The #1 Regret of the Dying

I'd like to ship you a free copy of my book, Habits of High Performers. If you come and join the 2026 goal setting workshop, I will ship you one of these today. The link is in the notes. Please come and join me to set up the very best 2026 you could imagine. If you've set up goals in the past or New Year's resolutions and they haven't substantiated, I'm here to help you across all the key pillars of your life nail your goals. I'll see you there. Welcome to Lead On Purpose. I'm James Laughlin, former seven time world champion musician and now executive coach to global leaders and high performers. Each week I'll publish a solo cast where I'll share my top high performance habits and methodologies to supercharge your life and career. If you enjoy the show, please take a short moment to subscribe and leave a rating and review. I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to connect today and investing in yourself. Enjoy the show.

Welcome back to the show. And look, it's very clear that I work in the field of positive psychology, so please don't think that today's session is going to be all doom and gloom because of the title. But I really want to talk to you about the number one regret of the dying. And I feel that this is crucially important. I feel like the time that you've carved out right now to listen to this is so vital and at the end of the day, none of us want to get to the end of life and look back and have a major regret. Now, an amazing lady called Bronnie Ware. She's an Australian palliative care nurse. She sat with many, many hundreds of people on their final days and she talked with them and she soothed them and supported them and nursed them and she asked them a lot of questions and she asked them about their lives and you know, over a number of years she started to actually see some patterns, what they talked about as their regrets. Now if I could say to you right now, hey, there's a theme that all humans share in regrets in life and here's how to avoid it. Would you be interested? I know for me this was like, I need to know what this is. So I'm actually going to share with you what the top five regrets are of the dying. And we're going to start from five and come down to the number one regular regret. And I want you to think about this. This is from humans, just like you going through life Doing their best, trying to grow, trying to make money, trying to help others, trying to put a roof over their family's heads, trying to experience love, trying to push through adversity and challenge and life's ambushes. These people are no different than you and I. So these themes, these regrets, these are things that you and I could also, on our deathbeds, be talking about as big regrets. But imagine if we could learn otherwise right now, today, and go, oh, I could make a significant shift in how I look at the world and how I show up. To me, that's leading on purpose, right? So number five, the fifth top regret of the dying was this. I wish I had let myself be happier.

Isn't that an interesting one? Happiness is a thing I talk a lot about. And the reason I talk a lot about happiness is that I get asked a lot about it because people want more of it. They want to sustain it, they want to be able to spread it. But it's a choice, you know, that I wish I had let myself be happier. That's interesting, right? Because it's something we allow ourselves to do. So what do you do to allow yourself to be happy? Are you happy with your relationships? Are you happy with how your days unfold and your weeks? And if not, what can you do about that? Because it's all under your responsibility to navigate that, to change that. Now, the fourth, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Isn't that interesting? And I think what's really interesting about this is whether you've been in a relationship, an intimate relationship, or not, sometimes those relationships end. I had a friend recently who'd been married for 40 years and discovered that their partner was having an affair over the last few years, and they parted ways and they realized that, my goodness, my whole life was tied up with them. And I really don't have deep connection with some of my closest friends. They're no longer close friends, and I feel really isolated. So I see that fourth regret of the dying as being a really important one to go. You don't need lots of friends, but you do need some deep relationships. It could be two or three incredible friendships. Who's that for you? Outside of. If you have an intimate relationship, who's that? Who are your friends that you laugh with, maybe you cry with, that you. You just share honestly with? Who are they? Don't regret that. Number three, I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Now, to me, that's crucial. And I know a lot of men struggle to express their Feelings. And that's been an age old thing, but it's starting to change. Vulnerability is starting to become more commonly talked about, more commonly embraced. But expressing your feelings is a part of being human. Don't hold your feelings back. At the end of the day, if you upset someone because you've expressed how you feel, so be it. And just know this. You can say to someone, I think X about the situation. And they can challenge your thinking. But what nobody can challenge is your feelings. You know what I feel X about the situation. They can't go, well, your feelings are wrong. Nobody can invalidate your feelings. Your feelings are your feelings. Listen to your gut. It's there for a reason. Number two.

