administration continue their relentless attack on our rights, our democracy, and our peace of mind. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and exhausted and even hopeless when the news cycle is a constant barrage of bad decisions, which is really putting it lightly, harmful policies, and just blatant attacks on marginalized communities and really all communities. But here's the thing. If we're going to fight, if we're going to stand up and keep showing up, we have to take care of ourselves. So today we're gonna do two things. First, I'm going to summarize a few of the most egregious actions from the Trump administration in just the past week, because we all need to stay informed. And then we're gonna switch gears and talk about a few ways to unplug, to rest and reset and to take care of your mental and emotional wellbeing. So let's get into it. Actually, before we get into it, I want to acknowledge that if you are having a hard time finding that sweet spot of staying informed and taking a breath, you're not alone. I missed out on two major stories just in this past week because Even though I thought I had figured out a good content intake formula paired with just knowing and honoring my mental and physical signs of overwhelm and when I need a break, I hadn't. So I share this because there's not a perfect answer. This episode, and the reason why I wanted to do this specific episode, is to offer you some ideas, some options, and just the encouragement to give yourself a little bit of grace. So now we can get into it. Since inauguration day, Trump and his administration have managed to steamroll and/or just completely disregard the rule of law and threaten fundamental rights and democracy itself. Here are 5 of the worst examples. Just from this past week, but things that I felt were very important to bring up and discuss today. The first is the continuing war on the judiciary. The judiciary is the only true remaining check and balance since Congress has proved its blind fealty and truly lack of a spine. And yet another move that shows blatant disregard for any judge's ruling and simultaneously seems to dare anyone to call him/them on it. Trump and his sycophants defied a judge's order to stop the deportation of people without due process. On top of this, these people were flown to a notoriously horrific prison in El Salvador under the rule of a brutal dictator. We're supposed to believe the biggest liar in the history of American politics when he tells us that they are Venezuelan gang members. Mm, sorry if I would actually like proof of that, and furthermore, like to see the rule of law in action, meaning their right to do process. I want to go on record saying thank you to the judges at all levels who are trying their damnedest to hold him and all of those doing his dirty work accountable. Number 2, kill the Department of Education. We've been seeing a big push on their new slogan, Promises Made, Promises Kept. Even if the so-called big action has zero impact, the morons who blindly follow him, aka the MAGA folks, see a few key words and cheer without any knowledge or understanding of what they are cheering for. Well, this week brought yet another one of those, the signed executive order to demolish the Department of Education. To be clear, this has been a Republican dream since the early '80s when Reagan first introduced the idea. It was soundly rejected then and again in the '90s when Gingrich proposed it. And even now, the latest polling shows that more than 60% of Americans think we should keep or expand the Department of Education. Only 17% wish to eliminate it altogether. To be clear, it requires an act of Congress to eliminate the Department of Education, which won't happen. However, what likely will happen is Musk and the Doge idiots will get their dirty hands all over it and strip it down to nothing. If you've ever wondered what exactly the federal Department of Education does, Well, among other things, it oversees funding for kids with disabilities, students with disabilities, low-income schools, and all student loans. Understand that this is not about anything more than checking off a wish list item that has been a goal of the right for more than 40 years. Also, the raging narcissist in the Oval Office can say He was the one who did it, all while destroying millions of people's lives and jobs. It's sick. Number 3, eliminate university funding. In a move that seems to be part of Trump's revenge tour, as well as a general F you to higher education, they have now begun to eliminate federal funding to universities. It is being done under the pretext of punishing schools that allow protesting or have in the past, or those who just outwardly oppose this regime. And whether or not you think this is justified, I want you to understand what this actually does. Most research and development in America occurs within the university systems. Federal funding goes to support those efforts, whether it is physical labs or intellectual capital. Cutting or eliminating this funding destroys years, and in some cases decades, of work on treatments, cures, interventions, inventions, and so much more. It's the behind-the-scenes stuff that we, the average American citizen, doesn't think about or that we take for granted. Understand that when a population is uneducated and sick, they are far easier to control. That is what is happening. That is what they want. Number 4: all of the Doge actions within Social Security and within the U.S. Institute of Peace. There's so much that I could say here. I mean, it's kind of hard to talk about Musk and his merry band of idiots at Doge without really the tone of incredulity. I heard someone this week use the analogy of using a sledgehammer to kill a fly instead of a fly swatter. Honestly, the exercise with anything they do is to understand