Self-Talk Techniques to Unlock Confidence | Jim Kwik & Melina Vicario

The first step is to know that we actually live in our mental world. We think that we can grasp the world, but we only grasp tiny bits. The James Bond rule says when we say a phrase that is going upwards, like life is great, it, in the unconscious mind, it sends the message of doubt and uncertainty.

Welcome back to the Kwik Brain Podcast. I am your host and your brain coach, Jim Kwik. And the topic we're going to talk about today is one that we get a lot. I always talk about 10 different ways you could upgrade your brain, and one of them is managing your self-talk. You know, I do believe your brain is like a supercomputer, and your self-talk is the program that will run. So if you tell yourself you're not good at remembering names, you're not likely to remember that person's name because you program your supercomputer not to. But we're going to go deep into quieting negative self-talk and maybe reframing it in a way that you could persuade and influence yourself to really not only learn better, but get the desired results in terms of your life that you really want and you deserve. And so we have a very special guest here live in the Kwik Brain podcast studio, Millie Vicario. She came all the way from Argentina for this conversation. So thank you so much. She's really an expert in mind technologies. And we're going to talk about some of those technologies today and also really a notable biohacker. You know, we were geeking out before we started filming about brain hacking and biohacking. And she does that, you know, at scale. She's an author as well. So, Melanie, thanks for being on our show.

Thank you so much. I am so excited to be today with you and this awesome community.

Yes. I mean, you really— I love your energy. You know, from the moment we met, we also connected with our team, with our Spanish-speaking audience for our social media. We'll put links Then our show notes always at jimkwik.com/notes as well as your website, your social media, to your book. I know you're running a biohacking event as well. I mean, you wear many different hats. You and I could talk for hours, but I wanted to really hone in on your experience with that inner voice. You know, when we're talking about your inner voice and sometimes people have, it's not just the words you say, but it's also how you say it. But before we do that, maybe you could give me just 2 minutes on your journey in terms of how were you first exposed? What was your inspiration? Were you just kind of born with these understandings, or did you go through a process?

This process has been so meaningful for me because I have been painfully shy, scared, and a lady that used to stutter. I could not even speak fluently in my own language, in Spanish, because I was so scared and anxious. And this happened not only when I was a child, but until I was around 30 years old, until I was fed up with this and decided to go look for my own resources, which I curiously find moving from Argentina to China. And I found a lot of resources in myself, Mm-hmm. Unconsciously that I could not explain, but I could use. So after that, I thought to myself, how can I make these processes learnable so that I can apply them every time I need them and program them in my own mental world? And how can I teach other people to use these powerful mental strategies so that everyone can actually create their desired life. And this is how I found mind technology, this user manual of our mental world, how to think on purpose. And then I learned biohacking, combined both of them.

Right. And so you have the hardware and the software. You know, I know you trained with some amazing minds, brilliant minds like Richard Bandler. You were also a tech journalist, which you spent a good amount of time with. CEOs and seeing what they were doing to create their companies and their teams, you know, and innovate. And you were exposed to biohacking in Silicon Valley.

Yes, exactly. I was, after learning mind technology and going to Stanford to learn neuroscience, I was looking for something really, really practical. And at that time, I was working as a technology journalist and I knew a lot of very successful CEOs and entrepreneurs. managers of venture capitals. So I went to them and I said, look, I will ask you this. This is for my own personal investigation. What do you do to be so full of vitality and sharp, healthy? The way you connect with people is awesome. Like, you create a meaningful relationship. What are you into? What do you do? And this was in 2017. And all of them said, look, Meili, I will tell you my secret. I'm into biohacking. And I was, wow, there is something here. They didn't know each other, most of them. This is how I thought there is something here. I went to San Francisco and I started looking for the biohacking community. And I went right away to the biohacking conference and signed up to learn from Dave Asprey directly.

This was in 2017?

Yes.

I spoke in Pasadena at that one. Every year we've had Dave on the show multiple times. And so it's interesting because you're in Silicon Valley talking about technology, but the ultimate technology is between your ears, you know, but you're right, it doesn't come with an owner's manual. So what I want to talk about in this episode is how to monitor and audit your self-talk so you could have conviction instead of uncertainty and doubt, how to be able to use that narrator in there to not squelch your dreams or create uncertainty, you know, with your goals, but really to be able to move forward fast with confidence, right? So when you're working with a client and you're helping them through that, where do you normally start?

The first step is to know that we think that we live in the world, but we actually live in our mental world. We think that we can grasp the world, but we only grasp tiny bit, like generally 7 plus minus 2 chunks of information. So we unconsciously delete, distort, and generalize a lot of information. The quality of our life is actually the quality of our mental world, how bright it is in there, how much we can program this holographic mind in which we live.

Mm-hmm.

The thing is, we talk to ourselves When, when we come to this inner voice, sometimes, and because we do this automatically and we are not taught this when we're kids, when we say something useful to ourselves, we say it with such doubt.

Yeah.

