Jess Tayel DrFounder, Transformation Leadership Institute · ● Change & Transformation Leaders Mentor ● C-Suite Coach & Advisor ● Senior Executive

The Loneliness of High Performers

21 May 2024 · 2 min

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1:52

In this spoken reflection, the speaker examines how labeling high‑performing individuals—especially women—as “strong” creates an expectation that they do not need emotional check‑ins or support. This label encourages silence, causing many high performers to hide mental‑health, relationship, and wellbeing challenges despite outward appearances of success. The speaker highlights the difficulty of finding a “tribe” that understands and validates these hidden struggles, and calls for vulnerability: high performers should be allowed to admit they are works in progress rather than be presumed to have everything sorted.

Chapters

And that is, you're a strong woman. And back in the days, yeah, that was cool. But then it started to make me feel like, because you think I'm strong, I don't need to be checked on, or I don't need that conversation, or how are you, like, really, how are you? Because people kind of like being that label, strong, high performer. Like they're all right, and they have that kind of a you know what's going on in their mind that you know I'm doing this work high intensity. Then I'm going to Bahamas for a few days to chill and come back, and everything is fine. And health-wise ticked, relationship ticked, everything is ticked. And yeah, what they don't know is that everybody is going through their struggles. Actually, hard performers are more. inclined to be silent. And I think they're being silent because first they want to, you know, maintain that status quo of, you know, I'm a high performer, I'm strong. But also it kind of feels a little bit of, if I— who are my— where is my people, my tribe, that if I say this, like, I need to be checked on, or I'm— I don't feel like— I'm getting bored, or I don't feel very well, or I'm not okay, Here's their people to talk to, and that's very hard to find your tribe that would understand that, appreciate it, create that support system around you. Yeah, that's— some people are longing for that, but it's kind of like undercurrent. It's not seen. Somebody needs to kind of bring it out and be the, you know, be vulnerable enough to say, you know, I'm a high performer. People think that I got it all sorted. I have nothing sorted. I'm a work in progress.