Jay Shaw argues that identity change isn't about repeating affirmations to yourself. He uses water freezing into ice as a metaphor: telling water it's ice won't work, but putting it in a freezer will. Change your environment and habits, not just your self-talk.
And this is where I think people misunderstand identity work in general. They think we're just changing the way that you think about yourself, and that's part of it, but identity is much bigger than that. Let me give you another example. Let's say that I've got a cup of water sitting here, and I want the water to become ice. I can stand over this water all day saying, you are ice, you are ice, you're getting colder, you deserve to be frozen, and nothing is going to happen. Because the problem isn't that the water hasn't heard the right words yet. The problem is the conditions. So what do I do? I put the water in the freezer and I leave it alone. I don't have to motivate the water. I don't have to keep reminding it of what it's supposed to become. I changed the conditions around it. And because the conditions changed, the result eventually became inevitable. That's how I want you to think of identity. The goal is the ice. You are the water, and your identity is the freezer.
