When a Spouse Dies

Foreign.

Thank you all for being here. Hi, all. Welcome, welcome. Oh, I love every place where everyone's coming from. Let me just get my recorder going. Foreign.

Oh, my gosh. Michigan, Canada.

Washington State. Thank you all for being here. It's amazing seeing everyone. Florida, Arizona, Australia. Wow. Thank you so much for joining me. Kentucky, the uk. Seattle. Oh, my gosh. Delaware, Texas.

Oh, boy. Doesn't it show us that grief is universal? New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts. Wow. Thank you all. All of you who are here live, all of you who are maybe watching the replay. Oh, my goodness. Thank you all so much for being here. So many places from around the world. The Philippines, Canada, Calgary, Arizona, Minnesota. I mean, it just shows how.

You know, loss is what happens in this world and how amazing it is that we can now connect this way. I'm so glad you're here and as always, I'm also so sorry you're here. Thank you for joining today. Tonight. This morning, it's in the Ireland, someone said it's late at night. I know. Australia, it's early. Wherever you're coming in from, I'm just grateful you're here. Thank you so much for joining us today. Tonight, this morning, New Zealand. I see. Wow. So many places. Well, thank you for being here. As you know, we're talking about the death of a spouse today and.

I appreciate that you're here dedicating your time to this. You know, when a loved one dies.

We get there's nothing more precious in this world than, than our time. So you giving your time tonight means a lot. It means a lot to me and I don't take it for granted. So we're going to talk about the unique grief of the death of a spouse. And when I say spouse, spouse, partner, significant other, fiance, I'm referring to, to that person that you have chosen. So I'm so grateful. I know folks are still finding their way in. Thank you all so much for being here. I really appreciate all of you being here. So thank you so much for joining us. So when I talk about this death.

Is it is marriage, it is connection. It's a relationship. It's the fairy tale we were all taught about. And for others, it's a very complicated fairy tale. And yet in a lot of ways, if you're here, fairy tale may have turned into a nightmare. And so many people that I've worked with over the years who have had the death of a spouse have talked about and shared with me how now it's like being half a pair of scissors and the death of a spouse is really so different from any other spouse, from any other loss in the world. It's so different because, you know, I think of people as assignments. You know, our parents, our siblings, our children, our assignments. They're. They're the people that they're in our lives. They are our family.

Your spouse, partner, fiance. They're the person that you chose, and they chose you. And that makes this type of loss so different from all the others in the world. And it's a relationship that you commit to for life.

You commit till to death do you part. And I promise, when you hear those words at the altar, till death do you do. Till death do you part. This moment was the furthest thing from your mind. And yet for some of you, here you are decades later.

For others.

Maybe it happened very soon.

And so many different times in the middle.

So I'm so glad you're joining. Here's how this is going to work. I have lots of information that I hope is going to help you tonight. And so I'm going to talk to you about this information. I'm hopefully, I'm going to give you lots of useful tips that you can use. At the end, I'm going to tell you about something special that I'm doing. For those of you who may want more, and for many of you, this may be enough. Whatever. And however you're with us, I'm going to make it worth your time because I am so grateful that you're here, and I want to do my best to help you with this. This pain that you're in that no one ever wants to be in. And the death of a spouse is very, very different from so many other losses in the world. You know, it's. It's strange that so many times people will say things like, you can always get another spouse. And they. They treat this loss, this person that walked this earth, as replaceable. And you and I know it doesn't matter how old you are, how young you are, how long you were together, like, no one. No one is going to be able to replace this person that you loved so deeply. I want to introduce myself for those of you who may not know me. I'm David Kessler, and I have been doing this work for decades. I got into this work when my mother died when I was a child, and there was. She was dying in the hospital while there was a mass shooting. And it was one of the first mass shootings in the US and clearly, unfortunately, they're going on still in the world. But I early on felt so Damaged, broken, and didn't think there was any healing for me, and really spent so many years trying to find some support, some healing, some tools and techniques to help me, and was able to find so many ways to grow and learn myself. And I love to pass on these tools to other people.