Like, maybe I can make my dreams come true. And then when we say something that is bad to us, something that is not aligned with our desired destiny, We say it with such conviction, like, I am so stupid. There lies the problem. So there are some persuasion engineering tools that we can apply so that we can re-engineer this self-talk. And the first one I want to tell you is one of my favorite ones. It's the first time that I tell this in a podcast.

Okay.

So I'm very excited. And it's called the James Bond Rule. The James Bond Rule says, when we say a phrase that is going upwards, like life is great, it, in the unconscious mind, it sends the message of doubt and uncertainty.

Hmm.

Then when we use a tonality going downwards, like life is wonderful or the pen is on the table, it sends a message to our unconscious mind of certainty. And conviction. So let me explain this with an example. Everyone here probably knows about James Bond. You know about— you know who James Bond is. People in your home or wherever you're listening may thinking, yes, yes, I know James Bond. So what do we think about him?

He's very confident, he's very certain, he's in control.

He's powerful. We believe in him, we trust him, we could even put our lives in his hands to defend us. Right? And how did he introduce himself?

Bond. James Bond. Yes!

And you are all probably thinking about this or saying this in your homes, right?

With James Quick.

My name is Bond. James Bond.

And the downward inflection.

With the downward inflection. Imagine for a moment if he would have introduced himself like this. My name is Bond. James Bond.

Feels different.

It feels different. It's the same words, but it feels as suddenly we maybe are not certain. We don't think he's that strong anymore. So how can we use this, the James Bond rule, when we talk to ourselves? When we say something that is good for ourselves, like, I am wonderful. I will make my dreams come true. You do it with the downward inflection, like James Bond. And also, this works both for our inner voice and for our outer voice. When we talk to other people, it is very important because think about how you're introducing yourself and what you do for a living, for example. It is not the same to say—

Yeah.

My name is Maria. I'm a biohacker. I will teach you great things for the future. Then in the unconscious mind, people listening this, hmm, it's doubt. I'm not certain about this.

Right.

But then if we change, my name is Maria, I am a biohacker, I will teach you wonderful things for the future. Then, and, or actually when you're giving hope to someone else and you tell them, Everything is going to be all right. Life is good. Life is wonderful. With the downward inflection, the message in our unconscious mind, that is what is running the whole show, it is yes, certain. I believe this. I trust this. So it's such a powerful way to talk to ourselves and to other people.

Right. And it's interesting because when we're talking to people, we know this unconsciously. If I'm coaching somebody and getting them to You know, read each day, or, and they say, I can read, like, it's not, you know, like, or I will, I will read, right? It's, it feels different. I can do it, right? Or I can, and it sounds, it sounds different. So you're saying it's not only what we say, but it's, it's how we say it to ourselves and to others.

Absolutely. And this is how we come like to the second rule that I love sharing. These are really, really powerful that we can start using right now. The Round voice rule.

Round voice rule. Do you have too much to read but too little time? Are your shelves full of books that you haven't read yet and become shelf help, not self-help? And that's why I created the Kwik Reading Course. 15 minutes a day, 21 days will absolutely transform your life. Just go to kwikbrain.com/reading. Use the code podcast fifteen, and you'll get instant access.

A rule that says when we talk with a round voice, that is the voice that comes from our diaphragm. So when we are speaking, we take the air to our diaphragm, man, and we talk like this, and we say relax, trust, soft. This kind of voice. Opens a door to our unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is listening when we use this kind of voice, even our inner voice, both our inner voice and outer voice versus if we say relax now, trust very well. Like this is this is like the opposite of a round voice. This is what we call. A spiky voice. And of course, I'm going to the extremes here, but most of us, generally people, are somewhere in the middle. And if we can make our voice more round when we talk to ourselves and to others, we can talk more effectively to the other people's unconscious mind And also to our unconscious mind that is powerful and subtle. So how do we get our voice to be more round? You can download any free app that is called oscilloscope, and then you talk to the oscilloscope and you say— first you say like simple words like relax, soft, Hello. And you will try to see in the oscilloscope something round.

Hmm.

You talk through here and you say round. Whereas if you are using a spiky voice, you will see actual spikes in the oscilloscope. So you will practice and you will get the feedback from the app, the oscilloscope, To make your voice more round, more from the, from the diaphragm. And then what you're learning there, to use it in your everyday life. Even imaginary voice, it works the same. Our own unconscious mind wants to listen to ourselves when we talk with a round voice.

That makes so much sense. And I really want to highlight this because we all have this internal voice inside our head. When have we did an audit, not only what we say, 'cause we hear a lot of people say, well, talk positive to yourself, use these kind of affirmations. But if you're doing these affirmations with that upwards inflection, then you're saying something that you don't believe, right? Even if we heard it from another person that they, you know, they say that they're gonna exercise every day, but it's different if they're asking it or if they're commanding themselves to be able to do that. Now, I didn't wanna finish this conversation without talking a little bit about some biohacking, because for me, you could have the processes And the software of the self-talk, as an example, but also you need to take care of the hardware, which is your body, and part of your body is your brain. Maybe you could share with our audience maybe 3 of just kind of your non-negotiables when it comes to biohacking. Are there certain things that— I know you're traveling right now, so maybe not everything is doable, but how do you remain in your potential and your purpose in terms of biohacking? How do you maintain your strength and level of performance? vitality when you're going through your day?

