Simon Sinek’s Former Chief on What Great Leaders Get Wrong (with Monique Helstrom)

I'd like to ship you a free copy of my book, Habits of High Performers. If you come and join the 2026 goal setting workshop, I will ship you one of these today. The link is in the notes. Please come and join me to set up the very best 2026 you could imagine. If you've set up goals in the past or New Year's resolutions and they haven't substantiated, I'm here to help you across all the key pillars of your life, nail your goals. I'll see you there. Welcome to the Lead On Purpose podcast. I'm James Laughlin, former seven time world champion and now coach to entrepreneurs, CEOs, professional athletes all over the world. This show is for people who refuse to settle, people who are driven, people who want to grow, who know that there's so much more to learn and want to learn from the world's best. Each week I bring you insights from a special guest who's at the top of their game with whether they're in Formula one, whether they're a billionaire, whether they've started a company from scratch and take it to the top. I bring them to you so that you can rewire your mindset, take action and lead a life of purpose. Let's get started. You're going to love today's special guest. That is Monique Hellstrom. She was the EA for Simon Sinek for many, many years. Sit back and enjoy the show. Monique, a huge welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me, James.

Oh, I'm so excited. We've got so much to talk about and you spent a long time working with someone who shaped my life and some of the books that were launched. You're a very instrumental part in that. So Simon Sinek. So what's something most people don't know about working with Simon Sinek behind the scenes?

Oh, boy. What's something that people don't know about Simon behind the scenes? Probably that he's an introvert. I think this is, you know, he gets out on stage and he's so powerful and he's so smart and so motivational, but he's an introvert on the back end and, you know, it took him a while to come back off, come back down. And we were always in events and we were always in parties and whatnot. And I got to see the, the.

I guess the, the experience that an introvert has because I was such an extrovert, that how that really sunk his energy and what he needed to get back. So that was probably it he's an introvert.

That's huge. Yeah, because most people who speak on stage, we just assume that they are extroverts. But Simon Sinek likes to get off stage and then reset, regroup, get away from the crowd.

Yeah, yeah.

I love that. And what did you learn yourself from managing a thought leader at the top of his game? Because I look at executive assistant as like, it's a partnership, you know, it's not, hey, please go and do the stuff. It's like, hey, we're in this together. We're running a business. I know the intimate ins and outs of what you do and how you do it. So what did you learn about managing someone who's a thought leader at the top of their game that every high performer should apply?

I think the biggest thing I learned throughout my tenure with him was.

That we had very different strengths, that he had some amazing strengths, that I had some amazing strengths, that when we worked together and when we, when we plugged them in together, that things were unstoppable. I could tell when we were humming, our communication was on point. When, when we were meeting regularly, our goals were met. When, when we took the time to understand where each other was at or solve each other's problems, or when we, when we had that ability, everything went smooth. And when we didn't talk and when, you know, for whatever reason, if the schedule is too busy or for when we weren't in lockstep, that's when things fall through the cracks. So that's what I learned. This, this is a partnership. And it is, it is as constant as a relationship with a romantic partner is.

It's every day, 100%, and you get to really see who they truly are behind the scenes, under pressure, sad days, bad days, down days, look, when communication became difficult. So I think communication is something, one of your super skill areas. If you two were struggling to communicate and agree on something or find common ground, how did you work around that? What's the way that when we're butting heads as a leader and someone partnering with them, how do we communicate?

Sure. Listen. That's how we communicate. When we didn't communicate well, it was always because we weren't listening to each other or one of us was in a mood. Look, we're human, we're tired, we travel, we were on the road all the time. Know, late at night, one of us was always in a mood somewhere, whatever it have be. And you know, when we were having issues communicating, it was. At times it was me wanting to push him to have a conversation. Like, you know, I know we're on an airplane coming home at 9:30 at night and you're exhausted from. But I have 17 things on my to do list that I need to go over with you right now. So blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he would just never want to answer my questions. And then I got frustrated and then he got frustrated on the while. If I just paid attention and realized that he was tired and this was not an appropriate time and got out of my own way, then we wouldn't have had that. So, you know, we just had to respect each other. When he needed space, I just gave it to him. When I needed space, he just gave it to me. But we never didn't have the conversation.

Monique, that's beautiful. And what you're sharing doesn't just apply to a leader and an ea. It applies to every relationship that we are in. Business relationship, intimate relationship, familial relationship. Like listen, read the room and don't be self focused.

