[Urszula Carr] ​​​​​​​From chaos to calm

Welcome to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success with your host Jane Slack-Smith, where we celebrate the incredible journeys of individuals who've transcended their limitations and achieved extraordinary success.

Welcome to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success podcast, where we explore incredible journeys of transformation and resilience. Now today's special guest is Dr. Ursula Carr. She is a specialist hematopathologist and holds a PhD in tumor biology. Now, Ursula is not only an academically accomplished medical professional but also a compassionate coach certified in rapid change technologies, trained in the Natural Success modality, and neuro-linguistic programming. Ursula lives in Sydney, where she enjoys a vibrant life with her 4 children. Her interests are diverse, extending far beyond the realm of medicine. An experienced traveler with a love for the outdoors, Ursula Ursula also enjoys martial arts and holds a black belt in Shotokan karate. Her active lifestyle is sustained by her enthusiasm for long-distance running, skiing, bushwalking— I'm exhausted already— cycling. Ursula's strong interest in personal growth and human behavior fuels her ongoing quest for knowledge. She's an early adopter and an advocate of technologies and advances. She embraces innovations in digital pathology and artificial intelligence. Well, what a trendsetter! Welcome, Ursula, to the podcast.

Hello and thank you for inviting me.

Now I'm going to have some— get some clarity. I know that I mispronounced what you do. Could you just explain what is a dermapathologist?

Well, um, I am a histopathologist, but we subspecialized, um, so I actually look at the microscope to diagnose skin diseases, inflammatory skins, alopecia, tumors, including melanomas, so that the clinician can actually treat the patient accordingly to the diagnosis. So we closely collaborate. I am a medical doctor, but I diagnose diseases and then I collaborate with dermatologists, GPs, who then know how to treat the patient because they've got a correct diagnosis.

Wow, okay, vital work. Well, thank you so much for explaining that. Now I can't wait to hear about your sliding door moment, so let's get going. If you could describe for me, I guess, that you're a doctor, you're working away, you have a sliding door moment— what changed everything for you?

I mean, there were many sliding door moments actually, and, uh, and the change was probably gradual, uh, but, uh, everything has when I've lost my husband to pancreatic cancer. And that was very unexpected because he was a very healthy, fit man. And all of a sudden he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer with metastasis. And naturally he died. And I was left with 4 young children at the time, age 6 to 12, not even 12, the oldest. 4 girls, and, um, we just bought a house in Sydney. And so I was left with a big mortgage and threw myself into work to provide for the family. My husband was a house stay dad, so I was a breadwinner. So, but I just started working even more to pay the mortgage and look after the girls. And of course, we didn't have that— they didn't have dad anymore, so I had to be a mom as well. Luckily, because of my profession, my employer was very empathetic, and I got a lot of flexibility in terms of, you know, being able to work sometimes from home and still be at school at those important moments, for which I'm very grateful. But I developed severe burnout because I also have no family here, so no support. Of course, there are friends, but you know, like it is, everybody's got a busy life, so you can't really rely. There was help coming But generally, I was just me and my kids. And the burnout was— so it was severe time, severe burnout. But the worst one was during COVID where I was in a space where I really think I thought I can't live like this anymore. In fact, I had thoughts of, I wish it was me who died of cancer. I just wanted to get up. I wanted to crawl under the bed in the morning rather than get up and do something. I just wanted to be alone. Alone and felt like being in that kind of dark— how to describe, like, you know, like if you were locked in a dark room, there was no windows, no doors, and you started kind of feeling suffocating and, you know, you can't catch your breath and there is no way out. Like, I couldn't see a way out because I thought, okay, I can't do this job anymore. I am a mom. I can't stop being a mom. And in medical profession is not so easy. You know, you don't just go and change your specialty because that's another 5, 7 years of training and exams. That was the last thing I wanted to do. And I thought, what else can I do? I can't do anything because I don't know anything. This is all I know. I've been studying for 25-odd years to actually do what I do. And this is how it was gradual, but I started the journey into— I started diving deep into personal development.

