The Nervous System Reset Every Parent Needs Right Now

Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started.

Welcome back, my friends. If this is your first time here, I am delighted you found Just Breathe. We talk all things loving, raising, and empowering LGBTQ+ people, but at the core, it is a space for you to take a breath, quiet all of the noise around you, and just be. Before we get into today's episode, I want to encourage you to sign up for my inaugural Parenting with Pride book club. Starting next Tuesday, July 9th, we will meet on Zoom for 1 hour a week for 4 weeks to discuss each of the 4 pillars: Embrace, Educate and Unlearn Bias, Empower, and Love. Bring your thoughts and questions. Or just sit quietly and know you are surrounded by affirming people. The link to register is in the show notes. You can also sign up via my website, chrysalismama.com. This may be the best $97 you spend all year. Today's guest is someone I have worked with one-on-one who has helped me with a ton of internal work and healing and who I now consider a dear friend. Kelly Lubeck is passionate about changing the world for the better through individual, group, and community-level healing programs that inspire health, embodied leadership, and heightened capacity for change. Kelly helps women leaders stay grounded and centered in their changemaking so they can deliver and lead impactful work, enjoy meaningful relationships, and deep connection with their purpose without sacrificing body, mind, and spirit to their mission. Kelly's work happens at the intersection of deep and soulful coaching, science of the nervous system, shamanic healing, yoga, mindfulness, and 25 years of experience leading service-based programs around the world. Today's conversation is the first of several that Kelly and I will have, and I am so happy she is here to share her wisdom with us.

Welcome, Kelly. I am so happy that you are here today, and I'm really, really excited to have this conversation about the nervous system, which I think when we first hear those words, we're not really sure what what that means to take care of our nervous system, to pay attention to what our nervous system is telling us. And you, through so much experience and study, have become, I mean, the most brilliant expert on this subject that I have ever encountered. So I have, you know, like I said earlier in the introduction, I have worked with Kelly one-on-one for almost a year, and she is also a very dear friend of mine. So I am delighted, delighted for you all to learn a little bit from Kelly today. So thank you for being here.

Thank you so much for having me, and I'm so excited to have this conversation with you. And I really appreciate the shout out on being a brilliant expert, and I, I come very humbly. But yes, being a complete nervous system nerd and excited to just dive in deeper, both through my own experience and experience working with clients and students and just exploring the study of it. 'Cause it is so foundational to everything that we live and experience.

Thanks. It's amazing. So I wonder if you would take just like 60 seconds and give a quick overview of how you, because we often, when things are going on in our lives and we're struggling for whatever reason, we're like trying to figure it out and we're like picking and, and just grasping at different things. And it took a lot of that for you for you to finally realize, oh my gosh, this is my nervous system. Can you talk just a little bit about that?

Yeah. One of my favorite ways to explain the work that we do around the nervous system is to understand that we have a system within our bodies, our brain, our spinal cord, the peripheral system, our autonomic nervous system, which is all the automatic functions. Like, our nervous system is responsible for everything, our, our breathing, our digestion, our heart rate, our hormonal production or lack of production, our, like, all of the different basic functions that we don't have to think about. Wound healing, healing hormones, anti-aging hormones, all of these things are influenced by the nervous system. The way that I really like to think about it though is it's basically the the tracker of all of our lived experience. So whatever it is that we've lived from early childhood into adulthood and, and, and older age is recorded in this system. And so we begin to very early on track patterns that speak to us of what is safe and what is not safe. And so with these patterns that are learned through our lived experience, what we observe, what we walk through, what we live, how we relate, we learn the rules in the system for what is safe and not safe. And that basically creates patterns within us that then determine the ways that we engage in the world or the ways that we disengage from the world. And so it's so foundational, and I'm happy to go into this more as we speak, but for me, that's like really the most essential piece is our systems are out looking at how do we stay in survival and how do we advance the species within the human that we are by keeping us safe. And we have the threat response and the threat detection up all the time, and we can learn to work with that in really effective ways that can help us learn to be in the world and thrive in the world in ways that are different than we might have experienced through our own lived experience, if that makes sense.

