The Truth About Failure: Why It’s the Secret to Great Leadership Feat. Jim Murphy

They conflate and confuse significance and recognition with love and connection because it feels very similar.

Our deepest need as humans is for love and connection. Our greatest fear is rejection. Western culture has this affluenza virus, this virus of the heart that's obsessed about how you look. And, you know, I mentioned the acronym, the PALMS— your possessions, achievements, looks, money, and status. It's because we have this deep need for love and acceptance. And if I get the possessions and looks, theoretically, I'm going to get the love that I want. The thing is, you have your top goals in your life, but are they even good for you? And so Inner Excellence is saying, let's go for what you truly want and create something that's lasting. Build a life that's lasting, and then you'll be better at everything else. Who you are as a person is the most important thing that you bring to the world. Growing up, you had this very limiting, I'm an imposter, I can't do this, here we go again, I'm a failure, whatever, those sort of beliefs that you had. The problem with imposter syndrome is that it's really a self-sabotage. It's constantly thinking about me, and I'm the one who can't do it. But when you're at your very best, there's no thoughts about self. Selfless is fearless.

I love this.

We use the mind to train the heart. When we're squeezed, when we're under pressure, what's in our heart is gonna come out. Make sure that you're very aware of and intentional about the words that you use. We need to get to the neural level where when you're squeezed, what comes out is inner strength.

We're so obsessed with outside of us. How's someone treating me?

How do I respond?

What's going on in the world? What did I just fail at? What was their response? Here's the deal. The person who's in the most control of their inner world has the most power. All right. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So I was just telling this man off camera, he's written one of the best books I've read. And, you know, you all know I read a lot of books. I read a lot of books before this podcast started a decade ago, and I read a couple hundred a year. You know, deciding who's going to be on the show and just to grow myself. And I don't have a book I would put in front of this book that I've read the last few years. It's that good. He's a New York Times bestselling author, former baseball player. So I like that about him a lot. He's a faith-based person, which I enjoy as well. And his book just took off. If you watch any football last year, the Philadelphia Eagles who won the Super Bowl, AJ Brown starts reading this guy's book on the sidelines during a playoff game. And it caught fire. And thank God it did, because you should read this book. It's, it's, it's that good. He works with executives. He works with professional athletes. We both do some work, which is really unique work with PGA Tour players as well. And it's all about your mind and this book and your heart, by the way, more your heart than your mind, according to him. But anyway, my guest today has written a book called Inner Excellence. Jim Murphy, really, really good to have you here, brother. Thank you for being here.

Thanks so much for having me, Ed. Such an honor.

I, uh, pored through this book, and it's not a quick read either. It's a great read, but it's not— you're not going to finish this book in a day, everybody. But I, I pored through it. Let me start out, Jim. I'm going to read something to you that you wrote in the beginning of the book. You said, this is the mindset of inner excellence. You said, I compete— everyone listen to this closely— I compete to raise the level of excellence in my life, to learn and grow. in order to raise it in others. I just want to start out with that as a concept, because that says a lot in one very long sentence there. Talk about that a little bit.

You know, and I think there's so many similarities that we talked about before we started here between your— why you're successful and what you're sharing with the world and what I'm sharing, because you talk a lot about identity and how that really— you understood when you were growing up that your identity was holding you back and you had to change that identity. And that's kind of what this, the inner excellence mindset is, is who you are as a person is the most important thing that you bring to the world, the most important thing that you bring to your family, your kids. Who you're becoming is the most important thing. It doesn't matter if you're a college baseball player like yourself at UOP or pro athlete or stay-at-home mom. mother or father. So that means learning and growing is the number one thing about you. The most important thing every day that we do is to learn and grow.

How do we do that? In the book, you talk about— you call it The Daring in the Twilight. Then you have these 3 pillars of extraordinary performance. You guys, I don't say this a lot on the show. It's such a good book. It's so content-rich that I don't even know that the interview is going to do all of it justice today. But what are these 3 pillars of extraordinary performance? Then I want to tie that into the heart in a second with you.

