A televised interview with grief specialist David Kessler and host Lynn Smith exploring whether someone can "die of a broken heart." The conversation uses recent celebrity deaths (Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds, George Michael) to introduce the idea of "public grief," then moves to Kessler's personal experience after the unexpected death of his 21-year-old son and practical coping points (working through grief, finding hope). The segment concludes with a pointer to resources at grief.com.
Questions this video answers
21 years old.
One day after Carrie Fisher.
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The tragic Hollywood story in every way. Debbie Reynolds passing away just one day after losing her daughter, Carrie Fisher. We're exploring both the bond between a mother and daughter and if it's possible to die of a broken heart. And more on that. In just 24 hours, we have added two iconic Hollywood actresses to the long list of entertainers that we have lost in 2016. And there seems to be a collective feeling among many people of just profound grief over what's happened this year. So joining me now to talk about that from Los Angeles grief specialist David Kessler. David, thank you for being with me.
Glad to be here.
We talk, and we have been talking throughout the hour about whether or not it's possible to die of a broken heart. And our psychologist told us, you know, it's a physical loss of the will to live. And you advise people on coping with grief. What are the essential points that help overcome these heavy emotions?
Well, we do have to go through them. I wish there was a way to say we can work around grief, but we have to work through it. And that is the reality. And sometimes the pain can feel overwhelming. And I think about the situation of Debbie and her relationship with Carrie. That is, this is a woman who has planned so many of her daughter's birthday parties. The idea that she had to sit there and. And plan her daughter's funeral, it makes the idea of dying of a broken heart very, very real.
Yeah. And, you know, you don't have to be a Hollywood actress to feel that grief. 2016, an emotional year, to say the least. It has been marked with so many celebrity deaths. I mean, let's just talk about the past week. George Michael, Carrie Fisher, now her mother. And you say there's actually something called public grief. Tell me about that.
Absolutely. It's different from the personal grief of our loved one dying. This is where we feel connected to the celebrity. It doesn't mean we've met them, but it does mean they help us know ourselves. We connected with George Michael's work. We connected with Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds movies, their struggles. So in a way, their passing is the end of our era, too. We grieve for that part of ourselves that connected with them.
Well, it's interesting. I saw an interview with Carrie Fisher, and she said she met a Star wars fan that told her, I think about you every single day, day for like, 15 years. And she thought to herself, wow. I mean, she was even shocked by her Fame. So the, the reality that it affects people at home is true. I have to say the reality of grief is sadly something very personal for you. You lost your 21 year old son unexpectedly recently and you put this on Facebook. It broke my own heart and I am so sorry for your loss. This is what you wrote. You said even through grief, even though grief is my work, nothing can prepare us for the death of our child. I have an even deeper understanding of the shattering pain of this loss. What did you come to understand?
I have counseled hundreds of people over the years, parents who have had children who die. And a child dying before you was a pain I had just never experienced on such a deep level. So it brought me closer to those I serve. And it helps me understand that sometimes death does happen out of order and it's one of the most heartbreaking things we can experience in our lifetime.
And you know, I think there is not one parent sitting at home listening to you that would say, I can't possibly imagine. I can't understand how I would deal with that grief. How is it possible? How do you go forward?
You know, we always think something like that would happen to someone else. And certainly even as a grief expert, I knew that I would deal with loss in my own life. And I've had my own mother die and father die, but I just never imagined one of my children. So it is. You just have to take a breath every day and keep moving and try to find that hope, that will to live, to keep going. And sometimes I can see with Debbie at 84 that the feeling of being with your child again can just be a very strong draw.
David, thank you for sharing your personal loss and your personal experiences so that other people can gain something from it. We really appreciate it. You take care.
Thank you. Lynn and I have a lot of resources at grief. Com to help people.
