You're Allowed to Grieve as a Parent of an LGBTQ Child and Here's Why It Actually Helps Your Teen

In today's episode, you will learn how to let your movie reel explode so you can finally move forward. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester, author, speaker, and advocate for LGBTQ+ youth and the people who love them. This is the podcast for the parent who looks fine on the outside, but is carrying a quiet panic on the inside. Here we name what's real without shame, so you can become the kind of friend grounded, brave, loving person your child can actually feel. You're not alone. You don't have to do this perfectly. Let's get into it. Welcome to More Human, More Kind. I'm Heather Hester. Today we're gonna talk about something rarely discussed: your grief. Not your teen's, yours. When a child comes out, or when you suspect they're struggling with identity or their orientation, many parents bury their own emotions because they feel guilty for feeling them. But that's exactly where many get stuck. From the moment you first held your child, And if we're brutally honest, probably before then, you imagined what your child's future might look like. It might have been based on traits that you saw in them, toys and games they like to play with, their personality, and even perhaps pieces of your own unmet dreams and goals that you hoped they might achieve. When your teen's journey doesn't match that picture, Emotional dissonance happens, causing you to feel a range of emotions from sadness, frustration, confusion, nostalgia for how things were, even fear for what's ahead. But then you catch the thoughts and you should all over yourself, as in, I shouldn't feel this. I shouldn't think that. I should be a better, more supportive, more loving parent. And then instead of processing it, you push it down, ignore it, shame yourself, tell yourself it's not about you, or that if you loved your teen, you wouldn't feel this way. Does this sound familiar? This is the experience of your movie reel exploding. This is grief. And grief doesn't disappear. It just hides and influences how you show up until you acknowledge it. But here's also what happens when we as parents don't acknowledge our grief. We avoid deep conversations. We become either overly cautious, or emotionally distant. We struggle to stay present. We feel like failures. We unintentionally transmit fear to our kids, and they can pick up on that energy even when nothing is said. Ignoring your grief doesn't make the coming out process easier for them. It actually makes it harder. We have all of these misconceptions rolling around in our brains that keep us stuck. Thoughts like, if I loved them, I wouldn't feel this. This isn't about me. I should be over it by now. I want you to hear this. These are not truths. They're defense mechanisms. And their only role is to keep you stuck in guilt, and silence. The truth is that your feelings matter and processing them makes you a better support for your team. When you allow yourself to let that movie reel completely explode, allow yourself to feel and process your emotions, you become more emotionally available. You are able to build genuine empathy. You model healthy emotional regulation. You can talk with more confidence. Your connection with your teen deepens. This isn't selfish. It's necessary. Your teen benefits when you are emotionally grounded. We'll walk through this more deeply in Permission to Feel, a 7-step mini journal to process the grief you didn't know you had, which is a tool to help you acknowledge and work through these emotions in a way that strengthens you and your relationship with your teen. So if you are feeling emotions that you didn't expect and it's making you feel stuck, ashamed, or uncertain. But what you really want is clarity, grounding, and some confidence. Well, that's why I created Permission to Feel. It is a free, gentle, guided mini journal to help you process your grief privately and powerfully so you can show up for your teen with presence, calm, and clarity to allow that movie reel to explode and then let it go so you can move forward. If you are interested, go to the show notes, click on the first link you find, or visit rebrand.ly/heatherhesterpf. Enter your details on that page and we'll send you Permission to Feel right away. Here's what we uncovered today. Grief isn't a sign that you're failing your child. It's a sign that your heart is wide open, that you love deeply. And like any big transition, there are emotions we need to move through, not around. You don't have to stuff it down. You are allowed to feel. And still be a rock for your team. In fact, that's actually how you become the solid, steady support they need. If this episode resonated with you, make sure to subscribe so you get every new release. And if there's someone in your life who's navigating this too, share this episode with them. You never know who needs to hear that they're not alone. And as always, just take a breath. You are doing better than you think.