David Kessler promised to be present when Louise Hay died, but wasn't there for her final breath. He learned at her cremation and celebration of life that the real end isn't one moment. Being present at death matters less than honoring all the moments you shared.
I'm David Kessler. I have been a grief and loss specialist for decades. I want to tell you a story about Louise Hay. People often tell me, I want to be there with someone in their final moment. Not always possible to do. It's almost like we have that fairy tale of how we see death looking like in the movies, and we think we should always be there. When someone takes their last breath. Years before Louise died, I was giving a talk with her, giving a lecture, and we were meeting in the green room to have lunch before our talk together. And she said to me, David, I want you to be there with me at the end when I die. I said, of course, I promise to. Is there anything going on, Louise? Is something going on with your health? And she said, No, my health is great. She said, I've always wanted to live my life fully. And when it comes time for me to die, I want to die fully. And I want you there at the end to make sure that happens. I thought this was such a personal, profound, confidential discussion. And then she walks out on stage and tells everyone. Her life, her health continued really well for a number of years. And then when she was in her 90s, she went on hospice. Her health had deteriorated. I was in touch with them constantly. I was visiting her. I was going to be there when the end came, just as I promised. I saw her a day or two before she died. What I wasn't expecting is that she died in her sleep. And people started to ask me afterwards, "Were you there? Were you there? Because I know you had said you'd be there." And I was like, "No, she died in her sleep. Such a lovely way to die." And by the 10th person, I was like, "Did I break my promise? Wasn't I there? Should— how could I have been there?" I know a lot of people want to be there for that moment. And Louise taught about spirituality and intention and especially love. Then there were all these coordination calls happening. There was going to be a huge celebration of life for Louise and to really honor and celebrate who she was. And one of the calls that had come in was the funeral home going, we're going to do the cremation, does anyone want to attend? And people were like, oh, we didn't even know you could attend that. And I remember someone telling me and I went, I'll go. I'll attend. And I was there when her physical body changed forms for the last time in this life. It was such an honor and a privilege to be there in those last moments of her existence in this way on this planet. And she wanted her ashes to be scattered around the world. And at her celebration of life, everyone got a little bit of Louise. I had to remember I was there in so many ways. And it's not really about their final breath, but it's about all the moments. The real end is bigger than any one moment. So if you've had someone that you hope to be there for their last moment, perhaps in Louise's honor, let that self-judging story go and just understand all the wonderful moments you did have being there for them. I'm wondering, did Louise Hay's teachings touch your life in some way?
