7 Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem Today ❤️

My struggles was not just around learning and public speaking. At the base, it was just not feeling worthy, right? Labeled the boy with the broken brain. As a child, I struggled with learning and self-esteem issues. And I found evidence about that all the time because every single time I did badly in school, it would just reinforce what I believed about myself. Every single time I was picked last for sports. So it would just reinforce. And I think even when it comes down to whether it's reading or memory or habit design, I think everything, a lot of it comes back to our identity of who we believe that we are, right? If we believe that we're unworthy or we can't be loved, or we believe we're a procrastinator, or we believe we're a smoker, or believe whatever it is, You know, we're always gonna look for evidence and, you know, to be able to change that, it's focusing on evidence that supports who you want to be, or are you truly remembering who you really are? So I definitely know, you know, everybody has their story, but growing up for, with immigrant parents, not speaking the language, we live in the laundromat that my mom worked at. We didn't have any money. But it's just, you know, that was just evidence saying that I just wasn't worthy, right? And so this conversation that we're gonna have is really for me about transcend. You've heard me say this before, but repetition is, is not only the mother of skill, it's the mother of learning, right? Yeah. It's transcend is ending the trance, this hypnosis that we say we're a certain way and You know, it's sometimes it's a lie, a limited idea entertained that somehow we're not enough, that we are broken, that we need fixing. And it's not— I don't think it's necessarily anybody's fault if they struggle or feel this way. Because last— when was the last time you thought or taught yourself, like, remind yourself how astonishing you really are, right? And so just Before I get started in terms of tactical things, because I want to just offer some science-based neuroscience and psychology-based ways that I approach it because I had to do some really deep work in this myself. Just a quick reminder in case your mind is playing tricks on you, you matter, right? You are enough. Your presence in the world makes a difference whether you see it or not. You can always improve and you can always get better, but Just, just remember this before I go into this, that you are enough not because you did something or you said something or you bought something or you thought something or, you know, you became something or, you know, or created something special, but because you— my approach, my thinking is because you always— you're enough because you always were, right? And I think the moment you start feeling worthy, when it— especially when it comes to wealth, you're generating wealth. Because self-worth, like self-respect or self-esteem, they all start with the word what? Self. self, right? As you can't find them in anywhere else. And they, you know, I think that self-worth is the fruit of self-discipline, right? So you work hard, you stay humble, and just part of it is this, not only this self-worth, but this self-love, you know, not, there's no amount of love from others that will fill the yearning that your soul requires from you. Now I'm in my 50s and, you know, it's just like I realize my personal evolution and, you know, development like we all have gone through. But I think it's important that we work daily on being in love with the person in the mirror who's been through it so much. But you're still standing, right? If you think about the time when you never thought you would survive, you did because you're watching this. You're here with me right now, right? And you will again. But I think it's important to love ourselves so fiercely. That is so much so that when people see us, they know exactly how it should be done. All right, so here's some things that I'm thinking about after just like for self-worth, because everybody has a thermostat, right? That we have an internal thermostat in terms of a standard that we feel that, you know, that we are accepting how we desire and what we deserve. I think in no particular order, and you can write these down if it's useful, I think practicing encouraging self-talk is a good place to start. Your words have power, especially the ones you use with yourself, because they tend to be unfiltered. It's been my observation working with clients that I see this pattern where negative self-talk can be damaging and limit some of our potential. And the place to start making it very practical, as I want to encourage you to do for yourself, is start by noticing when you are self-critical and consciously shift to something that's that's more encouraging. Like if you wouldn't say it to somebody that you loved, why are we, why are we saying it to ourselves? Right? And that doesn't mean we don't have to be like, hold ourselves accountable. But science shows that certain affirmations can rewire our brains to think differently, you know, and enhance our self-esteem over, over time. Another thing in no particular order is setting and achieving small goals. The most, the word I use is small. I think part of, remember I said like you look for You start looking for evidence that supports who we are, that identity. And when we accomplish tasks, no matter how small, it triggers in our brain the release of this neurotransmitter that we've talked about before called dopamine. And that's your, your feel-good neurotransmitter, right? It's the mode, it's the molecule of more. And you, it makes you want to do more of those things. And this not only helps you feel happier, but it also boosts your confidence in your own abilities and consistency, right? You're creating evidence that you are this person. And I really do believe that self-esteem is the fruit of following through with what you say you're going to do and keeping promises to ourselves. So by setting and achieving small goals, you can create this— in science they call it a positive feedback loop. Right? That enhances your, not only your capabilities, but the way you see yourself, right? Your self-esteem. The third thing I would add in there, because I would be remiss if I don't, I'm always quoting Carol Dweck's work, Dr. Carol Dweck out of Stanford, about cultivating a growth mindset. Great book, Mindset, right? So when you embrace this growth mindset, belief that you can improve through hard work, through perseverance. I think it's fundamental to building that self-worth and self-esteem, right? When Carol Dweck did research, it highlights how a growth mindset leads to greater achievement, increased resilience, doing hard things and showing and proving to yourself that you can do difficult things. Instead of seeing failures as a reflection on your identity, view them as opportunities