Yeah, don't be self focused. Look, conflict is going to happen. We're human beings. You know, if I could, if I could, I mean, there's a lot that I would change in the world, but if there's one thing I could change in the world, it's teaching children in school how to have hard conversations, how to communicate, how to argue, how to give feedback. You know, this is. It's going to happen. And so we have to learn how to get through it together or, or we don't.

Yeah. This is really, really interesting. So between you and I and everyone that's listening, my son's 8 and he's going through a bit of bullying right now. And this is around body image. And we're trying to guide him as parents and guide him to have the difficult conversations not just with the bullies, but also with the teacher. Because often it's like, no, no, no, no. I don't want to tell the teacher. Like, God, that's a difficult conversation. I don't want to make a big fuss. What's your advice to a kid who needs to have a difficult conversation? Where do they start?

Sure. So I actually am a big sister. I'm part of the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. So I don't have kids of my own, but I have a little sister who's 11 and something, you know, kids don't have a lot of facts to go off of. Like they're limited in the factual information that. So most children are run purely off emotion, purely off adrenaline, purely off, you know, Sugar and all the things that are posing around their body. So I say, go with what you know. What do you know about what's happening right now? It's how do you feel? It's what's happening in your body. It's what you did wrong and things that you can say I'm sorry for. Like, don't try to go to something that you don't know or prove that you were this or prove that you were that. What do you know? You know, you feel bad, you know that hurt your feelings. You know, you know, don't blame. Say you hurt my feelings. You say my feelings are hurt, my feelings are hurt. So, you know, kids, it's hard, but stick with the facts, kids. You know, stick with the things that you do know that is going on. And that's speaking about yourself.

That's beautiful. And let's elevate that at one level up to adults who are either in a relationship or we're at work. And some tough stuff's got to be talked about. But I'll be honest with you, Monique. I've done so many personality tests, right? And it was Clifton, I think, that suggested my number one strength was Harmony.

Your number one is Harmony?

Yeah. Wow. And I thought, this is awesome, right? And I was like, this is so good. And the guy that was working with me is like, this is an issue for you, James. I was like, why is that? Well, it's also your number one weakness. I was like, how do you mean? He says, you'll avoid things. You will seek harmony, you will appease, you'll try and please. I. Yeah, you're right. He's like, it's probably served you really well in your life. It's probably helped you build a business and get great clients and keep them. He says, but I bet you it poses problems when difficult things need to be addressed. He's like, how do you deal with that? I was like, just move somewhere different. Look at something else. He's like, okay, that's an issue. So how would someone like me, who's a pleaser, actually confront and have a difficult, candid conversation?

This is a great question. I love hearing that you're number one. Harmony. CliftonStrengths is my jam. I love. I'd be super interested to hear what all of yours are coming from a number one Harmony, and coming from what you do, that's very surprising. We can have another conversation about.

You know, so this. The tough thing about Harmony, when you're in a position like you. When you're in an Executive suite type of position is, is that meeting.

Not wanting anyone to be favored, not wanting anyone to be overpowered. You know, making sure every voice is heard, making sure there's acceptance and inclusion. When you get to a certain point, being an executive or a CEO, you can't, you sometimes just have to make decisions because you have to make the decision based on what's good for the company. So I have some executives that I've coached before that are high in harmony, high in empathy and it's, it is tough, it is a hard skill to have in you get up because again, you sometimes have to make critical decisions for the company that go against your harmony and your empathy. So my advice there would be.

Start small. Start small and do some. Make some little decisions that maybe everyone doesn't have to agree with and kind of see what happens. Basically you're training your brain to know that it's not going to kill you. You're telling your reptilian brain that everything is okay and everything is safe. So start with a coup of decisions that maybe everyone's not okay with, but you're going to make it anyway.

I love it.

Something little, something silly where you're going to have your off site for the team. What kind of lunch is going to be brought in for the meeting. I don't care what it is, but start making some decisions and learn that it's safe, it's okay, people still love you, people still respect you and then you can continue on. We basically it's just training yourself into.

Accepting that at some point decisions have to be made.

I love it. And you're controlling your exposure to those things, like just gently letting yourself do it. I think that's fantastic.

Try it and see what happens. You know, experiment.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to let you know.

Please, I'd love to hear. Yeah, Start with some little things again. You know, with your kids, with your family, with your friends, you know, especially starting safe places with, with people that you know and love you and, and some. Everyone wants to go out and get barbecue for dinner and you don't want barbecue, you want pizza. You go, nope, I want pizza. And just, just do it. It's gonna feel uncomfortable.

It feels very uncomfortable for me.

You're gonna get the weird bellies and all the things. But do it where you feel comfortable and you know everyone's gonna love you no matter what.

