Ep 27: Why You Can’t Stop Overthinking (And How to Fix it)

Most people think they have an overthinking problem, like their mind is just too loud, it's too busy, it's too negative. What if that's not actually the issue? What if the real problem is you're treating every thought like it's you, like it's some truth from a higher power, like it means something about you? 'Cause if every thought feels personal, then of course you're gonna overthink. You're gonna be obsessed with the mind. You're not observing it, you're inside of it. And how are you supposed to get outside of anxiety if you say, I am anxiety? I am anxious. I am angry. There's no way for you to get past it. You are it. You're in the tornado. And when you're inside of it, everything feels urgent, right? It feels real. Feels like we gotta solve this, we gotta fix this. But the moment you create even a little bit of space, the whole world changes. Not because the thoughts stop, but because they stop controlling you. Welcome back to Built for Impact. I'm Jake Burhans, and this is the podcast where inner peace meets high performance and where building your dream life starts from the inside out. So inside the BUILD Framework, everything starts with awareness. That's the B pillar, break limiting beliefs. Now, awareness isn't about fixing anything. It's really about developing the trait of being aware of things, being aware of your thoughts. Of your emotions and understand that you are not those things. Because when we can observe them and objectify these negative thoughts, oh, what if I can't do it? Or feeling angry instead of being anger, you just notice anger, that feeling in your body, it neutralizes the power. So think about the N3 framework. Notice, name, neutralize. Notice the thought. Oh yeah, there's that thought about I can't do it, or there's that thought that I'm gonna run outta money. Right? Or an emotion. Notice that emotion of anger in the body. When you name it, you then neutralize its power because you're objectifying it. Instead of saying, I am angry, you're going, oh yeah, there's that thought of anger, or there's that feeling of anger. And that allows you to create separation and, and better deal with that thought or the emotion. It allows you to catch it before you immediately start identifying with it. And as soon as we identify with it, we're lost in the middle of the tornado. So that's what I would call in the program, in the Built program, we call it unconscious identification. You're just throughout your entire day, you're unconsciously identified with your thoughts and your emotions, and you're wrapped up in them. You feel like you have no control in life. You feel like the victim. So today we're talking about that. We're talking about overthinking. Probably one of the biggest patterns that I see with all of the people in the community, all my clients, all the highest performers, is overthinking. And it's funny because overthinking is really a misunderstood word. It doesn't mean that you're thinking any more thoughts than anyone else. It means that you're associated with your thoughts. Like your brain, overthinking isn't the problem. Again, identification with those thoughts is because everyone's brain is designed to think thoughts. It's called the default mode network in your brain. It's constantly just trying to predict things, right? And it's constantly going like, you're going to get off this podcast and that voice, that inner roommate's going to be talking about whatever it's talking about. It's talking about this, talking about that. Literally never shuts up. That inner voice in your head, that's the default mode network, just constantly trying to scan the environment. Make sure it's safe. It's trying to predict events. It's doing this, it's doing that. People who have a greater sense of inner peace, they don't identify with that voice. They don't think that that voice is some higher truth telling them what they're capable of or the reality of their existence. They understand it's just noise and they can choose to identify with the thoughts that help them and they can let go the thoughts that don't serve them. So you're about to hop on a sales call and because it's an unknown circumstance and your body treats unknown circumstances like danger, right? We know that the nervous system, it knows two things. Am I safe or am I not safe? Familiar equals safe, unfamiliar equals unsafe. So any sales call, a meeting, a presentation, that's all the unknown to your nervous system. So obviously you're gonna feel anxiety. So when that anxiety comes in, you have to, we have to make sure that we're just identifying it, right? Notice it. Oh yeah, there's that feeling of anxiety. By naming it, you're then neutralizing its power. Cuz again, you're separating it from yourself. You're creating that objectification. Like obviously, you know, your phone isn't you, you know, your shirt isn't you. We don't think about our thoughts and our emotions in that way, but that is the reality. Because how do I know that you're separate from your thoughts and your emotions? Who's the one observing your thoughts? That you can't do it, or that you're angry, or that you're this. Who's the one observing your feelings? That's your awareness, and it's separate from thoughts and emotions. So it's called metacognition, but it's looking at your thoughts in this way. It's changing your relationship to thought. And that's really what the awareness pillar is about in Built. It's about becoming aware of these things. We're not trying to fix it. We're not trying to fight it. We're just trying to be aware of it. And then let it go. And we want to build that skill again. We can build it through the N3 framework, notice, name, neutralize. That's going to help you build that skill. Second point here is that the mind is predictive, right? It's not truthful. It is automatically generating thoughts 24/7 based on past experiences, emotional memory, and familiar patterns. So most of our thoughts are just repetitive thoughts, right? They're biased based on past experiences. Or they're survival oriented. We're just trying to survive. Are we safe? So your mind isn't telling you the truth, right? It's, it's trying to keep you safe. I listened to a podcast from Diary of a CEO with Chase Hughes, one of the leading experts