So, so just to summarize, you know, you're working 40, 50, 60 hours a week as, as a doctor. Your husband's a stay-at-home dad. You've got 4 little girls between 6 and 12. In a very short period of time, I'm assuming, there was a complete change. You took on the parenting, the home, looking after the new mortgage, the job that didn't really change, but you could have a little bit of flexibility in, you know, going to events and working from home every now and then. You took on essentially two great big jobs and you were facing this overwhelm, you're facing exhaustion, and you're describing this point where you are like, I can't, I can't get up. When you were in that point of that, that chaos that was happening in your life, how, how did you, you know, have that kind of, there is a way out? Where was the light? Where did, where did you actually go, I'm not going to let this get me down? Because obviously with kids, you know, you, you don't give up. But, you know, what kind of led you to this kind of aha where you saw you had a choice?

Yeah. Well, the kids, to be honest, the kids, I knew that I am the only parent and they just already been through so much. So I had a choice, you know, dwell into my sorrows and, you know, get deeper into depression, start taking medications or maybe, you know, like alcohol, whatever, to make it temporarily, to make my cozy better or I'll do something about it for the sake of my kids and for myself because I love life. And I wanted my life back because when Nigel was alive, yeah, I worked hard. Not 60 hours, but between 40 to 50. But he did everything at home. So all weekends we spent a lot of time together going out and enjoying kids. And I still did that. I still took kids whenever I could. So I tried to have at least weekends off. And that was that drive. And I cannot pinpoint how and what. I am a meditator. So I dropped meditation when he was sick, but I started meditating again. It wasn't something that was new to me because I've been meditating for quite a while before. And I did some Vipassana silent retreats. So I started doing that. But also, I am a big enthusiast, as you know, of physical activities. And I think running at the time actually saved my life because I've been running 40 kilometers a week, like 40 and more. And the kids knew when I was angry or shouting at them because it happened. I was so exhausted that I was a shouty parent and they will go, "Mama, go for a run, go for a run." so that they, they could, they could see those moments.

And so you, you were meditating, you're running, physical activity. What kind of, what kind of choice did you make to get yourself out of those fears and the worries and, and that chaos? Like, you know, you're doing these activities. Was there also a kind of a mental kind of trigger that you went, okay, like, something's got to give, I've got it, I've got a choice here?

Yes, what I would say, even so I wasn't yet aware because as you know, I underwent a Natural Success training. It wasn't yet, I wasn't in that training yet, that came later. But even at that state, I kind of instinctively knew that I can to some degree control my emotions and my reactions, that I can change that I feel upset anxious, fearful to something better. And you know, when you kind of decide something, there's synchronicities and something comes your way. And then I came across Tony Robbins' daily priming routine. And it's funny, I always find it funny that he's so expensive, his courses and events, and this is for free on YouTube. And I started listening to it and I think That also together with my physical exercise and also karate, I'm a black belt, so I was training for black belt. I've started training. I wanted the black belt. And that altogether combined just got me out of that hole. And of course, I took some time off as well from work. I think maybe a week to just recover from that acute state. Sometimes when you're in that acute state, you have to break. You just can't work anymore. And that was enough to start to start the change. And that's what started the change in my mind, was the realization that I have a choice in this matter. And then I started seeing some options. And because when you're in that kind of different state of mind, you are attracting some information. Your brain is filtering information and allows you to see things that you haven't seen before because you are too upset, too fearful, too anxious to actually see other opportunities. I've started my investment journey, you know, I wanted to invest in properties, so I've learned about that, or shares, etc., because I had no idea. I've been renovating my house, and that also, you know, gave me some purpose. And of course, my girls, all the time, my girls. And, uh, so, so that gave me a feeling of purpose that I've got something here to do. And Initially was to be a parent for my children, but then I realized that it's for me as well. This is my life. I want to enjoy my life now, not when I'm dead or after, hoping that after I die it would be better.

