Kwik Brain Episode 21: How To Listen With Your Whole Brain by Jim Kwik

Welcome to Kwik Brain, bite-sized brain hacks for busy people who want to learn faster and achieve more. I'm your coach, Jim Kwik. Free your mind. Let's imagine if we could access 100% of our brain's capacity. I wasn't high, wasn't wired, just clear. I knew what I needed to do and how to do it. I know kung fu. Show me. How do you listen better? How do you become a better listener? In today's high-tech, high-speed, high-stress world, communication is more important than ever. Yet it seems we spend less and less time really listening to one another. And we all know the power of listening, right? It can save everything from money, it could save marriages, it prevents mistakes, it prevents misunderstandings. And there are so many classes on speaking, public speaking and Toastmasters and how to communicate. And to teach, but there are very few classes and programs available on how to be an expert listener, how to be an active, deep listener. And so that's what we're going to talk about in this episode. I'm going to give you my 4 keys to being a quick listener, how to deeply engage with people so they feel understood, because really that's what it's all about, right? Dr. Stephen Covey wrote the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said, seek first to understand, then To be understood. But nowadays, it's really hard to really listen to people because we live in this fast-paced world where we're used to recording and capturing everything on our smart devices. So we're not building those listening skills. The world also is very noisy, right? There's so much information out there, so much overload, and there's what we call information fatigue syndrome, and people are being overloaded and overwhelmed. How do you really focus on the signal as opposed to all the noise? Because the other thing is, besides the fact that we have recording devices and the world is noisy, is that we're trained nowadays just to want those sound bites, those really quick sound bites of wisdom, if you will. And it's made our listening muscles very lazy, and they're not getting the exercise they would normally get. And here's the thing, there's no such thing as a good or bad listener. There is no such thing as a good or bad listener. There's just a trained listener and and an untrained listener. And we're going to begin this process right now. Now, when I'm talking about listening, I'm not just talking about what you're hearing that's coming through your ears. I'm also saying what you're taking in from the person. So, it could also be listening with your eyes. You see, most of our communication comes from our bodies. So, when you fail to actively listen, it helps to understand body language cues. So, at least you're gaining some kind of context for the conversation, Right? It's not just what somebody is saying, it's how they are saying it and also how they're using their body, right? So as you're looking at somebody, you could also look and listen with your eyes and look at their body language because their state is also communicating something to you. Are they moving closer to you or are they moving away from you? Are they relaxed with their limbs uncrossed or they have crossed legs and crossed arms, right? Very protective. Are they— listen for their, like, even look at their eye contact. Are they looking at you for longer periods of time? Or are they looking away and to the side? Or are they looking, you know, down away from shyness? Or are their, you know, their feet pointed towards you or away from you, like towards an exit, right? Do they have a genuine smile? Are they touching their face and scratching their, you know, their back of their neck or something? So you could also listen for body language, keeping in mind that you can't always interpret it perfectly. If somebody has Crossed arms, for example, it could be they're very protective, right, and closed, or it could mean that they're cold, or it could mean they're covering up a stain on their shirt, right? So, there's always this room for error. So, it really forces you to really focus on observation skills. And I would re-listen, if you haven't already, to our episode on How to Improve Your Memory Now, where we talked about the motivation from memory and listening, and also the observational skills. So, listen to that, because Because this is, as you can tell, this is more than just a podcast. This is a training series. This is your Kwik Brain Academy, and now class is in session. So let's go into this right now. We all know the power of listening, right? It's cliché, but you're born with 2 ears and 1 mouth. You should be listening twice as much. And, but the challenge is there's no class on listening. First of all, as I talk about in the Speed Reading Program, the power of keeping your senses really healthy. And sharp. And here's the thing, listening, as we talked about, is a skill, and all skills can be improved. And so let's get into this. I'm going to teach you 4 keys, really simple, and this is common sense, but it's not common practice. 4 keys to be a more effective listener, to be a better, sharper listener, to awaken your quick listening skills, if you will, so you can be there and have things at your mental fingertips. And also remember, because they go hand in hand, The idea that you need to be able to anticipate and remember what the person is saying. So what I want you to remember and listen to is this word HEAR, H-E-A-R. And you know I'm a big fan of the acronyms, right? The H in HEAR stands for halt. And what I mean by that is immediately when you want to go into listening mode, stop. Come to a complete stop. Whatever else you're doing and the internal self-talk that you have about how you're going to How do you know this person? Or how are you going to respond? And actually just be present and free your mind to pay attention, to be with the person or the persons that you're with. And when you're listening, you're paying attention not only to the words, but