It does, um, a lot. I think one of the most fascinating things for me as I started this work with you, and I— my guess is that this is true for so many people, is that at some point all of the messaging that we've just been collecting our whole lives in our nervous system at At a certain point, we start to not pay attention anymore to the messaging, to the information that our nervous system is giving us for various reasons. It's too overwhelming. It's too painful. It's too— we don't understand it. And we, we disengage, we disconnect from that. And I know that I came to you at a point where I was like, I have no idea. Like I could say, I think my nervous system is fried. I feel this way, but I couldn't tell you. Why and what was going on and where and where that came from. And so I'm wondering if you could just talk a little bit— first, validate that for everybody, because that is such, I think, a very common experience for so many of us. So when you're saying like, these things are automatic, these things are this over here, on an intellectual level we understand that Yeah. But if we just are— you ask us right now to sit here and feel that, I would think that a lot of people are like, I can't.

Yes. Yes, totally. Okay. There's so many pieces in here to unpack, but—

12 questions there for you.

That's so great. And I think— and what I do wanna acknowledge too is that I, I feel like in the world now, especially post-COVID, And this surge during COVID is just this, this sort of more popularized knowing of the nervous system or speaking about the nervous system and really normalizing anxiety, mood disorders, you know, depression, the ups and downs, feeling the fight or flight is one that people use all the time, right? I feel like the references to the nervous system became much more widely understood. And so there's a lot more that's being spoken about it in the world. And with that, I think there's a lot of disinformation as, or misinformation and confusion around it. And so what, what I think is really important to understand is we can have feelings of heightened sensation, which might feel like anxiety or nervousness, or, you know, if I'm going to go give a talk or you're gonna go speak on your amazing new book, you know, you go out there, you're going to engage a part of the nervous system which is very activating. So you are on, and that is normal for your nervous system to be activated and on. And, and it can get a little extra activated, and that can look like anxiety. And then we can have the, the de-escalating part of the nervous system. We call it the parasympathetic nervous system. Which is the slowing things down. And it's the rest and digest part. It's the part that allows you to get to sleep at night or to digest your food well, or to slow down and be able to snuggle up with your kid and connect with them, or have a deep and meaningful conversation with someone you care about. That's also the nervous system. And then there are times when with the patterns that have been established. So let's just say, for example, that, you know, you grew up in a household where things were high intensity or high pressure, and there was always like, you had to be on, you had to perform, you had to say yes, and you had to do good and all the things. So many of us have lived this experience. And so if that's the case, you might tend towards a more activated nervous system that leans more towards what looks like what we know as anxiety. And so it's like this always being on, always being maybe a little on the verge of agitation or always needing to go, go, go and do, do, do. So that's nervous system. And then sometimes what happens is when people have been going and sort of stuck in a pattern for so long, that it's like the switch gets stuck. So the on switch is on and you can't turn it off. So if you're in a more activated state, that could look like, oh, I can't wind down, I can't get to sleep, or something's going on with my kid and I'm really worried and I can't turn off the mind. It just feels like those wheels are turning all the time. And, and that is, that's because this pattern has just gotten in a stuck way. And then let's just take the flip of that, which is we also have the slowing down nervous system, which can be, you know, the I'm holding my newborn baby and we're so connected and it's beautiful, or I'm, you know, hugging my partner or my teen and we're feeling really connected. That's like the slowing down nervous system. The other part of that, like further along the continuum, is the freeze part where we get frozen or we get stuck in a place of slowed down. So it might look like I can't get off the couch. My, my brain isn't just processing thoughts well, or I really need to, I need to get my book out in the world, or I need to help my kid do X, Y, and Z thing. But I'm actually just stuck. Like, I'm frozen. I can't, I can't move forward. And in many cases that can look like, you know, sitting on the couch, chilling out with Netflix and a bowl of ice cream or chips. And it's, it's more of the kind of numbing behavior and it's very decelerated. Either one of those, to be stuck in them is problematic because one, we're not meant to be stuck in them and, and we have a, biology that's built to be able to move between the more activated and the more slowed down parts of the nervous system. So I want to share an analogy that I find to be really helpful, but I just want to ask, does that make sense or do you have questions or do you want to offer any clarification? I'm trying to—

No, I think that makes a ton of sense. And I think is a really, really great overview. And I do want to hear your analogy. And then I have one question that— or a couple questions after that, because I'd like to touch on the freeze and also just kind of specific examples of, you know, where people might be and what that might look like. So it like relates back so we can connect these.

