How to STOP Negative Self-Talk | Jim Kwik

Welcome back, Kwik Brain. One of the things that I want to address here is something that I see often is the talk. Your brain is this incredible supercomputer, and your self-talk is the program it will run. And if you say to yourself, I'm not good at this, you know, I'm not good at remembering names, you won't remember the name of the next person you meet because you program your supercomputer not to, right? Henry Ford said, if you believe you can or believe you can't, either way, what? You're correct, and I always tell people your mind is always eavesdropping on your self-talk. Your mind is always eavesdropping on your self-talk, so you want to keep it encouraging. So I want to share with you a few things that I do because you're learning these techniques. But if you say, "Am I really getting this?" You're introducing doubt. Or if you're saying, "I'm just not smart enough," or "I just can't keep up," or "Everyone's getting this and I'm not," then it becomes. Self-fulfilling. So first way of changing this is just being aware. Self-awareness is a superpower, and I believe we have to audit our self-talk. We have to go through and maybe do an audit about our beliefs, right? Because where did they come from? When I was 9 years old, the teacher pointed to me and said, that's the boy with the broken brain. And I wasn't born with that idea, but all I remembered for years was I would say I'm broken every time I did badly on an exam or a test or a book report. Every Every time I wasn't picked for sports, which was very often, I would always say to myself, oh, it's because I have the broken brain. Because adults have to be very careful of their external words because they become a child's internal words. And you've heard me say this again, you know, when people come to you or you say to me, I don't have a good memory, I always say, stop. If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them. If you fight for your limits of what you can't do, then they're yours. Right? And so how do you overcome these negative beliefs? Well, in my book Limitless, I call them lies, right? I talk about the 7 lies to learning and growth. These 7 lies would apply towards your memory also. Now, a lie stands for this. Please write this down. A lie is a limited idea entertained. That's what L-I-E stands for for me. When I hear somebody say something, I say, is that true? Or is it BS? BS stands for what? Belief systems. Those are your belief systems. It's not necessarily true you're not smart enough. It's not necessarily true that you're too old. It's not necessarily true that you have a horrible memory. It's a limited idea that what? That you're entertaining. You're giving it energy. You're energizing it by saying it and adding emotion to it. So how do you overcome this? First, you need the self-awareness, and second, correct yourself. That's pretty easy to do, right? If you find yourself saying, "I don't have a great memory," and you catch yourself, add a little word like yet at the end. I don't have a great memory yet because the words we use affect our nervous system. It rewires our brain, and thoughts—please write this down—thoughts are things. Thoughts are things. Your thinking repetitively changes your biology, right? There's a biology to beliefs. So you want to be aware of that. And so you want to audit your thoughts. And here's the other thing, write this down. You don't have to believe everything you think. You do not have to believe every single thought that comes in your mind, right? And you could choose In Limitless, I have a quote from a French philosopher, and he says, life is the C between B and D. Life is C between B and D. B stands for birth, D stands for death, C, life, choice. We could always choose what we're saying to ourselves. We could choose what these words mean to us, and we could choose what we're going to feel and how we're going to act. So we have responsibility. So here's something that I do. I like— I talk about magic a lot and that there's a method behind the magic, but the magical words— and I'm very interested in magicians, and I got to study with a number of magicians. And I, I remember the first time I saw a magician do a memory demonstration, and I was like, I started to, to follow this person, ask him all this question. And he was performing in this one area, and I would sit in the lobby and I'd ask him. And he must have admired my persistence And he sat down with me and he showed me this memory technique, and I was like, "This is amazing." And I said, "You mind if I share this?" Because I know magicians don't really. And he was like, "Go ahead, you can share it." I don't think this gentleman knew how much I would share this and how much I would develop these techniques. But here's what you want to remember: is that your thoughts come out of habits, right? I always tell people, you want to watch W A T C H. Just write that down. W-A-T-C-H. What do you want to watch? W, your words. A, your actions. T, your thoughts. C, your character. And H, you want to watch those habits, especially the habits of those things. The habits of your thoughts, the habits of your actions, the habits of your words, and so on. And so be sensitized to it. But going back to the power of magic, there are certain words that we use. And part of what we're doing in this lesson is about transcending. Think about that word transcend. We're looking at words and the origin of words. Transcend. What does that sound like? To me, it sounds like transcend, ending the trance, ending this mass hypnosis, whether it's through marketing or media that says we're broken, that