Yeah. So, you can think of it as the acronym BFF, like best friends forever. Belief, freedom, and focus. So, belief, what I define that as, as a subconscious comfort level with what you feel is possible in your life.

Yup.

And, we all have beliefs about every single area of our life. And, Inner Excellence is really about these 3 areas. Everything that I do with professional athletes or with anybody is to help them in these 3 areas to expand what they believe is possible, to have more freedom, to play like a kid and to have fun and especially joy, and to learn how to be fully engaged in the moment, heart, mind, and body, unattached to what you're trying to do.

Did you do this because you struggled with it, like the joy piece, or did you write about it because this is stuff you're also great at?

Well, I think more so understanding that human nature, we're created for glory. And I think lack of freedom is one of the biggest challenges that we all face, professional athletes especially, but all of us, a lack of freedom because there's so much comparison. And joy is like that fulfillment of freedom.

Mm-hmm.

I think of joy as a deep sense of well-being, freedom, and gratitude, this inner buoyancy independent of circumstance, whereas happiness is a positive temporary feeling based on what's happening. And so it's like professional athletes, they come to me because they want some surface-level thing. They wanna be, you know, they wanna perform better, they wanna make more money, or whatever, they wanna become a world champion. And so it's like they're coming to me for happiness. They want better results and circumstances, and I teach them how to have joy. I teach them how to— like, like what you do is help them have an identity that's powerful and meaningful and understanding. Like, like I said, created for glory.

There's 2 things there I just want to reiterate. One was you said independent of circumstance. That's the kicker for most people. Their joy, their freedom, their peace is extremely conditional That's right. On what's going on at any given time. And truly free people, it's non-conditional. It's non-circumstantial. And so everybody, just evaluate that. And I think here's a piece that might help you do it. You have these things in the book about, you know, here's some pillars and then here's some stuff to drop. I couldn't believe this was the first thing because it's one of the things I've talked about a lot. You just talk about it far better than I do. But that is, there is a difference between your beliefs and your thoughts. And they're not the same thing. Yet most people think, I am my thoughts. And I think this is one of the great breakthroughs of life. If you can begin to understand this right here, is that you are not your thoughts all of the time. I want you to talk about that.

Yeah, it's so important to understand. I think of it as you are not your mind, and you are going to have some terrible thoughts are going to come into your head sometimes. And Here's what's crucial to understand: the most successful people in the world at anything have terrible thoughts sometimes, horrible thoughts. They could they could be about you know killing somebody or whatever, and it's so important to understand that you're going to have horrible thoughts come into your mind that just come from from the culture or come into your head from from somewhere outside of you, and they have nothing to do with you. And so we got to understand that you are not your mind; it's a part of you that you need to train, and especially you are not your thoughts because what happens the most. people is they fuse with their thoughts. They think a bad thought or a negative thought, and they're like, yeah, that's true. I am that. And, that's really crucial to understand.

It's important to know where that comes from. I've always had the theory that a lot of our thoughts were probably installed in us when we were defenseless and younger. And, we gathered maybe them from mom or dad or people that were around us. And so, truly, these more than likely aren't your thoughts. They're your mom's, they're your dad's, they're a coach, they're a teacher. Do you agree with that?

Yeah, and so now we're getting into beliefs because you know here here in Spain we have these Valencia oranges, and when you squeeze an orange, what's going to come out? It's always orange juice, right? It's never apple juice. It's it's it's never pear juice. It's always orange juice. And so that's the same with us when we when we're squeezed, when we're under pressure, what's in our heart is going to come out. And so what's in your heart? Your heart is what's running your life. And what I define as your heart is your spirit or your will. It's the deepest part of you, like your soul. soul. And, that's what we need to transform. We need to get to the neural level where when you're squeezed, what comes out is inner strength. And so, now we're getting into beliefs and subconscious work. And, it's important to understand that beliefs are feelings. Not every feeling is a belief, but beliefs are feelings. So, we want to make sure that we're getting into our heart, into our mind, these images and words and thoughts and feelings every day that are empowering.

