What Your LGBTQ Teen Actually Wants This Holiday Season: Five Gifts That Create Real Connection

In today's episode, we'll get to the bottom of what your LGBTQ+ teen really wants this holiday season. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change. I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started. The holidays tell us to buy more, do more, give more. But what if the most meaningful gifts this season don't come wrapped at all? Today, we are gonna shift from presents to presence. By the end of this episode, you will learn how intentional gifting strengthens connection and emotional safety. Especially for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults navigating family dynamics this time of year. You'll discover the ancient practice of the 13 sacred nights and why bringing ritual, slowness, and meaning into your home can deepen belonging. And you'll walk away with 5 thoughtful heart-centered gift ideas, physical and experiential, that create connection no matter your budget. And be sure to stick around for the unlearn where we will dismantle the myth that more gifts equal more love. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester. If you are anything like me, you love giving gifts. That connection, the thoughtfulness, the thought that goes into it, and just the sheer joy. But you may not love the pressure or the lists or the noise or the expectations. Gifts don't have to be perfect to be meaningful. They just have to be human. So today we're reimagining gift giving through the lens of presence, connection, and intention, all without denying the truth that physical gifts are fun and meaningful. And sometimes exactly what our people need. This episode is your invitation to slow down, reconnect to what matters, and create and give gifts that come from the heart instead of from the hurry of checking items off of a list. Before we go any further, I want to acknowledge and validate that gift giving can feel complicated, to say the least. There's the expectations, budgets, stresses, comparisons, sales, last-minute scrambling. Beneath it all though is a quiet longing for connection, for moments that matter, for meaning. Here's the truth we often forget: presence, being present, is a gift, and so are thoughtful objects chosen with love. This isn't about shaming physical gifts or glorifying minimalism. It's about remembering why we give in the first place, whether it's to say, I see you, you matter, or I love who you are and who you are becoming. That is the heartbeat behind today's conversation. Let's take a deep breath together and step into a slower, more grounded way of giving. Gift giving is not frivolous at all. It's biology. That sounds weird, right? But listen to this. Researchers in positive psychology note that both giving and receiving thoughtful gifts activate the brain's tend and befriend system, which releases oxytocin, deepens trust, and reinforces connection. And for LGBTQ+ teens, college students, and young adults, many of whom spend the holidays navigating identity, emotional safety, or confusing family dynamics, Thoughtful gifts signal something deeper. You see me, all of me. You are celebrating my whole self. So today I really want to honor both the desire to give meaningful objects as gifts and the longing for experiences that bring us closer. Presence and presence, not either or. Take a moment and just think of one gift you remember from childhood, not because it was expensive or trendy, but because it made you feel like the person who gave it to you really knew you. That's the kind of gift we're talking about today. Before I share my physical gift ideas, I want to share a ritual that has become a tradition in my house. It has become a favorite time of bonding and connection for all 6 of us, and I absolutely treasure the time and presence and vulnerability it allows. This ritual is called the 13 Sacred Nights, and it is an old European tradition marking the dark nights between December 24th and January 6th. These nights are believed to hold wisdom, dreams, and reflection. A liminal space between the old year and the new one. This time just after the winter solstice offers a moment to slow down, rest, journal, dream, and set intentions. And while it is a time to go within, it also offers a beautiful opportunity to create a sacred space for your family. Bringing this ritual into your home can offer structure, meaning, and calm, especially for sensitive or identity-exploring young adults. There are so many options that you can choose with how to actually practice this ritual. And I will include in the show notes a link to a couple of different ways so you can learn more about it. I was introduced to this ritual actually a few years ago by the women in one of my groups, and then I introduced it to my family the following year. I wasn't really sure if they would really like it or be into it, but I have to tell you that it has become a favorite part of our holiday season together. It allows us both to do our own quiet reflection and dreaming and witness and honor each other's vulnerability and process. This is a beautiful gift in and of itself. A memory-making container disguised as a tradition. So now onto the 5 kind, thoughtful, more human gift ideas. These gifts are rooted in presence, the act of being present, connection, softness, and meaning without ignoring the truth that physical gifts can spark joy. The first is a journal or a notebook. I absolutely love a good journal, whether it is simple or guided, and I tend to have several sitting around at all times for different purposes. I also love being able to handwrite notes with a pen on paper. I know it's super old school, but that is the way I like to do things. But whether this is for a young person navigating identity, growth, and new chapters, or an older, more practiced journaler, or a dear friend who always has a paper to-do list, you cannot go wrong with this idea. Two of my very favorite journals are the Human Being Journal and The Overthinker. Both of these are guided. And my hands-down favorite notebooks are the WTF notebooks. To add a personal touch, you might add a handwritten note inside the front cover, a prompt on the first page, or a quote that has guided you. Yes, I will absolutely link all of these in the show notes. And no, please know that I am not getting paid to endorse any of these. These are from my heart, my favorite items. The second item I