Totally. To connect the dots to real life experience, which is the most important reason to learn this. Okay, so what I— one analogy I'd love to offer is the river analogy. And so if we think of a flowing river as our nervous system and our body and our resilience, and then If we think of rocks in the river, the, you know, the rocks that might jut up in a river or where you have rapids, those are like the traumas, those are triggers, they're stressors, they're the, all the weights that we're carrying. They change the flow of the river, right? So the more rocks we have, the rougher the river is going to be. It's just going to flow more rapidly and it's going to be a rougher ride. The fewer rocks we have, the easier the water can flow. And so what, what we're aiming for is flow. What we want is to be able to move between— and I, I touched on just some really basic parts of the nervous system, right? Like we can nerd out on this for hours, but for the basics, we want to move between the more accelerated state and the more sort of modified decelerated state and then You know, being able to like really close down for the day and, you know, sleep, digest, do the healing repair that happens during sleep time. And then there's freeze, which is, has its own function as well. But we wanna be able to move easily between these states. So when I think of the river analogy, it's like we want flow and that flow is showing us we can move between those states. So there's two ways that we can create more flow. We can expand the river so we can like, you know, dig deeper and dig out to the edges so there's more flow in the, in the water or dig deeper in the water and, you know, pull up the, the ground there. Or we can take out the rocks. So there's different ways to approach this. So taking out the rocks looks like, looks like reducing stressors, doing deeper healing on some of the old, you know, trauma pieces. And it doesn't have to be what I think of as big T trauma. These can be little t traumas that result in freeze, which we're going to talk about in a moment. And, and, and just these old patterns. So clearing of these old ways. But the widening and deepening of the river is creating more spaciousness by doing things that grow our resilience. So those are different tools and ways that we can work with our bodies and our nervous systems to create more flow by building more resilience to whatever the rocks are, right? Whatever rocks show up. And impact the flow of the river. Does that make sense?

It does. I love that. What might, um, a couple examples of tools be?

Okay, so there's so many beautiful tools for working with the nervous system, and one of them is my favorite. Now, we're not on video, but I'm gonna describe this, and it's one that I love to give to people. It's the, it's the like most effective, easiest simplest thing that we can do. So let's just say like you're feeling really stressed out, and we've all had this experience. I know we've talked through this one before.

This is one of my favorites, y'all. I love this so much. So listen carefully, it works.

So you're gonna take your right hand, put it to your left shoulder, left hand to your right shoulder. So you're just crisscrossing, and then you are stroking from your shoulders down to your elbows. We're doing this with you. So just go ahead, reach your arms across, crossing over your arms opposite hand to the shoulder, opposite shoulder, and then you're just stroking down shoulder to elbow. Gentle stroking. We're going to keep doing this while I talk and explain what's happening here. Now, this is an evidence-based tool which is scientifically proven to engage your parasympathetic nervous system, that slowing down, rest and digest nervous system. Keep stroking down your arms, please stay with us. So I want you to keep doing this and just notice what starts to happen in your body. So this is, this is one tool that literally you could do this for 30 seconds, 60 seconds. It will change your state. It's a really beautiful one to do with kids as well. It's such, it's like giving yourself this warm hug. We're doing lots of good things with the brain and the body here, but what's most important to know is it helps to bring on calm. It just helps to raise the capacity of your parasympathetic nervous system. So keep on doing that as long as you like. But what I really want, what's really important here is for you to notice what changes as you do it. So this is one I give this tool all the time on the street with clients, with family, with myself, with my kiddo. It's such a good and beautiful soothing tool. And of course, for your audience, Heather, when there's like big stressors or things going down in the family, or you're worrying about your kid or just confused about what's happening with your kid, this can be such a great one. It's so simple. It costs nothing. It takes 30 seconds and it can completely shift how you feel. And if you wanna offer it to your kid as well, it can totally shift how they feel.

