A Powerful Tool to Boost Motivation Instantly with Mel Robbins & Jim Kwik

Welcome back, Quick Brain. We have a very special episode for you today. You know, one of the questions that we get a lot is around that internal critic. We get a lot of questions about how do I believe in myself? And so that's what we're going to talk about, a super surprising science-based way to believe in yourself again. And to have this conversation, I'm excited to bring on a good friend. This is Mel Robbins. She needs no introductions. She's one of the leading voices and minds in personal growth. She's the bestselling Author of a global phenomenon. Everyone's read it, The 5 Second Rule, and the author of the brand new book, The High Five Habits. And congratulations, High Five Habit. You're amazing.

Thank you. Such a great read.

I just read it on the plane down to where I am right now.

Does everybody ask you how quick you read a book?

I get that a lot. I actually read it. I read your book on the plane ride from New York to Florida and get a lot of interest when people see me flying through a book. But this book particularly, I loved 5 Second Rule and I've talked about it on a lot of lives and it's on our book list. This one, I love it because I've been talking about this and I've never high-fived myself. And then, well, we'll talk about what that means, but now I can't, it's hard for me to pass a mirror without doing so. And I know we're gonna get into this, But it was such a simple change of behavior. And people in our audience know that ideas alone don't change anything, right? It's only when it's implemented. So I love how you've taken something that's so natural and piggybacked on our nervous system to get people to make huge, huge changes from such a simple little effect. And so thank you. Thanks for being on the show.

Well, thank you for having me. And you, I think, probably anybody on the planet will get what I'm about to say in your bones.

Yeah.

Because you understand the profound impact that the 5 Second Rule as a starting ritual has, has had on millions of people's lives, helping them move from thinking to doing. And even sitting here, Jim, with you, which it's just an honor being such a fan of your work too, uh, to be here with you, even sitting here knowing The impact that the 5 Second Rule has had on millions of people's lives. I'm going to tell you something.

What's that?

The High Five Habit is an even bigger deal with more profound change. And I can't wait to unpack it. But I'll tell you personally, I used the 5 Second Rule to turn my life around, to go from being bankrupt to being extraordinarily successful, to changing every habit I have, to improving my marriage. It got me into to action. But I'll tell you what it never did. It never silenced the critic in my head that I lived with.

Mm-hmm.

It never ended the relentless beatdown that I was giving myself. And it never broke the habit that I had of constantly hating myself or focusing on the things that weren't working instead of celebrating myself and focusing on the things that were. And the High Five Habit cuts right down through all that noise and reconnects you with the you that's in there, with the confidence that is your birthright. And the way that it literally reprograms your mind is breathtaking.

Well, you know, I— we talk a lot about morning routines, and this was the The easiest thing to add to my morning routine that's given me so much in return. And not just in terms of in a short period of time, you know, in terms of the ripple effect, but even just immediately, you know, just celebrating myself in the bathroom mirror. And we could talk about how that works. I'm also, by the way, pulling back, a big fan of just counting down from 5, you know, like getting myself out of bed or getting myself to put on my running shoes. And so I could see the difference. and how they complement each other so well. And so maybe we could walk our listeners through this, and I would highly recommend everyone— I mean, our audience loves to read— to make sure you get your copy also as well.

Well, so it's very simple, and since I know that your listeners want to get right into the science and right into what to do, I'm not even going to tell you the story because I did not set out to create this. I created the High Five Habit on a morning that everybody can relate to. A morning where life felt overwhelming, a morning where I felt defeated, a morning where I felt sort of stuck and dreading the day. And I was standing there brushing my teeth, Jim, and I catch my reflection in the mirror and I think, oh, you look like hell. And then all of a sudden I started to criticize the way that I looked, like the dark circles under my eyes, the the bags under my, like, kind of chin and neck, and one boob's hanging lower than the other. And then once your thoughts go negative, they kind of take you down. So now I'm thinking about my day ahead and I'm beating myself up. Why'd I get up so late? And I've only got 8 minutes to the first Zoom call.

