Creating A Lasting Change | Jessica Ortner & Jim Kwik

Alright, so let's, let's jump into this right now. And I'm going to invite my very first guest. And this is your instructor. You're in for a real, real treat here. And because she is not only one of my dearest friends, but one of my, one of my longtime friends. This is, uh, what, 14 years? New York Times bestselling author Jessica Ortner. And Jessica, thanks for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, we've been friends for so many years, and I am so proud of you. This book is unbelievable, and I'm just so excited to be here.

No, thank you so much. And so Jess has written a couple of books. Her latest book is this, I believe, The Tapping Solution to Creating Lasting Change: A Guide to Get Unstuck and Find Your flow. And so you and I, you've helped me tremendously to be able to unlimit myself in, in areas of beliefs, of anxiety I felt going on stage. I feel like mindset is the starting point for all of this. And so, and you and I have kind of a parallel story because I know you weren't a great, you know, learner back in school.

Yeah, I had a lot of trauma when it came to school, a lot of test anxiety. You mentioned in your book that one of the ways that we can memorize things is by putting emotion, wrapping emotion to things. Well, one of the challenges is when we feel embarrassed at school or we have a tough event, there's so much emotion around that, that it's easy to remember all the times that people pointed out that we weren't enough. And it's not as easy to remember all the times where we did great things. And so because we work like this, we have to take a closer look at our past and see what are some of the beliefs that I picked up. And for me, I had trouble reading. I stayed back in 2nd grade and I was embarrassed. We forget that 2nd graders can feel really, really embarrassed. And even when I would achieve things, or get a good grade, I always felt like a fraud. I always felt like I was working hard to trick everybody into believing that I was meant to be there and that I was smart enough. And it wasn't until I learned this technique that we're going to be doing together that I realized I had to look at some of those old stories and anxieties and do something so that— because my body was remembering. I would go back to that test anxiety even as a 25-year-old, a 30-year-old. So what we're going to do today is learn a way that we can calm our anxiety, calm our body so that we don't have to be ruled by these old experiences.

So what is EFT or tapping?

Yeah, absolutely. It's called tapping because we're tapping on these acupressure points on our body. When we have anxiety, when we remember that old memory of feeling embarrassed and having fears around learning, It's not just an experience we have in our brain. We feel it with our whole body. We get that tension in our chest or in our stomach. So it's amazing to have a technique that uses the mind and the body.

Yes.

So when we're having this, this memory, this fear, what's happening, as you know, Jim, is we're having this kind of fight or flight response, even though we're just about to go on stage and we are safe. and everything's okay, we are having this response as if we are in danger, as if a wild animal jumped out of the woods and is attacking us. We have an overproduction of cortisol. We have adrenaline. Our heart starts to race. And in that moment, it's very hard to be creative and resourceful and innovative. So what we're doing here is we're getting really clear on the thought or the memory that's creating the anxiety in your body. So you don't just jump to positive thinking. You give yourself a moment to honor where you are, honor how you're feeling. So you think about that memory that's triggering the physical response, and as you think of that memory, you begin to stimulate these acupressure points. What happens is it sends a calming signal to your brain and it rewires that thought. So if you have a negative thought but your body feels relaxed, it's easier to take a step back and go, is that really true? Is that really what I think?

Mm-hmm.

But when we have a negative belief and the anxiety is very real, it's hard to get out of that state. And so what we're doing with tapping is we're honoring the fear. We're tapping on these points, sending that calming signal to the brain so you can think that limiting belief, but now from a calm place. Now you can go, is that really true? And feel more empowered to choose something else. And if I just said to you, hey, relax, you have nothing to worry about, and you're feeling incredibly anxious, those words aren't so calming because there's no space for them. We have to weed first. We have to be able to honor our experience, what we're really feeling, and let our mind and body know that we're safe. That's what it comes down to. It comes down to safety. Anytime we try something new, we're wondering, is it safe for me to do this, or will I get criticized, and will that feel unsafe?

Mm-hmm.