I'm gonna do it. I love that. I love it. So the one thing that's on my mind as we're talking about that is time. So I find that when I'm working with people, they say yes at the start a lot. Yep, I'll do it. Yes, I'm up for it. Yes, I'll speak at the event. Yes, I'll do the thing. As they gain in popularity, notoriety, whatever it might be, and they're in demand, there's a certain point where the yeses have got to turn to no's, but they're such a yes person that they're struggling. And so they're doing an 18 hour day and they're doing two keynotes. So there's, you know, going to meet five clients instead of two clients. How do we manage time effectively if we go back to Simon? Simon Sinek wasn't always the Simon Sinek that we know. He was just a normal bloke who had some ideas, trying to figure his life out, didn't have any books and then all of a sudden he became the Y guy and everyone knew Simon now. His life would have changed drastically and his idea of how to use his energy and time would have been having to move to. How did you help and what, what does good time management look like when you think back with Simon?

Wow. Well, with him specifically, I guess I'll just speak, speak generally, you know. Yeah, your life is going to change as you're getting busier, as you're getting more gigs, as you're getting more business. I think the things that a lot of entrepreneurs and business owners don't realize is you're like, things are going to change, we're going to get busy. But guess what? Things are going to change because you're going to get busy and you have to change with the environment. You're not going to be able to see every client, you're not going to be able to make every decision. You're not going to be able to be involved with everything. You're going to have to pick and choose. So the time management, as you're growing and getting bigger, it's going to evolve with you, but it's a consistent focus on what is moving the needle. What is moving the needle? What is moving over and over and over and over and over again. What is the thing that you, James, that only you can do? Getting out on stage and speaking the way that you do, coaching the way that you do, inspiring the way that you do. You have to start getting rid of the other things. And there's a lot of other things, a lot, a lot, a lot that we don't want to get rid of so, you know, maybe, maybe that was a little bit at first. But when you get to a certain point, you need someone to tell you, look north, don't look behind you, don't look at what I'm doing. I've got this covered, keep going that way and I've got your back. So that's my advice.

That's brilliant. And honestly, I struggled with this. I go back 15 years and I really, really struggled with this. I wanted to micromanage control and that's what I knew, that's what worked for me in the past. And so as I grew and I developed more businesses and more clients, I was like, I still want to do it all. They got to the point where I read Tim Ferriss's Four Hour Workweek and I was probably my early twenties and I was like, that sounds great, I'm doing like a 85 hour work week.

So he mentioned this company called Get Friday and it was essentially VAs based mostly in India at the time. And so I thought that would be my solution. So I go on Get Friday. I interviewed two or three people, didn't really know what to ask them. I just thought it was really cool and well, we'll hire this person. It was a hot mess, an absolute disaster. We parted ways. It didn't work. At that point I was like, this VA thing doesn't work. In hindsight, I was the problem because I wasn't clear enough. I didn't know what I wanted them to do, I didn't know what I wanted to offload. I didn't have SOPs to help them succeed whatsoever. And so 10 years down the line, I'm going, I need support now. But I want an EA in person, shoulder to shoulder. We chat, we talk, it's all here. It's not this thing where someone's in a different time zone. I struggled with that. Personally, I know there are upsides to it, but for me, I just like this face to face stuff. So for the person that's about to get some help and assistance, get an EA or a va, what's your advice to them? To actually get it right from the start.

How much time do we have? So I guess my overall, my advice on both sides. So an ea, any type of virtual assistant, executive assistant, any type of administrative help, it is not plug and play. We are not something that you can plug into the wall in your office. And we work. If you want something like that, then you gotta look somewhere else for that. We need the executive to be with us and tell us what's going on. So if you're expecting an EA to just come in and do their job like that, you just like, hi, how are you? My name is Joe. Have a seat, go. It's. It's not going to work. You need to know what you're looking for. You need to know what you need. You need to know what weighs you down. What are the things that are slowing you down, what are the things that are holding you back even if you love them, even if you love doing it, what are the things that you're spending five hours a week on that you're like, this isn't moving the needle.

So you need to know what you want now. What you don't need to know is the solutions. All my executives come to me and they go, well, I need her to do this thing because I'm having problems here. And I'm like, don't do her job for her. Just tell us the problem. What's weighing you down? What's holding you back? What are your issues? Who are you not able to communicate with? What systems are you struggling with? Tell us everything.

And then we'll go from there.

Hey, James here. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about something. Look, I get asked to deliver keynotes and workshops for teams and companies all over the world, from London to Antarctica, from America to Australasia, from armies to small businesses to large corporates to sports teams. But I go in and deliver keynotes around the mindset of high performers, around the habits of high performers, about how we navigate change. If you would like me to come and speak to your team or speak at your conference or deliver a bespoke workshop, please get in touch with my team. Carolinejlochlan.com will be able to help. I'll also make sure that we put that in the show notes.