on human behavior. Really interesting podcast. It was from December 24th. I recommend checking it out if you haven't. But he was saying the main difference between high performers and people who can't control their thoughts is this. Think about this example. I pick you up, we're gonna go out to dinner. I have an audiobook playing in the car and it's like a fictional story, but I know it's fictional. And when you get in the car, it is a, like a fake BBC broadcast on the audiobook. And they're talking about a nuclear bomb that was just dropped somewhere. We're looking at the same thing, right? I'm in the driver's seat. I'm completely relaxed. I know this is a fictional story about something that's happened. You have no idea what's going on. You get in the car and you're like, oh my gosh, a nuclear bomb just got dropped on XYZ. What am I going to do? You're in survival mode. What am I gonna do with my family? You know, how am I gonna survive this and that? So the people that have greater inner peace, they look at that inner dialogue, that inner narrative, just they understand it's fake. They understand it's not truth of reality. Whereas the people who are overthinkers, quote unquote overthinkers, or are very disturbed by their internal thoughts and emotions, they think these things are truth. And the reality is that is life though. Thoughts and emotions come and go into our field just like clouds. Just like clouds, they come in and they go. And that's the human experience. Just cuz you wake up in the morning and you feel a little bit sad doesn't mean anything's wrong with you. That's an emotion. So you just acknowledge it, notice it, name it. Oh yeah, feeling a little bit sad this morning. Completely okay. Don't need to make up a story about it. Don't need to suppress it. Don't need to fricking act it out. Do all these things, right? If you need to cry a little bit, cry a little bit, but that's okay. We don't need to judge ourselves for having these feelings and then just let it go. Okay? So nothing is wrong with you because you feel a little bit sad., or you feel a little bit anxious. That's part of being a human. So experience it and let it go. I want you to think about your inner state of being like a glass pond. When a disturbing thought comes in or a disturbing emotion comes in, it's like someone threw a pebble way over in the side of the pond. It's not even that big of a deal. Just let the, how do you, how is the pond gonna return to a calm state? You're just gonna let it be and the ripples will eventually fade out. But if you go over there and start, you know, paddling your canoe super fast and And you're trying to smooth the water out with the paddle by hitting the water. That's just gonna create waves. And it's the same thing in your life. When you have a negative thought or negative emotion, you freak out about it and you give it energy and you make it into something more than it is rather than just a passing cloud. It's just the ripples from a pebble in your pond and you make it out to be this big thing, then it becomes a big thing. So understand that every thought, every emotion, it's just like a little pebble in your pond. Let it be and it'll go away. Don't make it up to be more than it is. I think one of the best examples for me is in a sales setting, I would be anxious about a sales call. Right before I did the inner work. And you'd have the thoughts about, oh my God, you get that anxiety. Oh my God, this means I can't do it. I thought that because I felt anxious, it was a sign that I couldn't do it or that I potentially couldn't do it. When in reality, what's going on? That's an unfamiliar situation. You don't know what's going to happen on a sales call. So your body naturally reacts. So now when I get those butterflies, I know, hey, that's just a normal response. My body's trying to keep me safe. It thinks it's a potential threat, this unfamiliar situation. I know it's not. So it's okay. I'm just gonna get comfortable with the feeling of anxiety in my body, not make up a story about it. And then what happens the second you get on the call? Freaking anxiety goes away. Why? Because your system has recognized it as familiar and thus safe. Ever thought about that? All your anxiety is leading up to the thing, the presentation, the meeting, the call, because your system deems it as unfamiliar and dangerous. So when you understand that physiologically, this is how we operate, it helps you deal with these feelings better. So on that sales call now, I will feel some butterflies. Hey, that's completely normal. And I just let it be. I don't fight it. I don't make up a story about it, and I do the thing anyways. So something to sit with this week, where are in your life are you treating your thoughts like they're truth instead of just noticing them as patterns? Remember, notice, name, neutralize. And for your small practice this week, the next time your mind is racing, instead of trying to solve it, just pause and say, oh, I'm noticing that I'm having this thought. I'm noticing the anxious thought. I'm noticing the limiting belief about money. Oh, I'm feeling the anger, right? I'm noticing the feeling of anger, the feeling of anxiety. That's going to help you get more control in your life. Don't fix it. We're just creating space. That's it. Space and letting go. Awareness and letting go. Overthinking isn't something that you need to fight, nor do you want to fight it. Because again, think about that pond. If you're fighting these feelings, you're just creating more ripples. It's something that starts to fall away when you stop identifying with every thought that shows up. You don't need a quieter mind. You need a different relationship to it. Okay. If you are not in the Built For Impact community, definitely get in there. It is free to join. We have a bunch of tools in there that you can use for free to start beginning building your life from peace instead of pressure. That is the mission. How can you either as an entrepreneur or a high performer begin to build your life from peace instead of pressure? And it starts by doing these little internal things. So the Built community is the hub for that. The link is in the bio. You can search it on Skool if you're not in there. But I will see you in there. Till next time, all the peace, all the power.