The more that we can feel safe in our mind and body to experiment, to even make mistakes, the easier it is to learn. In your book, I love how when you talk about these beliefs, you talk about kids, and kids don't really care what other people think. They're not so involved in their outside world, so you see them make mistakes and figure things out, and they have that patience because there's that playfulness. They don't have the pressure. When we release the stress and the pressure to be perfect, and when we can allow ourselves to make mistakes, we actually can learn faster, grow faster, and really get to where we wanna be faster, because the opposite of success isn't failure. Failure is a part of success. We have to give ourselves permission to experiment and have that childlike feeling and experience.

The opposite of success is not failure. Failure is part of success. And if failure is not an option— I think it was Seth Godin— failure is not an option, then neither is success. So we have to be willing to make mistakes. But so many— what keeps us limited is sometimes the expectations of other people. that we're gonna try salsa, we're gonna try Spanish, we're gonna try stand-up comedy or some new endeavor, and we're gonna get— we're gonna be embarrassed.

When it's time for me to bump up in any area of my life, there is some fear, and that's normal because it's new and it's different. I just need to remind myself that I am safe, and that's what we need to do to each other, to give ourselves permission to experiment and feel safe doing it.

Yes, and so it's tough sometimes just to sit in your own mind and saying, don't think these thoughts or don't believe these thoughts when you have that anxiety, and so to be able to feel like you're safe and that you're calm. So what would you recommend? How do we— can we do an actual— can we experience this together?

Yeah, let's have an experience. So I'm going to show you where the tapping points are, and then we'll just do 1 or 2 rounds so you can have a quick experience, and then I'll show you how you can do a longer session.

That's perfect. So, everybody, everyone loves this. This is amazing here. I want everyone to do this. Remember that in the book, knowledge is not power. It only becomes power when we utilize it. So I want everyone to just— how many people are willing to commit to do this experience with us right now? I can tell you this has helped me and so many of my clients that I've sent to you and your team to be able to overcome this. So where should we start?

All right, so the first tapping point is the side of the hand. And it doesn't matter what side of the body you tap on. So you're— if you're watching this on video, tap along with me. If you're listening to just the audio, I'll explain where the points are. The next one is the eyebrow point, and it's where the hair of your eyebrow begins. When people are stressed, they tend to grab onto this point.

Oh, isn't that funny?

Right here. Yeah, we intuitively know these help us relax. Then we have on the side of the eye, right on the bone. Then follow your bone until you find yourself underneath the eye. Then we have underneath the nose, and I know I'm moving fast, but I'll give you resources to come back, so don't worry. Underneath the mouth, between the upper lip and the chin, right on the crease. Then the collarbone point. If you feel your collarbone and you go down an inch, you're going to hit it. Then we have underneath the arm. It's a hand width. From your armpit. And then right on top of the head. So these are 9 really powerful meridian points that help us relax. You start the process by getting clear on how you're feeling and you start the setup statement. Now, the setup statement sets you up for the process and it's simply acknowledging how you feel and having some level of acceptance. This helps us have a more honest conversation while we tap and it helps release judgment. We have to create a space where we can allow ourselves to be scared, angry, whatever we're feeling as we tap and relax our body. So I'm going to lead you through, Jim, just 2 quick rounds, and everyone who's tapping also repeat after me. You can do it in your mind or out loud. Jim, if you can repeat out loud, that would be great.

Okay.

And let's start by— if you think about something you've wanted to do that you've been procrastinating on, so maybe it's even Reading Jim's book or finishing a resume, something that makes you a little bit nervous. Think about any anxiety or nervousness you feel about starting something and just give that a number from zero to ten. Great. So now you have that number. Let's have a quick experience. So tapping on the side of the hand, repeat after me. Even though I get really nervous.

Even though I get really nervous— everyone's saying this with me—

when I try something new—

when I try something new—

I accept how I feel.

I accept how I feel.

Even though I'm really scared—

even though I'm really scared—

that things won't work out for me—

that things won't work out for me—

I honor all of my feelings.

I honor all my feelings.

And I give my body permission to relax.

And I give my body permission to relax.

Even though I'm nervous—

Even though I'm nervous—

That things won't work for me—

That things won't work for me—

I accept all of these feelings.

I accept all of these feelings.

And I allow my body to relax.

And I allow my body to relax.

So then we start by tapping on the eyebrow point and we're just giving a voice to how we feel. All this anxiety.

All this anxiety.

Side of the eye. I want things to change.

I want things to change.

