Ep. 34: Be, Do, Have - Why Forcing the Doing Always Feels Like Friction

Here's something I keep running into in myself and pretty much everyone I work with is we wake up with this list. We gotta do this, we gotta do that, we gotta go here, we gotta drive there, respond to this person, send the thing, hit the number, show up. We gotta push, push, push, push, push. And it works for a while, but there's always this like forcing in this friction, right? There's this low-grade friction underneath all of it. Like you're just dragging yourself through your own life. Why does the doing feel so hard? Right? Our solution to that is usually just do more, try harder, more discipline, force things. But what if the friction isn't a doing problem at all? What if it's that you're trying to do the things of a person that you're not actually being yet? That's what I want to dive into today. Not how to do more, how to be first and let the doing get easier. Welcome back to the Built for Impact Podcast. I am Jake Burhans, and this is the podcast where inner peace meets high performance and where building your dream life starts from the inside out. So the BUILD Framework, pretty much the whole thing is built on the single idea that everything you do is downstream of your identity, basically who you are underneath. A lot of this gets pulled from self-image psychology. You know, the book by Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics, and then all the subsequent research that's been done on that, even though that Psycho-Cybernetics book was made or written in the 1960s. But everything is downstream of our identity, our nervous system, our identity, the version of us that runs the show when we stop trying. Okay? So we're always reverting back to that familiar self-image, and we don't change our lives by just forcing a new behavior on top of this old identity. We have to change the root. To get new fruit, you have to change the root, change the identity, and the behavior follows. I always use the example of if you have a tree with rotten fruit and one morning you go out there and just paint the apples red. Okay, that's great. What happens when a storm comes along in 3 days? The red washes off and you're back to the same old rotten fruit. Same thing with us. When we want to change our results, we just try to change the doing. That's like us painting a red apple. Right? Painting a, painting a rotten apple red. If we do not feel like a confident person, we do not feel successful. We do not feel grateful. If we try to act these ways, it's like a system mismatch. Our system's like, well, he's doing this thing. He's being confident, but we don't actually feel confident. So we're gonna reject that behavior. Let's go back to our self-conscious self. 'Cause our system wants to stay in the familiar. That's why your actions feel so forced, guys, because you are not acting in alignment with the identity of the person who does the thing that gets the thing that you want. Ultimately, you want something in life. So you say, okay, I'm gonna do the actions that lead to that result. The problem is you're not operating from the identity. So there's this thing I learned from Myron Golden called be, do, have. You have to be the type of person that has the thing first, and then the doing will naturally come. Okay? So obviously we have, we don't have the rights to the fruits of our labor. We only have the rights to our labor. I think that's what I talked about last week actually. So understanding that we only have the right to who we're being and what we're doing. We don't have the right to what we're having. So we're just focusing on the be and the do. Now the doing is gonna feel very difficult, like, and you're gonna need a lot of willpower and discipline and motivation to do the thing if you're not acting as the person who naturally does that thing. Okay? So we've got the order completely backwards. We just want things and then we just try to do, do, do, but we haven't changed that route. So think about it. If you want to be healthy, right? And you want to go to the gym consistently. If you have the identity of someone who is a fit person like I do, it is never an, like, discipline is so easy for me. There's never a negotiation in my head about, oh, am I gonna go to the gym today or not? It's like, no, I have to go to the gym. It's not even a question. It's just who I am. Same thing with you brushing your teeth in the morning. Do you have to get up in the morning and scream at yourself in the mirror, you got it, brush those teeth? No, because you're just someone who brushes their teeth. It's the same thing with anything you're trying to accomplish, whether you're trying to get in shape or you want to grow in your career and, and, and get to that next level, that next position. You want to make more money, you want to grow the business, you want to be an entrepreneur, you want to be a great wife, husband, father, mother, whatever it is, you gotta be that person every single day. Wake up and what does it feel like to be this person? You gotta be more confident. You gotta be more grateful. You gotta be more consistent. You gotta be more disciplined. You gotta be more open. You gotta be more curious. You gotta be more relentless. You have to be more, be who that person is. We gotta focus on being every single morning. Even if you just like wake up in the morning and get into the energy of that, do your little visualization before you do anything, before you pick up your phone in the morning. Before you open your laptop, before you do any of your morning routine, just sit down and close your eyes and focus on who do you want to be today. Because if you can get into the energy of that person, all of your