Elul: Warming Up for 5784 with Rabbi Taylor Swift

Hey there, welcome to the OMFG podcast, Jewish wisdom for unprecedented times. My name is still Rabbi Jen Gubitz, and together with my friend and co-conspirator Rabbi Jodi Gordon, we are so glad you're with us.

OMFG is not just a podcast, it's a philosophy, a worldview, a way of keeping it Jewish while keeping it real. Sometimes, especially if those times are any time in the last few years, the world just gives you opportunity after opportunity to say, "OMFG!" Now, the world is the world, but Jewish tradition inspires us to call out to each other, and sometimes to God, and to figure out what it all means. And so this podcast is our way of inviting you into the conversation.

So in true OMFG fashion, we hope you've had an awesome summer full of stone fruit, canned sparkling wine, and great concerts. Welcome to OMFG.

Jen, it's been forever. Last time we chatted, we were at Christian summer camp with a bunch of Jewish clergy learning about, you know, I think it was not just the solar system. I would say it was the galaxies and the God particle and all sorts of crazy things that we knew nothing about.

It was so intergalactic that I think I saw myself out a few times. But being together was so much fun. And luckily, you and I got to hang out the week of July 4th. Despite going to Tanglewood on two different nights, we were both miserably soaked for James Taylor. But it was a thrill a few days later to sit on your porch and eat cheese and drink wine, which was delicious, with a beautiful breeze that may have been from your porch ceiling fan.

I mean, really, it was a tycoon on July 4th and July 3rd when both of our original picnics got completely rained out. So, you know, having that picnic with you on my porch was beautiful. And that pie you brought, Jen, that was really something.

Wasn't it? Note to self, do not leave fruit pies out on the counter. They will ferment and should not be consumed. So, beside rotten pie, what have you been up to since then?

Uh, well, you know, it's not just at summer camp, that whole idea of living 10 for 2. The Berkshires in general also, like, summertime is our time to shine, and so it's been a really busy summer here doing lots of really cool stuff here at our synagogue, lots of really fun things happening all over the Berkshires. On a personal note, I feel like this was the summer that I was like, oh, I should take notes. Like, things are different now and I will plan accordingly for next summer. But we had 2 kids away at sleepaway camp, which made me feel awesome. I mean, that part was awesome, but also made me feel like I want to arrange our summer a little differently. I got to be on faculty at Eisner Camp, which is like a great gift of the universe that, you know, if you make it through 5 years of HUC, you get to go back to camp. That's sort of the— that's the calculus I see in my own head. And I got a really nice parting gift from camp. After a week on faculty, I came home with pneumonia. So it's like, it's just been like a funny, bumpy summer, the highest highs, the lowest lows. And I am like, I'm a staunch summer person. I love summer. I don't want summer to end. And so it's not over. And so I am sort of insisting that we still behave in appropriate summertime fashion for at least 2 more weeks when my kids go back to school. What about you?

I totally thought your parting gift from camp was going to be like a 15-year fleece or something.

Pneumonia.

The lingering effects of summer. Um, we've had a good summer. We had that amazing week in the Berkshires where, you know, our dog is terrified of fireworks, so we found a place tucked away. He's a very lucky dog, but it was actually really nice and so peaceful to sort of be out of the city because we live so deeply into the city of Boston. Uh, a couple weeks ago I ran 4 different Tuba Av events for the Jewish Day of Love. It was a lot of love. I love love. A lot of love. And then last weekend I was in Indiana for Gucci's 65th reunion. Gucci is— yeah, I know, right? One C because it's in Indiana. Gucci is one of the Reform Movement summer camps. It's actually one of the second camp that came after Ossurui and Um, it's an amazing place and it's really a big reason why I'm a rabbi. Um, growing up there, all we did was sing. Literally morning roll call, after every meal, tefillah prayer services in the evening. If it was raining, they were like, let's sing. If it was Shabbat, they said, let's sing. We did campfires on Shabbat, all of that stuff. And so for the reunion, it was basically the same. And I was back with my song leading co. Who's now a music educator and touring Jewish artist, Alan Goodis, and our mentor, Dan Nichols, as well as generations of camp song leaders. And it was just so special to sing together with everyone. That's all I ever want to do is just have people sing together. And it was amazing. Some of the songs that I haven't sung in 5 to 10 years, how they just came back like they've been sitting somewhere in my, in my brain. And then I learned that I can still play the flute. Or at least I can still play the one song on Shabbat that I play the flute on at Gucci.

