Defeating Self-Doubt & Rejection with Jamie Kern Lima & Jim Kwik

Welcome back, Kwik Brain. Your question for today is, how do you overcome self-doubt? How can you get to that place where you could believe in yourself? And I'm excited to have a very special guest on our show today. It's Jamie Kern Lima, and she started— some of you are familiar— she started IT Cosmetics. She started actually in her living room of all places and grew it to a company And ended up being like the largest luxury makeup brand in the country, ended up selling it for over $1 billion. She became the first female CEO for any of, any of L'Oréal's 100-year-old history. And not taking a pause at all, she has a new book that is out and it's called Believe It: How to Go from Underestimated to Unstoppable. Jamie, thanks for being on our show.

Jim, I'm so happy to be here. I'm so excited. It's a big moment.

This is it. Congratulations. You know, I know, I know when we talked about this, like, like almost, almost a year, a year ago, and, you know, and belief is, belief is everything. You know, we talk about a lot of our listeners, they're familiar with the model that we have, you know, in Limitless, we start with mindset. Because you can learn wonderful methods on investing or wonderful methods for starting a business, wonderful methods for health or anything, or speed reading or memory. But if your mindset is, I don't believe it's possible, or I don't believe I'm capable of it, or I don't believe I deserve it, we're still gonna be stuck in that box. And so you have an incredible story. So before we get into the tactical, practical things in your advice that's in this amazing book, Did you always believe in yourself? I mean, when I'm just kind of reading just basic, you know, some of your accomplishments, you know, like people think sometimes that was it easy for her?

No, it wasn't easy. And, you know, my story, I mean, I remember back in the days when I was a waitress at Denny's, right? And I had this kind of feeling deep down inside, like I was, you know, meant to either give or create or serve, you know, more I was doing. A lot of times we know deep down inside with this inkling like, oh, you know, I'm created to do more. But then like we let doubt get in the way. And we sometimes still doubt ourselves on that journey, right? So I remember even the days of being a Denny's waitress, having that feeling, but like still kind of like doubting like, oh, what if I'm wrong about it? Or what if I'm not qualified or I don't come from the right family or all those like things we tell ourselves. And as my kind of career progressed, I thought, oh, because since I was a little girl, I always thought, oh, I'm going to host a talk show one day. Right? I watched Oprah. Oprah was like my mentor in my living room who I had never met and all those things. Right? And so I was, you know, working in a career as a journalist and interviewing other people and hearing their stories. And I thought that's what I was going to do my whole career. And I had this moment, Jim, where I thought this was like a big setback that was going to kind of end everything for me, was when I started getting this skin condition called rosacea. It's hereditary. So, I would get these big bumps and like imagine if you touch your cheeks right now, everyone listening, you touch your cheeks and all you feel is like sandpaper and bumps.

Oh, yeah.

and it's bright red. So that started happening to me while I was anchoring the news live. And I would hear from my producer in my earpiece, like live on television, like, you need, there's something on your face. There's something on your face. You need to wipe your face. And I knew like, there's nothing I could wipe off, right?

Hmm.

And so at the time I would have these thoughts of self-doubt, like, oh my gosh, what if I lose my job? What if viewers turn the channel? All those things, right? And I started trying to find makeup that would work. And it was an interesting moment in life. So many times in life, we think we're going through like a setback and something that is, or a big disappointment. And I feel like if we are open to it and if we, in a lot of ways, keep the right mindset, like those setbacks can actually be setups for what we're supposed to do. Right? And what ended up happening was like I tried every brand of makeup out there, the ones I couldn't even afford that I'd have to get the free samples of in the department stores and the ones in drugstore, everything, and nothing would work. And I had this big epiphany like, oh wow, I bet you there's a lot of other people out there that can't find anything that works. They probably, maybe they have problem skin like I do. And then what happened, a lot of people talk about the why behind what they're doing, right?

Yeah.