Do you think there's a coaching role there? Like, again, if we go back to Simon, was there a bit of coaching required from you? So that I often think that people in their minds go, ea, I'm going to tell them what to do and I'm the boss. Actually, the EA has got a whole world of experience and a breadth of knowledge and this emotional experience of life that they can bring to the table. And actually part of their role is to coach you their boss, you their leader. Did you have to do a little bit of that, Simon as well?

Oh, yes. I think all administrative people do. We, you know, because we just see life differently. You know, executives and entrepreneurs, you see vision, you see future, you see Concepts, you see ideas. We can break that apart into little bitty steps and know how to get every single thing done. So there is a bit of training up not only in what the things you need to let go of are like, truly what. I know you like doing it, but it's not moving the needle. There's a lot of training up with that. There's a lot of training up just with what my job is. We, we have to continuously do that. No, no, I can take that. No, no, no, no, I got that too. Nope, nope, nope. And we have to be the ones to sort of pull that off your plate. Again, don't come with solutions. Just tell us what the problems are.

And.

Time, time, time, time, time. If you are not willing to spend time, if you are not willing to spend as much time as you would spend with a brand new partner and that you really like that you just met and somebody introduced you and you didn't really like each other and you really think this relationship could go somewhere and you really, if you don't want to hang out with your EA as much as that, you're, it's. You need to spend time, you need to talk, you need to tell them your goals, tell them your issues. Again, this isn't the big, hands down the biggest issue. The reason that the partnerships don't work is because the executives don't spend time.

I can sense that and I can experience that myself.

I don't mean slack, I don't mean sending emails, I don't mean look through my emails. I mean sitting in the same room with someone having a conversation.

There's nothing that will be that.

Nope. I can, I can almost guarantee, I'm going to guarantee if you start talking with your executive assistant twice as much as you talk with that person now, you will get double the amount of work done.

Yeah, I, I can tell you that that recently has happened for me. So I got into the habit of my EA's, got this. In fact, I want to be the opposite of micromanaging. I just want to just. You do it. You got to. Don't worry about you. You don't even need to tell me what you're doing. Just. And actually she turned around and said, james, I need to know what you want. I need to know when you want. I need to know what your problems are. I need to know what's going on up there. Because you've got these visions for things. And then you tell me a week out. I actually needed four months Runway to make that a real success. So we start having officials sit down twice a week, and that can be for an hour, two hours, as long as it takes, but start of the week and then towards the end of the week, and that alone has made a difference. And yes, we talk every day and there's texts and there's calls, but to sit down, I'm shouting, breakfast, let's have a coffee, let's look at our goals, look at the year, and my God, it's made a world of a difference.

Tell me why.

Why? Because she's clear on what the priorities are. She's clear. I call it wmi. What's most important, she is really clear. Those are the big rocks that you want to go towards. And I'm also sleeping better and at ease because I'm like, she's got this. She has totally got this. And I'm actually seeing more of her genius come to life because she has a voice and she's going, have you thought about this? Yeah. Hey, James, I seen that someone that did something similar to you in a different industry did it this way. God, I'd never. Thanks. Yeah, I was listening to this podcast or my friend did this for someone else, and yeah, I was like, cool. So she's got all this power and I say mana, like this kind of aura about her that she didn't have before because I was too busy. Yeah, I didn't see it. And she didn't have a voice.

Love it, Love it. And with that, that, that consistency of your talking with her as well, when you said wmi, what's most important? When she's hearing you say twice a week, the same thing. The same thing. No, I, I, I really want to change the world in this way. When we keep hearing that repetition, we are going to do everything we can to help you get there. But when we hear you saying your WMIs change every week, and on Tuesday it's one thing, and on Thursday it's something else. And then next Tuesday, you're. What's most important is something else. And then on Thursday, they're not going to be able to keep up with you either. So if you're not clear on your goals, they're not going to be either.

Yeah, that makes, it makes sense. Like a radically clear vision will give you better results. And yeah, I can totally relate. In fact, two of my friends, one was EA to our Prime Minister and the other one was EA to Steve Jobs. And I was chatting about those conversations they had. And like you with Simon, very intimate, deep conversations. But they said, james, it was important that it wasn't just about work. Like, for example, you know what Steve needed to eat and he would deprioritize that. So I would schedule that. I would bring sushi in, get it ordered. Boom, it's there. He needed to get yoga in or else he was just hard to deal with. So I popped it in the calendar. He just lived by the calendar that I created and then I set. So that for me was a big thing. So Caroline rules my calendar, and I don't have a say in it unless it's something really critical. She's like, james, you're doing this. Just look at the calendar. The address is there. Make sure you're there.