Which one? Julie Silver Simshalom?

No, it's Asher Hamalot. Sheer hamalot. Really sounds really good on the flute. I've been playing the flute since second grade, but like only every 5 years in my adulthood. So that was a relief. That was a relief. And then after that, my sister and I went to Bloomington for some IU nostalgia. I saw my Jewish studies advisor who deeply impacted my life, Hillel Rabbi. We saw our uncle. So the nostalgia was like full throttle, and I feel like it really helped me get ready to enter, dun-da-da, into the Hebrew month of Elul, which starts in a couple of days. So dare I ask, Jodi, you're, you know, you're a congregational High Holy Day rabbi. I am working the High Holy Days this year too, but like Elul is like a big, like Wake up, it's time. So dare I ask, are you feeling ready?

So here's the honest truth. I, as a congregational rabbi, like, and also as a congregational rabbi who, unlike many of our colleagues who have had like very quiet summers in their office and like getting ready for the high holidays is the thing, like we're still in the midst of like our summer programming calendar. So I feel like the answer to the question of am I ready for Elul is like being ready for Elul is like a, it's like a sweater that I put on when I come to the office, but I take it off before I go home. So like I'm not actually ready for Elul, but I am playing the part of somebody who's ready for Elul when I come to this building every day. So like, you know, we're in the midst of High Holiday choir rehearsals and I'm doing my own music rehearsals with our accompanist and we're getting all those things ready. And I realize that actually You know, probably like the other version of this episode that we could do is like, but does that mean you're ready for Elul? Because like the answer is no. And the truth is, you know, ready or not, here it comes. So whether or not I'm ready, you know, elul higiah, here we are. So I don't know, maybe you have some ideas for me. What are you doing to really prepare, to get ready?

So first of all, I just want you to consider whether or not it's a sweater because it's like summer in New England.

I know, but my office is over air conditioned, so that's why it felt like the right move.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Am I ready? So, you know, I'm also preparing for the High Holy Days a little bit. I'm leading family services at Temple Shalom of Newton. I'm going to be— I'm really excited to be with the Vilna Shul in the city of Boston for a lot of holiday gatherings. And so I feel like I am getting ready and I've been preparing a bunch of teachings. One that I did for this online community called Smashing Life, Smashing the Glass, and one that I'm going to teach next week at Tribal Gatherings. But really, it all came from being inspired by you and what you were doing at summer camp and what some of our colleagues were doing. And truly, major footnote, fueled by the expertise of Rabbi Rachel Pass, who—

Major expertise.

Major expertise. Like, she— her rabbinate is the Torah of Taylor Swift. And so that's what I've been working on, and I feel excited excited. I feel more excited about the Torah of Taylor Swift than actually have ever tried— actually trying to go to a concert. So that just, I think, gives you insight into who I am.

No, no, I think that makes total sense. So I feel like this is where it's, it's useful to say that I too don't feel like I get to call myself a Swiftie, and yet I do feel like I was smart enough to know that if I was gonna go work at camp this summer and have the opportunity to teach an elective to 8th and 9th graders and 10th graders. So it was like time to get with the program, and the program was right in front of my face. Hence the creation of the Torah of Taylor Swift. And it was incredible because I feel like I learned so much about it. I have to give a huge shout out— not that these kids are listening, but maybe they should be— to, uh, the Eisner Camp first session Sophie Bunks '24 and Olim Bunks '39 and '42, because even though I was theoretically the one teaching this elective called the Taylor The tailor of Taylor Swift, should we call it that? No, the Tora. Yeah, these, these people, they, they, these campers schooled me. I feel like I learned so much from them.