But something happened where I realized, and this kind of happened organically and then I realized it later, that I think when we assign a why to a dream or a goal, a lot of times it's not deep enough to make sure you don't quit when it gets hard. And something happened organically in this moment when I was trying to find makeup to work. I realized, oh, I think like I felt an inner knowing like I'm supposed to actually give up on this dream of hosting a talk show, right? Sometimes it's like as important to know when to let go of a dream as when to go after one. And for me, I do that by trying to get still and listen to my gut. I had this knowing I'm supposed to create a makeup brand even though I knew nothing about it, knew no one in the industry. But I also realized, Jim, like, oh my gosh, for me, it wasn't just like, let me create a product that solves a problem. It was I had this realization that why I couldn't find anything that worked for me was because my whole life, all the beauty companies, the ads they would put on TV or in magazines were always kind of like overly Photoshopped models but never anyone that had problematic skin or that looked like me. And a lot of times, you don't even know if they're actually wearing the product they're selling. And I realized, wow, my whole life as a little girl, I would see those commercials and I'd aspire to look like that. But then like they'd also always make me feel like I wasn't enough. They'd make me doubt my own enoughness. And I had this huge aha moment like that drove me and became a real deep why, which is how I didn't give up in the next 3 years of getting rejection, which is a whole nother story. But I realized I want to create a company that, you know, has products that work. But I want to use models of all ages, skin tones, skin sizes, skin challenges. I want to call them beautiful models and I want to mean it. And I want to try to shift culture in the beauty industry around inclusivity. Like for every little girl who was like me, who was about to grow up and start doubting herself and every grown woman and man and person who still does. And so that why became really deep. It became fuel. And long story short, launched the company in my living room. Maybe a lot of your listeners who are entrepreneurs will relate to this. But like I thought, oh my gosh, I'm going to pour all my money into creating a product that works and, you know, went through all the obstacles of that. And then I thought when we launched it, it was just going to be huge, right? And then that started 3 years of not being able to pay myself, of rejection after, like literally hundreds of rejections from QVC to Sephora and Ulta, all the department stores telling me that they didn't believe in my dream or my product or like the vision that I had.

Wow.

And I think, you know, I know with your audience, talking about mindset is so important. And it was this really hard 3-year season where every time I would check in with my gut, it would say like, you're on the right track. But sometimes we know in our gut something feels right. And it's so hard not to let like every, like the experts not believing in us. Sometimes it's our own family, our partner, our friends that are like, you're crazy. What are you doing? You're not qualified. Are you sure you want to do this? And then we don't, when we don't see any proof around us of our own success, it's so hard not to like second-guess our own gut. And it's so hard not to let self-doubt almost like get confused with like what we know we're supposed to do. And I feel like so many people let self-doubt get in the way. And then they end up either quitting, giving up, never even trying. Like staying in their comfort zone or talking themselves out of their own truth.

You embody the spirit of Limitless. It really is where, you know, we tell people, don't downgrade your dreams to meet this current situation. You know, really upgrade or unleash your mindset, your motivation, you know, the methods that you are using to be able to meet your dreams and your destiny. You know, going from, you know, serving food you know, at Denny's and having that knowing. I wanna, you know, is it, is it the formula is like you, you get to know yourself and then trusting yourself and then being yourself. You know, each one of those phases is different. You can know yourself, but then also not totally believe and trust yourself.

Yeah.

And then also taking that into a place where you're actually being that for other people, you know, in spite of what other people think. And with years of rejection, what would your advice be to a listener who's, you know, who, who every once in a while they'll get a glimpse, or they, they know deep down that they, that there's a version of themselves that they could be, do, have, or even share at another level. Um, and yet family or their, their experience in the external environment is not really supportive, you know, and they, they have doubt. You know, what would you say is— what would your advice be to that person?

Yes, I want to jump out of my chair right now.

I know, I know, I know.

I'm so excited because this— the question you just asked literally is exactly why I wrote this book, right? For 10 years, agents were asking me to write a book or do a movie, and they're like, well, we'll get a ghostwriter for you. And I'm like, no, like, I wanted to wait to do my first ever book till literally I could write every word myself. And every lesson I've learned on exactly your question is why I wrote wrote this. Like this is for everyone who wants to go from not believing themselves to believing themselves and like not trusting themselves or even knowing how and like going from doubting they're enough to knowing they're enough. And to me, it's everything because in my journey now, right? When you fast forward and you're like, oh wow, you sold your company for over a billion dollars. And, you know, even though QVC rejected us for years, I tell how I turned that no into a yes in the book. And I talk about the whole thing. But I talk about the thousands of other entrepreneurs I've met in journey and how so many people actually don't last. Right? And I talk about why. And that through line of authenticity is so important. And one more tip on this because I'm going to get so excited.

I can see it.

