Grief expert David Kessler explains why feeling relief after a loved one's death is normal, especially after long illness. The relief isn't about being glad they died, but about the end of suffering for both the person and caregiver. Dementia, chronic illness, addiction, and mental illness are contexts where this feeling commonly appears.
It's normal to feel relief after a loved one dies with a long illness. If you ever felt relief after someone has died, this is for you because you're not alone. People are often surprised, disappointed in themselves, even ashamed of this in their grief. What is it? It's feeling relief. And relief shows up after someone has suffered usually for a long time. We feel relief because when they struggled, we struggled. I often say to folks, let me just make sure I understand all the options here. When your loved one was in enormous pain and suffering, you were in pain and suffering. The second option is death could come along and be the great reliever. The third option is a doctor came in with a cure. They go, no, there was no doctor with a cure. Right. You were left with death being the great reliever. And people think about this as when they have dementia, a loved one has a chronic illness, a long illness, but it also shows up in addiction, in mental illness. Relief is normal. It's the calm after the storm. You're not relieved that they died. You're relieved that the suffering is over. Have you or someone you know experienced relief after a loss?
