Ep. 28: How You Show Up Matters More Than What You Do

Can I ask you something kind of uncomfortable? When was the last time you actually enjoyed what you were doing? Not because it was gonna go perfectly, not because the numbers look great, but just because of how you are doing it. Most of us spend so much time thinking about what to do next, what career, what business, what goal, what role. And I get it, that stuff matters. We gotta have direction in our life. But here's what I've noticed in my own life and in the people I work with, the what rarely changes how you feel. You hit the goal and there's like a few weeks of good feeling, maybe a week, a couple days. Then it's back to the same internal mess, chaotic noise that you've been dealing with. You don't feel enough. You're chasing that next goalpost. What if the point was never the what? What if the real thing, the thing that actually determines your peace, your fulfillment, and your energy is the how? What if the process is the prize. That's exactly what we're gonna get into today. Welcome back to Built for Impact. My name is Jake Burhans, and this is the podcast where inner peace meets high performance and where building your dream life starts from the inside out. I've said it before, but that line right there is everything. It is absolutely everything. Inner peace meets high performance. We often think that peace and results are mutually exclusive, meaning that, you know, you can't have peace and high results, right? You have high results, but you're stressed out, or you have peace, but you don't get the results you want. I'm here to tell you that inner peace, inner clarity, inner calm, inner focus, whatever you want to call it, is a prerequisite for your performance at the highest level. And it's a, it is what I would call a, you could have your cake and eat it too situation. You have that internal clarity, that internal peace, and not only do you get the results you were getting, you're going to improve your results because you have inner peace and your nervous system is regulated. You can think clearer, you can execute better, you have more energy, your perception is widened, you can think more creatively, you can come up with better solutions. So you actually multiply your performance and feel better. So it's really a win-win. And that is why building your dream life starts from the inside out. So in The Built Framework, we talk a lot about reprogramming the inner world. That's basically the essence, the beliefs, the nervous system patterns, the identity stuff that's running underneath everything that we do. And today's episode kind of sits at the center of all of that because here is the idea. The how is the work, not a nice bonus on top of the work, not a mindfulness tip for when you're stressed. The how, how you show up, how you engage, how you treat the people around you, that is the thing. That is the point. All right, so let's get into this. First point here is that we have been measuring the wrong thing. Society scores us on all of our outputs. That's how we've been trained. Titles, income, followers, achievements. But none of these tell you how present, connected, or alive that you feel when you build them. Like, what does it matter if you have all the money, all the followers, all the achievement, if you're running around like a chicken with your head cut off and you're stressed out? And you're worried and all this stuff, cuz then you just end up spending your entire life like that. Your entire life becomes pursuing these things from this dysregulated, miserable state. And we keep thinking that every time we hit the next goal or the next amount of money or the next milestone, it'll finally make us feel better. But guess what? It doesn't. It doesn't make us feel better. So it's gonna take everyone different amounts of time and different amounts of achieving to realize that the achievements don't give them the internal feeling that they want. So you can think about the what as the container and the how is what actually fills the container. So the container is you want this goal or this amount of income, this amount of followers. Okay. How are you going to fill that container? How are you going to pursue that goal? So understand how we're showing up in everything because you got to put in the work regardless. Like you want to build a company, like I'm building Built for Impact. It still takes a lot of work. I started on October 1st and it's now April 15th when I'm recording this. You know, it's over 6 months, 6 and a half months in. I've still had to work 8, 9, 10, 11 hours a day, but the way that I'm working is much different. I'm regulated. I'm enjoying the process more. I can catch myself when I'm dysregulated and I can return. So the whole process of building is just so much more enjoyable, right? And that's really what life is about. Life is this perpetual journey. So if we don't learn how to live life, like how to show up, how to work in a way that's sustainable, that, and that we enjoy, we'll never feel like we're working sustainably or, or we'll never feel the enjoyment because it doesn't come from reaching a milestone. It comes from changing how you operate right now. Right now you decide to operate with peace. Right now you decide to regulate. Right now you decide to enjoy it because this future day never comes. Someday. It's the only day that never comes. I just thought about that riddle. Hey, what's the day that never comes? The only day that never comes? Someday. Okay. It never comes. So to further emphasize all this, you can do the exact same job in two different ways. One leaves you drained, one leaves you energized. I think that's exactly what happened with me. I built QA Home Buyers from this frantic dysregulated state, and I was doing the same work, but I was actually being less effective. It was, everything was taking longer because I was drained. I was in survival. Half my brain wasn't turned on, so I couldn't see all the options. I couldn't execute as much. I didn't have as much energy throughout the day cuz I was just dysregulated. All right. Point number 2 here is that The how is actually made of all the little small things you're doing throughout the day. So it isn't some abstract idea. It's really more of like, are you