Dr. Karyn Gordon Recap: The Secret to EQ

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Perhaps you missed the last episode or you listened to it and you still want the recap because you want to take those learnings deeper. In our last episode we had Dr. Karen Gordon. She has a doctorate in marriage and family. She's a spokesperson for unicef, Microsoft and many other companies and she specializes in emotional intelligence skills for organizations and families. She's currently the leadership and relationship expert on Canada's number one daytime show, CityLine. And also she released a book called the Three How Great Leaders Drive Their Team's Communication, Productivity and Engagement. So I wanted to share some of the key takeaways and before I do that, also just a quick reminder that in October, on the 26th to the 28th, we have HPL coming to Christchurch, New Zealand. It's the High Performance Leadership Program where I'll be bringing in some special guests as well as delivering an incredible high performance leadership framework for people who want to do better in life, in sport, in business, and of course, leadership. Some of our guests include Ali Adams, the CEO of Christchurch nz, Sir Steve Hanson, former coach of the All Blacks rugby team, and Sir John Key, former Prime Minister of New Zealand. It's going to be an incredible event. It's limited to just 70 people. Almost half the tickets have sold out already. So if you'd be interested to come and join us, please do head over to the website and check it out. And a massive thank you to our platinum partners, Brady Brannigan's and VVV Real Estate. The website to go check out the event is jjloughlin.com and you'll be able to see leadership training as an option there. Click on that and I'll give you all the details. You know, alternatively, drop my team a line and we'll be sure to come back to you. So what are the key takeaways? Now here's the first thing from Dr. Karen Gordon. Number one, leadership is a mindset. It's not a title, not a destination. It's a mindset. And how do we set our minds? You know, as leaders? What are the filters that we look through? And is our filter empowering? Is it abundant? Or is our filter through a negative lens? Is it through desperation? I urge you to take a look at your leadership mindset. Do you see leadership as an expansive, never ending experience or do you see that as a destination and a certificate? I really think when we can embrace leadership as a mindset that can help us to pivot and think differently around how we lead Ourselves firstly, and then how we empower and inspire others. The second. Big takeaway cards. This is a huge part of Dr. Karen's work cards. C stands for communication. A, appreciation, R, Relationships, D, Discipline and S. Stress to improve your EQ, Dr. Karen said, you know, hang out with people that have a higher EQ than you. Someone who ranks high in these cards. So someone who's got great communication, you know, if you want to improve your C, hang out with a great communicator. Maybe that's the pastor at your church, maybe that's someone at a local school. Maybe it's a spokesperson. You know, if you want to develop more appreciation, hang out with someone who's truly grateful for their family, enjoys the simple things in life. If you want to improve your relationship eq, hang out with someone who's great at being in relationships, great at nurturing relationships. And so go through each of those cards, Communication, appreciation, relationships, discipline and stress. And find a person that you know is better than you in those areas and ask them for feedback and lean into that feedback so that you can actually see your blind spots. Get curious, not defensive. That's hard, you know, when people are giving us feedback about our shortcomings, it's hard no matter who we are. I think we all find that hard when people give us feedback. But the more curious we can be, the more we can develop that eq. Third takeaway was this, that you can develop EQ at any stage in your life. That one really blew me away because for so many years I was told, like, you've either got EQ or you don't. It's so not true. It's something you can develop. What are you doing to develop your eq? What's one thing this week you could do to improve your communication, your level of appreciation, A relationship, self discipline or stress management? Pick one of those. Not all of them, just one. What's one thing you could do in one of those areas that could help you develop your eq? Perhaps once a week you go through this week's communication. What's one thing I could do to develop that next week is appreciation. What's one thing I can do to be more appreciative? Work your way through those once a week, just taking one and diving deep. Next big takeaway was, you know, it's important to learn to identify the difference between thought and feeling. So Dr. Karen said, make sure you can, you know, spot a toxic thought. You can't erase thoughts, so you need to replace them. That idea of thought replacement, it's something I do with elite athletes and elite performers is how do we go through replacing our thoughts, right? And what do we replace them with? We replace them with new, empowering thoughts. It's like me saying, hey, I want you to picture a huge. In your mind's eye right now, I want you to picture a huge purple elephant.

With white Nike running shoes on each hoof. The chances are you're picturing it, right? If you want to replace that, you've got to replace it with another thought. You can't just don't think about. Don't think about the elephant. Don't think about the elephant. You're going to think about the elephant, right? I want you to learn to replace it. So you could replace it with image of a loved one's face, the image of a goal that you're working towards, the image of a blue ocean with a ship on it. That's what thought replacement is. And it's going to take time. It's quicker for kids and young adults as they haven't been telling themselves the toxic thoughts for as long as people are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, right? It's a numbers game and it takes practice. So whatever your toxic thought is, identify it, go, that's not healthy. And then replace it. And you're going to have to work at it every day, multiple times a day, to replace that thought with something more empowering. It's like training a muscle in the gym. You've got to stick to it, right? And here was a really important one. This goes. If you're in a relationship of any kind with anyone, whether that's an intimate relationship, a friendship, someone that reports to you, here's the really important thing. Learn the difference of challenging thoughts. You know, and you can challenge people's thoughts, but you should never challenge their feelings. You know, you can challenge toxic thoughts of someone else and go, tell me what you're thinking, but you can never suppress or ignore their feelings, ever. It's so important, you know, write out the toxic thought. And if the person's struggling to see it themselves, help them write it out. And then what's the new thought going to be? Make sure your new thoughts are kind, loving, truthful, and focus on what you can control. I like to just coin that the controllables. What are the controllables right now in my life? And I actually asked her, you know, what's the difference between feelings and emotions? And she made it very simple. She said, look, emotions are the physical part.

The thoughts and the feeling part. You know, feelings are just the feeling itself. You just, I feel tired. Whereas emotions are when you're, like, exhausted physically and you feel that tiredness. So I want you to consider going and getting her. Amazing book, the Three Chairs. Absolutely amazing read for anyone that wants to be a better parent, to be a better leader. It's just an incredible read. So until next time. And in fact, next time's pretty damn special. It's our hundredth episode. We've got an amazing guest for our hundredth episode, so I'm really excited to share his story. And guess what? It's on Father's Day weekend, and it's going to be very appropriate. And you'll see why when you tune in for our 100th episode. But for now, get out there. Get. Lead your life on purpose.