Help us do that. Give us an example or a technique or strategy that can help somebody begin to build the building blocks of doing that.

Yeah. So, one of the first things to do is to make sure that you're very aware of and intentional about the words that you use. And so, people come to me as a performance coach, like a pro athlete, and generally when they're underperforming. And, they might say, you love golf, right? And so, they might say, I'm really struggling with my putting.

For example. Yeah.

And it's really just not true when they tell me that. And the reason is because what they're saying is a present tense thing. I'm struggling with my putting. Putting— struggling is an -ing ending. That's a present tense word. What they mean is last tournament, this morning, last week, every tournament for the last 10, whatever, I haven't putted like I wanted to. And so, but when you say it as present tense, now we've got beliefs coming in that you're reinforcing a limiting belief. And so we've got to make sure we never reinforce limiting beliefs. We always say— the way we do that is an Inner Excellence discipline, which is to speak the truth about the past to create possibilities in the future. So we always say anything that we don't want to continue as past tense.

Meaning, so speaking the truth would be, hey, I need some help because last tournament I didn't putt well, as opposed to saying I'm struggling with my putting. I'm just trying to help everyone have—

Yeah. So it's not true to say I'm struggling with my putting unless you're in the middle of a putting stroke at this moment. Right. It's literally not true. So, when you say it as it's present tense, what happens— remember, beliefs are the key thing. That's what's running your life is your beliefs. And so, we want to make sure that we're continually expanding what we believe is possible. And every time we say something about the past that we don't want to continue as present tense, we're reinforcing what we do not want. And this is crucial because beliefs is what's running your life.

Can you speak a new belief into existence if you truly don't believe it? Meaning, This is just used putting, but it could be sales, it could be public speaking, it could be being a mom. Do you buy into the idea that I can say I'm a great putter and I'm beginning to change my beliefs by simply speaking it? Or is there more to it than that?

There's 2 things here that's really crucial. One, when we think about your life and changing identity, is that possible? And 2, can you change beliefs? Is that possible? And both are absolutely true. Like, you're living proof that you can change your identity. Like, yeah, thank you. And so, Growing up, you had this very limiting, I'm an imposter, you know, I'm—

Right.

I can't do this. Here we go again. Yeah, that's who I am. You know, I'm a failure, whatever, those sort of beliefs that you had. And then you change that. And so, your identity can change, which is crucial. And we can get to more of that later. But the problem with imposter syndrome is that it's really a self-centered thing. One of the main things, it's a self-centered thing. It's constantly thinking about me and I'm the one who can't do it. But when you're at your very best, there's no thoughts about self. Selfless is fearless.

I love this. Okay, we're gonna go there right here. Most people look at an athlete or a friend of theirs that brags a lot or is clearly narcissistic, and they go, that's an egomaniac right there, right? And then they look at themselves and they say, no, I'm humble, I have a ton of humility, but I struggle with my confidence. And they think that's not ego. But you sort of stipulate in the book It's very much still ego because you're thinking about you all the time. So ironically, a lot of people who are humble or have humility, that usually that sort of— there's an intersection there with they're a little quiet, they struggle with their confidence. We all can kind of see that. Most people would say this person is absent of ego. You sort of say it's sort of the same disease. It's just manifesting itself in different symptoms when you have these experiences. This is so profound right here, because I've also said this in my own weird way. You just, like, again, say it better. So talk about that for a second. If you're really experiencing self-centeredness, that's ego.

Yeah, exactly. So I define humility as an accurate view of, view of self. So it's not overinflated, and it's not underinflated. Because if we think that every person is created in God's image and has this infinite possibilities. The problem is we get in our own way. We start thinking, I can't do this. We start talking about the past as if it's present tense. And then, we have these limiting beliefs. But, like I said, when there's no concern, when you're at your very best, whether it's you playing center field at Pacific or me playing baseball or football, it's when we're at our best, there's no thoughts of self, right?