that the point of their existence is to make a lot of noise and cause huge amounts of destruction and disruption so that we don't see what is actually going on, or that we're so flustered or upset or overwhelmed that we don't ask the pertinent questions. So it comes down to the exercise of why, thinking like a 2-year-old. Why, why? Being so curious, continually asking why until we finally peel back all of the layers and get to the real answer. Now, I've led you here today, but I'm not going to give you the answer. Only a hint. I want you to do your own research. I want you to look some things up and find out how many billions— billions with a B— in government contracts Musk alone receives, and if that has increased, decreased, or stayed the same since he got Trump elected. Extra points for sharing it in the comments. Number 5. Now this last one would actually earn an SMH and a text. Earlier this week, Trump, in his infinite wisdom, ordered the JFK assassination files to be redacted. Now to be clear, these files had already been released by the Biden administration But not to be outdone by his predecessor, Trump needed to, in his mind, one-up him. Well, as it turns out, the redacted portions of those files did not contain any new evidence or information or interesting twist to the story. Nope. The information that was redacted was the names, addresses, birth dates, and Social Security numbers of anyone who worked on the case or the cases about the JFK assassination case. And as you might guess, many of those people are still alive. So Trump effectively doxxed all of those people. One, for example, was one of his own attorneys. It's a lot. I know it's dangerous. It's upsetting. It's mind-blowingly unbelievable. And it's horrifically real. This is why it's easy to feel constantly on edge. Constantly anxious and constantly exhausted. It's also why we cannot afford to burn out. So how do we unplug and take care of ourselves? Not as an escape, but as a strategy for endurance. So I wanna shift the energy here and I want you to take a huge deep breath and I'm gonna do it with you. So just take a minute right here and just breathe. I want to give you 10 practical, realistic ways to take care of yourself, things that you can start doing today to protect your peace while also staying engaged in this fight for justice. One, limit doom scrolling and take some time to curate your social media. Find your own formula for consumption. Everyone's is going to be different, and it is going to shift and change. Is it just one podcast episode a day? Is it just— maybe it's a specific amount of time that you allow yourself either on social media or consuming podcasts or watching the news, reading the paper, reading emails, whatever it is. Figure out what works for you and stick with that. Stay informed, but don't let it consume you. Unfollow toxic accounts. I cannot state this one any stronger. This is really, really important. Yes, there is extraordinary value in listening to opposing points of view or learning opposing points of view. However, just like everything, there are those out there who are filled with bluster and purposeful misinformation. And others that just deliver a differing point of view as opinion. If you have the tolerance and stomach for it, find those, find the latter. If not, right now, the most important thing is building your resilience and your endurance as well as your intellectual capital based in truth and in fact. These exercises help you learn how to parse all of that other stuff out. And finally, follow uplifting accounts. If you are really big into Instagram and TikTok and even Facebook, even Bluesky and, God forbid, X, follow the ones that just make you feel good, whether it's baby goats in pajamas, which I personally think are hysterical, um, or cute dog videos or the swearing baby videos. I, whatever it is, something that just helps your body just relax or laugh or just shift gears a little bit. And finally, and most importantly, in number 1, Set boundaries around when and how you engage. Number 2, get outside. Nature is medicine. And I know many of us still live in areas that this time of year right now, it's cold or potentially unpleasant, but get out there anyway. Put on your layers, put on your raincoat, put on your boots, whatever it is, get outside. Nature is medicine. A walk, a hike, sitting by the water, sitting by the trees or in the grass, whatever works for you. My daily morning walk with my dog Mackenzie has become really sacred time to me. I do it no matter the weather, which like I just said, in recent months has been pretty miserable, to be honest. But moving my body, breathing in fresh air, feeling sunlight on my skin, noticing the weather, just being really aware of the weather and the natural world around me, and focusing on this little creature who derives such joy from chasing a ball, All of that really helps ground me and prepares me for whatever may come in my day. And I want you to remember that exercise, whether it's inside or outside, isn't just about fitness. It is a proven way to process stress and improve your mental health. Number 3, and this is another lovely one and can be done in so many different ways. Create or consume art. What does that mean to you? When you think about art, what do you think of? Do you think of painting, drawing, listening to music, dance? Reading or writing, crocheting, journaling, learning something new, going to a museum. I had an opportunity a week ago when I was visiting Connor in New York to have a tour with a friend of mine. Her mother-in-law is a docent at the Met, and she gave us a private tour of the modern and contemporary wing there, and it was phenomenal. And it might be one of my most favorite times at an art museum. I learned so much and it was so lovely just to be with people who I love and