Mm-hmm.

And the dog hasn't even been walked. And you just said something interesting. It's an easy thing. The high-five habit is an easy thing to add to the morning routine. We all talk a lot about morning routines. It wasn't until I discovered this that I realized there was a piece to my morning routine I was not even aware of, a habit that I needed to break, Jim.

Hmm.

A habit that gratitude and exercise and all this stuff was not actually erasing, a habit of standing before the bathroom mirror and either ignoring the human being you see in the mirror Or criticizing them. That is how we start our day. 91% of women don't like how they look. 50% of us can't even look in the mirror. I know it's true for men too. We stand in judgment. And so what happened for me this morning— here's the high-five habit. It is profoundly simple. It's going to change your life the second you're done brushing your teeth. And I want you to do it right after you brush your teeth because I want you to stack this habit. with something you're already doing because you know, because you listen to this podcast, that it's the fastest way to learn a new behavior.

Sure.

Let's get the gunk out of your teeth so you don't spread dragon breath on everybody. Now let's get the gunk out of your head so you're not spreading negativity throughout your day. As you stand in front of the mirror, I want you to leverage a little piece of research from Harvard. New research shows that if you take less than a minute you intentionally think about the day ahead and how you're going to show up as a leader, it changes your productivity, your focus, how you show up, and your ability to impact people. Let's throw that out the window in terms of being a leader, and let's look in the mirror and let's use that for ourselves to improve our own lives. I want you to take a second, and I want you to realize there's actually 2 people in the bathroom every morning, Jim. There's you And there's a human being in the mirror that's been waiting for you to wake up and realize they need you. They're trying hard. They've got a good heart. They need your support and your encouragement. They need you to see them. They need you to love them. That is literally what I'm talking about. When I talk about the high-five habit, that you wake up and recognize there is a person you go through life with that stares you back in the mirror every morning, and your habit right now is to tear them down or ignore them. And I want you to set an intention, and I want you to look at them in the morning. And this is going to feel weird because you're going to realize, I've never actually asked myself this question. And here's the question. What is that person in the mirror? What does she or he or they— what do they need from me today?

Hmm.

We think about it for work, for our families, for everybody else.

Yeah.

You've never stopped and asked yourself, looking at yourself in the mirror, how do I need to show up for that person today? Then, as you've got that intention, despite the fact that it feels weird, despite the fact that you're gonna resist this, and we can talk about why you're gonna feel most likely resistance, I then want you to raise your hand and I want you to high-five the reflection. And what's amazing about this new habit, Jim, is your brain and your nervous system are already designed to do the work for you.

Because also, I mean, you think about how we high-five other people, you know, throughout the day.

Yep.

And to celebrate them, to encourage them, but we're not always doing that. I mean, It's interesting because no amount of love is enough to fill the yearning that our soul requires from ourselves, right? You know, when do we work daily on being in love with that person in the mirror who has been through so much but is, but is still standing?

Yeah, and think about some of the habits that we know based on research change your life. Meditation. Meditation is profoundly important. The benefits you talk about all the time. Meditation develops self-awareness. It also helps you learn how to be non-reactive to your thoughts, but it doesn't change your default thoughts.

Yeah.

Gratitude, also hugely important, tremendous benefit. Yes, you should have a gratitude practice. However, almost all of us, when we practice gratitude, we think about things outside of ourself that we're grateful for. And so, the high-five habit is about bringing the power back in-house. It's about giving you a science-backed tool that will teach you through a simple action how to support, how to love, how to encourage, how to celebrate yourself every single day. And let me explain the science because this is where things get crazy.

Yeah.

The reason why this works is because of the programming that's already in your brain. So you have a lifetime Of giving and receiving high fives. In fact, Jim, when somebody high fives you or you high five somebody else, what does the gesture alone of a high five tell somebody else?

That they are extraordinary. They are amazing. Congratulations. You know, you're winning. You know?