I love that. Remember, there's a skier whose name was Tora. I think her name was like Tora Bright. So the, the tailor of Taylor Swift. So, so also not a Swiftie, wasn't on the bandwagon this summer, and it's not because I don't respect her or like her music. It's really because I'm not a huge fan of large crowds or getting to concerts that are hard to get to. And like, Boston like coordinated public transit so that you could buy a ticket to and from the stadium, but then they ran out of tickets, and then people were Ubering and taking Lyfts or sitting in traffic for 3 to 5 hours. And I am so happy for them that they had a powerful experience, and also so happy for me that I didn't try to navigate them. But what I did notice was despite all of the complexities of getting there and even of course getting tickets, I heard from friends and I saw on social media that it was really a transformative experience for so many people. So Jodi, we've talked about this idea before of collective effervescence in the early days of the podcast, and it's not— that's not a comment on seltzer, although we do like that collective effervescence as well. But this idea— I know, right? And we seltzer pairing for the High Holy Days, pomegranate, if anyone's wondering. But we were reflecting then on some of the learnings and pain points of the pandemic. And one of the most significant ones was that people couldn't sing together.

Oh, yeah, totally. And, and listen, this whole idea with collective effervescence beyond my can of Polar pomegranate seltzer is something that we learned together from our friend and teacher, Rabbi Larry Hoffman, you know, who teaches this idea that comes from Émile Durkheim that collective effervescence is this intense experience of shared emotions that occur during a participation in collective rituals. Right? Like, it's, it's a total mouthful, but we know it, right? It can happen at a sporting event or knowing that everyone around the world is doing something at exactly the same time, like, you know, celebrating the New Year or lighting Hanukkah candles. But here's what I have to say. So I actually taught this idea of collective effervescence as part of the Torah of Taylor Swift at camp. And I want to tell you who really gets the concept. The people who really understand collective effervescence are teenage girls. You know, like when we think about what it means to have a religious experience, they were able to make that connection right away, right from the Eras Tour to Friday night song session at camp. They really got it.

That's awesome. I love that. And there are so many more moments like that that we can probably think of, like when you feel part of a collective body of energy, whether it's at camp or in Jerusalem, where they try to schedule everyone blowing shofar to end Yom Kippur at exactly the same time, or for those who were lucky enough to get tickets at a Taylor Swift concert. But if I had to guess, it's not only that it was Taylor and she's amazing, it's that people are still really coming out of the pandemic and recovering. And live music and concerts are one of the ways people are trying to get back to themselves.

So I think what we're really talking about when we talk about collective effervescence is just a more expansive understanding of what religious experiences are, right? So for Taylor to be included in High Holiday prep is actually spot on. And so, OMFG friends, let us dig in to Taylor Swift as sacred text.

Okay, so thank you, Rabbi Rachel Pass. I have been playing with two lyrics that I think complement each other really well for this moment in our Jewish calendar. From Taylor's Evermore album, in "Long Story Short," she sings the following: Actually, I always felt I must look better in the rearview. And in another song, Happiness, she sings, "I haven't met the new me yet." These feel like bookends for me for the whole High Holy Day season.

It's really perfect. I mean, Elul is all about looking in the rearview mirror and reflecting on the year that's gone by. And it's a profound thing to think about. How did we feel about whatever we were doing in the moment? Or is it only in hindsight that we can really understand and an experience or a relationship? I mean, can we even fully understand something while it's happening? Or do you have to look back? Do you have to take it in reflection in order to see its fullness?

And that's why that first lyric is so profound to me. I struggle to stay present in the moment. So of course I don't fully grasp an experience when I'm experiencing it. But when I look back in a rearview mirror, sometimes I feel wistful and sometimes I even feel regretful. And occasionally I actually remember something as better than it actually was. And sometimes looking back, things don't seem as bad as they actually were. And perhaps that reflection is just how we make sense of things.

I think that's exactly right. I think it's part of the processing. And for me, the thing that I struggle with is avoidance. I mean, I find regret very uncomfortable, so it's sometimes easier to paint a rosier picture in my rearview mirror. Because if I can't go back and have a second chance at that same opportunity, it's an instinct— some could call it a bad habit— to rewrite the story in my head to erase that feeling of regret. Now, it's something I'm working on, right? Like letting stories be what they are, even if they do hold an element of regret.

Yeah, so Taylor Swift's lyric led me to want to do a little research on regret, and I came across Daniel Pink, an author who wrote The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. In an article about his work in Fast Company, he teaches a few things. So first, we often hear people say no regrets before bungee jumping off a bridge or spending $1,000 on a Taylor Swift concert ticket. I know, right? But actually, regret is universal. Two studies done in 1980 and 2008 both list regret among the most experienced emotions.

