The Law of Empathy

I'd like to ship you a free copy of my book Habits of High Performers. If you come and join the 2026 goal setting workshop, I will ship you one of these today. The link is in the notes. Please come and join me to set up the very best 2026 you could imagine. If you've set up goals in the past or New Year's resolutions and they haven't substantiated, I'm here to help you across all the key pillars of your life nail your goals. I'll see you there. Welcome to Lead On Purpose. I'm James Laughlin, former seven time world champion musician and now executive coach to global leaders and high performers. Each week I'll publish a solo cast where I'll share my top high performance habits and methodologies to supercharge your life and career. If you enjoy the show, please take a short moment to subscribe and leave a rating and review. I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to connect today and investing in yourself. Enjoy the show.

Intelligence, experience, connections, all of these things truly were incredibly important, almost frontrunners when it came to being selected for top leadership roles. But we all know that's changing. What's the number one trait that's looked for when people are selecting leaders for different teams and organizations? Well, when you look at the studies through Harvard Business and you chat to top governance boards, the number one trait that they look for is empathy. That's right. You know, you've got to have a skill set, of course, otherwise you're not going to be applying for the role. But empathy is the number one trait that all leaders need to work on, to develop, to improve. I really believe that it's a law. It's the law of empathy. And as a leader at any capacity, whether you're leading a small team, a professional sports team, a family, multi billion dollar organization, you've got to respect the law of empathy. And if that's something that you're developing right now, actively, great. Because empathy is your ability to really think about others, understand others, put yourself in their shoes. And if you can do that, you elevate yourself to a whole other level. Look, I'm going to share a personal story that really highlights the importance of empathy and how sometimes when you're developing empathy, it might look uncool, it might seem like, oh, you're wasting your time. But I want to go back a little bit. My boy Finn is seven right now. When we go back there, he's about two, two and a half, maybe even three between two and three. And he loved the movie Frozen. If you haven't watched Frozen, great movie, right? Elsa is the main character. She's a princess. She's got these powers to freeze things. So he was fascinated by Elsa, thought she was very cool. And he decided he wanted to get a blue Elsa dress. That's right, a blue Elsa dress. And we went and got him a blue Elsa dress and a blonde wig that came with it. He thought it was great. So he put this dress on and he ran around the house with his wand, freezing me and freezing his mum and freezing everything. And he had power and he understood what Elsa's weaknesses were. He'd seen this in the movie. Now he wanted to understand what it was like to be Elsa. Now, what was interesting was I had some people that were close in my life sit, some relatives who, who made some comments about him wearing a dress and him pretending to be a princess. And they were kind of concerned about his future and his gender and sexuality. Just pause for a second, folks. This is a two year old we're talking about. I quickly challenged them on their thinking and said, this is a young boy practicing empathy because one minute he's dressed up as Elsa, the next day he's dressed up as a cowboy, the next he's dressed up as Buzz Lightyear. Look, I firmly believe from a young age we've got to encourage kids to practice empathy. And the only way they can develop empathy is to put their feet into the shoes of others. So whatever that looks like for them, let them follow it, let them experience it. Hey, next level. Finn at two and a half decided he wanted me to get an Elsa dress because he thought I needed to learn what it was like to be Elsa. So being the dad that I am, I was like, okay, this is going to be interesting. Going to be challenging, but I got to do it. He's challenging me. So I got the Elsa dress. He thought it was amazing. His mum thought it was hilarious too. But next level, then he wanted to go to the supermarket. Both of us dressed as Elsa. So I was like, okay, let's do it. You get to a point in your life and, you know, for me, as a leader of a very small family, as, you know, a co leader, I had to step into a real area of discomfort going into my local community with people I knew and some of my clients to a local supermarket dressed up as a princess with a blonde wig on, right? Yes, it was very uncomfortable for me. But I'll tell you what, there was a degree of empathy and I had to act like Elsa, and we had to talk like Elsa. Now, am I going to carry that on? No, not at all. But at that stage, it was really cool to stand alongside Finn in understanding empathy. Now, I think we all need to do this a little bit. Now, I'm not telling you have to go and get an Elsa dress, but what I'm suggesting is you ask yourself, how can I develop empathy for the people around me? Can I go and walk a day in their shoes? Can I, you know, if they do a certain role in the company, can I do that for a day? Can I get into different parts of the organization, experience what it's like to be them and see what their frustrations are and understand their aspirations? Is there a way for me to get off field and hang out with some of the people on my team off field doing things they enjoy doing, to understand them more as people? But empathy is not something you can do passively. Empathy, you've got to step in wholeheartedly. And that's why, you know, the family member who was saying these things about, you know, you should be worried about Finn's future and how it's shaping him. I just pushed it to the side highlighted to them that this is him understanding empathy and developing empathy. Finn's now 7 and does not want to wear an Elsa dress. Finn loves being out on his bike, he loves dancing, he loves singing. He loves being a part of every different aspect of his friendship circle. So when kids want to explore empathy, we should encourage them. And we as adults need to really develop that appetite for empathy. Here's just a few things you could do to develop empathy as a leader. Number one, be a more active listener. Engage in active listening during conversations. Pay full attention, maintain eye contact, and try to avoid interrupting. Just show genuine interest in what they're saying. A wee while ago, we had our former prime minister, Sir John Key, at one of our events. And over lunch, we were talking about other leaders he'd came across. And he said, one leader in particular that really deeply listened and made you feel like you were the only person in the room was former President of America Bill Clinton. He said, james, he was just. There was something about how he looked you in the eye and listened and was curious, paused, ask great questions. That just made me feel like I was the only person in the room. You can do that, too. Bill Clinton wasn't born with a special gift that none of us have. You know, we can all develop that. And for those that can hear that, that's Gabriella. That's my little chocolate lab in the background wanting to contribute to the conversation. So welcome, Gabby, thanks for that. The next thing you could do to contributing to developing that empathy is actually practice empathetic body language. How do we do that? Use more open and approachable body language to signal your willingness to listen. So lean in, smile, genuinely nod when people are talking, avoid crossing your arms, which, you know, for some that's like a stay away sign. But actually practice body language that conveys openness, willingness to listen and show your support and understanding. To me, that's the third way to do that, is offer emotional support when someone's facing challenges or personal issues. Express understanding and empathy without judgment, even if you can't fully relate to what they're talking about. You know, try to really express that understanding. Look, I understand this must be so difficult for you. Look, I understand this must make you so upset. That kind of language really connects you with the person in front of you. And to me, if you can be more empathic, you're going to get more from the relationship. You're going to encourage the person to step up and to move forward.

