The Ugly Truth About A Leader I Regret Having On The Show

I'd like to ship you a free copy of my book Habits of High Performers. If you come and join the 2026 goal setting workshop, I will ship you one of these today. The link is in the notes. Please come and join me to set up the very best 2026 you could imagine. If you've set up goals in the past or New Year's resolutions and they haven't substantiated, I'm here to help you across all the key pillars of your life nail your goals. I'll see you there. Welcome to Lead On Purpose. I'm James Laughlin, former seven time world champion musician and now executive coach to global leaders and high performers. Each week I'll publish a solo cast where I'll share my top high performance habits and methodologies to supercharge your life and career. If you enjoy the show, please take a short moment to subscribe and leave a rating and review. I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to connect today and investing in yourself. Enjoy the show.

The Lead On Purpose podcast is sponsored by NZ Mortgages. Learn more at NZMortgages Co NZ Would you trust a leader if you knew what they were like off camera? Well, I'm about to let you in on something. Something that happened this year that took me by surprise and really shocked me. As many of you know, I am very fortunate that I get to sit down with some incredible people doing very incredible things in the world. And many of them are rather powerful in their industries, in their communities, in their countries. And with power comes great responsibility. And I'm often exposed to what people do behind the scenes. And to me that's who they really are. When the cameras go on, that's not who they are if they're different than when they're off camera. Some people are really consistent. What you see is what you get off camera. They're good on camera, they're the same. But sometimes I meet people who are vastly different when the cameras are off and I wanted to share that with you because often I just share what's positive and I'd rather focus on positive things. But also I think there's a lot to be learned in a positive way from how not to lead. And I don't mean just leading companies, countries, communities, families. I mean leading yourself, how you carry yourself, how much respect you've got for yourself and others, your level of awareness and empathy. So I'm going to share just a few insights to a guest that I had on this year who's a very powerful Individual, very influential, very well known. But they shocked me and I wasn't expecting it. And I held them in much higher regard and they'd shown me a different side of themselves, particularly the in previous occasions when we've met. And I just wanted to share with you when the cameras are off, what happens behind the scenes. And sometimes it's quite enlightening or alarming, whatever one you might think. Now, this particular guest.

Arrived at the studio and obviously has a high degree of self focus, probably self importance is probably more relevant now. My goal with each and every guest is to make them feel relaxed, to make them feel welcome, to make them feel very valued, respected, at ease, all those things, that's what I do. And my videographer who travels everywhere with me, he's an amazing guy, Pablo. He gets to see everything and hear everything and.

He can see when guests are congruent on and off the air and he can see the lengths that I have to go to sometimes to help people feel at ease. And to me it's important. Now, this particular guest arrived with some of his team and he started the conversation off with, look, let's get going. My team's really pissed off that I'm on this low rated podcast. Like I'm laughing, as I said, and I think I almost laughed as he said it and it was like almost a little bit of shock, like, are you for real, brother? Like seriously? And I just couldn't believe it. And there was a very much, I'll be honest with you, very much a power dynamic. He had the upper hand. He was much more powerful human than I am.

But he was using it and abusing it in a very unusual way. And I didn't think quick enough because I was kind of taken aback. But I thought maybe in hindsight looking back, I thought maybe I should have said to him, well, has your team checked out the Apple podcast chart recently at all? In the last couple of years, but I didn't feel the need to and it didn't come to mind. So I just moved forward. I thought, no, he's clearly not in a good space. He's maybe had a rough day, I'm clearly taking the brunt of it. He wants to be somewhere else. Part of me wanted to say, oh, no problem, let's not do it, let's go and enjoy yourself, have lunch, whatever else you'd rather be doing. But all I wanted to do was make him happy. And.

I'll tell you a bit more as it unfolds, but I did something many years ago called Clifton it was a personality strengths test to try and figure out what my strengths and weaknesses are. And one of my top strengths was number one, and number two was harmony and seeking harmony. And I thought, is that a good thing? And so the person that shared it with me was saying, james, it's a really good strength in that you will seek harmony and want to connect with others and make others happy. However, it's also going to be a great weakness for you because sometimes you won't hit people between the eyes, sometimes you won't have the tough conversation.

Sometimes you will appease. And in this situation, that's exactly what unfolded. A huge thank you for listening to Lead on purpose. One small favor to ask of you, and that is this. Please share this one episode with one friend, a family member, a colleague, someone who you think might enjoy this episode. I have no clue how algorithms work, but what I do know is that when a real human recommends something to another real human, it lands. So please do me that huge favor and share this one episode. I deeply appreciate it.