Okay. I'm like jumping out of my chair. It's like my favorite thing because it's why I wrote this book. So many people have the, like they're called to do great things. They are born and created to give more and to serve more and like step into all of who they are. But so many people never actually do. So many people like end up like missing out on the person they're actually born to be, right? Because in a lot of ways, it's easier to not figure out how to and just stay in your comfort zone and listen to the people around you. So, 2 quick things on that that hopefully are of service to everyone listening if they're not doing these yet. For me, I didn't do them for a long time. Like this story, a lot of the stories in this book are a girl who did not believe in herself and the journey of learning how and all the things I did wrong and the things I did right that I realized. So the first thing I'll say about authenticity, because so many of us are scared to be who we really are, right? Because we fear rejection or isolation or not being included or judgment or all those things. And First of all, just one little tip, and you'll, you'll know this some, probably way more than I do, Jim. But one thing that's always helped me is like so many studies out there talk about how it's impossible to have a real true connection with another human being if you show up as your representative, if you don't show up as your full authentic self, for better or worse, right? The good parts, the bad parts, the quirky parts, whatever.

Yeah.

And whether the relationships you want to have are with your partner or your customers or your customers or your community on social media, you actually cannot have a fully authentic relationship if you're not showing up as your full authentic self, for better or worse. And so if right now you're listening and you're like, oh, well, I'm showing up kind of as the person I think I need to be, or I'm getting distracted by other people on social media because they're having great success or their podcast is doing well or their business, my competitors' businesses are having success by doing this. So I'm going to do that. You are robbing yourself of that actual authentic connection with your own customers, your own community, or your own friends or your own family. That literally is the only way from my experience to build anything that lasts, anything that matters. Like in my journey of now doing over 1,000 live TV shows on QVC, right? I've met thousands of entrepreneurs in the green room and most of them only last one show, maybe two, and they're gone. And I would like, over the years, I would think, what is that commonality between the people who end up building something? And it's never how smart they are. It's never how skilled they are on television. It's never that. It's the ones that like are the same way in the green room when no one's watching as they are on air. And they're not, none of them are the same. Some are crazy and wild and some are totally like, whoa. And some are really kind. But the ones that have that congruency that show up on air and sell their product, whatever it is, whether it's a Dyson vacuum or a personal growth product, whatever it is, they're the same, right? Because guess what? The people watching are able to connect because you can't fake authenticity. And I feel like learning that is freedom because it is so stressful when you feel like you need to show up on social media as something that you're not because you're trying to build a following and get more likes. Or you're showing up in the dating world and you're in your, as your representative because whatever.

Right.

It is so stressful. But like when you realize Being authentic is it's the most freeing thing because you you you now no longer care if something's working for a competitor in your industry or this or that because it doesn't matter unless it's truly authentic to who you are. And and one quick thing is like I used to end up we built to over a thousand employees, so I went from not paying myself for three years over a thousand employees, and they would get so sick of me saying this. But I feel like it was one of the keys to to to our success was I would they would you know tell me something a competitor was doing or a new product launch. whatever. And I would say, listen, our biggest threat to our business is not what the competition's doing. It's the risk of us getting distracted by it and like getting tempted to dilute our own authentic secret sauce. That's it. And it was kind of like staying true to that helped us actually build something that mattered. And listening to that, even sometimes when the experts out there, or in my case, the retailers were telling me they didn't believe in it. And one more quick thing is just in this process, because you mentioned, you know, the people around you, if they're doubting you, right? Another big tool just to share with everyone listening that helped me is just everybody around you in your circle, whether it's friends, a partner, people you work with, whoever, they're only capable of believing in your dream, whether they realize it or not, they're only capable of really believing in it usually if like their own lens they're seeing it through of life experience and limitations has already proven to them it will be successful, right? Like so many people, even experts or visionaries, like they would never admit this, but like if you're doing something new or novel or maybe it's been done a million times but you're doing it your own way, it's really hard for anyone else to ever think it's gonna be successful because they've never seen it be successful for because it's never been done the way you're going to do it. So keeping that in mind, and I, Jim, I would have this imaginary volume dial and everyone listening has this. Okay? Imagine you have your control over your own volume dial. I think one of the biggest keys to overcoming self-doubt on your own journey, whether it's to start painting again or to start writing that book or to just freaking go online and make an online dating profile and put yourself out there, right? I think like one of the biggest keys is learning how to control your own volume dial with who you let speak into your life about what. And what I learned, and again, I share a million things I did wrong in this book too, but I go deep in this in Believe It, in my book about How do you control that volume dial? And literally, because here's the thing. We have, a lot of us often have family or friends or a friend who's been our friend 30 years, whatever it is. And we love them so much. But like when we talk about an ambition with them or a big idea, within like 5 minutes, our vibration lowers.

