A speaker argues civility has collapsed and proposes five assumptions to restore it: recognize others have different views, acknowledge they're entitled to them, assume their opinions are rational, understand silence isn't agreement, and respect their right to think differently. Most contentious issues pit competing values against each other, not right against wrong.
Civility and respect may not be dead, but they're certainly on life support. With all the highly charged issues we face today, is there any way we can debate with civility? Is there any way we can have a meaningful conversation without killing one another? Social media makes it even worse. You can be a complete jerk and say things you'd never say face-to-face. After all, nobody's gonna punch you in the mouth through the screen. If our society is going to survive, especially with another political cycle coming up, we've got to restore some sense of civility and respect to our public conversation. When you press us, nearly every American will tell you, "It's okay to have a different point of view." What they probably really mean to say is, "It's okay for you to have a different point of view, as long as your point of view doesn't conflict with mine." In other words, you're free to have a different opinion than mine, even if you're wrong. Some say diversity makes us stronger. Bullshit! Diversity makes us interesting. The fact that we can live and work together despite our differences— that's what makes us stronger. But in order to get along and respect each other's differences, we have to practice civility. I came up with these 5 assumptions to keep the peace. Number 1: Assume that not everyone shares your point of view. It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong. You can assume that not everyone will agree. Number 2: Assume that the other guy is entitled to his opinion. Because he is! Number 3: Assume that the other guy has a rational reason for his opinion. Unless you're willing to listen, you're never going to know what that rationale might be. Number 4: Silence does not always confirm agreement. If the other guy's keeping his mouth shut, it may be because he thinks you're a complete ass and he's just too polite to point it out. And number 5: Assume that everyone, everyone is entitled to these two things: their thoughts and their feelings. Because they are. When the debate is over a clear issue of right or wrong, it usually isn't too difficult to stick to the facts. The problem is that our most emotional and contentious debates usually aren't a matter of right versus wrong. They're a matter of right versus right. And just because I'm right, that doesn't make you wrong. If we're gonna find some real solutions to our problems, we've gotta find some answers that respect the deep-seated values of both sides. That's only going to happen if we can once again learn how to debate with respect and civility.
The Sensei Leader is available as a keynote for your next conference or in half, full, and multiple day training packages. For more information or to schedule your event, call me, Alex Armstrong, at 800- 786-8502.
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