am suggesting is a cozy mug for heart-to-heart chats. Since my morning coffee is sacred, so too is a good mug. For me, a mug is no ordinary vessel for liquid, but a small physical anchor for my mood. My thoughts, my dreams. Some people in my house may say that we have too many, to which I always reply, "There is no such thing." Now, it is probably no surprise to you that I think that a mug is a lovely gift for those conversations you've been aching to have with your college kid or young adult when they're home for the holidays. A mug signals sit down, slow down, Tell me everything or tell me nothing at all. Your presence is present enough. The third gift I'd like to suggest are family games that are specifically for today's purpose, teen and young adult friendly. Games open space for being together, creating moments of connection without forced conversation, which becomes ever more important during these teen and young adult years. They naturally encourage relaxation and shared laughter and are especially good for teens with social anxiety. They are a great way to bond and learn little facts and quirks about each other. There are dozens that my family have loved over the years, including Rowan's favorite of Monopoly, which As you were all probably well aware, could go on for days. As each of my kids have moved away for college and then for life, they have taken their love of games with them and integrated it within their social circles. And two Thanksgivings ago, Connor came home with the game Fishbowl that has become an absolute favorite. So for this game, you only need 3 bowls, a handful of pens, and a big pile of scrap paper, which feels just really amazing for cozy, imperfect holiday gatherings that you can literally have anywhere. I will drop the instructions and the rules in the show notes for easier access. My fourth suggestion, my fourth gift idea is a lot shorter because we already talked about it, but it is to give the 13 Sacred Nights Oracle Deck to one of your family members who really loves this ritual, who, or who you think would really like this ritual and wants to take it deeper. Each card can offer a reflection, a grounding practice, help expand the imagination, or just really focus on intention. Finally, my fifth gift idea can be both an activity and a physical gift. I love to cook and bake for my family, especially when there's really time to enjoy the process. And I especially love it when they hang out and chat or even help. And it is one of my positive memories of being with my mom. So there's that. If you don't do this already, here are a few ways to start. Pick a few meals or desserts that your family loves, or ones with cultural meaning, or you can pick a few new ones to try together. For this, I always love going to Half Baked Harvest. That is my go-to. Website, online recipe, just lots of great ideas. With this, you can do the following: create a menu with those items for when they're home for the holidays and invite them into the kitchen to help or hang out with you while you are preparing them. You could buy some cute recipe cards on Etsy and give these family recipes for them to make once they are living on their own. You could buy them a few unusual or high-quality ingredients, like a really good olive oil or high-quality vanilla, good baking chocolate, or their favorite spices. You can never go wrong with a cute apron. And do not underestimate the importance of a good wooden spoon and high-quality knives. Cooking is sensory grounding. Baking is connection. And food in general creates memories. This is presence made tangible. You can pair any of these gift ideas with a simple handwritten note. I love who you are. I love who you're becoming. This alone turns any gift into a treasure. We'll get to the rest of the episode in a moment, but if you like the show, please make sure to subscribe, leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts, watch us on YouTube, and share with your friends. It means so, so much when my family gets excited for the many traditions we have now that are centered on our family. Our home, our memories, both cherishing the old ones and creating new ones, and our time together. As I look around my office right now, I see dozens of tiny reminders. The sweet notes, the handmade, hand-painted, or otherwise deeply meaningful gifts from each one of them. And I know each of their sacred spaces hold the same. I love giving a gift of a physical thing that they really want, and I love also knowing that these tiny things hold the intangible. Holding that both of these things are true helps me enter this time of year much more grounded. Not impervious to a great sail, of course, but able to find my way back to my center so much easier. Take one slow, deep breath and think of all of the people you love, your kids, partner, your chosen family, your friends, and ask yourself, what would help them feel seen this year. Not what would impress them. Not what would prove your love. What would make them exhale? What would tell their nervous system, "I belong here"? That is your gift. Today's unlearn is about shedding the belief that gifts measure love. We've been told or shown, if you love them, you'll show it with more, more gifts, more money, more things. What if love is measured not by quantity, but by quality? Not by cost, but by connection. Choose one intentional gift this season. Physical or experiential that says more about your heart than about your wallet. When we unlearn performative gifting, we rediscover generosity, the kind that feels human, warm, and deeply kind. Thank you for spending this soft, intentional moment with me. My hope is that something in today's reflection reminded you that connection isn't something you buy. It's something you create. Thoughtful human gifts don't demand perfection. They ask only for presence, and presence is something you already carry with you. As you move through the holidays with all of their beauty and complexity, I hope you remember this: you don't have to earn belonging through busyness or gifting. You are already enough. Your presence is already a gift. New episodes of More Human, More Kind drop every Tuesday and Friday. And if you're ready to release fear, shame, or old patterns that keep you from showing up as your fullest self. I'm accepting a few private clients right now. You can learn more at morehumanmorekind.com. Until next time, be thoughtful, be human, and be kind.