actions will just be a natural flowing of that. But when we're not being the type of person that has the result we want, like, I want to be a successful entrepreneur, but if I'm not being that, like, what is it? How does a successful entrepreneur operate? Like, what is their state of being? Well, they're confident, right? They're optimistic. They're hardworking. They're disciplined. They're consistent. They're grateful. They're positive, right? These are the traits of a successful entrepreneur. So start being that. And then your actions will be so much easier, so much easier to pick up the phone and do a sales call when you feel like you're an entrepreneur at your core, right? You're being confident. You're being open. You're excited. You're being more excited because you know what you have provides value for people. So it all starts in the being, guys, not in the doing. So understand that that is like the fundamental thing I want you to think about this framework from this episode is be, do, have. We do not have the right to the having, and we have so much— put so much pressure and stress and anxiety on ourselves because we don't have the things that we want. Guys, we don't have the right to have anything. We only have the right to be someone and do something, and the fruit will be delivered to us in divine timing. We don't control when that comes, and the more you try to control it, and chase it, the more stress and pressure and anxiety you're gonna put on yourself. Whether it's a business goal or amount of money or a career accolade you're trying to get to, or relationship you're trying to create, you have to focus on being the type of person that attracts that relationship, right? Be the type of person that is successful. And if you could focus on being every single day and get into the energy, the doing will become a lot more easier. Because the other thing is that when we're doing something, but we're not being the type of person who naturally does that thing, The doing feels like friction, right? It feels like so difficult, and that's why you can't ever get the results you want because it's like you're fighting upstream. Your system doesn't feel like this type of successful person or fit person or healthy person. So when you're doing those actions, the system's like resisting it. It's like, no, we don't really wanna do that. We don't actually believe that we're a successful entrepreneur. We don't actually believe we're confident even though we tell ourselves we are. But when we focus on who we're being. And we genuinely believe it at our core that we're confident and that we're grateful and that we're positive and that we're optimistic and that we're consistent and that we're hardworking. The system wants to do those actions. So focus on being, the actions will come easier and the fruits will come sooner than you could ever expect, but you gotta release your attachment to the fruits. Focus on being every single day. Who do you want to be? And I, and I recommend as an integration for this week is focus on being every single morning. So when you wake up. And you are, before you get started in the day, I want you to sit down, close your eyes, visualize, really feel. It's not enough to just visualize though, guys. We want to visualize and we need to feel like, what does it feel like to be this person? What are the emotions involved? Right? And you got to do this repetition over time from a relaxed state. So like the 4 things, it's like visualization with emotion over time, repetition, and from a relaxed state, because the more relaxed you are, the more kind of drowsy you are. The more your analytical mind is off mind and the more you can program those things into your mind. That's what Psycho-Cybernetics talks about. If you wanna read the book, it's a great book to check out. So the whole thing, the whole point of this episode, everything flows downstream of who you are being. The doing becomes so much easier when you are being the thing that does the thing naturally, or being the person that does the thing naturally. And then the having, we just gotta let that go cuz right. That was never anything that we had control over. So if this resonated with you, send it to someone who has just been grinding every single day. It's like a struggle and it's a force like, hey man, you gotta be more. Hey woman, you gotta be more. Sister, come on. Brother, we gotta be more every single day. Focus on the being. Every single moment of every single day, walk into the coffee shop. How am I being? Am I rushing or am I patient? Am I enjoying the process? Am I grateful? Am I aware? Am I present? How are we being every single day? And if you be the type of person that you want to be, the actions will be effortless and you will have more fruit, more abundance in your life than you could ever possibly imagine. If you are not in the Built for Impact community, hop in there. It is the fastest growing personal development community dedicated to helping people build from peace instead of pressure. It is a global movement. If you wanna be a part of that and help other people understand that it is possible to build your life from a place of peace. You don't have to be anxious and stressed out all the freaking time. It is possible. It's a movement, guys. It's not about me. It's not about, you know, you either, really. I mean, like, I want to help you, but it's about helping other people. Help other people understand how they can rewire their internal operating system so they can build from peace instead of pressure and they can enjoy life. That's what everyone's looking for. They just want a little bit of respite. They just want to relax. All right, till next time, all the peace. All the power.