rushing or are you taking your time? Are you half present in the conversation, but your mind's really somewhere else? Or are you fully focused in the meeting, on the sales call, in the person, right? And in their goals and in their needs. Are you doing the work with care or just to check it off? So that is the how. And the beautiful part about when we focus on the how, on the process, right? The process is the prize. We produce a better product because when we're thinking about the future and our mind is somewhere else, we're siphoning off our energy to worry or anxiety or to something else. You're not fully present. And when you're not fully present, you're not putting all your energy and attention and not putting forth the most amount of value. And value is directly related to our results, right? The more value we put forward, the better results that we get. So by focusing on the process, again, it's a, you can have your cake and eat it too. You release all the stress and the anxiety. And you actually get there quicker. But I think the term, how you do anything is how you do everything, is really relevant here. These little micro moments compound. Like if you're rushing to get up and you rush out of bed and you rush to brush your teeth, how you do anything is how you do everything. So then you're going to be rushing downstairs, rushing to get your laptop open, rushing to put your stuff in your bag so you can go to the coffee shop, rushing to the coffee shop. So understand that if you notice yourself rushing or being negative or doing any little micro habit, It's how you're doing everything, most likely. And test me on it. Don't take my word for it, but these little microhabits you have, notice how it's not just in one area of your life that you do this. You do it in all areas of your life. Again, are you rushing? Are you being negative? Are you being pessimistic? So if we can catch these little habits and control the microhabits, just control, like even me doing this podcast, making sure I'm slowing down. I'm not rushing through the podcast, right? I'm not rushing to put the notes together. The show notes, then I gotta rush through this cuz I gotta do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. That's just how we end up living our life. I actually have a note here from the show notes says, how you do anything is how you do everything. I guess Martha Beck said that. First confirmation bias. I did not check that, but anyways, great quote. Third thing here is that the how is also a nervous system thing at its core. If your nervous system is in that survival mode, that stress constricted, it's braced, your muscles are tight, your shoulders are tense, your jaw's tense. Your how is gonna suffer automatically because you're not as loose, you're not as relaxed. Like when our body is tight, our system thinks we're in a threat mode. So we literally have to continue to relax. Like you should just play a game this week. How relaxed can I remain today? How relaxed can I get? Things throw me out. And again, we're gonna get triggered into survival. That's not the goal. It's not to never be stressed. It's to be aware of it so we can regulate back to a regulated state of being. We can't be fully present or caring or focused or connected when our body thinks that we're in danger. This is why just trying harder and more discipline and more force isn't gonna work if you're dysregulated, right? Oh my gosh, I can't think and I'm in survival mode. I'm gonna push harder. You have to fix your physiology to open yourself up to be able to think better, regulate your state, and the how you do things is gonna improve without effort automatically just by relaxing. That's probably like the single biggest takeaway you can take from this. And I kind of already mentioned this, but focusing on the how actually takes the pressure off, right? Because a lot of stress and anxiety comes from trying to control the outcome. Right? So obviously we can't control the outcome. We can only control our inputs. So release all that stuff. It takes the pressure off. You perform better, you get things done quicker. So this week I want you to do a couple things. I think one reflection question is picking one recurring thing in your life right now, whether it's work, a relationship, a habit, and just reflect on how you've been showing up to that thing. Are you rushing? Are you being pessimistic? Like, what are the little micro habits? And then focus on how you're doing the little things. And begin to build those new habits. And then I want you to play that game. How relaxed can I be this week? So in closing here, the what in your life is always gonna change. Roles, goals, projects, seasons. That's what life is. But the how, that is yours. That is what's in your control. That's a thing that you actually get to control and build. So you can't control what happens in life, but you can show how you show up. We can show up relaxed and regulated and actually enjoy the process. That's a decision we make right now. Not tomorrow, not someday. Right now we make that. If you are not in the Built for Impact community, get in there. It is free to join. When you join, you're able to get the orientation videos, the Built Operating System Assessment, which is going to gauge how your system handles pressure. And once you get to level 2, after you get 5 likes on your comments or your posts, you unlock the 7-Day Internal Reset Challenge, which is a little excerpt from the main Built for Impact core system. You know, basically in the community we have different levels, right? You can get in for free and it's basically how deeply do you want to change? How permanent do you want the change to be? If you're just doing the free stuff, you'll get a little bit of change. If you upgrade to the premium where you're on the weekly calls, you get the foundations, you'll have a little bit deeper level of change. The core system, self-guided, you know, that's, that's a significantly deeper level of change. And the most highest level of change is obviously working with myself. I'm taking on limited people, but you can apply for that as well. But it's like, how deeply do you want to change? How much of this do you want to, um, to change? So until next time, all the peace, all the power.