Yeah.

You're fully in the moment. And, that's the self-centeredness that leads to fear. That's our biggest challenge.

Self-centeredness leads to fear. That's in the book. I want to unpack it just a little bit more because you say all these brilliant things because this is your work. You own it. But someone hearing it for the first time would very easy— they're driving in their car right now, they're taking their walk, they're, they're on a treadmill. Okay. And it kind of goes by them. So just pull that out a little bit more. Talk about that a little bit.

I left for the desert to go figure out what to do with my life and find something that I was ready to live and die for. And that's where Inner Excellence was born. After 5 years of full-time writing and research, it was on how to have the most peace and confidence under the most pressure.

Yes.

And, what I found in the desert is that self-centeredness is the biggest challenge that we face in performance and in life because it leads to fear. And, I'll share with you how it works. So, we need to think about ourselves in order to just to get through life. We got to feed ourselves and clothe ourselves and bathe and look both ways when we cross the street. So, this is the challenge because when we constantly think about ourselves, We have a subconscious that reminds us. Our subconscious is really there to protect us and to line up our results and circumstances with our beliefs. And so, the protection is it knows all your failures, it knows all your weaknesses. So, when you start thinking about yourself, subconscious is like, oh, yeah, what about this? What about that? You failed here, you failed there. Who are you to do this? And so, we got to be careful about thinking about ourselves. We don't want to think about ourselves too low because you're created for glory. We don't want to think about ourselves too high. Both of them are inaccurate. We just want to have an accurate view of yourself so we can get out of the way and do something amazing.

Did you know that driving high is considered driving under the influence? That's right. Driving under the influence of marijuana is against the law in every state, even in states where marijuana is legal. That means driving high could get you a DUI. And if you think law enforcement officers can't tell when you're driving high, you're wrong. Your friends can tell, your coworkers can tell, even your parents can tell. Everyone can tell. So what makes you think that law enforcement officers don't know when you're driving high? Driving under the influence of marijuana can slow your response time and change how you perceive time and speed. So even if you think you're fine to drive when you're high, you're not. Because the bottom line is, if you feel different, you drive different. And driving high is driving under the influence. So remember, drive high, get a DUI. Paid for by NHTSA. You got to keep your family safe. And in the world today, unfortunately, it goes beyond just having good locks or, you know, a little alarm dinger if someone comes through your front door. You gotta do more than that. That's why I trust SimpliSafe to protect my home and my family. It's about security that's proactive, not just reactive. Most security systems only kick in if someone breaks in. That's too late. SimpliSafe's Active Guard outdoor protection helps stop break-ins before they happen. AI-powered cameras, live monitoring agents detect suspicious activity around your property. If someone's lurking, you're gonna know about it. Agents will talk to them in real time, turn on spotlights. They can even call the police, proactively deterring crime before it starts. They've been named the best home security system in Monitoring plans start at a buck a day, 60-day money-back guarantee. Visit simplisafe.com/mylet to claim 50% off with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simplisafe.com/mylet. There's no safe like SimpliSafe. I watched this yesterday. We're recording this, you guys won't hear it for a while. Did you watch the PGA Tour yesterday? You see Fleetwood on the last hole? I didn't watch any of it.

Yeah.

Okay. Well, I just watched him. He's known as— Tommy Fleetwood is known as one of the nicest guys on the PGA Tour. And he had a significant lead yesterday. I think he was 7 shots up on Keegan Bradley. Anyway, still has a 1-shot lead and he's in the middle of the fairway on 18. And he kind of fatted a wedge to the green. Still, if he 2-putts, he's probably going to at win it. He ends up 3-putting, Bradley birdies, and Fleetwood loses again. And he's just had a hard time winning. And afterwards, he said— first thing he said was, I guess I'm too focused on myself. I'm too focused on myself. Those were his exact words, bro. So like, you're a million percent right. Okay, we're gonna get into this. We're gonna shift gears a little bit. So when you're listening to him, you would think, okay, so I gotta really work on my mind. That's what I gotta work on. But you say, actually, not really. What you got to work on is your heart. And this is not normally what you would hear from a sports performance coach. I think you would agree with me, right? It's usually visualization techniques, mental rehearsals, which there's some stuff in there as well. But let's talk about the heart stuff for a minute and just extrapolate that for everybody.