just consuming, letting the, all of this beautiful art around me, just kind of soaking it in. So I highly encourage you to think about what kinds of art you like to consume and what kinds of art you like to create and add that to your list of things that you do to unplug. The next one is go for an adventure, whether it's driving or flying or walking in your town, being a tourist in your own city, exploring someplace new. My kids often utilize the, the driving one. Sometimes driving or exploring someplace new can really help just clear your head, and that's what they use it for a lot of the time. And I remember loving to do this when I was a teenager and young adult. There's nothing quite like hours in your car or hours on the road to give you a fresh perspective. Number 5 is to watch some escapist TV. I know that might sound silly or frivolous, but right now, honestly, there's really nothing wrong with consuming something a little more mindless, some mindless media. Perhaps more than you normally would. Thanks to all of the streaming services, there is something out there for everyone. I will tell you that Isabel recently got me hooked on Outlander, which despite all of the fuss for the many years it's been around, I had not yet seen. And I have to say that I, I do now see what all the fuss is about, although truth be told, I do fast forward through some of the more violent scenes, but it is currently my most favorite thing to binge watch. Number 6, connect with community. Reach out to your friends, your family, your support groups. Socialize, preferably in person if you're able. Human contact, just whether it's sitting with a friend, having a meal with a friend, doing an activity with other human beings, is so healing and so soothing that it is part of every list that you will see about ways to unplug and ways to care about yourself or care for yourself. Number 7 is to engage in acts of kindness. And this is something that we talked a little bit last week on last Friday's pod and something that we'll be exploring in future pods as well. I want you to think about what does engaging in acts of kindness look like for you? Is it donating, volunteering, supporting different mutual aid efforts? What are the actions that you can take, even in the smallest of ways? This can be so, so empowering. And so I encourage you to take just a few minutes once you're finished listening today and think about one or two ways that you can be kind. Remember, kindness is different than niceness. And if you don't remember all of that, go back quickly and listen to last Friday's pod. Number 8, practice mindfulness or meditation, which is always one of my most favorite suggestions. Practicing being aware of your thoughts and being present can pull you out of spinning or anxiety because that comes from the spinning and the anxiety comes from living in the past or living in the future. When you pull yourself into the present, you can really get yourself centered and focused on your thoughts and your body. So even 5 minutes of deep breathing can reset your nervous system. Focus on where you feel tightness in your body and send your breath there. Don't overcomplicate it. You can take a few minutes anywhere, whether it's your office chair, the edge of your bed when you first wake up in the morning, your sofa at the end of the day. Just please don't do it while you're driving. And put all of your attention on your breath and your body and just let the magic happen. Number 9, laugh and find joy. Watch a comedy, listen to a funny podcast, play a silly game. Do something that makes you genuinely happy. If you've been listening to me for a while, you may remember that humor, laughter, joy, that's what really helped us stay sane. As a family and what has really bonded the 6 of us in so, so many ways. Grace and I were just talking about today our family's humor, which is witty and quite fabulous, and we were kind of laughing about how in recent times it's become a little bit dark too. Our family group chat is quite something, although we both agreed that it's something that we really couldn't share with other people and something that I may just use someday to write a book. And finally, number 10: Give yourself permission to rest. You do not have to be fighting all of the time. Rest is resistance too. Without it, You can't keep moving forward. Here's the truth. They want us exhausted. They want us hopeless. We're not going to give them that. We're going to stay informed. We're going to stay engaged, and we're going to take care of ourselves so that we can keep fighting. So I challenge you. Pick one thing from today's list and actually do it, even if it's just setting a timer to limit your doom scrolling, even if it's just stepping outside for a few minutes of fresh air. And if this episode spoke to you, please share it. Someone in your life probably needs this message just as much as you do. If you're really in a sharing mood, let us know your favorite way to unplug. Thank you for being here, for showing up, for caring. Until next time, take care of yourself and take care of each other. I am so glad you were here today. There is a lot going on right now, and I hope this episode brought you comfort, helped you feel more informed, and empowered you to be the next ripple, whether that is through renewed connection with your child, a friend, your community, or out in the world. Reach out if you have a question you'd like for me to answer in an upcoming episode. Join others in community on my Patreon and share this podcast podcast. Liking, rating, sharing, and reviewing all help get More Human, More Kind in front of others who need to know that they are not alone. And right now, that is no small thing. Remember to take breaks, big breaths, hug your kids, and tell someone how much you appreciate them. Until next time.