And I can tell you I'm not someone who's just studied this in school, which I did, but I'm someone who's lived this world and understood this world professionally and personally. And after writing books, too, with Elizabeth Kubler Ross, and she always. I hear her voices telling me the stages aren't linear. I always like to remind people of that. So I just. I did two books with her. I did one with Louise Hay, a number of books on my own. I've had the privilege of sitting with so many people in their darkest, deepest hour of despair. And I've learned so much, I've studied so much, and I really want to pass that on. And I can tell you, after decades of doing this work myself, my younger son David, died a few years ago. And this idea of people will say to me, oh, that's the worst loss. And I go, it's my worst loss. I haven't had the death of a spouse. I haven't had a lot of other types of death. Don't let anyone tell you there's a loss worse than yours when this is the worst loss. When people always say to me, which is the worst loss? I go, yours. Yours is the worst. I don't know what it's like to have your loss. You don't know what it's like to have mine. It's so important we get out of this comparison mindset that people think there's one, you know, because the comparisons only make everyone feel worse. And I can tell you, whatever you're going through, I honor your grief and your experience as much as I honor mine. And when people talk about this idea of you can get another spouse.

That replacement concept is also a silly one. You know, when we think about how this world gets stuck in replacement. You can get another spouse. It's no different than you can get another child. You can get another. This. These people that have died in our lives are irreplaceable. Irreplaceable. And the whole idea of comparing losses. I believe we live in a world that's big enough for all of our losses, and people often want to decide how bad your loss is based on maybe the number of years you were together. Or they'll say things like, well, Elise, you're Still young. Or like I said, there's another type of grief that's worse. Or you weren't married long, or, oh, it was just a fiance, or, well, I know you two were having trouble in your marriage. All those things people may say they think are supposed to be helpful are actually anything but helpful. And I'm so glad that you're all here and we get to talk about the death of a spouse and a partner because people often want to minimize other people's grief. And that makes it what we call disenfranchised grief, the kind of grief that gets judged and. And that helps no one. That helps no one. You know.

You'Re on this road, and it is not the road you expected. It is not the story you're expected. You know, you went down this path of marriage, connection with someone you loved, and. And death ripped you off that path and put you on this other road. And not only do you have to grieve this amazing person you were with, but you have to grieve the future they will not have now. And you have to grieve the future that you won't have with them. And you must have had a million plans, whether they were plans for retirement, plans for a life together. So many plans got ripped away. And, you know, even the word bereave means to be robbed. And you have been robbed. And so this isn't the road you envisioned. It's not the fairy tale you envisioned. And.

You know, the marriage till death do you part.

Is a contract.

And so many people also share, you know, some people are very clear, that was my one big love this lifetime. And there will be no other romantic loves. Other people, it may be right from them to someday look for love again. And no one should tell anyone else what their path is. And when people sometimes say, but loving again would be cheating, I always say, you know, your contract was till death do you part. And you completed your contract.

You completed that promise. And you know, who and how people love, that's completely up to you. But you know, no matter what you choose, that love will continue on past the marriage. And memories don't ever end. And, you know, this was a life that you two created. And here you are navigating this life now without your partner.

And you're also having to navigate intense grief without your partner. Like, your partner was probably the one you shared things with, you would share your hard times with. And here you are perhaps on the hardest path of your life without them. So many things complicate this grief. You know, the death of a spouse is so complicated with secondary losses. The roles that they played in your life. No one tells you how to navigate these rules. And I'll tell you, I've literally sat down with people who have had the death of a spouse and their loved one, played so many roles in their life. I've counted over a hundred. If you wonder why you're exhausted in your grief, trying to connect, to keep going, you're playing lots of roles. I mean, think about it. People think, oh, well, they were the caretaker or they were this and they were the companion. Maybe they were the coffee maker. Maybe they were your confidant, they were the person you stayed in touch with, you know, in all those tasks. Maybe they paid the bills, maybe you earned the money and they wrote the checks. Maybe they mowed the lawn. You know, they were the dinner maker, you were the dinner prepper. They maintained the cards, cars, you were the driver, they sent the birthday cards. A million different things. All those memories shared get lost like tears in the rain.

