Grief specialist David Kessler explains why losing a spouse feels like being half a pair of scissors. Beyond mourning the person, you grieve the future you planned together: the trips, the retirement, the life that never happened. Society overlooks this grief for what was never lived.
I'm David Kessler. I'm a grief and loss specialist. Here's what I know. When your spouse dies, it can feel like being half a pair of scissors. You don't feel whole anymore. And no one tells you about everything that disappears with them. The trip you were saving for. The house you were going to fix up together. The retirement you spent years planning. Those weren't just plans. Those were your future. And no one prepares you for the fact that grief just isn't about mourning all that once was. It's about mourning everything that was supposed to be. See, you don't just lose the person. You lost an entire life you built in your mind, the version of the future that you had with them by your side. The people around you see someone whose spouse died. They don't see someone who's also lost their whole future. They think, oh, well, you can't grieve something that hasn't happened. There's no name for it, but it's real and it deserves to be felt.