Yeah. So the way I think of it is we use the mind To train the heart.

Okay.

In other words, like when I said earlier, when you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out. When you squeeze a person, what's inside their heart is what's going to come out. It's not what's inside your mind, it's what's inside your heart. Your heart is where your deepest fears are and your greatest dreams are. If you want to help anyone, including yourself, your kids, the most important thing is to get to their heart. And, and so it can start by, what are your greatest fears and greatest dreams? What do you love the most and what do you fear the most? Because what you love and fear the most, that's what's running your life.

That's the behind-the-scenes program running.

Yeah.

By the way, this is just outstanding. You guys ever hear an interview that's just so rapid-fire, point after point after point? That's why his work is so good. It's through listening to people that I think live greatly. And by the way, I'd put at least half of those people that I'm about to describe to you aren't affluent. people. They just live greatly. They're heart-centered people. They're living on their purpose. They're living their dream. I kind of feel like a great life is whatever your blueprint of your life is, you sort of live it and it kind of looks like what you'd like it to look like. To me, that's a great life. And one of the things, as I got older, I think when I was young, my identity was more like, I'm a butt kicker, I'm intense, I'm a competitor, I'm a whatever, you know. Which served me at a certain age. As I got older, I realized how little I know in life. In fact, every day that goes by, I realize how little I know and how fortunate I am that I've got this far in my life thinking I knew so much more than I actually really did.

Yeah.

I was like a delusionally confident person. But anyway, what I sort of adopted over time from listening to these people and exposure I've got to being on certain boards I've been fortunate to sit on, is most of them sort of their internal identity is like that of a learner. And a lot of them even use that word. And over time, it's sort of like I'm fascinated and curious about experiences that I'm going to learn from. I find that that takes the pressure off of me. It's my most solid identity. And in the first thing you say in the book, here's 10 new empowering presuppositions. Every circumstance and every person you encounter is here to teach you and help you. It's all working for your good. Guys, that's the game right there. I think it's the most important thing. Have you found that with the people you work with as well? And is there any hack or thought or saying or something you say to guide somebody in that direction to become that way?

Well, that is the first principle of Inner Excellence. And so, it's the number one thing that every client, everyone that reads Inner Excellence, I want them to understand and learn and commit to memory because it's a very, very dramatic statement.

Wow.

Everything and everyone I encounter is here to teach me and help me. It's all working for my good. And so, as I said earlier, learning and growing, that's the number one goal. And, if it's all working for your good in the long term, and often we're not going to know in the short-term how this is good. You know, I mean, what if you got cancer? What if some horrible thing happens? And because there is evil in the world, but in the end, it's all here. There's, there's learning for every single thing that happens in your life. And so first is committing that to memory and then working on it every day.

Because I just had a family member go through something so tragic. I mean, just about as bad as it could be for a, for a mother. I'll just leave it at that. You can all probably figure out what that thing might be. And I was talking to her yesterday and I'm preparing for this interview. And I said, maybe this is the worst time to put this philosophy in front of you because it's the most extreme stress test of whether it's accurate or not. But what if this somehow is still working for your good? And when I first said it to her, she didn't reject it summarily, but she's like, that's probably going to be a hard one for me to get to now. And she called me back last night really late, and I actually grabbed the call. I, for some reason, was looking at my phone. It was very late. And she said, you know, I just— I'm thinking about something. I've sort of drifted from my faith the last many, many years, and I'm wondering if this is supposed to be the dramatic thing that calls me back to my faith.

Hmm.

And I said, wow, the fact that you could find this blessing, this working for your good, and something that nobody would blame you if you didn't. Yeah, you're so extraordinary. So I just want you guys to know, and even in the most extreme cases, that's— that's— it can be true. What about this intersection of— you kind of have faith, personal development. There's like this intersection you sort of describe that I think the circumstances the other day, you merge all this together. Talk about that intersection of the variables.