Yeah.

And yeah, so for myself and for my patients, because unhappy and fearful and exhausted doctor is not a good doctor for my patients. So I can actually turn up to work and give everything I've got. Knowing that I can go home and have some refuge in spending time with my children and having a free evening and doing some exciting stuff with my family.

Yeah, you know what's interesting is, you know, and I want to move on to— because obviously you've now studied a lot of extra things— Neuro Linguistic Programming, Natural Success Modality, the Rapid Transformation Therapies, etc. Now you've done that from a place of helping others, in particular doctors and medical professionals, but anyone, I assume, with the executive and high stress, overwhelm, and facing burnout. Tell me about that journey, because that, you know, the fact that you just recovered yourself and you found some ways to bring you out of that and orientate towards the future and what you wanted to create rather than in the now, the negative bias. I'm interested in, in that progression. What's that been like for you?

So during my training with Natural Success and some other modalities, I've realized something extremely important, that I create my life. And initially when I've heard that, I thought, what's going on in here? Do I really choose that my husband died and I'm a single mom and all that? But of course, there are circumstances, there are aspects of lives that involve others, and we have no control over those. But we can control our reaction. And I understood that if I own it, I own that I create my life, my reality, then it gives me a power to change things that I don't like, to change into something different. And Funny is, it's funny how we focus always on— most people focus on what we don't like in our lives, you know, the worries, the anxiety. Somebody, if you don't have money, you focus on lack of money because you're thinking constantly, you know, how do I pay that next check? And strangely enough, you are not open to opportunities of making more money, or, you know, it's, it's closed to you because all you're thinking is I have no money. Yeah. And it's just one example. But what I'm trying to say that I've realized that I can change it. And the change of how I can create my life is to focus on what I want to create in my life. And I wanted to have a happy family, be a lovely parent, have a very good relationship with my children, be a good doctor, reignite this spark that I've studied for so long. And I'm excited about diseases and everything that I see. And you're working like a detective a lot of the time because I see the slide and I don't— even with my experience, there are days that I don't know what I've got and I have to do special techniques and I have to send it for second opinion. And we just discuss and talk to colleagues and it's like detective work for the patient to actually have the correct diagnosis. So can, you know, the clinician can apply the treatment. And that was a big realization. But it took me a few years actually before I started realizing, because it's all good, you realize, okay, all I do, I focus on what I want to create. But how do you actually do it?

Yeah.

You know how? And I developed a lot of little techniques which are short, quick, to actually be able to do that. And I've got the morning routines, I got exercises that I do during the day and evening routines, and I do them religiously every day. And it's not like I'm not— it's not OCD. Sometimes I change them around, sometimes I don't do them because I just run out of time. But that's very rare. I try to be very because I know how important it is.

And it sets the state for the rest of the day.

It sets the, you know, I've got the intention that my day is going to go well, whatever is thrown at me. I've got that intention and I know how to reconnect with my vision whenever, you know, there is problem. Because I used to go to work, even when I started meditating in the morning, I was good as gold. I would go to work and then I start seeing all these cases piling and I have this raising kind of panic feeling that I'm not on the top of it. You know, I can't do it. And then I'm going home and I'm already so exhausted, so tired, and so angry that I'm shouting at my kids when I'm coming back home. And I changed that. I do a lot of little short exercises during the work that make me focus. Okay, like reconnect, recharge, and, you know, I'm good, I'm good to go.

