The Invisible Baggage Your LGBTQ Child Carries While Traveling and How Parents Can Help Lighten It

Today we're going to talk about invisible baggage, how to support mental health and practice kindness when traveling. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester, and I'm so grateful you're joining me today. Travel is often portrayed as carefree and joyful, and while it absolutely can be that, the reality is much more layered for LGBTQ+ youth and their families. Honestly, it's more layered for all LGBTQ+ people. Beneath the excitement, there's often invisible baggage, that low-level anxiety that is running at all times, fear, hypervigilance, and really just sheer exhaustion from navigating a world that doesn't always feel safe. So today we're going to talk about how to recognize that emotional weight and gently unpack it while learning how simple acts of kindness, both yours and others, can be powerful tools for healing and connection. Here's what you'll gain from listening today: insight into the emotional and mental health challenges LGBTQ+ youth may face while traveling, tools for spotting and responding to signs of stress, dysphoria, and shutdown in your child, and simple everyday acts of allyship and kindness that can create safety even in unfamiliar places. So let's begin. For LGBTQ+ youth, travel can bring up lots of complicated emotions. Even when the trip is just a vacation, the environment changes. Routines shift, and the body and the brain are constantly scanning for safety. There are a few common, often unseen challenges LGBTQ+ kids and teens may experience while traveling. You may recognize that you have been unknowingly carrying a few of these yourself. I know that I certainly have. The first is hypervigilance. Many LGBTQ+ youth are used to assessing every new space they walk into. Is it safe to be myself here? Will I be misgendered? Is it okay to wear what I want? This internal safety scan is exhausting, and it's amplified in unfamiliar settings like airports, hotels, new cities or locations, or even extended family gatherings. The second is gender dysphoria or invisibility. For trans or non-binary youth, being misgendered by TSA agents, hotel staff, or even relatives can be deeply distressing. Even gendered signs like "ladies night" or single-gender bathrooms can cause emotional disruption. For others, simply feeling unseen or having to hide their identity for safety can lead to deep loneliness or emotional shutdown. The third thing to look for is sensory overload and just the disruption of coping routines. Travel often means new smells, new textures, new foods, crowds, and just noise levels in general. It often removes access to the rituals and the spaces that ground your child, like quiet time in their room or time with their friends or their affirming peer groups, or even therapy appointments. This invisible emotional load can sometimes show up as irritability or withdrawing from you. It can show up as trouble sleeping, stomachaches or headaches, mood swings, or even just completely shutting down, or regressive behavior, especially in younger kids. And it's not always obvious. These behaviors can be misunderstood as attitude, especially in teens and young adults, but they're often stress responses. When we learn how to catch these sometimes very subtle signs, we can connect with them in equally as subtle but deeply supportive ways. You know your child. You know what may be soothing or grounding in different scenarios. And if you don't yet, it's okay. This is an opportunity for growth in your relationship, and this is an opportunity for having real conversations. I can say this with confidence because I had to learn this with each of my kids. And yes, I totally missed some of their signals along the way. And that is how I learned to really tune in to the subtlety and the nuance of each of their signals and each of their needs in different scenarios. So what is the good news? Well, there are actually so many ways you can gently support your child's emotional and mental wellbeing while on the road. Keep lines of communication open. Start before your trip by checking in with your child and asking questions to see how they're feeling about the trip. You can ask things like, "What are you most excited about?" Or, "Is there anything about traveling that is making you feel nervous or anxious right now?" Or you can ask something that's really specific, like, What things or practices like quiet time or meditation help you feel calm or grounded when we're away from home? Let them know it's okay to speak up at any point. That by letting you know what they need, you can help make the trip even more fun for them. And remind them that their feelings are valid. They aren't silly or ridiculous, and that you are so grateful that they shared them with you. During the trip, use the quieter moments like time in the car or on walks or that wind-down time in the evening. Use these moments to check in. It doesn't have to be intense or it doesn't have to be really pointed questions. In fact, it's better if the questions are quiet, just between the two of you. Like, "How are you feeling today?" "Does anything feel weird or off?" "Would you like to process anything with me right now, or would you just like to rest?" Even if they don't have much to say, this connection and acknowledgement communicates that you see them and that they are safe. The second thing you can do is create anchors of familiarity. Bring that feeling of home with you when you travel. This could be a favorite blanket, a part of the routine, even a specific snack can offer comfort. For teens, try to keep access open to their online support systems. Such as affirming social media creators, their friends, their therapist. You can also establish travel rituals that everyone does, like journaling at the end of the day, playing everyone's playlists in the car, or doing a kindness moment or a rosebud thorn at dinner. These habits ground your child in connection and predictability, and they can really lessen that low-level constant anxiety I mentioned earlier. The third thing you can do is practice flexibility. Give your child space to opt out of parts of the trip if needed. If you're visiting family, maybe they take a break during the long dinner. If you're sightseeing, Maybe