The reminiscing together, the laughing about the time you ran out of gas on the way to your sister's wedding. Or they were the person in the world that cared about your children as much as you do. They were the ones that raised your children with you.

Those roles all get so changed. And then there's family changes. Oh my gosh, so many things change in the family that we don't expect.

Maybe you don't see your in laws anymore. For some of you, you are maybe desperately missing your in laws. Some of you may be really hurt because you thought they were your family too. Maybe you're just not going to people's houses for the holidays you thought you would afterwards. Maybe there's issues with the stepchildren. Maybe your married friends don't want to be around you. You're like third person now around them. And after people die, there can be things like quarrels about the estate. There is a million things people don't understand about your grief. My gosh. The financial changes, the changes in your life, in your lifestyle. These things seem.

So obvious to you and your grief about what all you're dealing with and yet not so much to the outside world.

Maybe your spouse had stopped working. Maybe you had to support them.

Maybe your spouse earned the money. Maybe you're having to, you know, raise the kids financially on your own. Maybe you were a caregiver for a long time. Maybe they were ill for a long time. All the financial burdens around that and the complications and people forget if you were A caregiver, the loss of the caregiving is a huge grief in itself. So much changes when a spouse dies. And.

Sometimes you're taken care of financially, other times not so much. And I'll tell you whether you're struggling financially or the opposite side, there's people who got taken care of with insurance.

The insurance money can be complicated in itself. Maybe that doesn't feel good, that can add to the grief.

There's so many tasks around grief that other people don't understand. The other day in my Tender Hearts grief group, we were talking about what do you wish other people understood about your grief? And I was surprised.

About them talking about how hard it was dealing with a bank employee, with the insurance person, how the logistics were so challenging. Like no one probably told you how much you're going to have to produce death certificates and how hard that is to have to produce a death certificate on your spouse.

Or that you'd have to do income tax for them after they've died. Few people understand these things aren't a couple of hours, but can take hundreds of hours. And no one tells you about how much energy.

All that logistical work takes, how much you get challenged. And you have to face so many of these things alone, so many of these things single handedly. And.

There'S things that help sometimes they can also be hard, you know, and they can also be the things that we miss. For instance, I think about the rituals. People forget the rituals that happen in someone's life. So for example.

We have a million rituals we don't even realize in our marriages we have small rituals like the television show you two watched before bed. Maybe.

That way you read the newspaper together early in the morning over coffee. Maybe they were the one who strung the lights together and you the Christmas tree lights and you were the one that untangled them. Maybe they were the one that knew where to find the menorah. Every year, you know, so many things, the food you shared, the vacations, the hobbies you shared. So many little things in the world, these little small moments. I think people often think about the big moments that you're going to miss, but they forget. Life's made up of little moments and how much you miss those little moments and how, you know, whether it's the ritual of they were the one that checked the lock, that the doors were locked every night. They were the ones that turned out the lights. Suddenly in your world, everything has changed. And.

We have the holidays coming up. How you celebrate the holidays changes dramatically. You know, I don't think People get just how much pain there is leading up to the holidays and also how the holidays have lost their magic. And it's not just the holiday that one day. It's the weeks and months before. I mean, it's the. The stores are turning into the holidays now. And you can feel the anxiety level coming up. People in grief you're so aware of, oh, my gosh, these holidays are going to be complicated this year or maybe now another year for some of you or sometimes for the first time. Maybe this is your first holiday. And.

The holidays used to be something you look forward to, and now they can be something you dread. And everyone around being so cheerful around the holidays and feeling celebratory, and it can feel like a current that you're no longer connected to.