Yes. All right.

So how do you feel with that one?

You know, this is one of my favorites. I mean, I wish I would have had this tool 7 years ago. I mean, I wish I would have had this tool 50 years ago, but it works so well and so fast. Yes. I mean, the first time you told me that, I was like, oh, come on.

I know it sounds so cheesy and silly, right?

And then I did it. I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean, you could do it while sitting at a stoplight. You can do it. Excuse yourself for 60 seconds if you're in the middle of something and you just need a minute. I just need a minute. I mean, this plays into the whole take a breath, right? Take a pause, take those things and do this. And oh my, it's a— you are in a completely different state. And not only does it calm your physical body, But they're also, of course, here's— I mean, this I think is probably for our next conversation that we have, but the fact that our, our brain is attached to our body, and I know that sounds like such a silly statement, but just, you know, so many of us disconnect those things. So we're in our heads because it's easier to intellectualize everything and not feel it.

Yes.

Too hard to feel it. And this helps reconnect. I think for me, this was one of the biggest tools of like reconnecting and starting to feel that like, not only was my body calm, my brain was calm and I could like think and I could make a decision or, or have a conversation with clarity and I mean, truly, truly such a game changer.

It is such a game changer. And I think what you just said about us living disconnected from our bodies is really essential, Heather, because it is like we have been taught to disconnect from our bodies and to access wisdom only from the neck up. But the truth is we have this whole— they speak of bodies of wisdom. Like we have a body of wisdom that we can connect to that can support us. I mean, this is a whole other conversation. But we have these bodies that we can check into for information, to access our intuition, to access next best steps to help us make decisions that are more in service to us or our families or kiddos. And we have been taught to disengage the body. So much of what I teach, I mean, the reason I'm in love with teaching the nervous system, which it's not the only piece I teach, but it's a huge foundational piece is that when we learn to get in connection with our bodies and our nervous systems, everything can change. And when I say everything, I mean your love relationships, your relationship with your kids, the way that you express in the world, the way you use your voice for change, for good. If you have a mission to write a book, I'm just bringing up your book again. Shamelessly promoting you. You have, you have a mission to put out in the world. Then to be able to bring your voice to that in a way that really supports change is essential. Or to, even if it's just, you know, standing up for your kid and working with a medical system or with the school system, or, you know, navigating relationships. There's so many different ways that we express and engage in the world. And when we are connected with our bodies and nervous systems, we can do that in a whole different level. It's really, really powerful. It is.

It's, it is really extraordinary.

I know you said that you want to talk some examples.

Yes, I was just going to say, you know, thinking about everybody who's listening, um, and a lot of, a lot of people are somewhere on the journey of their kiddo coming out. And that can bring up lots of nervous system dysregulation and feelings and disconnection and all of these things. Even for those who are completely affirming, it can still bring up feelings of uncertainty and fear. And so I'm wondering if And so I think a lot of that points to freeze, which is what I kind of brought up before, because that's an easy, for multiple reasons, that's an easy place to get to. So I'm wondering if you could talk about that a little bit just in relation to, you know, kind of specifically where our listeners are.

Absolutely. So, so I, I know we love the freeze, the freeze work, and I think we should go deeper in another another moment on it, but I do want to speak to how it might show up for your listeners, for all of us as parents, but especially for those who are navigating new terrain with their kiddos. I think one piece that comes up just to speak to the really hard part is how do we keep our kids safe, right? I think that's a huge piece for parents is how do we keep our kids safe in a world that's so biased and so so harshly, um, oriented towards our kids who are in the LGBTQ world. And so that can be really activating. And actually, I wanna speak to both freeze, but also the other end of it, because it can lead us into freeze where we're just, you know, shut down or feeling really low about it, or we can't take action, or, you know, we're holding, even holding our kid back because we're, uh, worried for them. And it can look really activating on the other end of the spectrum as well, right? Where just the anxiety and like, can't turn the mind off and so worried about my kid and how am I going to keep them safe and all the things that, you know, we may have had, raising my hand here, may have had very early on in their lives. And then it just gets activated again, you know, as they come out and we want to keep them safe again, but it's like a whole, in a whole different way, right? So I think, you know, that's one way that this can come out. I think sometimes what can happen too is, and this, you know, even for people who consider themselves allies or, or feel really woke, or, you know, maybe are LGBTQ themselves or have, you know, been in that world, it can it can still bring up things. I, I have a dear, dear friend, um, with kids who have come out recently, and she was just saying like, my politics are one thing, but then when it's in my kids, it's like it's another. And it's— and, and she's struggling. She's like, I just want to keep them safe. And, and sometimes what that can look like is actually not so much the flight or anxiety or the freeze, but actually the fight. And so it can also look like going, you know, going into battle with your kid. Okay. And let's also say the teen years are their own special, their own special circumstance as it is.