And Pink actually teaches that if done right, regret makes us better. More research shows that dealing with our regrets properly can yield really positive outcomes, like sharpening our decision-making, just like that can elevate our performance outcomes even just by hearing about someone else's regret. And it can strengthen our sense of meaning and connectedness.

So there are different types of regret that Pink outlines in his book. First, there are foundation regrets, which are sensing our failure for being responsible or conscientious or prudent. Another is called boldness regrets, like regretting choices we didn't take. The third is moral regrets, which is when we didn't take the high road. And the fourth is connection regrets, which is regret felt about relationships.

But science actually has a 3-step process for dealing with regret. First, we're supposed to look inward through self-compassion. This idea comes from Kristin Neff at the University of Texas, and it suggests replacing self-judgment with self-kindness. Next step to dealing with regret is actually disclosure, sharing about it with others or writing about it, which can reduce the pain of regret. And third, is distancing oneself from the regret, zooming out so you can have a fuller picture of it and maybe understand it and perhaps lessen the pain of that regret.

So basically, that's what Taylor Swift was teaching with that one short lyric. "Actually, I always felt I must look better in the rearview." So my question is, why does anyone go to graduate school if you can be a Swiftie instead? Also, the science of regret and the Torah of Taylor Swift are so Jewish.

So Jewish. Daniel Pink's research parallels quite beautifully, really, with the process of teshuvah, which is what we are gearing up to do, right? This idea of returning to our best self. First, recognize your actions. Two, declare them aloud and apologize as needed. Three, avoid repeating a negative action again.

Important.

And if you're faced with the opportunity to do that negative action again, and you don't do it, you've really accomplished teshuvah this time. Mazel tov.

I think about the act of declaring our misdeeds in the past year and how we beat our chests. And I appreciate the teaching from the University of Texas professor of instead offering ourselves compassion because it beautifully reflects a teaching that when we're declaring our misdeeds, al chet shechatanu, or ashamnu bagadnu, It's customary to beat our chest as we recite the Viddui list of transgressions. You can do that ritual, but after, consider gently patting your heart too, or instead. Remember, most of us are imperfect beings trying to do the best we can.

I love that. I don't think I've ever really heard that teaching, right? That when we, you know, what that, that motion that we think of as beating our chest, like, what if we were just patting our hearts, giving it a little pat, like, you'll be okay.

You did the best you could.

Right.

Rethink it next time. Don't self-flagellate.

Right. Good try, little human heart. Keep going. So all of this leads us to our bookend. Thank you, Taylor. I haven't met the new me yet. So we're on this precipice right now in our calendar of looking back on the year that was, looking ahead to the year that is yet to be. And it's kind of amazing and honestly freeing to think that I just actually haven't met the new me yet. There is so much to look forward to. We get so many chances to try again, to become our highest selves, to rebuild relationships, to recommit to living in the present with so much self-compassion. I feel like I'm going to cross-stitch that for my office because after all, it is actually really hard to be a human being.

Jodi, it really feels like Taylor Swift was tailor-made for the High Holy Days.

Oh, that's—

I don't even know if they would have let me into the concert with that kind of humor. Ticketmaster was like, oh, Jen Gubitz, dad jokes, nope.

Sorry.

$2 million. And with that, a poem, a blessing for Elul by Charles Reznikoff, as found in Mishkan Halev, the Reform movement prayer book for the month of Elul.

Last sliver of the moon, the waning crescent, small and slender, glowing in the east at the end of the journey. A curve of silver, barely there, that fades away with the dawn. Faintest light the eye can discern, like the soul within me, barely there, waning and weary as the year winds down.

At the end of the journey, the old moon flickers out and darkness awaits the new. Now in the stillness, we can feel it being born. Remind us, The horizon will be bright again. The waxing crescent will rise. Heal our hearts. Gather us in from the darkness. Wishing you a happy new year as you get to meet the new you.

This episode of the OMFG podcast was brought to you by rabbis Jen Gubitz and Jodi Gordon, editing by Jessie Ulrich, and snark Straight from Adonai.