So many things we don't talk about with the death of a spouse. I also think about things like even sex and intimacy. You know, they were the one person that you could express your love to in that way. I think about it's not just the sexual act itself, but the intimacy you had together around it. I also think about my Aunt Sylvia. My Aunt Sylvia, her.

Talked to me once.

She was in her mid-80s, and she started to tell me about missing her husband's touch. And we forget how much touch matters to us. You know, there's actually a thing called skin hunger. Your skin gets a certain way from not being touched. So those are. There's so many things people don't get, they don't talk about. The other thing is.

People either want to make your relationship ideal and perfect or complicated. And, you know, it was probably everything. You know, our relationships are imperfect. We have flawed relationships. We're flawed people. And one of the things we forget is when death comes, we also lose the chance to do it better, to make it right, to clear things up. So many things we no longer get a chance to do. And there's a million things that come up in grief for some secrets come up.

Sometimes when people die, we find out secrets. And those secrets can be both positive and negative.

From all the way to people discovering affairs through relationships we might have not known about. We can discover extra money they had. We can discover debt they had. We can discover addictions, we can discover journals. We can discover spending we didn't know about.

You know, and like I said, they don't have to be bad things. I knew.

A husband who shared with me. He was going through his wife's things after she died, and he said, all of a sudden he opened this one box and there were trophies, and they were for speech and debate. And he was like, wait a minute, she won all these trophies in high school and in college for speaking and debating. He said, I knew she could argue, but I had no idea she was an award winner. Why didn't she ever tell me about that? We can be left with so many questions in grief people can give to a charity we never knew about. So many different things happen. I think also about.

Things like guilt. Boy, guilt comes up in so many different ways. You know, we can be left with so many what ifs, so many if onlys, regrets, resentments.

It's normal to have some of those things in relationships, you know, but all those what ifs? On some level.

When it's the death of a spouse.

Sometimes you can feel you should have been able to save them. You should have been able to get them to eat right. You should have been able to get them to the doctor, or you should have been able to know what was coming or help them get a different treatment.

We have to remember you didn't know they were dying that day. And even if you did know, there was probably nothing you could do to change it, even though you may think there was. So many things produce guilt in us.

And I'll tell you one of the things that I hope would be helpful for you to remember is the mind would always rather feel guilty than helpless. The mind would always rather feel guilty than helpless. It gives us some false sense of control.

And I think what's also hard is that you're having to live in this world that's so grief illiterate. You know, we think the people who are close to us, your sister, your best friend, your neighbor, your whoever it is that understands everything about you is going to understand this grief and how confusing it is for everyone when we understand, even though we think they would understand everything, they don't. They don't understand this grief. And so many times we think if we explain it to them a little more, they're finally going to get it. But no matter how many times you walk up and down the aisle of a hardware store, you'll never find milk. And sometimes they're just not going to get your grief. But they still try to rush you. They still maybe say unhelpful things. They try to compare. They tell you about the other widow. They know that, like, she's happy after a year or six months or whatever story they have. I also tell people, yeah, that person didn't have your wife, your husband, your significant other. You end up feeling judged Feeling isolated. Others judge your dream. Others judge your grief. You know how hard it is in the midst of your pain to be judged for how you are doing grief. This is your grief. It's unique in all the world. It's unique in all the world because it's reflective of your love that you had. No one else had their love or your spouse the way you did. And grief is about your connection. Our grief needs to be witnessed, not compared. And people think they can fix us, but they don't understand. They really just need to listen to us. Friends can become strangers. Family members can become strangers. And strangers can feel like dear friends. You know, so many people give you advice. And the people who many times might be giving you advice have spouses that are alive and well. There's a roomy quote about.

Don'T ask a person for advice when traveling. Ask if they've never left home. So many people who are giving you, you know, advice, like I said, their spouse is alive and well. And we have to acknowledge all the things.

That you feel when your loved one died. The way they made you feel, the way they contributed to your life. Their habits, their good habits, their irritating habits, their plans for the future, yet your retirement plans, your travel plans. You have to grieve the life that you imagined but didn't happen. Your relationship was unique in all the world, in all its ways. And you know.