I shared earlier that the heart is the number one part of your life. You know, the deepest part is where your greatest fears and greatest dreams are. And training is the most important thing that you'll ever do. And so, if we want to optimize human behavior, then it's really understanding how humans work and the great need and our deepest needs. And our deepest need as humans is for love and connection.

Yeah.

It's unconditional love is our greatest need. It's our greatest power and our greatest desire. And likewise, our greatest fear is rejection, to lose out on that love and connection. And so, most people spend their entire lives largely unknowingly trying to get more love and connection and acceptance their whole life by making more money, being more successful, getting more status. And they're really just trying to get that love and connection, love and acceptance. And so, if you understand that, that's so important. Because then you can really pursue that.

Do you think people confuse— I did, maybe do, but I'm aware of it— they conflate and confuse significance and recognition with love and connection because it feels very similar?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And this is the big challenge with people that are talented. If you're very talented, what's going to happen? And especially if you combine talent with hard work, What's going to happen is you're going to get some success, right? And you're going to get that love, right? And so, what are you going to— so then, when you're talented and successful, you set higher goals, right? And then, you don't succeed. Now, you're going to have some sort of a failure and you're going to lose that love. You're not going to get the cheers and people are going to judge you. And so then, what do talented and successful people do? Well, I got to get more of that love. I got to be more successful. So then they try harder. And then, you know, a worldwide pandemic could come in and shut everything down. Like, there's so much out of your control. And so that's why it's so crucial to have a clear purpose for your life that goes beyond results and circumstances.

Say that, guys. You hear that? You have to have a clear purpose for your life that goes beyond results and circumstances. And one of the reasons so many of us conflate or confuse significance or recognition with love and connection is When we were kids, we felt loved more by our parents if we brought home A's or we hit a home run or we did good at a recital. And so we begin to conflate this and we chase these things our entire lives. And as somebody who's, you know, everybody, if I could save you some time, as somebody who's been rather fortunate at acquisition of recognition or significance, I can tell you that it is not love and connection even when you get it. And the pursuit of that as your main life goal will leave you very empty. And I think it's really important that someone writes about this, which is what you did. Here's one thing you say in the book, because we have to deal, interact, or love— in your case, you say in the book— with other human beings. It's getting harder, harder in the world to live with inner excellence and still interact with the way the world has become. People are divisive. We disagree about politics. We disagree about money. We disagree about religion. Manners, cultural norms. And I even find myself when I'm in public sometimes going, how are you letting your kids behave like that? Or what's the— and I'm like, what do I need to believe that I don't have these feelings sometimes about people that I love?

And I want you to talk about that.

Yeah, exactly. It's number 5 of the pillars, but can you talk about people in general and how we should view them?

Well, what I— it's so important to understand is that everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart. This is a very controversial thing, and I know there's going to be listeners and viewers that are going to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, um, Harold, he's not doing that, or Bobby Sue's not doing that. And it totally makes sense. I totally get it. And so I'll say it one more time: everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart. And so it's saying a couple things. One is that your heart is where all your actions come from. Like I said, when you're squeezed, what's in your heart's going to come out. And so, and 2, what I'm saying is that according to that person's childhood, their wounds, their fears, their beliefs, their lens for seeing the world, that was the best they could do in that moment. I'm not saying it was good. Sometimes people do horrible, horrible things.

Yeah.

I'm just saying what's in their heart came out and that's what it was. And so if they're doing the best they can with what they have, is it wise to judge them? The only wise thing is to say, look, if I can see that I would have made a better choice, what a gift I was given. I was given maybe some, some more love or peace or joy that I can— that I wouldn't have done that. And so compassion is the only wise response.