I might have to convince you to do a bonus video for some of those techniques after this. But just, you know, I guess what, what interests me is that, you know, obviously that your daughters are older now and a little bit more, um, you know, leaving home, etc. And you've got, you know, what I would have thought of some time and grace in your life again to focus on yourself. But as well as your, you know, your job, now what you're what you're doing is you're actually assisting, you know, doctors and medical professionals particularly who are in that crisis and that chaos. I imagine you can't jump straight in and talk to them about, you know, creating the life that they, they want. Yeah, when, when you are in that crisis, that awareness point of realizing that circumstances do happen— and I think, what's the saying, you know, that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional? You know, it's how you deal with those life experiences pain. You're now coaching your, your clients who are in that point. You know, can you just tell me, how would a, a person who potentially is listening to this go, oh my God, that's me? You know, what's that look like when you're at that point where you can't see out? Now, a quick word from our sponsor, Your Success Club. Your Success Club is a group of vibrant abundance seekers. If you subscribe to exitthematrix.io, we are going to drop you into the club room, which has lots of goodies, resources, and a free gift just for subscribing. Now back to the podcast.

Well, you are completely exhausted and you recognize it because, well, say Monday is approaching. So the weekend, often, you know, unless you do shifts, but often at the stage of consultancy, it's probably Monday to Friday and maybe some on calls at the weekend. But I spent all weekend thinking about Monday and I spoiled my weekend just thinking. And some people call it sunditis, particularly on Sunday, I was already depressed. So if you do that, if you think about going to work and you have that sinking feeling, you are definitely burned out. You are not happy. When everything that mentioned work and connected with work, you feel like I I can't even move my finger because I feel already so exhausted. And almost like a hate relationship. And also that feeling that there is no way out. Like, what can I do from now? What can I do? I can't do anything because I'm a doctor. What can I do differently? And if you're in that state and plus these family circumstances, there may be divorce going on in your life, there may be problems with children. Because I would like to tell you, this is not, you know, my children are beautiful and lovely, but 3 of them are neurodivergent. So it wasn't like all roses and butterflies at home. But so if you've got all that on the top of your work, there is so much you can take, right? And you break, you break. When you're at that state of breaking, you've got to do something about it. You either try to do it yourself.

Yeah, I just, I just wanted to— if people are listening to this and there's an awareness point where you're like, actually, one of these things resonates with me, you're probably at the point where you are in chaos and you don't think you can get out. And the message is it's possible. Like, you've done it yourself, you've helped your other clients do it, but it is possible. But the awareness is the key, right?

Yes. And that you are not alone, uh, even, even in the worst circumstances where you think about yourself, you maybe fail the exam, or you're preparing for the exam, medical exam, and you're procrastinating because you've got other things, you know, problems at home, and you're beating yourself up because, you know, everybody— and you're comparing constantly, you know, my colleagues are already finished my training. I talk a lot to trainees as well because I can see how many, how many of them are struggling because it's really hard, you know, they're in training for a long time, they work long hours, have issues at home and they always compare themselves with others. You know, my colleagues at this stage, they already consultants and, you know, I can't pass this exam. And if you don't pass the exam, there is no, it's not really that, you know, what else can you do? In our profession, you've got to, if you want to be specialist, you've got to pass the exam. Otherwise it's, you know, very hard to stay in the same even specialty without actually having those exams passed. So the training, the doctors who are just sometimes they are at any ages, any age and state of career, you can encounter that kind of difficulties. Usually it is combined work with something going on at home and your private life and your love life, romantic relationship that triggers that kind of point of feeling that I'm almost breaking. Of course, this is different to depression and I'm not dealing with any kind of psychological illnesses. I'm not a psychologist. I need to disclose that I'm not a psychologist or mental health specialist, psychiatrist. I don't do any kind of treatment. This is coaching. Coaching is different. And how I help my clients, that is I give them the— I share the routines that I do that saved my life and manage and that helped me to get from that dark room outside and see the doors and see the light and see the sunshine. You know, there is a world out there and it's beautiful and it's so full of potential and opportunities. Let's see that and then achieve the clarity because often we so focus on our troubles and problems that we don't even know what we actually want. You know, so I help them to clarify that. What do you want? Like, forget all the— like, if there was No money problem, no trainings, rules. What would you love your life to be without any kind of, you know, if you could just magically have a magic wand and just change it, how would you like it to be? And I let them go wild. Like, what really would you like to do? Would you like to be a doctor or would you like to perhaps not? Perhaps you change to something different. And then they just go wild and their faces lit up and they started seeing these opportunities and creations, the potentials there. And then obviously it's not enough because then you have to do the main component. The pepper and salt is that you have to actually take little actions to your goals, to your dreams for this to happen. But the main thing is that you need to constantly reconnect and focus on that vision rather than— and we fell off the wagon and then we come back and we keep going. And the coach is helping with that, just holding your but, um, you know, helping you being, being accountable to yourself, um, and, you know, keeping that kind of— it's like a sharing, you know, from the, uh, like athletes get sharing from their coach, right? Um, they— well, it's slightly different because coach in athletes that just tell them exactly what to do, the, the coach in this kind of life coach space is mostly just getting that, uh, your essence, the experiences that you want to, you know, the clarity, the potential out, and believing in yourself and believing you can achieve it. Um, and, you know, helping you to come up with those.