It's awesome.

So do you think that's important to have the Trust that your EA has got you professionally and personally?

100%. 100%. I personally think it doesn't really work unless you have that personal nature to it. This is an extremely intimate role. I mean, again, we're going to know your Social Security number. We're going to know when you're fighting with your wife. We're going to know if you're cheating. We're going to know everything about you. This is incredibly intimate. So we have to know all those kind of things. We have to know what you're like when you're in a bad mood and what you need when you're in a bad mood. And what kind of bad mood are you in when you're hungry or what kind of bad mood are you in? Cause you didn't get any sleep. And this is learned over time. This isn't going to happen right away. If you have an EA for three months and she's not anticipating your needs, it's only been three months. This is stuff that happens after a year, two years. I mean, how long have you been with Carolyn?

Oh, she. Four years.

Four years. So it takes time for her to get in front of your behavior and your personality in order to understand what those needs are. But, yes, please let go. I mean, Simon would always. He called me his boss. Whenever we were in rooms of people, they would say, can you do xyz? He would go, I don't know. Talk to her. Can you. Can you want to have dinner later? I don't know, talk to her. And I loved it. And he loved it because he knew I had his back and I knew that he trusted me. And that together with such two strong pillars, I mean, it was gonna work.

CHIEF OF SIMON I love it. This is. Yeah, just incredible. And I think this idea of Your role is this. You manage my calendar. I think a lot of leaders think that's what EA means, you manage my calendar. That is not it. Like there's so much more to it. In fact, I look at Simon, I'm like, look, I've got his book sitting up here. He's a multiple time bestseller. And people are like, that's Simon Sinek. I'm going, yeah, it is. But there's a team, there's people behind that. So in terms of like a specific thing, like a book launch, I'm sure you were there for a few of those. Were you a part of that? Did you have a say in that? Did you contribute to that?

100%. 100%. You know, this was a really. This will come along with a lesson. The first book launch that we did. Let me think about this. It was Leaders Eat Last. Because the start with why I had already come out when I joined the team. So it was Leaders Eat Last. I really wanted to get involved and I had a little, I had a bee in my bonnet that Simon didn't ask me to get involved. And I was like, doesn't he know that I'm. I could do so good in here? And doesn't. And how dare he keep this from me. Why did doesn't he not think that I'm doing a job? It's all in my head. One day I just said, you know, I really want to help out with the book launch. He was like, oh, thank God. Here. And you know, so for assistance, one of my rules is volunteer, ask for what you want to do. And I loved those book launches. I mean there were just, there was a thousand moving parts and man, that was my jam.

I love that you're saying this right now. So I've got a book, I've got a book coming out in September with Harper Collins and his first book coming out. And my ea, Caroline is like, I'm all in. Let's do this. Are there any things you learned around how to launch a book successfully that I could pass on to Caroline?

I could have a whole conversation with her. Feel free to have her give me a call. And I'm happy to work with her. I mean, you need to go out button, you need to, you need to be out beating the streets. That's the end of it. If you want to sell a lot of books, you got to be everywhere. You gotta, you gotta get on a lot of airplanes for the next year.

I'm okay with that.

And be out there and be out there and be out There, I love that.

That's huge.

And give away a lot of books.

100%. I like that. Good. This is good advice.

And in terms of the EA who is struggling to manage up. So in terms of influence, the person that they are assisting, they feel like they're not being heard. They feel like they're maybe being undermined, undervalued. What's your message for them?

Yeah. By the way, this is the majority of the population, so I know a lot of your population are CEOs out there and entrepreneurs. Most of your assistants and administrative professionals feel undervalued. Tell you that right now because we rarely get a thank you. We rarely get acknowledgement. Rarely does anyone ever say, you know what? That was my assistant who did that. I didn't do that. So if you're listening, compliment your assistant today. Anyway, if you're the assistant and you're feeling undervalued. You know.

We'Re moms sometimes, you know, we like to take care of people. That's why we're one of the. What's why we're in this job. We love it. And occasionally that kind of takes over and we forget that we also have voice and we forget that we're not just the support, we're not the number two, we're not the under. We're not beneath. We are next to. We are experts in what we do as much as they are experts in what they do. So if you're an assistant, you don't have to be like your executive, you know, you don't have to be a visionary, you don't have to be gregarious, you don't have to be commanding, you don't have to be loud, you don't have to do anything like them. You just have to be damn good at your job and be confident in that. So when you can hold your shoulders down and your head up high and go, I just planned that event and it was damn good. And a, you need the compliments and the. And the valuation less. But other people will start to notice. Other people will start to notice you that you've got your head down, your. Your head up and your shoulders down.