Exactly. Exactly. You don't ever high five somebody and say, I hate you. You always high five and you're like, I love you. We got this. No problem. You're, you know, go get them. You're going to win. even if somebody just blew it, you high-five them and it's like, shake it off. Come on. I still believe in you. Let's go. And so, all of that programming is right here in the interior of your brain. It's in your basal ganglia. It is in your subconscious. It is sitting there and it is married to the action of high-fiving. So, what happens is when you stand there, you set this intention, you're with yourself, you see yourself, you feel the resistance, you ignore the resistance, you go to high-five yourself. Your brain's like, oh, I know what this gesture means. It activates the subconscious programming. It silences the critic and the beatdown. You can't think anything but positive thoughts. It's impossible neurologically because of the programming already in your brain. And then over time, if you do this— give me just 5 days— you do this 5 days in a row, fight through the weirdness because it's new and the resistance because you have the opposite habit. You judge yourself, you reject yourself. When you high-five yourself, it silences that. It activates the programming that's already in your brain, and it starts to marry it with your own reflection. And that's not all. I talked to our buddy, Dr. Amen, the other day. He went bananas when he heard about this. He's like, Mel, holy cow. Do you realize you also get a boost in your mood? Because when you high-five other people, you get a dopamine drip. So, you get a dopamine drip when you do this to yourself. He also said, you know how when you come into the bathroom and you're kind of dragging in the energy and when you high-five yourself, whether it's 'cause you laugh or because you just kind of feel good, you get this little like pep in your steps. So, you start your day feeling slightly more energized. I'm like, yeah, Dr. Amen, tell me about that. He said, well, that's your nervous system. Your nervous system is encoded with celebratory energy. When you cross the finish line, you raise your hands.

Yeah.

When your favorite team scores, you raise your hands. When you say hello to somebody, you raise your hands. When you hug somebody, you raise your hands. When you high-five, you raise your hands. Your nervous system remembers it. That's where the energy comes from. The coolest thing about the High Five Habit, Jim, is the programming is already in you because you've been doing this your whole life for everybody else.

Yeah. And we are hardwired for this.

Hardwired. In fact, when you were born, DNA— in your DNA was celebration and joy. Little kids, when you see them in front of a mirror, They don't step back and go, my thighs are fat, man, I'm a loser. They don't do that. They spin, they high-five the mirror, they kiss the mirror, they love themselves. This is your birthright. It was your life experience that taught you to judge and reject yourself. And I'm here to tell you this simple habit of standing before the mirror and raising your hand and high-fiving yourself like you so willingly do for everybody else. You don't have to say a thing. You can have resistance. You can feel that it's weird. You can literally reject it in your mind as you start to do it, and you will, you will experience massive transformation as you complete the gesture because your mind is wired for this. You know, my husband Jim, a lot of people know the story because it was his restaurant business failing that rocketed us into this personal crisis, and that's when I invented the 5-second rule. Well, his best friend and he worked at that restaurant business for 7 years. And at the end of the 7 years, they sold it for a song to a new investor. And our best friend, his business partner, was able to shrug and go, okay, well, that's entrepreneurship. I'm very proud of what we did. I'm proud of how hard we worked. And, you know, did we return the profit we wanted? No, but I'm still proud of myself. My husband couldn't do that. My husband said, "I failed." Do you know for seven years he has looked in the mirror every morning, Jim, like so many of us do, and dragged his past in there and said, "Because this thing in my past, I am a failure. I am unworthy. I am unlovable." When I first started this high five thing in April of 2020 to pick myself up after getting fired from my dream job as a talk show host and in the throes of the pandemic and my kids in crisis and the world in crisis and just feeling overwhelmed. Chris couldn't do it. And the reason why he couldn't do it is the reason why everybody's resistant to doing it. It's because he was dragging all of that judgment and everything from his past into the bathroom every morning.

Hmm.

