How to STOP Criticizing Yourself | Jim Kwik

So many of us are very quick to criticize ourself, to entertain and look at all the things we haven't done well. Or if somebody gives us a compliment, to say, yeah, but, you know, and not really absorb or to be vulnerable, to allow ourselves to feel confident, even though there's evidence that says we should be. Does that make sense? Sometimes our brain is this deletion device and it will delete or it will distort messages to go along with how we believe we are, who we believe we are as an individual, you know, our own identity. And so much of what we have to do is just clear the noise, all this noise that's going on elsewhere, and really focus on the things that, that really matter. So in this conversation, I want to talk about really accepting yourself and acknowledging yourself. You know, focusing on your own achievements, no matter how small, is a wonderful way to give you a surge of confidence, right? Little by little, it adds up to a lot. It's a wonderful way to actually drown out the negativity, the criticism that comes either from self or from others. And so in this lesson, I want to talk about different ways that we can acknowledge ourselves. Now, when I'm talking about acknowledging ourselves, again, when we— whatever we celebrate, we get more of. In fact, that's, that's a rule in behavioral science. Whatever you reward, you reinforce. Does that make sense? Whatever you reward, you reinforce, and you're gonna get more of. It's just like if you have children or you have pets, whatever behavior you reward, you're more likely to get more of. Because whatever you reward and you honor and you acknowledge and even micro-celebrate in yourself, you're telling yourself like, yeah, you start seeing yourself in a different light, right? You know, after a while, it's not— you're not, uh, Having to read, you just are a reader. For example, we know that for all of you who have gone through our Kwik Reading program here in the Kwik Brain Universe, you know, in the beginning it's like, oh, I hate to read. It's— reading is a chore. It puts me to sleep. You know, it's not something I enjoy doing. And then, but after a few times doing it consistently, you're like, I am a reader. It changes your belief about yourself. So you're acknowledging, and that acknowledgement helps to drown out the negativity, the negative self-talk, the critic that we have inside and the critics we have on the outside. And so just as just a little disclaimer, I don't mean ego. I don't mean arrogance. I don't mean being narcissistic, like where you're just like all about yourself, right? Because there, there is a fine line there also. And I think that fine line between ego and arrogance, honestly, it's humility, right? Is this having the humility, the humbleness to know with truth, like, yeah, this is who I am. And also you don't have to inflate it because some people could be so overconfident that they make mistakes. And we all know, you know, we could fall in this trap. Other people that we've seen examples, you know, around us of people who are so overconfident and they get hurt. And, or maybe they're so overconfident they hurt others also. So there has to be some kind of harmony. All right. So what I want to think about right now is I want you to think about all the things that you can acknowledge in your life. You've been here, on the planet, and no matter how small. And it might not come easy for you right away, because if you never ask that question, you're probably not looking for those answers. But I want you to begin training yourself, you know, even every single day in your confidence notebook. You know, what if you kept, you know, a brag board? What if you had a brag board, you know, either in your, your notes or right on the wall? If you have a vision board, I always recommend all the things that you want to create in your life and that you have a vision for in your life. I always recommend people have a gratitude board also as you achieve those visions, like those newspaper clippings or those magazine things, the things that you want. Some people have a vision board of where they want to go to school or the kind of person they want to meet or the health and vitality or the money or the home or something like that. But also, I think it's very important also to have a gratitude board. Right, you have a gratitude board, and those are the things that you're grateful for. And remember this, you don't have to wait for a greater life to feel grateful. Feel grateful, and you're gonna have a greater life. It's been my experience working with clients that those who have a gratitude practice actually grows tremendously, right? Because what you appreciate appreciates. And I think the most important appreciation, gratitude that you could express is for yourself. Like, if you wanna feel truly wealthy, count everything you have in your life that money can't buy. If you wanna do a thought experiment, imagine this for gratitude, 'cause that's— having gratitude gives you a sense of confidence, certainly, 'cause you feel like you have enough, that you are enough, right? What if the only things you had in your life tomorrow were the things you expressed gratitude for today? Put that in your confidence journal. What are all the things I'm grateful for? You know, if you could hear these words, if you could see these— this video, right? If you could— if you have any semblance of your health or, you know, our relationships, right? You have a lot to be grateful for. So capture that, right? Capture and create. Capture and create. So here's your assignment for today, right? We talked about acknowledging yourself. We talked about that there's a fine line between arrogance and confidence, and that line is humility. And we talked about having not only a gratitude board and a vision board, but what if you had a brag board? What if you had the things that, you know, like, hey, here's a little article from my high school newspaper, you know, or here's a photograph of this, or this is where I really showed up, and you put those things onto a brag board and you could revisit it every time you want a surge of confidence, right, to remind you of the amazing person that you are, how you showed up for somebody else, right? We all need somebody to encourage us to Challenge us to be kind to us. You know, if you haven't found that person, be that person for someone else, right? So document that. That's your brag board. And and here's the the assignment for you right now: is I want to get right to it. I want you to to fill in the blanks. So here's your assignment right now. I want you to take out your confidence journal, and I want you to write these words verbatim: I acknowledge myself for. Blank. I acknowledge myself for blank. I want you to put 20 or 30 things that you want to acknowledge yourself for right now. This could be—you might have some resistance when this comes up. You might try to go in and try to think of this stuff, and all then try to—I don't want you to filter this. I want you stream of consciousness, just whatever comes to your mind or to your heart to write it down. I acknowledge myself for, boom. I acknowledge myself for, and just fill in the blank. And it's different for every single one of you. And if you wanna share just 3 things down below, what are you acknowledging yourself? I acknowledge myself for being kind the other day at the store and fill in the blank. Try this also. You know, we talked about how community plays a big part in our personal growth and development. You know, what if you got around your friends or you just texted a bunch of friends people that you know have your backs, right? And maybe it's 2 or 3 people, you know, you call maybe a family member or a friend or a work associate and just say, hey, I have a weird kind of question for you. Can you give me 3 positive words you would use to describe me? It's 3 to 5 positive words that you would use to describe who I am, right? Or who I am to you. And I think your mind will be pretty amazed to see that response. And so you could use that as a jolt. If you have trouble, you feel like you're a little stuck and you don't want to do that because of ego, or you feel like you're gonna be arrogant, set that aside. This is, this is an okay place. It's a safe place to brag about yourself. You know, where do you show up for yourself and for others? Great. And if you want to share just 3 to 5 of those answers down below in terms of how you acknowledge yourself, feel free to do that and cheer each other on also as well. And while you're down in the comments also, how's your confidence? How's your confidence been the past few days? And give us some feedback. You could rate it 0 to 10, or you could just say, hey, it's growing, you know? And it's always just like our energy levels could go up and down, just like our focus could go up and down. But the goal is to make our set point in that place where we're spending the most amount of time higher than it was before. That's really the goal. Same thing with our Kwik Reading program. We want your set point for reading to be better, your speed, your focus, your comprehension. Sometimes it dips here or there depending on what you're reading and how tired you are and your stress levels, what's going on with work or school that day. But down below, you acknowledge yourself for a few things in the— in your journal. Put at least 20 things there, right? That's going to improve your self-confidence overnight, right? I'll tell you something else to improve your self-confidence overnight. Train your brain. Get to study your brain. Your brain is amazing, and that's part of you. So that'll boost your confidence overnight. All right? I am your confidence coach, Jim Kwik. I'm proud to be here with you. I acknowledge you for showing up, and I can't wait to see you in our next lesson.