It's really powerful that you're saying that. So Caroline runs our annual events. It's called high performance. And it's all around leadership and life. And we get people along who, you know, they've been prime ministers, they've ran top team organizations, whatever, but she runs it, she organizes it. And it's so interesting, for the last few years, people have been saying James, Caroline runs such a great event. Hey, you and Caroline have done this. And I'm like, yes, people can actually see that this is not a James thing. I just happen to be on stage at the time. But literally she's the backbone. And so I'm, I'm loving that you're saying this. That people need to realize that it's often the person behind the scenes that drives the ship.

Yeah. I often relate this relationship to an architect and a builder. You know, the architect has the visionary. They can see a building or a house that is not yet there. They can see the shape and the size and the smell and the touch. And they, they have this vision to be able to plan something that's not there. But the builder goes in and we know where to put every nail and we know how to hang the drywall and we know what's going to go where. The architect can't do the builder's job and the builder can't do the architect's job. You need both in order to get the house built. So we just need to respect that, that the, the visionary is not better or worse and the assistant is not better or worse. You're just both damn good at your job. So just be damn good at your job.

Powerful. Look, I would say you're one of the very top coaches for high level executives and EAs. And with that you get a lot of information, you get a lot of insights. So what would you say are the top three traits that separate the truly.

Effective from the average of assistance or executives or partnerships?

So partnerships.

The three things that are truly above that make that are the make or breaks.

Yeah.

Well, I'll be a broken record. Communication, Communication, communication. Without that, this is going nowhere and it never will.

So the, the communication 100% has to be there. Respect. Mutual respect for the other person's skill set and personality. You know, not everyone is the way that we are. Some people speak louder than others and are more commanding than others or more soft than others or you know, need time to think. And other people are very forward. So we need to not only respect the skill set that somebody has, but how they go about doing that and how they go about holding themselves. So I think that's for sure. Number two.

Self confidence. The thing that I think honestly really makes it work is if both parties are self confident, especially the executive.

Yeah, I love that. That's awesome.

The executive is the less this is going to work because they're going to see everything that the assistant does as a slight on them or A negative or you're trying to take it away or you know, it's just it, it's not going to work out.

That's brilliant. And those are traits that we can actually build and develop and improve. It's not something we need to be born with.

Right, right. Communication is a learned skill. You know, learning about your personality and self awareness and taking these strengths finders and disc and insights and all these things. Learn about yourself, learn about what are the tools that you have in your toolbox and learn about your weaknesses so that you know where to ask for help. The more self aware you can be and what I'm, I'm crap at that or I'm really good at that. The better both parties are going to be without a doubt. And you know where to volunteer and you know where to ask for help.

Yeah, 100% and I'd love to know do you have in more of a tactical setting, do you have a go to system for staying organized and planning? So if you're working even just for your own life but with your executive, do you have a specific go to system for planning, organizing, scheduling?

Personally for me I do. I'm a writer. I write everything down. I have notes everywhere, I have lots of notes, I have notes upon notes upon notes and folders and I'm old school. However, my advice as far as organizing goes is organize in a manner that makes sense to you. Not everyone needs to order organized the same. You know, I get Marie Kondo wrote a book about it and there's, she says there's one way to do it which I wholly disagree with. There's not. So if you are someone, someone who likes to write and you, you do have that. Make sure that you're. You have a notebook that's got dividers or some way to keep yourself organized with the paper because that's what you like. If you're a digital person, make sure that you have a nice system in order to do that something that you like that's colorful, that's fun, that you can log into. I don't care what it is but use the thing that you like. It's color coding if it's post it notes if it's sticky things, if it's a thousand online tools, I don't care as an ea we have to go in and figure out what the executive will use. Yeah, doesn't matter how organized I am. If I make a 10 point plan to keep Simon organized, that wasn't going to work.

Yeah.

If it wasn't a 0.5 plan it wasn't going to work. So you know, it had to be simple.

Yeah. And with a calendar, for example, I just, we have an I calendar. So the Apple calendar that we share and then we have a shared note on iPhone with to do decisions to be made and we just track it. It's super simple. It's almost so basic. Do you think we need to have fancy systems or do you think it's okay to have like super simple systems?

I love it. I do. What works. The thing is, are you going to that note every day?

Yeah.