They are not for the faint of heart.

No, they are not. And we are like called to resilience. This is like where you really wanna work on widening and deepening your river. And with that, sometimes even in our desire to be protective or to be supportive, it can look like we engage in the fight, whether the fight is coming to us or we're bringing the fight. And so it can look like really sparked emotion or getting angry or even kind of— I'm trying to think, like exploding on things that seem like nothing things. But what's actually happening is you're feeling upset and scared, so you're picking a fight around something that is actually insignificant, but it's the safe place to pick a fight, right? And it might look like it's with your kids, it might look like it's with your partner, it might look like, you know, with your mother. So there's all sorts of ways that this can show up. And then there's the part, I think too, I mean, there's so many layers for this community, right? It's like navigating your own family relationships. Where you are wanting to keep your kids safe and emotion, including emotionally, like emotionally safe, physically safe, all the things. But if your family isn't exactly a family of allies yet, I'm always holding out hope for change. If it feels like a place where you have to defend and your kid isn't emotionally safe, that can look also like fight, flight, or freeze. And so it might look like picking fights with the family or finding ways to not be with them because it sucks to be around them when you feel like your kid isn't safe, or just shutting down or having health things show up that are apparently random health things that are showing your body. This is a whole other— we need another interview for this one. How our bodies give us the signals to say no when we're having a hard time saying no, right? So I don't mean to go off there, but those are some of the examples. Are there others that you can think of, either from your own experience or just from, you know, engaging with your—

No, I think those are, those are really, really good. And, um, and I think too, like, and you made the point very, very well that freeze can show up anywhere. So it's not just in a heightened state of anxiety, really activated. It can show up anywhere on along the line of your, you know, the spectrum of your nervous system and how it works. And so I think that's a really great thing for people just to know, to understand that. And the way it shows up is, is different for everyone. Everyone has their own special flavor of freeze.

Well, let me just clarify on that because the Freeze is actually a piece of it. It is the parasympathetic nervous system, but the shutdown part of it. But so it may be that some people go into freeze. But what I was, what I was wanting to communicate was that, that, that's a real commonplace to go to. And there's lots of freeze. And I, I think we need a whole other session.

I think so. Yes.

But there's, there's also the more activated place, which is the fight or the flight as well. So it just can look different ways, but all of these are different ways that our nervous systems get activated, or in some— I'm not a fan of the word trigger, but that they get triggered as well.

Right.

So those are— so just to clarify.

Thank you for clarifying that. Yes, I think that's very— and it's interesting to see. I will just share an example of something that happened very recently because I was watching it. It wasn't happening to me, but we had a graduation party for my daughter, and we had lots of people here and a lot of family were here. And they're, you know, as, as everyone listening knows that I have a number of non-affirming family members. And so this was kind of the first time in a, in a while that we were all together. And it was a little bit of an experiment. And so it was interesting to watch how each of us handled it and, and approached different conversations and just the general— their presence in our house. And all 6 of us were here, and all 6 of us approached it differently. And Connor approached it with fight. And it was so interesting. And at the same time, like, you know, I was actually super proud of him because he, he stayed in his lane. He stood up for himself and he said things that maybe he wouldn't have said in a, in a, in a other, you know, another situation. But I know in his brain that this was very activating for him. And so this is how he was handling it, was taking on a person and, and really like standing his ground for who he was. And, and I thought, I kind of watched the whole thing happen. I was like, That was actually a really effective use of fighting, and then was able to kind of, you know, the next day we, we did a whole debrief on everybody's different ways that they handled the family, the ways that they were activated and how they felt it, you know. But I think talking about like, where you— where did you feel it in your body? Like, how did it— this affect you? Or how did this affect you? And even if it, you know, wasn't a perfect way of handling something, it was acknowledging it and talking about it and talking about like, gosh, I'd really like to feel this way when this person is around. And gosh, it was such a powerful conversation.