I've got a coach. I've always had a coach, and, well, at least for the last 24 years. And it's just, uh, it's, it's some— it's like a cheerleader on your side, but also someone's going to kick your butt, right? And, and make you see things that you may not be able to see. And when you're in deep keep in a situation and allowing circumstances happen to you rather than, you know, realizing that circumstances happen and you can have a choice. It's the coach's role really to, to give you that clarity of where your current reality is and hold the vision of what you want to create and give you techniques to get there. So, you know, the thing that I love about your story, Ursula, is that When we think of doctors and medical professionals, you know, their essence is about caring and looking after others. And, you know, you hear about doctors, you know, especially new trainees, you know, doing 20-hour shifts without sleep and all of these things. We kind of just accept it. And then we've got the fact that, you know, you've got these people whose orientation is looking after others and being supportive who are going through this overwhelm, exhaustion, chaos and going, going, but who's going to look after me? So I just, I love the fact that not only vulnerably you've shared your story and said, you know, this is where you were and here were the awareness points that allowed you to orientate differently, but you're supporting doctors in doing that. So I'm very grateful as a member of the public that you're looking after our doctors so that they can look after us. And I really commend you for, you know, your work that you do now. So thank you.

Thank you. That's very kind. Yeah, for me, I just wanted to say that for me, that drive was when I realized how much my life changed. I realized that I was the problem, not the problem, but I was the cause of the chaos. Of course, with the circumstances, but mainly I was the cause and I took the ownership of it. Then I gained power of changing it. And that's such a liberating state to be and realization. And as a byproduct of that, I become, I believe, much better intuitive parent. I mean, one of my teenage daughters told me, you know, Mom, you become a different person. You become so much, you become excellent parent and you've changed so much since you started doing this coaching stuff. And that was the biggest compliment that I could ever imagine. Uh, I was just so happy when I've heard that. And then even yesterday we had a little conversation about my generation and the parents and how they twisted and how they, uh, you know, I never done any parenting courses or learn how to parent. We, we don't learn, like, unfortunately nobody teaches us at school. We, we learn from experience. But she goes to me, she says to me, you know, you realize that you were the problem and you You've changed. And she was right because my family became like a peaceful oasis that I always wanted to create, but I didn't know how. And now, because I wanted them to, okay, you go out and there would be problems, there would be difficulties, there would be people bullying you maybe. But you have that home where you can come and like you open the door and you just go, you know. I'm home. And I always have this sense, like, you know, sticks, scented sticks. So I want them to have that when they open the door, that smell of kind of calm and, you know, home tranquility. Yeah, that, okay, I'm home, I can now, you know, have relaxed and I know I'm loved. I know I am safe.