you're taking in everything— the tone of voice, the facial expressions, the body language. You're just being completely present, and this will give you information that will be as important as the words themselves. So what I want you to do is halt Come to a complete stop and just be present with the person. Now, the E in here stands for empathy. And so this is where you're imagining yourself in the person's shoes, that you can't know unless you've walked a mile in their moccasins. And you want to feel like— imagine yourself in their situation, wanting only to have to be heard, to be listened to. So when they're speaking, make an effort to think about where they're coming from, And why? And that motivation plays a big role, right? Actors use it very effectively to get into different characters. They want to know what that person's motivation, what their drive is in terms of what their values are, and so how they're making their decisions. So get some kind of level of empathy. And the other thing the E in HEAR could stand for is engaging with the person, right? Engaging. You focus on the speaker. You make eye contact. You turn your head slightly so that your ear is facing them, right? You ask questions. That's how you're engaging them and you're really energizing that conversation. Now, after you halt and you have empathy and you're engaging, the A in HEAR stands for anticipate. Anticipate. And what I mean by anticipate is 2 things. Anticipate, I'm talking about the state and also the strategy. So, the state of anticipation, how does that feel like when you're anticipating something? When you're anticipating something that you're looking forward to, because here's the thing: all learning is state-dependent. All learning is state-dependent, and so information combined with emotion becomes a long-term memory. Information combined with emotion becomes a long-term memory. So that emotion of anticipation, as opposed to boredom, right? Boredom feels like a zero, and zero times anything is zero. But if you anticipate something and you feel like you're a five. 5 or a 6 or a 10 in terms of your emotional state, then 10 times anything, you're going to get a great result, right? So get into that anticipatory state, being excited, looking forward to what the person has to say, acknowledging that you're likely to learn something brand new that's interesting, and this will enhance your level of anticipation, your level of attention, right? Because that's the key for memory, right? The art of memory is the art of attention. It's the art of empathy. It's the art of being present. It's the art of anticipation. So the other thing about besides being a state that living in that state of anticipation is the strategy. You could actually use it as a strategy to anticipate, right? Anticipate based on the content. Where are they going with this conversation? What's their end goal? You know, pretend that you're going to be tested on how much that they are saying that you really heard. And understood and start to look forward. Now that you have empathy in terms of, you know, feeling where they are and then asking yourself, you know, where they started and where they are now and where they're going to go, then that becomes a very powerful learning listening strategy. It gets you incredibly engaged. So now that you halted, came to a complete stop, you have empathy and you're engaging with the person. You're imagining yourself in their situation, looking forward, anticipating where they're going to go, feeling like all learning is state-dependent. You're you have excitement there. The R in here stands for review. Review. And review is a very powerful memory strategy, right? Spaced review, interval repetition. This is where you're pondering and you're reflecting. You're thinking about what the speaker really is saying. You're analyzing. You're paraphrasing in your mind or in a discussion with the speaker or the other listeners that are in the room. And you're picking up some really key points in the conversation. This is where I would recommend you actually, besides review, you remember using one of the strategies from previous episodes in this Academy on how to remember facts and figures, how to give a speech without notes, using one of those memory techniques like the Memory Palace to be able to store the information, picking up very few key points in the conversation. And after they finish talking, let them know that they've been heard, right, by mentioning some of these key points. that you heard them say, and asking them clarifying questions. Clarifying questions mean that you care, right? You want to go deeper and get a better understanding of anything that you might have misunderstood. And the other part of the review here is this will actually help you to remember what you learned, right? It helps you to remember so you retain, because memory is essential to the listening process. And this is where I'd also recommend taking notes. One of the most popular episodes we've done in Kwik Brain is how to take notes effectively. And so, taking notes will really fine-tune and hone your listening process, and I recommend you take notes handwriting them instead of typing, because when you handwrite something, it forces you, because you can't write as fast as somebody talks, so it forces you to really listen, going back to the power and the skill, developing those listening muscles on what's most important in this conversation. So, take notes by handwriting them. Obviously, if you can only type it out, it's better than not having it at all. But re-listen to Take Notes podcast. So I want to thank you for listening to this show and this episode. Apply the HEAR method: halt, have empathy, anticipate, and review, and you will be a quicker listener. And as you improve all of your senses, the information that's coming into your magnificent nervous system, you're going to unleash what we call your quick brain. Want to double your brain speed and memory power? 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