That is amazing, Heather. Can I— okay, I just want to pull out a few different things and hopefully I'm going to remember them all. So one, I just wanna say fight is a healthy response. We, again, the, the flow of the nervous system, like the, the river flowing, a healthy nervous system is be able to move between these different places, right? We have built into our animal bodies, our capacity to fight, our capacity to flee, and our capacity to freeze. And we— again, I don't mean to keep like putting it off for another conversation, I just don't want to go down rabbit holes— but, but having each of these different things show up in our nervous system is actually really important. And the fact that Connor has fight in him, and especially after the experience he has walked— his initial story, as you tell in the book, is one of flight. He, he runs away, literally he flees in terror, right? And so now he has this vibrant fight response. What an amazing thing. Now, that doesn't mean go out and beat the shit out of somebody, right? But having a healthy response where you're like, hold the phone, we're going to talk through this. Not right. That's actually really powerful.

And this was verbal. I mean, this was not a physical fight.

I agree.

I just want to make that clear for me. He was having a well-articulated verbal discussion, highly animated discussion with somebody that he did not freeze, he did not flee from. He stood his ground. And I was like, yes, totally.

Yeah.

And just to be clear, I heard that. I just want to make sure it doesn't sound like I'm saying, you know, go beat somebody up. For sure.

I want to make sure everybody is on the same page there.

Being able to have, like, being in his own center and having the capacity to make a well-founded argument and fight act. Like, that's really powerful. And then what I also want to say is each of you having your own experience, like, what a beautiful thing for you to observe. And again, I want to normalize, we all have different ways that we respond, and we all also have different ways that we kind of default. Some of us are more fight, some of us are more flee, some of us are more freeze. And as we heal and work with the nervous system, we expand our capacity to engage all of those, right? So I just, I love that you were able to take a step back and really observe, which to me speaks so much to how much you have grown your capacity, like how wide and deep your river is, Heather. Because if you imagine how many years ago was it, like, what, Connor came out 7, 8 years ago. So when he came out, if you imagine like state of your nervous system then and state of your nervous system now, like you were so deep in it and having your own experience and like very much a survival survival mode, which is, again, really important, but it's much harder to see.

Yes.

When you are in a state where you have a healthy and resilient nervous system, you can see the patterns differently. And so you're noticing in your family, oh, wow, we all have these different patterns. So I just want to acknowledge that really speaks to a wide and deep river and how much you have grown that, which is amazing. And then I think the other here is just to say, with all of this, it's really important to normalize these relationships. It's so easy to pathologize people for the experience that they're having. This is one of my favorite things that I teach, everything from like deep, you know, depathologizing. Is that the right word? Sure.

I think, I think we're going to make that a word. Yes, I like it.

Or destigmatizing. And, and I, I like depathologizing. I'm like, the pathology of anxiety, of low mood, of panic, of the fight. Like, when we actually break it down to the biology, it's not pathological. It's actually just a learned pattern, a learned response that has happened that can be healed. And so this isn't something to stigmatize. It's actually something to It kind of, I always think of it as, you know, if you're with your screaming toddler and you like try to shake them or scare them or shove them in a room, like it actually doesn't, like it doesn't work. They don't learn the things they need to learn. If you scoop them up and you say, hey baby, this is really hard. I see you're really upset and you have a right to be upset and this is the way it's gonna go. Like they'll learn, right? And But none of us can be, you know, I say the toddler example, but all of us have this. All of us have like the unheard toddler in us where, you know, I know as an adult there have been plenty of times where I'm like, I'm having a tantrum, like an inner tantrum, and I just want someone to hear me, right? Don't we all have those experiences?

Oh my gosh, yes. Right?