You might share with friends how lonely it is just eating dinner. And they say, well, meaning things to you, like, oh, they're always as close as your heart. Not realizing that doesn't make dinner any less lonely.

So it's a lot. It's a lot that you're dealing with. This path is huge. That's why I wanted to come on tonight and not just see and validate some of the things you're feeling. But I want to give you some helpful tips now because this is a really hard road you're on. So the first tip that I want to give you.

This is your grief to honor.

Why do we honor grief? Because grief is a reflection of the love. It's a reflection of the connection. And your grief was you. Your grief and your love is unique in all the world. People may judge you for crying too much or crying too little. It doesn't matter. Here's the thing. You don't need anyone's permission to grieve your way. You don't need anyone's permission to grieve exactly as you're grieving. I don't care if they think you're doing it. Wrong. I don't care if they think you're doing it too long. Don't let others do it. Don't let others tell you how to grieve. Now.

When it comes to children, you may have children. Some of you may have children, some of you may not. For those of you have children, you're worried about their grief over their parent. But you have to put your oxygen mask on first. You have to model healthy grief. You can't make your child your grief counselor. I know how easy that can be to happen. Believe me, I know. And you have to model grief for them in a healthy way. You have to show them that there's pain and life continues. And.

Children need to see you crying and still living.

So.

Children can be really complicated. And it's very hard when you have that added piece, even harder than it already is. The other thing I want you to know about your mind, that I hope will be helpful, your mind is predictive and protective. Your mind is always trying to predict because it wants to protect you. And I often talk about pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. I can't take away the pain of your grief. The pain's part of the love. I can't ever take that away.

Suffering is what our crazy mind does. The self blame, the. You should have done this. You should have known so many different things. You know, it's interesting you would think our mind would be so kind to us, but it can be so cruel. And so we have to work on our mind being kind to us and be careful. We can often be hardest on ourselves.

We can often have expectations of ourselves. So just know your mind is trying to predict, protect. So it's a catastrophizer. It's cruel.

And to find a way to turn that volume down and turn the compassion up. And.

We have to.

Try to feel things.

When you're feeling as much as you're feeling now, the idea of someone saying you have to feel things must be ridiculous. But we can't heal what we don't feel. And it's a lot of pain. And one of the things I often say to people is our inclination that protective mind wants us to run from the pain. It wants us to run from the pain.

But here's the thing.

What we run from pursues us and what we face transforms us. And one of the things our mind does.

And I hope this will help you, as your mind whispers this, you were in enormous pain. Your mind can say to you, you're going to be in this pain forever.

This pain will change no one can tell you what your experience is going to be like. But I can tell you, after doing this work.

With so many people who have had the death of a spouse, your pain will change. No, pain is forever. No feeling is forever. It will change. But what we do in the midst of the death of a spouse is we feel the pain, we feel the loneliness, and you project it out for another 40 years.

I'm going to be in pain forever. I'm going to be lonely forever.

That doesn't have to be the truth. You are going to miss them probably forever. You know, grief is like a stone that you'll always carry with you, and you'll always be aware it's with you. And sometimes that stone feels like a boulder in front of you, and sometimes it's a small stone in your pocket. But it will be there, but it will change. And how you feel about it will change over time. And one of the things that's really hard that I know we struggle with, is that guilt. And part of what you have to come to terms with is probably, despite your best efforts, people still die in the world. And we have to work on moving what we intellectually know about why we're not guilty.

