You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone: Dr. Heather Littleton on a New Program for LGBTQ Teens and Their Parents

Today we're going to talk about a brand new program that is helping LGBTQ+ teens and parents build courage, connection, and resilience together. Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ+ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone and more informed so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change.

I'm Heather Hester. Let's get started.

Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester, and I'm so glad you're here today. Today's episode is full of insight, heart, and practical support as I'm joined by Dr. Heather Littleton to talk about a ground groundbreaking research-based program designed for LGBTQ+ teens and the adults who love them. You'll walk away with clarity on how to talk about healthy relationships, dating, and identity with your LGBTQ+ teen, connection to a program that offers a safe space for both teens and parents to grow and learn, and confidence in your ability to be a more informed, compassionate, and effective advocate. Whether you're new to this journey or years into parenting and allyship, this conversation will offer you real tools and powerful hope.

Welcome back to More Human, More Kind. I am delighted that you are here today. I am really excited because once again, we have two Heathers on the show today, and I am really, really thrilled to welcome Heather Littleton, to talk about her project. So welcome to the show, Heather.

Thank you so much. I'm so glad to be here.

So let's just start right out with talking about your background, who you are, and how you got into kind of what you're doing in the world right now.

Absolutely. So I am a professor of psychology at the University of Colorado, Colorado Springs, and I wear two hats there. So in addition to being a professor of psychology, I'm the Director of Research Operations at the Leida Hill Institute for Human Resilience, and I'm primarily a researcher, but I also teach and mentor students and train the next generation of clinical psychologists. My research work has focused on, um, recovery from trauma, especially interpersonal trauma, and then in more recent years, shifting also to more of a focus on preventing interpersonal trauma. And of course, to do that, we really need to intervene at younger ages, so with teens. And so my work has focused— has moved to focusing not just on emerging adults, which is what I originally started studying, but also looking at teens and moving more into that prevention space of things. A lot of my work earlier in my career focused on women. And as I've sort of progressed in my field, in my work, I realized that a lot of the research that was being done on interpersonal violence and violence prevention really was only focusing on cisgender heterosexual women usually attending college. And so we were really missing the experiences of a lot of populations, including those who might be facing even an increased risk of violence. And so in more recent years, my work has focused also on LGBTQ individuals, both teens and emerging adults.

Amazing.

That is so interesting. As you said that, I was thinking that I've read a couple of different articles very recently regarding the increase in violence in same-sex relationships. And so, and, and why that is, which I think is also very fascinating. So the timing of you doing the study and, and doing this work is really, really perfect. You are currently starting work on a program. And just for kind of background for the listener, we have been trying to talk for like 6 months.

This is—

and so I'm so excited that we are finally connecting on this project. And I would love for you to just let us know about the Healthy Families Bright Futures program, what it is, and what you're looking for in this study.

Yeah, so the Healthy Families Bright Futures program is an online group program It is for LGBTQ teens and their parents and caregivers. So there are separate groups for parents and separate groups for teens. It's really designed to be a safe and affirming space for parents and teens. In fact, one thing that our participants really report they get out of it is they love having the chance to talk to other parents that are in the same place in parenting an LGBTQ teen. And of course, the teens, a chance, especially teens who live in maybe more rural areas where there's not like a lot of resources for LGBTQ teens. There's not like a Pride Center and a Pride parade and a youth center and a GSA club at their school. They really like the chance to interact with other teens and learn about their experiences. What's really important too about the program is that it is co-facilitated by an LGBTQ+ young adult, as well as a parent of an LGBTQ+ teen and/or young adult. And so our facilitators really have that lived experience. And so the focus of the program is a couple of things. One is really helping parents learn to advocate for their teens and really have a better understanding of their teen's experiences. So parents come in at different places. Some of them are really like already doing a lot of that work. They already are really knowledgeable. Others, this, maybe their teen just came out to them and this is all new to them. And so we kind of started like, okay, let's make sure we're all kind of on the same page. But one thing we find is that even if those parents are farther along in that journey, they do report like, wow, this really made me like want to be more of an advocate, or this really made me want to talk more to my teen about like how awesome they are, you know, what a great kid they are, and I'm so glad to be their parent. So that's one side of things. And then for the teens, of course, it's helping them also like move along in their journey and feeling pride in their identity and figuring out where they could find resources. And maybe even teaching them some terminology if they, depending again on where they are. And then the second piece is really focused on healthy choices. So for teens, equipping them with the skills to make healthy choices about things like alcohol and dating, giving them skills about how to manage their strong emotions, how to handle conflict with their dating partners. And then for parents, really how to support their teens in making healthy choices. We know the teen years are really challenging as parents. I have a 14-year-old and an 11-year-old, so I'm starting on that journey myself as a parent as well as a professional. But we know it's really challenging, right? Because teens are wanting more autonomy, but at the same time, they're facing more risks. You know, they're starting to date. They're being exposed to alcohol and drugs. They're having to make some of these decisions on their own. And so as parents, we really are trying to balance wanting to support our teens, but then also give them some of that autonomy. And then if you add into the mix that your teen is LGBTQ, well, then that just adds an extra layer of complication to that. So, you know, sometimes we have parents talk about things like, well, what about like sleepovers?