The first one is removing all these toxic things that a lot of people is putting in their skin, like not putting any crap, with the permission of the word, in my hair, in my skin. Actually, it was a big process to say to myself, I'm beautiful like this. I don't need to be smudging toxic chemicals and toxic makeup in my skin to be beautiful.

Because your skin is your largest organ, and it absorbs things. And they say that women specifically could walk out of their house in the morning with over 200 chemicals on their body.

And thinking about how, oh, but I have to be pretty. My skin has to be all like a painting or something like this. And to really think, no, this health is beautiful. Vitality is beautiful. It was an internal process for me to say the natural is beautiful.

So saying reducing or eliminating those potential toxins that could affect your, your mind and your body.

Yes, exactly. Like we read the labels of the food, read the labels of the shampoo, the toothpaste, the cream, the everything that that we put in our skin.

Okay.

Exactly as you said. The second one is something that I learned a few months ago, I have to say. I didn't pay attention to this, I didn't know this before, and it's been so powerful. And it is, as a woman, to respect the menstrual cycle phases, to know that I am not the same person in each phase of my menstrual cycle, and that it is okay to feel different and to do as much as possible to adapt my training and my activities and my food to these different phases.

Mm-hmm.

That we as women are different biologically, and there is a great power to do as much as possible to adapt to this menstrual cycle. And this is something maybe some one year ago or something, I wouldn't have said, oh no, today I'm gonna take it very easy because I'm in the premenstrual cycle. I would know, oh, this is a secret. This is something that I should not say out loud because I'm even a little like embarrassed to say, no, I should not talk about this. And now I'm, oh, it's okay. It's part of my power too.

We've done a couple episodes on this where, you know, everyone's familiar with the 24-hour cycle. our circadian rhythm, but the 28-day cycle also. We had Lisa Vitti talk about it and also Dr. Stephanie Estima talk about that, that each week, you know, it could also, depending on your hormonal expression, you could take on certain activities that would be aligned in nature. I'll put a link again to those podcast episodes. And your third one that you're thinking about right now, and I know we could probably do 30 of them.

Jim, This is like a sigh of joy just to think about this, and is to connect with the vitamin people, the community, to be able to learn from vitamin people, hug vitamin people, help each other, put some hope in someone else's eyes, make someone smile, and get together in community.

Mm-hmm.

And this is why it is such a dream come true that the first biohacking conference in Spanish is coming to life so soon. This is the way that the Spanish-speaking community can get together and make sense of all this knowledge in our language, create the new neural networks, hug, make community, help each other.

Yeah.

Actually, Jim, like connecting with you and learning from you virtually before and now in person, I can feel Feel the connection with the vitamin people that you are.

Meli, this has been amazing. I want to make sure everybody has a takeaway here. You know, our internal voice is very powerful and probably more powerful than we think. If we understood how powerful our words are in the language, you know, to our own mind or our unconscious, we probably wouldn't say or think something we didn't want to be true. And it's that powerful. Not that you have one negative thought and ruins your life any more than just eating one donut will ruin your life, but it's the consistency of it. But, you know, what I really want to emphasize here from what you've shared is not just It's not what you say, it's how you say it, you know, to yourself. Just simple distinctions. I think little, little things make a big difference. And I want to thank you for sharing those 2 strategies as well as some of your biohacking tips. And those biohacking tips are free, right? You know, you're doing less of the toxic chemicals or the toxic people or the toxic news, you know, and then also you're very conscious of your own rhythms. You know, biologically, and then also, you know, just being very conscious also of the power of community. It's not just our neurological networks, it's obviously our social networks, because who we spend time with is who we become. So I want to thank you for spending time with us today. How do people stay in touch with you?

First, thank you so, so much for this opportunity. I want to say this publicly, you are a huge inspiration for me. Being from a very small town, from very far away, listening to you and learning from you allowed me to have huge dreams in my mental world, huge dreams in my timeline, and knowing that I can make them true for me and for the world, whatever it takes. So thank you so much for the inspiration. You inspire me, you inspire so many people. How to stay connected? Well, you can with me by Instagram is @labiohacker. This is how people know me. Like, it's la, it's the in Spanish for feminine, labiohacker. I have a website, www.labiohacker.com. I have a YouTube channel where I have an interview that I did to you 5 years ago, and it's with Spanish subtitles, and it's amazing. Well, that's it. Oh, actually, I started making biohacking music. That is with the round voice, the intonations, and you can find this music in Spotify. There's one about our unconscious mind and one about biohacking, and it's in Spotify and all the musical platforms as Soy Tan Biohacker.

Perfect. I want to thank everybody for listening or watching this episode. Make sure you go to jimkwik.com/notes to get all this, all the amazing resources Because it's not just the external resources we talked about today, the internal resources and resourcefulness that we all have inside of us. So we look forward to seeing you next episode. Until then, this is your brain coach, Jim Kwik. Be limitless.