Are you looking at your calendar every day?

Yeah.

So it's working through the cracks.

No, we are very, very rarely. Something happens. Very rarely. Maybe twice a year something might happen. It's usually user error, as in I don't look at the calendar. Yeah.

If it works for you, it works. It doesn't. You know, I get that all the time from my executives. What's a, what's a SAS system or what's a new Asana or project management system that we can download? And I'm like, If you downloaded Monday.com, you're never going to use that. So there's no chance you're going to get into that. So why are you spending the money on it? You know? Yeah, red is do red, yellow, green, I don't care.

Like that's how simple we are for sure.

Simple, simplify, simplify, simplify.

I love that and it's interesting. So I think about your role. You take a lot on. You have to experience the ups, the downs, the highs, the disappointments, the stress. You take it all on. So what would a morning routine or an evening routine look like for you? So when you're in the thick of it, what are the things, your non negotiables, your habits that help you just stay sane and balanced?

It took a while to get there, I'll tell you. It was a hard, a hard hill for the work life balance for a long time.

But I mean it's, it's the easy answer. You have to take care of yourself. You know, there, there is no one in the world that was going to take care of me like I took care of me. And if I wasn't going to yoga, if I wasn't eating well, if I wasn't sleeping, I had nobody to blame but myself. I could use that excuse 10 times in Ronga. So I'm so busy with Simon's work that I can and I can and I can't. That was an excuse. It was my excuse because I didn't want to do it. So I had to go to yoga. I had to eat well. I had to make sure that I had other hobbies and things to do because I tend to be a workaholic. So that worked for me.

Yeah, you have to have something else because you can get really sucked into this world because. Because we love it. It's not for, you know, out of malice. We can really get sucked in. So, you know, having something like big brothers, big sisters, or volunteering or, you know, at an animal shelter or something, just give of that same energy somewhere else.

That's beautiful. And I think of Caroline when you say that she volunteers at Age Concern, which is elderly people who are suffering with loneliness, and she spends like a couple of hours a week with one individual.

Yeah, she loves it, too. She gets a lot from it. Right. So that's special. And, you know, when you think about. Start with why, it's one of those books that most organizations have either all read or they know about or they talk about, and certainly most leaders are familiar with it. What was the impact on you? What impact did that book and then working with Simon have on your. Why?

Wow. I mean, I don't think I had any idea what it was before I started working with him and never thought. Didn't know what it was. Didn't know that I needed it and didn't know what I could do with it. Found definitely throughout working with him, figured out what it was and, you know, it set my life in a completely different direction. You know, it's like stuff that you know, you know it, but you don't know it. It doesn't have words yet. It's like how you feel about another person. It's like, really hard to put it into real language and words. That's kind of what your why is. You know, you. You. You live it every day, but you can't actually articulate it. So working with Simon actually helped me articulate it more.

That's amazing.

And work towards it, I guess.

I think it's a constant work towards. Right. It's like a North Star that we don't ever touch. The North Star. Like, we're always moving towards it.

Sure. And the. Your why is usually. Or your purpose in life usually stays the same. A lot of people say, well, I'm. I'm now XYZ age. So I. It's changed. No, usually your why is pretty steady. How you go about doing it changes throughout your life. And the job you have or the. The impact you have in the world is probably Different. But the why that you have is probably the same.

I would agree.

And accompanying with that in. In my estimation is how, you know, knowing that strength set, I could know why I do what I do, but if I don what tools I have in my toolbox, I don't know how to. How I'm going to build what I need to build. So knowing the things that you have also is, in my estimation, absolutely essential. With your why.

I just. Something came to me there and I was like, you can know your why. You've just said that. But if you don't know how, you're going to be a dreamer, you're going to be a visionary that never executes. So I feel like Simons wrote the first book. Start with why you need to write the second book, which is something around, you know, continue with how or, I don't know, something like that. I don't know what it'll be called. But you should write the how book and talk about the power of the visionary needing to know their why, but then having the EA that can actually deliver on that and help them bring the why to life. You're the answer to the. To the why.

Yeah, they used to call me. I was the how girl to the why guy. That's awesome.

Yes, I. I am the hell girl. You know, I'm. I'm. But you need both, you know, you need both. And doesn't mean that I don't have a wine. It doesn't mean that they don't have a how. It's just different.

That's beautiful. Are you a reader?

You know, I go through. I go through periods where I read a lot, and then I don't. I wish I could tell you that I was more of a reader than I am. So, yeah, I go through periods, and for a really long time, I was only reading workbooks and leadership books, and I wasn't doing anything else. I think I kind of lost the drive for fiction.