Yeah, it's a very legitimate question. I mean, people may giggle about that, but it's— that is That is real.

Yes. Yeah. But like if they're going to a sleepover, are they going to that sleepover with a dating partner?

Right.

Or is it just a friend?

Right.

And how do you navigate that? Or if this person comes over to the house, is this person that someone that your teen is dating or is it just a friend for your teen? And how do we talk to our teens about that when maybe we're only familiar like heterosexual relationships and relationships between two cisgender people. Like, how do we navigate those things? Um, someone in my personal life was talking about they— their teen has a partner who is trans and had to talk with their daughter about like, hey, before you get intimate with your partner, you need to talk about things like their body and body parts and what parts of your body that, you know, parts of their body they feel comfortable having you touch. Um, how to refer to them. And their teen came to me and was like, wow, I didn't really think about the fact that I need to really talk to my partner about those things.

Right, right. I mean, those are— and those are the things that I think taking the, um, the fear out of and just talking about as just real subjects, real life, and making it so easy to have these conversations is one of the really beautiful pieces of this program.

Yes, exactly. And I think Another piece is teens report that the strongest influence on them is still their parents.

Yeah.

Yeah. And so you might think that, well, it's their peers, but no, it's really, it's still their parents. You really still have a, a critical role in guiding your teen.

Absolutely.

You do.

Absolutely. And I think that is something so important for parents to remember. And having 4, well, now I have young adults, but having gone through the teenage thing 4 times, they're gonna always be weird about us bringing up different topics with them. That's just part of being a teenager. But I think the more that we're able to be like, this is just stuff we have to talk about and, and it's, and make, be, you know, silly or goofy or light and just know that it's not about the one talk about anything, right? It's just small conversations that you have here and there. And sometimes it's even just bringing up things about Like I read, like saying something to the effect of like, I read this the other day, or I heard this on a podcast and what do you think about it? Because I'm not quite sure and I don't know all the details and can you help me understand this? The amount of information that you learn and, and the conversations that that opens up, right? Is just so fantastic. So, Prof. Heather Hester.

Yeah. And so, yeah, so one, another thing that's in our program is after each session there's a between session activity. Oh, so the parents have a little homework assignment and they're meant to be like small things. They're not meant to be, you know, this huge thing. There's something that you can do in 15, 20 minutes. And we also tell the teens, so the teens know to remind their parent to do that between session activity. So the teens are looking and waiting like, hey, you know, they told us that this was the activity for this week. Great. And the other piece is some of those activities too really benefit the whole family. Like we've had parents say to us like, the skills that I learned here are not just helping me with like the team that I was in the program with, but also my other kids. And we're doing these things with the whole family.

Yep, absolutely. Oh my goodness, 100%. I think that that is, that is also something we have found having been through programs, different kinds of programs. Where we learned so many of these things that we never would've learned just being isolated and alone. So this is so wonderful to allow these spaces for both parents and for kids. I'm wondering if these are, when you have these sessions, are they just the kids and just the parents or are they together or both?

Yeah, there's, um, the first hour is just for the teens. And the second hour is for the parents. And then we use that between-session activity to sort of link together what everyone learned in their sessions. And the sessions are designed to sort of parallel each other. So the content is similar. So if we're talking about dating and safety with teens, we're also talking about talking to your teens about dating with the parents. So yeah, they're definitely designed to parallel each other. And then we do all come together for a graduation at the end of the program.

That's great.

And how long is the program?

It's 7 weeks. So it's 1 hour, same time each week for 7 weeks.

Okay.

And who are you looking for to be part of this program?

Yeah. So the program is for parents or grandparents or stepparents, just anyone who's involved in parenting, caregiving to an LGBTQ+ teen who's between the ages of 15 and 18 and still in high school. So it's not for college students, but it's for high school age students.

Oh, that's great. That is really fantastic. Oh my goodness. And just as a mom who's had two teens go through high school, both coming out in high school, this is fantastic. Really, really fantastic because I talk about this a lot on here, but the things that I just stumbled over or I did so badly, um, and, you know, I've learned from and talk about it now, but I appreciate the fact that you are providing a program like this that is just so, so helpful. So thank you.

Yeah.

I'm wondering if you would be willing to share a little feedback from other parents and kids who have gone through this program already.

Yeah, so some of the things that I kind of said earlier, like the biggest, the two biggest things that parents say is one, is they love the community. They love being able to meet other parents and talk about what they're experiencing and what they're going through and really find those commonalities. Like, you know, sleepovers and someone else, oh gosh, sleepovers, right? That's, you know, that's definitely an issue for me too. So that community is a big piece and we do encourage parents to connect outside the program as well as teens. So like share their email, share your social media, whatever you feel comfortable doing so. So we really do encourage that community to continue on after the program is over. And the other piece is just those skills. Like, for some parents, it's like, okay, these are some things I'm already doing, kind of got that reinforcement that I'm doing like the right thing. But also maybe all parents, I think, get something new out of like, oh, I didn't think about that, or I added that, or like a big one is like online issue. Huge. Yes, yes. So we've added— we, in fact, when we first started, we had less content about online stuff, and so we added more. But okay, let's talk about when your teen is dating someone online, or, um, setting ground rules for device usage and talking to your teen about online safety. Because, you know, while it'd be great if we could come up with some magic blocker program that would keep our teens safe, It doesn't exist. Yeah. The reality is that we really need to teach our teens to be safe online and to be, you know, savvy consumers of online content. So that's really what we focus on is like, how can you talk to your teens about online safety? How can you model, you know, safe online usage? So, you know, talk about like, hey, this discussion was getting really negative on the social media, so I just, you know, stopped following it.