Right.

They start to say things that doubt what we're doing or second-guess it or question. Because they're not able to see it. Right?

Right.

And so learning how to turn down the volume, meaning sometimes not even have those conversations with people you love. And maybe you talk to them about like what's for dinner or how the weather is or whatever else. And figuring out the right people in your circle. And maybe you have to bring a few new people in who are the people you want to turn the volume up on. And that doesn't mean they tell you what you want to hear. It means Like you can share your idea, you can share your dream, you can share your secret, whatever it is. And those are the people that are life-affirming, that you leave the conversation filled up with. Those are, you want to curate your volume dial. And that is huge because if you let people, and so many of us do this, we love our friends and family, but they don't get us in the sense of like maybe they don't share that commonality. of feeling like they were born made for more, right? And so you want to just curate that volume doubt. So important. One of the major lessons in the book that I share because it's just been so powerful for me in the journey.

Yeah. I love that so much. I got goosebumps. I call them truth bumps. It's one of those things where sometimes they can impose their limitations on you.

Yes.

And so I like where you could control that dial, where you could stand guard to the doors of your mind, that your family or friends, they could be sincere. They could not want you to get hurt or get your hopes up or something, but they also could be sincerely— they could be sincerely wrong also. And, you know, all great progress is based on people that, like yourself, take the invisible and make it visible. And then keep that constant. And so what would your advice— who's this book for then? And what would you say to that person right now who's listening? Because our community, they love to read. You know, leaders are readers. And I could attest that there's so many stories in here that, you know, our journey here through life, like learning, sometimes it's all these ups and downs, right?

Yeah.

You know, but you offer people not only real hope, but you offer them real help.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah. And you know, this book, Believe It, I mean, there's so many personal lessons. There's so many leadership lessons in here and business lessons too. But with that said, really at its heart and soul, like Believe It is a book for anyone who is really in that space where they're trying to break through self-doubt and learn to not listen to it and to, and also learning how to go from like not believing in yourself to believing in yourself. So many of us have a knowing deep down inside, but we haven't yet learned to trust it. So this book also is all about like, how do you go from not trusting yourself to trusting yourself, from doubting you're enough to knowing you're enough? And it's really for anyone who struggles with that doubt, right? But most importantly, for everyone on that journey who wants to be on that journey of like stepping into all of who they are and all of who they are created to be. And I think the power of story when we share stories and also, of course, lessons and tips and all the tactical stuff, but like sometimes just the power of story, you know, is such a life, a giving life force in like our own journeys of stepping into all of who we are. So that is who it is for. And I am I'm so honored and grateful to share it with you as well.

So thank you. This is astonishing. I mean, going back to how we opened this and you were saying that you would watch Oprah and she would be like your mentor of your mind, I feel like books can be mentors for people's minds also. That when I read your book, I read other individuals' books, I feel like I'm on this journey with you. And it's wonderful. You have decades of experience of going, taking a setback and taking, you know, make training into setups. And that somebody can really sit down and read this book in a few days. They can download decades of wisdom into just days. And so I would challenge everybody not only to go get this book, but let's give them a challenge right now. Let's, let's have them screenshot this episode because I believe when you hear it once, you learn it once, right? But when you, when you share it and you teach it to your friends, your family, your followers, you get to You get to learn it again, you get to learn it twice. And maybe we could give people, when they screenshot it and post it, they could tag you, Jamie Kern Lima, they could tag myself. And so we see it because we want to see that. And then maybe we could ask them a question or give them a challenge. What's one small, simple step or question you have for our community, or maybe a challenge? And maybe they could say on social media that they're They'll step up.

Yeah, I love that. I would say even just sharing one thing that you're ready to overcome and break through on, you know what I mean? Just that one thing that you're going to do, because this book is like all about, are you ready to believe in you and really to step into all of who you are? So like, what's that one thing that you're ready to either overcome, to break through, to stop letting holding you back?

Yeah.

On your journey to becoming all that who you are. I love that you said this. This wasn't planned. I love this. And now I can't wait to read every single one of them.

I know, I know.

Repost them.