From our head to our heart. Because, as I said, the mind would always rather feel guilty than helpless. And we have to find ways to be patient with ourselves. You know, I say sometimes, and it confuses people, grief is optional this lifetime. Grief is optional. You don't have to have grief this lifetime. You didn't want grief this lifetime. Don't have a partner, don't connect, don't have a spouse. But if you do have a spouse, partner, a fiance, a significant other, you're going to have grief. And I'll tell you, I wouldn't want to do this trip without love. And if you have a thousand tears to cry, this is important to know. One of the tips is, if you've got a thousand tears to cry, you can't stop at 50 or 500. And if people feel like you're crying too long or think you're crazy because you're still in the midst of grief, you're not crazy. This is what grief feels like. People don't realize grief has a much longer shadow than anyone realizes. And you can't rush your grief. You can't clean out a closet or give away things any faster. People don't understand everything. Every possession they left behind is evidence that they were here, that they were loved by you. And people think you should be over it so quickly and they don't realize. I often say early grief is the first two years.

Another tip I want to give you.

Grief is physical. Grief is physical. People are surprised about the grief in their body.

You're dealing with it by eating all the time or not eating, by overdoing things, underdoing by sleeping all the time, by not sleeping. I mean, grief is exhausting. And the emotional energy it takes. And you have to find ways to release that grief that's in your body as well as in your heart and your mind. The other thing I often tell people to do, it's so important.

Is in a grief illiterate world, you have to do what I call a direct ask.

Tomorrow's their birthday. Best friend, can we please talk that day? Tomorrow marks their death day. Can we please get together? You shouldn't have to be the one to tell your friends how to show up or when to show up. But they don't get it. They don't get it. And so many times you are the one. You are the one that has to tell them. You have to tell them. Mornings are the hardest for me, or late at night is the hardest for me. You have to educate people around you in grief. And I'm so sorry you do, but that is a reality. And I cannot stress the importance of support.

Whether it's your car or your heater. You give your car support, you fix your heater in your house when it's broken, when your faucet leaks, you get a plumber.

We need outside support when we're in grief.

I had to buy new tires a while back.

I bought a maintenance plan for my tires. And yet how many of us go through grief without the support we deserve? And I hope you have great friends and great family members that get it. Oftentimes we don't. We may need outside support that can come from support groups, family, friends, therapists, books, a million other things. And we need to be witnessed and to know other people's experience who get it. Support groups are really helpful to see pain in each other's eyes. You know.

People ask you to get over it, like to move on and almost to forget. They don't come out and say that, but it's like this person's unforgettable. There is no moving on. They're not a cold or a flu. And some of us are better at grieving fully but don't know how to get back to life. Others know how to try to live again but don't know how to fully grieve. And you have to Give your grief a time, a place and a voice. And we need to normalize grief in this world. And it's important to realize.

Really think about this one. What other people think about your grief is none of your business.

We're people pleasers, we're other oriented. Sometimes we want to hear from others, we're doing it right.

And I gotta tell you, here's a big thing. It is not your job to make your grief.

Digestible for others. It's not your job to make the world comfortable with your grief. If you make other people uncomfortable in your grief, oh well, oh well, this is your pain, you have every right to live it. And you can't skip this pain, unfortunately. If you could, I know you would, we all would. But there's no getting around it. There's no shortcut. There's. It's so important we figure out ways to grieve fully and to live fully. And here's the thing, your grief, as I've mentioned, is unique in all the world.