And he was saying, because of that experience, I don't see a human being that's worthy of celebration. So if you've experienced trauma or abuse or discrimination, or you've been abandoned, or, you know, you're a human being and you've done things you've regretted or you wish you could change, and you'd forgive Jim or me for it, but you stand in judgment of yourself, you will resist this because right now you see a human being who doesn't deserve celebration. If you're like Jim and I and you are very much achievement-driven, You may realize as you resist this that you don't celebrate yourself unless you've done something, unless you've worked out, unless you've got the money in the bank, unless you're driving the Range Rover, unless you fix that thing. And what I'm here to tell you is we got it all opposite, Jim. Yeah, you see, we've been withholding the very support and celebration that we need in order to feel inspired and When do people take time to celebrate themselves, you know, along this, along this journey?

I was thinking about— I did a podcast episode on my birthday. It was just like, on just celebrating just to improve, just because we usually have to wait to something on the outside or a specific kind of event. And when we're talking about self-love, just like self-respect, just like self-worth, just self-worth. like self-worthiness, just like self-love, just like self-respect, just like self-worthiness. It all starts with self. And you can't find that in somebody else. And you mentioned 5 days. And I want to invite everybody to join us. Because Mel, you said if people just do this for 5 days, that's it, created this, this 5-day challenge, and I want to do it with you. So I want to encourage everybody, literally, to just the first small, simple step afterwards to sign up for this 5— and it's free.

Yeah, it's free. It's a 5-day challenge that we've designed. It's absolutely incredible. You get free access to this app, Grow day that's normally $300. We're giving it to you for free because I know that you can stand in your bathroom alone in your underwear like I did and high-five yourself. But we also know based on research, it's really awesome when you try new things with a group. And so Jim and I are going to be there with a whole host of people.

Yep. If you want to join us, go— everybody right now, go to jimkwik.com/mel. M-E-L. And we could do it together because that is how you become limitless, you know, in a limited world, is we do it together. And so you are not alone. You get to do it with all these amazing individuals from all around the world. And here is the thing. I mean, there is that African proverb that says, if you want to go fast, you go alone. But if you want to go further, we go together, right? Because it is true. It is team together.

And I think especially after what we have all just lived through, Together. I think there's a sense of disconnection that I really wanted to do something that made you realize that you're not alone.

Yeah.

That there are people just like you and me and, and Jim, and we are here to celebrate and support you as you move forward. And, you know, the most important thing in life is, though, that you know that no matter what you're facing, You do have your own back. And that's what I wanted to get through with this book, that, look, no matter what you've faced in your life, no matter how bad it's been, no matter what you've done, no matter where you are right now, how fabulous it is, how horrible it is, if you can drag yourself 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 out of bed, Mm-hmm. and you can get yourself into that bathroom, And if you can see the human being in the mirror, and you are still breathing, and you are still showing up every single day trying a little bit harder, your future is limitless. And that, my friend, is why you not only deserve a high five, you need one.

Absolutely. And it's a show of just love for yourself, something so simple. You know, sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we can love ourselves You know, we can deliver so fiercely that when others see us, you know, they know exactly how it can be done. So we can inspire other people to also do the same. So I encourage everybody right now to go to, uh, go to jimkwik.com/mel. I'm gonna do this with you. I'm gonna do this with Mel. And it's a commitment to 5, 5 days, and then all of those extra bonus support and training. And obviously everybody go out there and get the High Five Habit here. And where do people— where do you want people to go besides signing up for the— they could get it on Amazon and—

You can get it anywhere you want. Seriously, Audible, Amazon, the ebook, just get it anywhere books are sold. It is being released globally. We've— it's already in 23 languages. So anywhere you can buy a book, you can pick up a copy of The High Five Habit.

Yeah, this is, this is really a no-brainer. It's a no-brainer and all harder. Well, you know what? I would love to thank you, Mel, because this is, as you, as you mentioned, it's, it's brain-based approach. something that's been wired in our nervous system since we were children, to be able to make a small, simple step, as our community loves, that could change not only how you see yourself. A lot of people who are going through frustration, they're going through difficulty, they're doubting themselves, they could just celebrate themselves again. Look at that person in the mirror who's been through so much. And just acknowledge that person and, and be that person for the, you know, and if we're not going to be, if we're going out there and being that for everybody else, we certainly should be that person for ourselves also as well.