Yeah, it is wonderful when people could go and they could be raw and they could be real. You know, that word authentic that you are mentioning. This is a nice one simple step that they could take because it takes so much energy, right, Jamie? That when you are talking about that representative, it takes so much energy to hold that. in front of people, right? So much energy for your brain, for the rest of your body, and to be able to, you know, where it's just based on something like image or optics. And people don't realize the freedom that comes. Like, you know, you and I have multiple conversations, but you're the same person that you are, you know, when you and I are just chatting without the cameras on or recordings on.

Yeah.

You know, as, as you are here.

You too, you too.

And it shows because it doesn't use up all that energy. And I think right now, if people doubt, use fear, it burns a lot of energy, you know, posturing and trying to make things look absolutely perfect when, when they're not. It takes a lot of energy. And also, you, when you share your mess, you could relate to other people. People could relate to you because they're like, okay, you know, they understand what I'm going through.

You know, like it wasn't—

it was only just, you know, recently where I started sharing about my learning challenges and my brain injuries and those kind of things. Otherwise people think, oh, that person just rolled out of bed that way, you know.

So you have some very special gifts also. This is really neat. So when—

Yeah, some special gifts.

Yeah, where do people go and how do they get—

I know, it's hard to believe it. And sorry, really fast, I'm just like, I'm like emotional about what you said because I think that's so important. Like Like otherwise, people feel alone. You know what I'm saying? And I love what you talked about how books can also be mentors because I want to make sure that, you know, when I talked earlier about people can bring the right people in their circle, sometimes that's Jim Kwik online. Sometimes that's the Limitless book.

Right.

There's, you know, books can be your mentors as well, but they could be that voice that needs to speak into you as well because, you know, it takes time. To also to find the right people in your circle too. So just want to share that. But yeah, so, so, so Believe It. Yeah, it's big, big, big, big moment. So, so Believe It's launching and we're doing— I love this.

Screenshot.

Yeah, screenshot. Oh my gosh, I should. So, so, so it's, it's, we're doing a big special thing for, for the launch of the book. It's going to go away like a week after launch or so. But if you get Believe It anywhere it's sold, so it could be anywhere, Amazon, Target, Barnes& Noble, indie bookshops. If you pick it up anywhere and then you head to the Believe It website. So the book's called Believe It and the website is believeit.com. If you go there and enter your order number, you get lots of free stuff. I'm doing my first ever course called Becoming Unstoppable: How to Overcome the Things Holding You Back. And you get it for free for launch week. when you sign up for the book. And then there's also a 20-plus page action plan that gives you like all the tactical ways to implement the lessons from the book in your real life. So you'll get that for free. And it's really special for your community. And I'm so, so excited about this and excited to do it with everyone together. Like for everyone, you know, in your community posting online too, like the thing that fills my soul is like we're all on this journey together. You know what I mean? And it's really fun to do stuff not alone.

Yeah, I agree.

Thank you for that idea.

Like, we're all— for our community, I could speak for it just because, you know, it's some— a lot of these people have been with us for years. You know, we're all on this journey to be able to realize, reveal our fullest potential. And, uh, and so this is definitely an accelerator for everyone. So I highly recommend it where, you know, how do you become unstoppable? How do you become limitless? You know, in a limited world, we do it together. And then we— and that's the best, the best part. And so thank you for doing this with us. And, um, and I would recommend everyone get this book and we could go and we could take this journey on together. And, um, and that's really the formula, right? It's like you, you have the curiosity, you know yourself, and then, you know, love yourself, you know, trust yourself, and then, and then be yourself, you know, be that person unless you're a jerk. Don't be, then be somebody else.

But you need to do some work.

Right, right. Um, but Thank you so much, Jamie. This, this has been an incredible, incredible gift. And congratulations again on the book. And everyone, we'll put all the links as we always do at jimkwik.com/notes, including to Jamie's social media as well as the website believeit.com. I think everyone here can remember it to get their special gifts along with the book. So congratulations again.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hi, Kwik Brain.

It's your brain coach. I want to thank you so much for watching this video. 3 things to do. Number 1, make sure you share this because when you teach something, you get to learn it twice. Update your learning so you can update other people's learning as well. Number 2, make sure you subscribe to this channel so you don't miss a thing because if you miss a video, you miss a lot. And finally, make sure you hit that bell so you're notified and you find out when we put out the latest and the greatest. One extra thing, if you want really close attention, then text me. Here is my phone number: 310-299-9362. Did you remember that number? 310-299-9362. Shoot me a text and we'll stay in touch. Ask me your burning question. And I wish your days be full of lots of life, lots of love, lots of laughter, and always lots of learning. I'll see you in our next video.