to what? To level up, right? To learn, to be able to grow. And then finally, the last thoughts on this is I always have to integrate gratitude, right? There's so much science on the power of gratitude. When you appreciate something, it shifts your focus from what you lack to the abundance that is present, right? And if we do put energy into the complaining, and we're all guilty of this, I certainly am, or, you know, what's missing, I think it's only fair and equitable to put the same energy and effort into being thankful for the problems you don't have. How about that? And I know it's simplistic, But I don't know how to make it any more complicated than that. If you're gonna focus on the things that, you know, are wrong in your life, then I think it's equally fair to balance that out with being grateful for the things that are right or being thankful for the things that are not wrong in your life. And so I think gratitude is just, it's very important. For me, I keep a gratitude journal, like, 'cause I always wanna bring this to action, or simply taking the time each day to reflect on what you're thankful for can enhance your psychological wellbeing. Mm-hmm. Reduce depression, increase feelings of self-worth. I do it especially at nighttime. I don't know what it is for me, but I maybe because I grew up, you know, saying my prayers, my blessings at night. It also gets me in a safe place where I feel like there's enough and my mind doesn't ruminate and think about all the things that are wrong. But it helps me get in that parasympathetic rest and digest gratitude before night. But, but whatever works for you. I will put a couple of self-care things in here because I feel like if you care for someone, you're gonna do certain things. And if you care for yourself, you're showing with your actions that you're worth taking care of. Like if you value your car, you're, if it's worth something, you're gonna maintain it. So I would just say also maintain your health. Let's say something simple like physical exercise, right? Exercise is not only good for your physical health, but it's very good for your mental health. When you exercise regularly, you create dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, which which help boost your happiness. It boosts your self-esteem. You improve. We did an episode on our podcast years ago about body image and, you know, the just, you know, and things around that. Achieving certain health goals, even small amounts of exercise, I feel like can make a difference. And in that, I always talk about not just your neurological networks, but your social networks. I find that you've heard this so many times, and I didn't originate this thought, but who you spend time with is who you become. And sometimes we feel unworthy because we're around people that kind of treat us bad. And so, and I'm not saying it's easy, and I know people have, there was one question in the community about trauma and generational trauma and how it gets passed on unconsciously. Also potentially genetically also, but that's a different conversation. But nurturing positive relationships to balance out the energy vampires, you know, and it's easy to say, I'm not saying it's easy to do, but surround yourself with people uplift you, that support you. I think positive social interactions. We've done many long talks, you know, our largest longevity happiness study at Harvard was, it wasn't diet, it wasn't exercise. And it wasn't sleep, it was nurturing relationships, right? Not just romantic relationships. So I feel like positive social interactions can help boost your self-esteem, your self-worth, because you have feelings of belonging where people accept you as you are. Research suggests that supportive relationships are linked to not only higher self-esteem and other positive attributes, but toxic relationships can have the opposite effect. And I don't need to go into that because I think we all have references or experiences what that looks like, how people, narcissists and other individuals, can make us feel less than as a way to kind of manipulate you and control. And there's this whole psychological dynamic. And then just really quick, I think learning is important. Obviously, if we're— if you're in our community, part of it is our shared love of learning, but the process of learning, let's say, a new subject or a new skill can significantly boost your self-confidence. And I know self-confidence is different than self-worth because you're having a sense of accomplishment, right? Because I think progress is a big part of why we have a shared value here in this community around progress. So whether it's a new language, it's a musical instrument, it's another skill or subject, the act of learning, it stimulates your brain and reinforces the belief yourself, right? There's something called the competence-confidence loop in psychology that the more competent you get at something, the more confidence you have, and the more confidence you have, the more you're going to do that thing. So you're going to become more competent, which increases your confidence and so on. The last thing I will share is stillness. Maybe just because I interviewed somebody else on mindfulness, but having a mindfulness practice and including in your mindfulness practice self-compassion. So there's this idea, studies around self-compassion show that when we're, when we, when we, when we don't follow through, when we commit to doing our speed reading drills or whatever and you miss a day, if you beat yourself up about it, you think you're, the secondary gain would be you're gonna follow through the next time. But what the research is saying that it's the opposite. that if you're kind to yourself, you say a truth like, I'm, you know, I'm human, I had a really busy day, and unfortunately I wasn't able to get to this, you're more likely to follow through. So mindfulness combined with self-compassion where we're not judging ourselves, you know, if anything, you just get curious, right? Because we judge ourselves, that leads to, you know, some, you know, other challenges, you know, with our self-esteem. But if you're curious, it leads to self-growth and self-improvement. So pairing mindfulness with self-compassion, treating yourself with kindness during difficult times can lead to increased— research shows resilience, higher self-esteem. Research shows that self-compassion is also linked to lower levels of anxiety and depression also as well. So just remember, boosting your self-esteem and your self-worth is a journey. It's not a destination. It's something that requires patience. A level of persistence, a level of understanding and acceptance also. And when you apply some of these ideas, you don't have to do everything, but I feel like find— start somewhere, like with everything in committing to this kind of personal growth journey, you can enhance your self-worth and live a more fulfilling life.