David Kessler advises parents on talking to kids about traumatic news. He says children are often forgotten grievers who need concrete safety measures and words for feelings they can't name. For bereaved parents, focus on years of care and love, not just the final moment.
Vision Trips and Crowded Rooms.
thetalk.com.
May 9, 2014.
Well, this has been a very tough topic to have with children at home. So many families are grieving this morning. This nation is grieving. So we have brought in leading grief expert David Kessler. David, how do you explain such a horrific story to young kids who are catching glimpses of it on the news and don't know how to make sense of it? We don't know how to make sense of it.
First of all, I'm so glad you're talking about it because children are often the forgotten grievers. So just acknowledging that the reality is they are hearing the news in the background, they're hearing our conversations. Sometimes as parents, we want to pretend like, let's not discuss it with them, but they know. They hear shooting, they hear grocery store, someone was at work. So it's very important that we help them understand probable versus possible. The world is risky, but there's a lot of things we can do to keep ourselves safe. As mom, as dad, I'm going to be watching over, checking over you. We're going to go to the grocery store, do what we need to do in the daytime and in a good area and just really give them extra reassurance. And many times with children, we want to say, what do you think of this? But really, they may not have the words, depending on how young they are. So sometimes we have to give them the words and we have to say, when I heard about this, I was so sad to think this had happened and it's such a bad situation. What do you think about it? You already told him?
Yes, I was just gonna say one of the worst things is that the parents of this nine year old girl were not there with her. I mean, how do you grieve there? I mean, you weren't there, then you start to feel guilty. If I were there, I could have done X, Y or Z.
Well, often times when we have such a tragic loss, we focus on that moment. And I think the best thing for her parents is to pull back and think of those nine years that they were there. The love they gave her, the foundation they gave her to get her through that moment. And I hope that, you know, they have some religious or spiritual basis to know that even in her most frightening moment, she was cared and loved and that their love did carry her through that moment.
David Kessler, thank you. Thank you.
And one of the things. Oh, sorry. No, it's okay.
I just want to mention that David.
Does have more advice on how to.
Deal with our children in these uncertain times posted on our website thetalk.com and David's newest book is called Vision Trips and Crowded Rooms. It is in stores now. Thank you again, David.
Thank you.