I've been doing, and I told you I was going to tell you about this, it's important. I've been doing a series called Grieving Fully and Living Fully. It's been amazing. And a few years ago I did one for when a spouse dies. I did it about three years ago and it was such a transformational experience for so many. And if you've had a spouse die, a significant other die, partner died, you need to give that grief time and focus. One of the things I've learned is our grief needs dedicated time. And I'll tell you, it seems strange to say it needs dedicated time when it overpowers you so much of the time. But dedicated time is needed to witness your grief. And for some of you, you'd like to learn more about the uniqueness of your grief and maybe work with me and connect with others. So I'm going to be doing a six week training and it's going to be really, as I mentioned, important, unique, transformational for the death of a spouse. And we're going to meet on zoom. So you can be anywhere in the world and you can meet live with me and there's going to be more. There's going to be some other stuff besides me. I'll tell you about that in a moment. You can meet live once a week with me every six weeks. But if you can't make that time, it's all recorded, you can watch a replay. This six week group we're going to do together starts on September 24th. It's going to be September 24th through October 29th. You can get more information@spouse grief.com spouse grief.com and I'm going to tell you a little bit more about it. Just hear about this, just listen to it to see if it might be right for you. Each week we're going to cover a topic about the uniqueness of your grief. Week one, we're going to talk about the grief that only you understand. It's not some cookie cutter grief. It's designed live in the moment for you around the death of a spouse. It's that's week one. We're going to help you understand this unique grief you have found yourself in with tools to help. Week two, we're going to talk about when life changes without your permission and how it's easy to get stuck in the pain, the anger, the guilt, the what ifs, the if onlys. Week three, as I mentioned, not just going to be me, it's going to be a community roundtable discussion. We're going to have a panel discussion with people who have had their spouse die. And to hear because you know, I want you to hear different perspectives and you're going to hear from other people who have been down this dark night, this pain. And at midpoint I wanted to have a chance for those of you who want to, to connect with one another, to reflect, to digest, to even ask questions. And then the fourth week we're going to talk about your secret path to healing. And that's where homework comes into play. There's going to be a homework, but it's only for you not to worry. And homework is a way for you to spend time with your grief and give it the attention it deserves and to remember with more love than pain. And that going to help you personalize your own path. And then we're going to be talking about your new identity. How do you find a new identity when your identity has been so changed to figure out who you are now. And then we're going to talk about the integrated life. Grief knocks you down and it's hard to remember to be at peace again and to find ways to do that. But we're going to try to help you create a life that honors your spouse and to bring their legacy forward and for you to rebuild your life. And why are we doing it with this one type of loss? Because I wanted to bring people together who have had the death of a spouse, understanding its unique experience. And it's going to be validating and comforting and there's going to be so many tools. You are going to hear from so many other people who have been down this road, who are going to help you understand because we are. We find ourselves in each other's stories. And it's so important to grieve fully and live fully. Remember, the information is@spouse grief.com spouse grief.com you will find it there. I'm also going to put this in the chat so you can find it there because it's so important you understand the uniqueness of this grief. Along with that, there's going to be time for healing. There's going to be time for your questions. And I have amazing bonuses planned. And whether it's your spouse, fiance, significant other who's died.

You'Ve had a beautiful relationship with them. And I want to help you find the love and find that connection again. And listen, they may have died months ago, years ago, decades ago. Our goal is to get through this grief together, to give it room to heal that we can so we can grieve together and find that pure love. You know, I often talk about there's so much we think about this.

Grief that's within us and we have to take care of our grief because when we find our healing, it heals others around us. It heals our children. We want to get our children healed. It's a little paradoxical. And here's the thing I want you to know I have made this course very reasonable. It's going to be as inexpensive as a few nice dinners or a couple of therapy sessions. Not that therapy is not important. Please go to your therapist. That's very, very important. But I hope you'll consider trying this. There's a return policy you can. It's guaranteed for 14 days. If you find out this isn't for you, it's okay. But I would love for you to try it. I would love for you to check it out.

We are going to fill up quickly. They always do. Remember, September 24th is our starting day. If you think this might be for you, and I hope you will, please secure your space. Please secure your space. I would love for you to join us. And no matter what happens, I want you to know.

There is hope.

Your love is so important. That's why your love and your grief are in relationship to one another.

It's proportional. You have a little love, you have a little grief. A lot of love. You probably have a lot of grief. I'm so grateful you're here. Please make sure you check out grief spouse.com thank you all for being here. I hope this is helpful to you. It really means the world to me that you are taking time to honor your grief, your spouse, your loved one. Thanks so much for joining us tonight. I'm sending you all much love and I really hope to see you in the course. We have ways we would love for you to do it. So please join us. Please. Thank you all so much. I love seeing all your names and everyone here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks so much everyone sending you much love. I hope to see you soon in grieving, fully living fully take care of.