Yeah. What a beautiful environment you've created for your family. Now, I can't let you go without a little bit of fun. So every guest, I ask them to share something that people don't know about them. And, and it was funny, we had a bit of a chat about this beforehand, and you are like a, you know, forefront of digital technology and AI in your profession, and it wasn't always the case. So I'd love for you to share, you know, something that people don't really know about you. Uh, but in terms of AI and digital, I know that you grew up in a village probably without technology.

Oh yes, well, um, just to, just to just clarify, I am enthusiastic, but it's been a long journey because Australia somehow is slightly behind with Europe. So I'm not up front, you know, at the front, but I'm putting my hand up and I'm volunteering to be a pioneer but I'm not one of the pioneers because that's been done years ago somewhere else. So that's one thing. But yeah, it's funny because when I was—

Always very humble.

No, no, that's the truth. That's the truth. I'm not a pioneer here because I didn't have an opportunity, but I love it and I'm just making everything that we actually embrace it in Australia here, at least in my workplace. But yeah, when I was a child, I grew up in a very little village in the middle of nowhere in South Poland, in the hills and by the lake. My parents were teachers and dad was headmaster. And at those times, tells, you know, that will reveal my age, but in particular in Poland, we lived in a communistic regime. So we had a telly that had only 2 channels and the second channel never actually worked because the reception was so bad. So as a child, I had one program a day and that was 50, 10 minutes, 10 minutes. It was called Dobrá Noc, which means like good, good night, uh, you know. It was cartoons, so we were waiting for it. And then it was a 2-hour program on a Sunday, uh, at 9 o'clock. And that was it for the children, you know, uh, that was it, media.

So what did you do with your time?

So you had to do something, and that made us to be really creative because I lived in a like like apartment blocks where other teachers with other kids. So we had like tons of kids, you know, outside the block, very close to school. So we were just creating so many fun games. And I remember particularly fondly the winter, which was usually quite heavy, lots of snow. So we obviously, you know, took the sleds and slide down straight to the road. The parents didn't know. Obviously the road wasn't very busy because not many people have cars, but there were horses sometimes, you know, crossing by, whatever. Or the snow was so high up and like it was meters and meters of snow that we would just jump straight in, like buried ourselves and pretend there was an avalanche. And you know, we can't get out and all the rescue and everything. And I remember a genius idea when I went and started making like footsteps on snow and pretending and scaring younger children than me that the Yeti is—

Yeti footsteps.

Nice. And all sorts of, all sorts of, you know, wonderful things that we played. Creativity was amazing, you know. And that's not, you know, I don't want to go this far back. My times, we had a stick to play with, but we did.

Well, there you go. Something we didn't know, playing in avalanche situations and creating Yeti footsteps. Well, I have to say, thank you very much, Ursula. Dr. Ursula Carr, who's joined us today and shared with us her, her journey from chaos to calm and how she's supporting doctors and medical professionals and people facing overwhelm and exhaustion in understanding their own journey and the way out. So I really appreciate you being here. Thank you so very much, Ursula. And if you would like to contact Ursula, do her Life Scan quiz, which actually gives you an indication of where maybe you're out of whack in life. Please head to www.ursulacarr.com www.exitthematrix.io/s for short, /DrCarr, D-R-C-A-R-R. And Ursula, I might, uh, you know, get a little bonus recording here so you can share some of your tips that help us orientate during the day from chaos to calm after this. That bonus will be also on the exitthematrix.io webcast. Please, you know, go and subscribe. Let's hack the algorithm. Head over to Apple, leave a review for us and share this, because sharing is caring. And, you know, at Exit the Matrix, we're all here about, you know, celebrating those sliding door moments, the moments where people exit the matrix and choose a life that is different to the one that they were experiencing. So thank you very much, Dr. Ursula Carr, for sharing that with us today. I am so grateful for you and what you do. And as always, here is to your success.

Bye For now. Thank you for listening to Exit the Matrix Stories of Success. Make sure you subscribe to future episodes at www.exitthematrix.io. Until next time, here's to your success. Why not be one? Why not be one?