Right.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

And giving them permission. I think sometimes when you share things like that and you talk about it in such an open way, um, it gives them that permission to either talk about it or to be like, oh, I can do that. I'm, I'm, that's okay if I do that. Or it's okay that I feel this way.

Yeah.

So that's so helpful.

I mean, we are all trying to just be good enough parents.

Yes.

We're not trying to be perfect. It's not possible to be perfect. And also like every kiddo's unique. So that's another thing that we emphasize is like, hey, we're, we're covering these skills, we're talking about these things. Some of these things might work great for you, some of them might not, and that's fine. That's, that's the point is like you figure out what's gonna work for your family.

Exactly. Exactly. And I think just having that, um, environment where both parents and kids can hear other people's stories and hear different ideas of what has worked and and concerns, that alone is so helpful. And it takes away that piece of feeling very alone on this journey. So—

Exactly.

Thank you. Thank you. I know that the elephant in the room for a lot of your participants as well is being concerned about confidentiality and how you keep people safe while they're in the program and then their information safe from others. Especially in this time where it is just so precarious. So could you talk a little bit about that?

Yeah. So there's several pieces there. One is that we have something called an NIH Certificate of Confidentiality. What that means is that we would never reveal any information about any participants in our program unless we are subpoenaed. And I can't imagine any circumstance where that would happen. But we do have to say, like, if we were subpoenaed, You know, we might have to comply with that subpoena, but, you know, barring that, we would never release any information about anyone in the program. Also, normally NIH asks us to get a lot of identifying information from our participants so that we can sort of match them up with like other studies they might have been in. We actually lobbied NIH so that we didn't have to do that. So we don't collect Teen's birth dates or birthplaces. We don't even have to have your teen's legal name. If they have a preferred name that they haven't legally changed their name to, we'll go by that name. If you have a name that's not your legal name that you go by, we'll call you that. In fact, we want to call you by, you know, you and your teen by the name that you're most comfortable with, the name that fits you. We do release de-identified data to NIH. However, you can opt out of that. As part of consenting to be in the study, we say like, hey, we release de-identified data to NIH. Would you like to do that? And you can say no, in which case, great, we won't release your data. And even if you say yes, you can change your mind later.

Perfect. That's great. And just a quick technicality, could you say what NIH is just for—

Sure. Yeah. Sorry. That's the National Institutes of Health. So the National Institutes of Health is who's funding the study.

Perfect. Wonderful. Okay. How can people learn more about participating and more about this study?

Yeah. So I also wanted to mention that it also is a paid study. We didn't talk about that. So teens and parents can both earn up to $160 in gift cards for participating. And so you earn that money by doing surveys. So you do a survey when you first enroll in the study, and then you do a survey a few months afterwards, and then another one 3 months afterwards. And then for the sessions that you attend, we don't pay you for attending the sessions, but after each session, we send you a brief survey about what you thought of the session. And so we do pay you for completing that brief survey. So it adds up to up to $160, $160 for each of you. So that's sort of the research side of things. But if folks want to find out about the program, it's tinyurl.com/researchprogram. Hfbfparent. So Healthy Families Bright Futures, hfbfparent.

Wonderful. And I will have that in the show notes link as well and all of the social media. So don't worry if you're, if you didn't write that down, don't worry. We, we have you.

Yeah, we try to make it as easy as possible.

Exactly.

You also can go to, like, you can Google me and go to my webpage and you can find the link there as well, but it might be easier just to remember that URL.

Okay, wonderful. Well, I will have all of your links including the tiny URL in the show notes. And is there anything else that you would like to add?

We're really excited about this program. I think that families really are benefiting from it and we really hope that you'll consider looking into it and signing up.

Wonderful. Well, Heather, thank you so much for being here. I'm so grateful that you were here and I'm really grateful for the work that you are doing. It is going to make a huge difference.

Yeah, it's an amazing job that I have. I love doing this stuff.

So that was my conversation with Dr. Heather Littleton. This episode reminds us that we don't have to figure it out all alone. With the right support, education, and community, we can raise our LGBTQ+ teens with love, courage, and the skills they need to thrive. As Dr. Littleton shared so beautifully, Teens still care deeply about what their parents think. So let's show up for them with presence and purpose. Your voice matters. Your presence matters. And showing up with curiosity and compassion is always enough. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday, so make sure you follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. And check the show notes to find out your ally superpower, get a free excerpt from my book, and enter to win a $50 Amazon gift card. Until next time, remember, you are not alone.