they skip the museum and stay back to rest. Let them know that they can recalibrate without shame when something feels off. When we travel, it is now just understood that along the way, each one of us, myself included, will need a minute or 10 or 60, and that we can take it without receiving any critique or comments from the rest of the family. Allowing the space for that not-so-small action has made a world of difference as we've begun to take longer and further trips around the world as a family. If your child is in therapy, consider a pre-trip session to prepare and maybe even a session after you return to process together. So I thought it would be rather lovely to explore how kindness not just niceness, can help create safer and more connected, present, and human travel experiences. Kindness in this particular context means seeing and honoring someone's full humanity, even when you don't know their story. How can you be kind as a parent or an ally? The first thing you can do is validate your child's feelings, even when, actually, especially when they're hard to understand. If you feel yourself tensing up in any way, pause, take a breath, remind yourself it is not your job to fix, and then be really present in that moment. The second thing you can do is to protect their identity in public spaces by correcting misgendering or shielding them from invasive questions. This may make you angry, or you may break into a full-body sweat. Protecting your child or loved ones can cause our bodies and emotions to do all sorts of things. Let it happen. The priority is the protecting, the correcting, and the shielding. The third thing you can do is to model allyship. This could be using your pronouns at check-in, asking about gender-neutral bathrooms, or affirming your child's identity in front of others. Take a moment right now and think about the ways you could be an ally when you travel. Help your child look for signs of connection and support too. Things like inclusive stickers on a storefront, a staff member using inclusive language, another traveler wearing a Pride pin. Teaching them to look for those small positive signals can help Ease the hypervigilance. Encourage your family to practice kindness towards others too, no matter where you are in the world. Thank hotel staff by name. Support a local LGBTQ+ business. Make space for someone who's struggling in a crowded line. Even holding a door open for someone else. Can make them feel seen. Kindness is both protection and protest, and it helps shape culture one action at a time. Today's listener query is another very common myth. This segment of the show is a time for me to answer all of the questions or comments or myths that I have heard and received over the years. So consider this your official invitation to reach out with your own LGBTQ+ specific questions that I can answer on the show. So the myth today is the Bible condemns homosexuality. I know this is a tricky one. Hang in there with me. The reality is that this myth often comes from the misinterpretation of 6 verses in the Bible called the Klobber Verses. These verses have been historically used to condemn same-sex relationships. However, the Bible contains many different messages and how we interpret those messages is key. Before we even touch the many, many arguments out there, it is important to remember that the original context of these verses is important. It is also important to remember that the Bible was originally written in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek, and it has been translated many times over always by men, and almost always with an agenda. In fact, did you know that the word homosexual did not exist until 1869? And it was not in the Bible until 1946. Take a moment and let that sink in. The word homosexual did not exist until 1869. And it was not in the Bible until 1946. It was actually the mistranslation of two Greek words: malakoi and arsenokoitai. I may have mispronounced that. But these words more accurately refer to rape, exploitation, and idolatry, not consensual, loving same-sex relationships. The Bible also emphasizes love, compassion, and justice, which are values that many believe should be extended to all people regardless of their sexual orientation. In fact, many Christian denominations now embrace LGBTQ+ indiv— individuals, advocating for inclusivity and affirmation rather than rejection. And while this may seem like somewhat of an adjacent topic, I am recalling an article I read years ago, very early on our journey, that pointed out that even though the Bible mentions that God created the land and the sea, we do not freak out about lakes, marshes, streams, rivers, or any other variation of land and sea. We accept all as equally important parts of the Earth. Doesn't it just seem logical that all other creations, night and day, man and woman, etc., also exist on a beautiful spectrum of existence? Just some food for thought that I thought I would share. So let's circle back and finish our discussion about travel and mental health. It is full of potential for so many beautiful experiences, adventures, and connections. And for LGBTQ+ people, it can also carry the invisible weight of feeling vulnerable or the need to be on guard. When we notice the heaviness of these emotions, and respond with intention and kindness, we give our children a very powerful message that they are safe, seen, and worthy. Thank you so much for traveling down this winding road of a conversation today. I see you and your heart and your effort and your desire to grow, and I am so glad that you are here. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday, so be sure to follow or subscribe so you never miss one. I wanna let you know that I am in the process of creating the Parenting with Pride companion journal, and I would love to hear from you. Your valuable insights and your feedback will help shape the journal's design and content. And it is so important to me as I work to create a meaningful resource for parents and allies. As a thank you, all survey participants will be entered into a raffle for a chance to win a $50 Amazon gift card. This optional survey is linked in the show notes. Until next time, may your journey be kind, your spirit light, and your family surrounded in love. And remember, You are not alone.