Under the eye. I want more out of life.

I want more out of life.

Under the nose. But I'm scared of being disappointed.

I'm scared of being disappointed.

Under the mouth. I'm scared to make a mistake.

I'm scared to make a mistake.

Collarbone. So I keep procrastinating.

So I keep procrastinating.

Under the arm. Because that feels safer.

Because that feels safer.

Top of the head. When I'm dealing with all of this anxiety.

When I'm dealing with all this anxiety.

Eyebrow. I honor how hard this has been.

I honor how hard this has been.

Side of the eye. I recognize all of these fears.

I recognize all of these fears.

Under the eye, and I give my body permission to relax.

And I give my body permission to relax.

Under the nose, right now and right here.

Right now and right here.

Under the mouth, I am safe.

I am safe.

Collarbone, it's safe to make a mistake.

It's safe to make a mistake.

Under the arm, it's safe to try something new.

It's safe to try something new.

Top of the head, feeling safe to experiment.

Feeling safe to experiment.

I am ready.

I am ready.

All right, now take a nice deep breath in and exhale. Now we just did 2 rounds. Usually with the tapping meditations I do, it's more like 6 rounds, but that gives you an idea of what we do. We always start with how we feel Acknowledge how we feel, and when we're starting to feel calm, then we can move to something more positive, because then there's room for that, but we always have to start honoring with how we're feeling.

Hmm, you see, how do people feel, by the way? Can you see the chat?

I love this. Yes, I see it. Wow, just 2 rounds and such great feedback.

Now, how many rounds? That's amazing after experience that maybe lasts just a couple of minutes. What would you recommend that people, they would do a number of cycles through?

Yeah, so we have an app called The Tapping Solution app and we have a free tapping, we have a lot of free tapping meditations, but one of my favorites is called Releasing Anxiety and out of 260,000 people who used this tapping meditation, the average decrease of anxiety was 49% in under 10 minutes. So you can almost cut your anxiety by half in just 10 minutes. And so with the app, we have a lot of free material, especially now around the anxiety around the coronavirus, and we try to keep everything around 10 minutes, giving yourself 10 minutes to honor how you feel and then move to something more empowering.

No, I love that because all these behaviors that we want to do, all the things that we want to unlock in our life, What could keep us from getting there is this belief that we can't or this anxiety or stress around something and we know that all learning is, and just like life, is state-dependent. So if you have a way of calming yourself and telling your nervous system that you're safe, that you could go forward, then you could really be able to be that butterfly. How do people find out about the app?

Yeah, so it's called The Tapping Solution app. You can find it on Google Play or in your app store and our website is thetappingsolution.com. We have a lot of great research studies. There's a lot of clinical trials that have come out, so the website is full of that and again, The Tapping Solution app is a lot of free tapping meditations and if you're a healthcare provider or teacher or mental health practitioner, we're giving out free memberships. So you can go to thetappingsolution.com to learn more about that or find me on Instagram @JessicaOrtner.

Amazing, Jess. What I would recommend everybody do, if you want to be able to share these thoughts with everybody, take a screenshot of this right now, of this conversation, and tag Jessica, tag myself, and post it and share with us how it's been for you in terms of what are you tapping for and what your experience has been. And Jess, thank you so much for everything that you do. You're an inspiring force of nature, an unstoppable force for good, and thank you for taking some of your time to share some of your talent with our communities. Appreciate you so much.

Thank you, Jim, and congratulations. This is unbelievable. I'm so proud of you and grateful to call you a friend. Thank you.

Thank you, Jess.

Kwik Brain, it's your brain coach. I want to thank you so much for watching this video. 3 things to do. Number 1, make sure you share this, because when you teach something, you get to learn it twice. Update your learning so you can update other people's learning as well. Number 2, make sure you subscribe to this channel so you don't miss a thing, because if you miss a video, you miss a lot. And finally, make sure you hit that bell so you're notified and you find out when we put out the latest and the greatest. One extra thing, if you want really close attention, then text me. Here is my phone number: 310-299- 9362. Did you remember that number? 310-299-9362. Shoot me a text and we'll stay in touch. Ask me your burning question, and I wish your days be full of lots of life, lots of love, lots of laughter, and always lots of learning. I'll see you in our next video.