Absolutely. You know, and it's one of those things where, and you talk a lot about this, Jim, we know this.

Yeah.

But what I love about this is this is the how, and even better, you're not learning anything new. As Jim already said, you're unlocking programming That you spent a lifetime encoding in your brain, and now you're just going to turn it and use it to help yourself.

Yes. Let's get everybody doing this challenge. Everybody can take a screenshot of this episode if you're watching on YouTube or you listen on Spotify or iTunes. Tag Mel Robbins, tag myself, and tell us that you're in. You know, link, link to, uh, to jimkwik.com/mel. Share it far and wide. We could all do this together. For these 5 days. And that's what makes it fun, right? Just like when so many of our Community, we have learning buddies, you know, book clubs, you know, get copies of the book, you know, encourage. Yeah, I know we have a lot of book clubs that are listening to this.

Well, and the other cool thing is, is that I know because we love to go like fast and give you exactly what you need and get you right into action. This is like just the Trojan horse. This book is full of little tools based in science that are all tools of encouragement. I'm going to teach you in 5 seconds flat how to actually turn off your fight or flight nervous system, activate the vagus nerve, and get grounded back into your body. We're going to do all kinds of stuff around training the reticular activity system in your brain so that the filter in your brain works for you. So we're going to get you high-fiving that mirror, baby, so you can feel better. But then we're going to teach you how to train your mind, body, and spirit to work for you, to help you get the things that are meant for you. And there's one more thing I want to say before we finish, Jim. And that's this. So I first discovered this in April 2020. I've been using it for little more than a year. I don't even need to high-five myself anymore. You want to know why? Because this simple habit has erased the bully that used to live in my head. When I look in the mirror, I now see a human being. I don't see a face or a body. I see a soul. I see a person that's worth cheering for, a person that's trying her best, and a person that I deeply love and support. And this isn't about arrogance, everybody. This is about a profound level of acceptance and compassion and love for yourself. And if you give yourself any kind of gift, Please give yourself this because it has been truly liberating.

Mel Robbins, thank you for being on our show. We have to have you back. And everybody, again, take a screenshot, follow Mel.

Yeah, we're gonna high five everybody. Let's high five. You can screenshot with me and Jim.

Let's do that. Post it. And we will, we'll reshare them. Certainly. I'll actually send a copy of your book to, to somebody just as a thank you for, for doing so. Make sure you go to jimkwik.com/mel so that you join us on this journey and pick up your copy of this book. In fact, pick up 3 copies. That's, that's what I did. Pick up 3 copies and then give 2 of them away, you know. And here's, here's the thing, you know, we're on this journey, this adventure to be able to realize, to reveal, you know, more of our potential. And I think part of it is just showing up every single day. And until we're introduced to this person, showing up for singing right after you brush your teeth and doing that. So we do it together. Mel Robbins, thank you so much for being on our show.

Thank you, Jim. You're so awesome. You are so awesome. I love you, man.

I love you too. Hi, Kwik Brain.

It's your brain coach. I want to thank you so much for watching this video. 3 things to do. Number 1, make sure you share this because we When you teach something, you get to learn it twice. Update your learning so you can update other people's learning as well. Number two, make sure you subscribe to this channel so you don't miss a thing. Because if you miss a video, you miss a lot. And finally, make sure you hit that bell so you're notified and you find out when we put out the latest and the greatest. One extra thing: if you want really close attention, then text me. Here is my phone number: three one zero.

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Did you remember that number? 310-299-9362. Shoot me a text and we'll stay in touch. Ask me your burning question, and I wish your days be full of lots of life, lots of love, lots of laughter, and always lots of learning. I'll see you in our next video.