So, so in that, it's like the most potent thing is to actually have someone hear you. And witness you, right? I mean, I think it's part of the success of your podcast is like people feel seen and feel heard. Like, all of us need that. It's a very— it's actually nervous system. It is the love and connection part of our nervous system that needs that, because being feeling seen and heard and accepted is part of— oh, I just got another one we're supposed to do. But like, feeling seen and heard and accepted, like, That is the work of our nervous system that developed with us living in, in community and collective and tribes.

Right.

And to be cast out of the tribe is a very, very dysregulating thing.

Mm-hmm.

And so if we just bring that full circle back to who our people are that we're talking to here, like, we need more than ever to make sure that our kids feel seen and heard and accepted. And that includes the parents feeling seen and heard and accepted. And that, again, yes, get back to the nervous system, is actually part of what allows us to walk in the world in a healthy and whole and complete, filling way. Yes.

And I think just to kind of to wrap this up today because there are so many different directions we can go, and I think we have like 4 more episodes. But just that acknowledging and naming that you are not broken. Yeah, this is not something that's, you know, you need to fix. There— it's just, it's something that can be healed. It is something that each one of us have our own version of nervous system work and healing that we can do. And so I think there's so much— it's so empowering to know, oh gosh, this is something I can actually do something. I can actually actively do something about this so I can feel better and I can be a better me.

Yeah.

Which then allows you to be a better you out in the world, right?

Yeah. Better parent, better active parent, all the things. So, thank you.

Yes, Kelly, thank you. Oh my goodness. So good. So y'all got a taste of the nervous system today. Kelly will be back. We will be having several more conversations over the next few months. So I can't wait. For you to hear more. This is where we're going to end for today. Is there anything that you would like to share, such as where people can find you if they would like to get in touch with you directly?

Sure. So two things. One, I just want to share my favorite expression that I put in all of my love notes and newsletters and what have you, and that is that the world needs you well. And that term came to me years ago. And I realized as I was writing it every single newsletter that it just was— the truth of it was just becoming more and more true in my body. And what's held in those words of the world needs you well is the better, the more regulated, the healthier our nervous systems, the more capacity we have, the wider and deeper our rivers are, the better we can show up for our loved ones, for our kids, our partners, our colleagues, our clients, our patients, if you're a healthcare person, our community members and the world, the stronger, the better we are and the more resilient we are, the better we can show up in the world. And the world right now really needs us well. And so I, that's the one piece I wanna leave with. And then you can find me at kellylubeck.com and that's K-E-L-L-Y-L-U-B-E-C-K.com.

I'm sure that'll be in the show notes.

And, and yeah, I would love to welcome you into my community and sign up for my love notes and to hear different stories and experiences and tips and tidbits. And you'll be invited to different programs or retreats that I'm leading. And I just want to say thank you, Heather. This has been so fun. It's so wonderful to connect with you. And yes, we got lots to talk about.

I know.

Always.

Thank you so, so much. I'm glad we made this happen and I can't wait to continue it. Thank you.

I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. A quick reminder that my brand new book, Parenting with Pride, is now available wherever books are sold. It is also available in e-reader and audiobook format. Click on the link in the show notes to buy it right this second or to send it to a friend. If just breathe means something to you, it would mean so much to me if you would take 30 seconds to do 2 things. First, please follow or subscribe to the show. Just click on the plus sign or the word "follow" wherever you listen to your podcasts. And second, if you would be willing to share a 5-star rating and review, I'd be so grateful. It isn't just a nice thing for others to read, it actually helps this podcast get in front of those who need it most. I appreciate you being part of the Just Breathe community. Big hugs to you all until next time. I am so glad you were here today.

There is a lot going on right now, and I hope this episode brought you comfort, helped you feel more informed, and empowered you to be the next ripple whether that is through renewed connection with your child, a friend, your community, or out in the world. Reach out if you have a question you'd like for me to answer in an upcoming episode. Join others in community on my Patreon and share this podcast. Liking, rating, sharing, and reviewing all help get More Human, More Kind in front of others who need to know that they are not alone, and right now, that is no small thing. Remember to take breaks, big breaths, hug your kids, and tell someone how much you appreciate them.

Until next time.