we're not enough, or if it's not coming from the outsides, we're hypnotizing ourselves by the words that we use because words have meaning. And words, when you think about a word like spelling, right? When you're spelling words, a spell is like a magical spell. So the words we're using, it casts a spell. And so there are certain words that we use that magicians use to perform magic. And one of the most popular ones is what? Abracadabra. Abracadabra. So I broke down abra into 4 steps to changing your negative thoughts. Okay, so if you have an idea in your mind that doesn't serve you, or even if you have a little discomfort in your body, this will help with that also as well. Some people get a little bit anxiety before taking a test or giving a speech, you know, in front of an audience. Remember ABRA, A B R A. Now the A stands for acknowledge. What does that mean? When you have a negative thought, I want you let's say it's. Oh, I'm not smart enough. I want you to first to acknowledge it. I don't want you to resist it because what you resist tends to persist, right? What you resist persists. I just want you to acknowledge that it's there. That's the A. The B in ABRA is breathe. One of the most powerful ways to change how you feel, the state that you're in, is the power of your breath. So what I would like you to do when you have that negative thought or you're feeling a little bit angst in your body, I want you to breathe into that place where you feel like that thought or that feeling resides, right? The power of your breath. It's a wonderful way to bridge into your unconscious because when you breathe, it's part of your autonomic system. You're doing it automatically. And when you influence and are aware of your breath, it allows you to bridge into that system. So I want you to breathe into where you feel like that thought resides. All right. If you have a little angst or anxiety, breathe into that place. That is the B. You acknowledge, then you breathe. Now, the R in ABRA is release. You want to release. You want to breathe in the thing that you want. You want hope. You want clarity. You want healing, whatever it is, and you visualize it. You want confidence. You breathe into it, and then you release what you don't want. You release that thought, you release stress, you could release anxiety. So you breathe in what you want to where it resides, and you breathe out the thing you don't want. You release it, right? Because some of these thoughts and some of these feelings are not yours to bear, right? And they weigh us down. So how are you going to soar to new heights and fly if you're carrying that extra weight? So breathe in and then release. And then finally, the last A in ABRA stands for align. What does it mean to align? Right? You're going to reset, and you're going to bring in with that breath the truth. And usually that truth is more empowering, and it's usually the opposite of the thing that holds you back. So usually it's the opposite of your negative thoughts. So what would be the opposite of that? So if it says that, oh, I'm not good enough. Then this is, I am enough, right? I am good enough. I am more than enough, right? And it's not because I, I bought or I created something. It's because I always have been and I always will, right? And that's you. And so what you want to do is align to the truth. So the truth is that you are smart enough and come up with all those references and ideas. Sometimes we need to doubt our doubts and really believe our beliefs. And that's what I want to encourage you to do. Because in this lesson, I want you to really be conscious of this chatter. Sometimes this squelcher or this critic will talk ourselves out of success, and it's okay because you can't stop it from talking, right? Just like your heart is there to beat, your mind is there to have thoughts. I'm asking you to be aware of those thoughts and just do a little course correct. You know, when it's not something that feels good to you, then maybe you take control, you be responsible, you have agency, and then you you talk to yourself in a way that you would talk to somebody you care about, somebody that you love, somebody that you want to be supportive of. Because remember, we all need somebody to help us and support us. And if you haven't found that person, be that person. Especially be that person for you. Your thoughts are programming your mind, so you want to keep it positive, keep it honoring your real self, your limitless self. So what I'd like you to do is in the comments, if you're willing, take a couple of negative thoughts that you might have and then tell me what the opposite is. What would you like to release and what would you like to align to? What is the new you? And that's really what it is. Sometimes finding yourself is not that difficult. Maybe it's just been buried, you know, and sedated and muted by all the opinions and expectations of everybody else. That's why it helps to get quiet, maybe do a little meditation, a little talk therapy, a little journaling, and learn who you really are. I believe that's part of life, having the curiosity to know yourself. And part of it is your identity, your beliefs, your self-talk. And the other is having the courage to be yourself. And that's a whole different game. But while we're on this journey together, let's do it with grit and let's do it with grace. Do the best we can. It's never perfect. Thinking is good. Overthinking, wanting to be perfect, not so good. The goal, it's just progress, and it starts with our thoughts because those thoughts are things. I'm your brain coach, Jim Kwik, and I'll see you in our next lesson.