This is a goodie. Listen up. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Now imagine you're a palliative care nurse like Bronnie was. And you're sitting with these beautiful old souls who are dying, who know that death is imminent. It's approaching. And they say, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. If I was Bronnie, I'd be in tears. I'd be devastated seeing these beautiful souls say, I wish I hadn't spent so much time working so hard. Look, we all need something to pursue, something to grow, something to be industrious with. But do we need to busy ourselves and distract ourselves constantly with work? To avoid feeling, to avoid having to go into those deep, dark thoughts of ours? I wish I hadn't worked so hard. And this is not one or two people she spoke with. This is hundreds of people on their last days.

Is that going to be you? I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Look, there's a difference between working productively, working passionately, and working all the hours God gave you and doing it relentlessly. Look, there's such a difference. What are you doing right now? Are you burning the candle? Or are you creating space for recreation? And that word, recreation, split it up to recreation. You recreate yourself. You replenish, you refresh. But to me, those regrets, I can see how that would happen in life. We get busy being busy. Now I'm going to share the number one regret of the dying. Right? And I want you to think about this and I want you to share this with someone. In fact, I'm going to ask you do me a favor. Please share this episode with one person in your life. Just one person. Please share this episode, copy the link, share it and ask them to think about what they're doing with their life. Make sure it's someone you love or Someone you appreciate or respect.

So the number one regret of the dying is.

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I'm going to reread that and I want you to really think about that just for a second. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Wow, how many of us do that? I've certainly done that. I still have to catch myself at times going, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up the bus, James, why are you doing that thing again? No, you're not doing it because you want to do it. You're not doing it because you're passionate about it. You're doing it because you think others expect you to do it. Press pause. Do you need to do it for a long time? I would have done things for approval. Often that's parental approval. You want to hear that, hey, well done, son, I'm proud of you. Or, you know, keep up the good work. Or son, that's fantastic. You know, a lot of times when I was younger, for sure, there was lots of things I did in my life where I just wanted approval. Not just from my parents, but other people that mattered to me. But then, you know, when I'm traveling around doing keynotes, different organizations, I chat to people before, during and after. And I talk about, where do you live? I live in this suburb. Why do you live there? Well, you know, it's just a nice suburb. And why did you pick that suburb? Well, it's just, you know, a lot of people in my industry kind of live there. And what do you drive? I'll drive this car. Why do you drive that car? Well, you know, it's just, I. Do you love the car? Do you know how the car was manufactured? Do you know anything about the engine? No, I was like, why do you drive the Range Rover? I mean, they're pretty awesome car, right? Yeah, yeah. I was like, what are they designed for? Oh, you know, lots of off roading and you know, rural and mountainous. Oh, cool. So how often do you do that? No, I just use it for about the city. So. Okay, that's cool. But are you doing it for you or are you doing it because it's expected of you when you live in a certain area? And for you individuals that drive Range Rovers. High five. They are a brilliant car. I think they're awesome. But my question to you, no matter what car you drive, what area you live in, what clothes you wear, are you wearing them because you love them? Are you wearing them because they truly align with your standards for your life? Or is some part of you doing the thing working at the place, striving for the next level up in your whether it's salary or your position, Are you doing that for you and true happiness and joy? Or are you doing that because that's what others expect of you to climb the ladder to get the next car? I just want you to think about that. The last thing I would want for you, for a person who wants to lead on purpose, is to wish that you'd had the courage to live a life truer to yourself, not the life others expected of you. So I just want to leave that with you and I want you to just meditate on that, think about that, talk about that with someone you love. But are you truly courageous right now and living a life that's true to who you are and what matters most to you? But please, for now, get out there and lead your life on purpose. Thanks for tuning in today and investing in your own personal leadership. Please hit that subscribe button and I'd love if you'd leave me a rating and review. I've got some amazing guests lined up for you in the coming weeks and leaders. It's that time to get out there and lead your life on purpose.