As the interview went on, once we got the cameras rolling, all I did was elevate this individual, respect them, highlight their greatness, talk about the great things they've done. And I didn't go there in terms of what happened before the cameras went raw. And I look back at that and there was a sense of shame and a sense of, like, what are you playing at, James? Like, you should have hit him between the eyes, you know, verbally, not physically, but, you know, you should have given it to him in the interview and talked about his attitude and his incongruence as a leader. And I just didn't. And I've learned a lot from that. And it's made me really think about my role and the platform that I've got and the ability to connect with thousands and millions of humans around the world. And I get to bring these incredible leaders, most of them very incredible, and thought leaders and authors and scientists and all these different people. I get to bring them to amazing humans like you. But I've got a duty to you, and that is to call things out, to ask the curly questions, the difficult ones, throw a little spanner in the works and get a bit edgy. And that's a challenge for me. That's against my Natural Harmony personality, as per the CliftonStrengths assessment I was sharing with you earlier. But actually, that's where I want to be. I want to get uncomfortable. I want to call out the leaders who, off camera are meant to. And you Know, when I think of that individual, I wouldn't want to have him on the show again. I wouldn't want to do business with that person. I wouldn't want to have dinner with them. I wouldn't want to spend any time with them. And I'm purposely not naming names because you know what? There's nothing to gain by that. What am I going to gain? You know, blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make mine burn any brighter. I wanted to just share this with you because sometimes everything is not as it appears behind the scenes. There's different things that go on. And all I hope is that you are striving for congruence between who you are at home, who you are by yourself, who you are in front of others, who you are when you're with people on a team. The more congruent we can be, the better. And if you are responsible for anyone, if you're a leader of any description, I just want you to know there's a power dynamic. I know you might be a parent, there's a power dynamic there. You've got a responsibility and a duty of care. If you're an older sibling for a lot of years, there's a power dynamic there. If you are the child of a very elderly parent who's in care and needs care, there's a power dynamic there. If you're leading one person at work or you happen to be more senior in some way in terms of tenure or status, there's a power dynamic. Please remember that you have the ability to greatly elevate the people around you, to empower them, to inspire them, to encourage them. Look, this world is tough enough as it is. The mental health health statistics are horrific. They're not getting better, they're getting worse. We need kindness. We need congruence. You know, this leader will continue to hold their leadership title for a while, I imagine, but others must see this in him as well. And I imagine that he will be called out. And if he ever does sit in my studio again, which at this point, the door is not open. But if I did open the door again and have him on, he won't know it, but I'll be ready, I'll be prepared, and I will be respectful. But I will call out this incongruence. I will call out this behavior. It's that guy, you know, or girl who is nice as pie to everyone around them because they need those people, whether it's at work, whether it's with clients, whether it's working their way up the corporate ladder, they're super nice, but then you just see them at a restaurant and they're an absolute dick to the waiter or they're rude and dismissive to the waitress. Those are the type of people I'm talking about. They click their fingers, they demand things and they just don't care because they're there to be served. And those are the type of leaders we don't want. Those are the type of people we don't want to be. Just take a moment and think about how you treat others when there is a power dynamic. Because when you're in a restaurant and you're paying for the food and you can give a tip and you can leave a Google review, guess what? There's a massive power dynamic there. Please think about that. Think about that. It leaves such a lasting impression on people when you treat them kindly, but equally when you treat them poorly. So I want you just to reflect on that. And I haven't really ever opened up about this, but honestly, I felt a bit shit for weeks, and obviously I shared it with Caroline and my team, and my videographer was there to experience it for himself and it wasn't cool. So if you have the privilege of leading someone or some people or a community or a country, whatever you do, please be congruent. If you're going to be arrogant and dismissive and mean off camera, be the same on camera. Let's keep it consistent. But hopefully you're a high performer. Hopefully you lead from a place of service and you think, you know what I'm going to lead with. Kindness, conviction, congruency. That's what it's all about. And I've decided, you know, the more experiences I have with my guests, I'm going to talk a little bit more about what happens behind the scenes. And in that particular interview, you know, it probably could have went a lot longer, but it didn't. And it wasn't going to go for long because I wasn't in a good space after that. I wasn't in my full zone of confidence and curiosity. I kind of wanted to wrap it up and get him on his merry way. And that's unfortunate, but that's the reality. And people will be people. But you, you have a choice. You have a choice of how you lead others. You have a choice of how you use that power dynamic. I've met some incredible humans, sat down with some very powerful humans, and many of them, I would say most of them, have been kind, been thoughtful, have been helpful, have went out of their way to help. That's what I'm talking about. That is a high performing leader. That's what I geek out on. Look, I hope you enjoyed today's session on this. This idea of what happens behind the scenes when the curtains are closed. And I just wanted to ask you know, would you trust a leader who know is super incongruent. I imagine you wouldn't. So please be that leader that people can trust. And as we step in to another year ahead for any of you that would need a keynote speaker for any of your events, I've got some availability, although it is looking full noise in 2025. But if you want to reach out about any keynotes, any workshops with your teams, I deliver high performance training on leadership, on sales, on influence. If you're interested in any of that, please don't hesitate to reach out. But for now, please get out there and lead your life on purpose. The Lead On Purpose podcast is sponsored by NZ Mortgages. Learn more at nzmortgages co nz. Thanks for tuning in today and investing in your own personal leadership. Please hit that subscribe button and I'd love if you'd leave me a rating and review. I've got some amazing guests like up for you in the coming weeks and leaders, it's that time to get out there and lead your life on purpose.