Do you listen anything you enjoy listening to in terms of podcasts or.

Yeah, I listen to different. Various podcasts. I listen to a lot of music. You know, there's mostly music going on because sometimes I just need to fade out. I also am a recruiter, so I talk all day long. So sometimes I don't want to hear talking in podcasts. I just want to hear, you know, Etta James singing in the background.

But, yeah, I mean, I listen to some political podcasts, I listen to some leadership podcasts. I listen to, you know, women's construction podcast, because I do, you know, Any.

Of the names of those leadership or political ones that you would be happy to share?

Well, there's one called Sisters in Law, which I love. It's three lawyers, three women who are lawyers, but they're in different, different fields of law and they talk about politics and they're just really cool ladies and they're really. So that's one of the ones that I really love.

I'll check it out. I'll put it in the show notes as well.

Sisters in Law, I love it.

And for the person that's listening right now and they want your help and your support, you know, one, how can you help them? And two, where do they go to to get that support?

Sure. So I, I concentrate on the relationship between an executive and an assistant. I do coaching, I do recruiting. I help these busy executives find that, that yin to the yang that they need to get the right person on board, not only in skill set but in personality. So if you're looking for your first EA or your 15th EA, that's certainly something that I can do. And again, I do coaching on both sides. So I coach the assistant, but I also coach the executive on how to have this partnership, especially for new executives going into this arena.

Incredible.

And everything is my name. Moniquehellstrom.com so my website's moniquehoustrom.com on my socials. Monique Helstrom. And you can just go and sign up for a call right on my website. Especially for executives. You don't have time to go through my website 15 times and find what you need. Just book a 30 minute call with me and we can chat it out.

That's amazing. I'm going to put all the show notes in, all your links in the show notes. And also I guess the one thing I was thinking about was what's the cost of not effectively hiring the right EA and then not effectively partnering with them? What are the costs for that leader or that organization if they get this wrong?

Well, I can tell you the opposite side of it, which is with a successful partnership with an EA, your productivity can increase by 20 to 50%.

Wow.

So think of what you could do with 50% more time.

Give me that all day long.

I'll leave it hanging in the moment there. But that's the pot. That's what is possible. When you don't have that relationship, nothing happens. You're either stuck in a cycle that is not getting you anywhere, it's not moving the needle forward and you're going to go through the same thing over and over and over. Again, you know, I see it time and time again. Executives hire only for skill. They don't really interview the person. They don't care about who they are. They just look at the resume and say, okay, she knows Microsoft Office and she can schedule my calendar. Let's pop her in there. Don't know anything about this person. And then they don't get along. And then they're in there six months and they don't get along and not like each other. And then she gets fired and blah, blah, blah. And then they start all over again. And then the cycle goes on and it's the executive saying these assistants don't know what they're doing, when really it's, he doesn't know what he wants and he's not hiring for a fit for a match in personality and skill.

So that's huge. There's massive costs there. And I think that none of us.

Want to financial time just a waste of your energy, you know? You know, the, the cost of you doing nothing is nothing. Nothing happens, nothing changes, nothing grows.

And then it's easy to point blame, right?

It's easy to point blame, you know, so if, if you happen to be caught in a cycle where you seem to be going, keep hiring these assistants and nothing is changing. And it's been years and years and years.

Call me, call me.

I love it. And the other thing I'd like to say is for people that have events coming up, you know, business events, leadership events, EA events. Are you open and available to speak?

A hundred percent. I have been trying to get on a stage for entrepreneurs and executives for years now and do a session on how to maximize your relationship with your assistant. And can I tell you, no one has ever taken me up on it.

It's madness. I'm like, all the money they put into the great speakers they bring, but they don't bring the one person who could literally transform the entire organization.

You know what they say? My ex. This. These people don't want to hear that wow topic that they would be interested in. So you're out there and your executives would be interested in learning how to save 20 to 50% of their time and productivity. I would love to get on stage.

Amazing. I'm going to make sure we put that in the show notes as well. Great. Monique, thank you so much. I really appreciate the work that you do, how open you are with what you share. This won't be the last time we'll have you on the show. I think there's so much more to chat about.

Good. I'm going to coach you and Caroline. We can talk about how to. How to get some little bits of improvement, little changes.

Would you mind if Caroline joined us for the next one?

I would love it.

That'd be awesome. That'd be great.

I can interview you two on the podcast.

Yeah, she can tell all about how I am behind the scenes.

Yeah. You really want to know how she thinks?

That'd be seriously awesome.

I would love to.

No. Awesome. We will do that. Thank you so much for today.

Thank you. It was great chatting with you.

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