The fourth way, I believe, to develop that idea of empathy and leading with empathy is to practice mindfulness. You know, developing self awareness and being present in the moment helps you to better understand your own emotions and reactions. Self awareness, situational awareness, social awareness, these skill sets are the difference that makes a difference in people that know how to connect at a deep level with others. How aware are you? You know, in recent travels I was in South Africa and I've seen some really amazing levels of self awareness from people that I met. But I also seen some horrific levels of self awareness where people were incredibly ego driven, people were incredibly all about themselves, about their agenda, about being right. That level of empathy is not good enough in the high performance leadership sphere. If you want to be a high performing leader, you've got to have strong awareness, self awareness, how you sit in a social setting, situational awareness, what's going on? Where do I sit? How do I add value? How do I empower, inspire, influence? It's not always by being right. So my challenge to you, and I always like to set a little challenge, is what can you do today to improve your empathy skills? Pick one of those four that I just shared. But which one could you pick today to just improve your empathy? Because the more empathy you have, the more you have to give and lift others and support others, help each other move forward. And to me, you know, leadership, everything rises and falls on it. That's right. Everything rises and falls on leadership. So I hope you enjoyed today's session. And please, if you could share the podcast with one person, I would hugely appreciate it. And guess what? We have an amazing guest coming up, so please keep your ears peeled for that. But between now and then, please get out there and lead your life on purpose.

Thanks for tuning in today and investing in your own personal leadership. Please hit that subscribe button and I'd love if you'd leave me a rating and review. I've got some amazing guests lined up for you in the coming weeks. And leaders, it's that time to get out there and lead your life on purpose.