And the reason that it's the most wise response is— and by the way, you guys, there's so much in this book But I know we're already going through a lot. We're going to get through 2%, like literally. But the reason that it's wise, and this is the overall reason I think you wrote the book, is— and I've learned this, like I'm not a master of it, but I've improved at it, right? And that is that you basically say in the book, here's the deal. The person who's in the most control of their inner world has the most power.

Yeah.

I would say the most equanimity, which is what you described earlier, peace under duress, right? So like more and more of you, and I want you to elaborate on this, you're so— our phones do it, our eyes do it. We're so obsessed with outside of us. What's outside of us? What— how's someone treating me? How do I respond? What's going on in the world? What did I just fail at? What was their response? And it's outside all the time. Every single happy person I know is inside more than they are outside. I can't say they're inside in their inner world all the time. They're not. But a higher percentage of the time, I would say. Would you— you talk— you talk better about it than I do, obviously. But talk about that a little bit, this inner world and reclaiming power or having power.

Let's talk about an upcoming golf tournament, say the British Open.

Okay.

Whoever wins that event is going to walk by faith, not by sight. What I mean by that is they're not going to get caught up in temporary circumstances. They're not going to get caught up with the balls. Oh, it's in a divot, or, you know, oh, you know, what bad luck, and how did this happen to me? You just can't afford that. You've got to stay connected to the vision. And this is so crucial, and this is what the best people do. They find a way to stay connected to the vision and not to the circumstances.

Okay. One of the ways I do that, I think, is what I would use is the word perspective. Again, as I've gotten older, my faith has played a much more prominent role in my perspective. In other words, the context of what something means. So I think sometimes we tend to overblow a moment because if I don't make this putt to win the British Open, if I don't close the sale, if this person won't go on a date with me, the magnitude of it is gigantic. When you begin to have a perspective about how short of a period of time we are and everlasting life or heaven or faith, it creates perspective, at least For me, and I know faith is important to you as well. I mean, I know you're about to make a major life move where you're dedicating a gigantic part of your life to your faith walk, which I admire so deeply. Talk about faith, the inner world, and how that applies to inner excellence.

Well, it's kind of like that idea of whoever wins the British Open is going to walk by faith, not by sight. And this is not just the British Open. This is for everyone that's super successful. They have this inner peace in the midst of chaos. And so, that's what inner excellence is. How do I get inner peace in the midst of chaos? And I'll give you one way to do that. So, inner peace is directly linked to gratitude. They go hand in hand. And in fact, there's 5 things that I think of that are very connected. There's gratitude, inner peace, inner strength, mental toughness, and beauty. And gratitude can be hard sometimes. Because we're emotional beings.

Mm-hmm.

And here's how you can get better at gratitude is every day we want to look for the smallest moments, the smallest gifts that you're given. And at the end of the day, if you go through your day and find at least 3 gifts, because, I mean, you're given hundreds of gifts every day, all of us. But if you can find at least 3 gifts, and we want to make sure they're specific moments, because if you say, I'm grateful for my family, that's great, but it doesn't train your subconscious. We want to train the subconscious to see more beauty and see more gifts. by looking for the smallest specific moment.

Like what? Like, man, my pillowcase feels good on my face this morning. Or, I mean, are you talking about things like that?

Well, I'm— yeah, but I'm also gonna like imagine that anxiety is a big challenge right now. There's so many people who have anxiety, right? And anxiety really is a mind in general with too many thoughts from too many concerns. And so that's why we need one underlying purpose for your life so we can stop getting— looking every which way for all these different things coming at us. But it's really saying, I may have had anxiety for all day today. But was there any moments where I didn't?

Hmm.

Oh, that one moment when I was walking my dog, I didn't have anxiety. We're grateful for that moment. And so when you can find these moments, and so when people are struggling, find the few moments that Where, okay, I didn't have anxiety in that moment. So because it's easy to think, oh, you know, and catastrophize and like, you know, I just— all these terrible things have happened to me, but what about the gifts? And so as you get better at seeing the small moments, you're going to build more inner peace and that'll bring more inner strength.

Here's the deal with the news. I just don't think you know what's true. If you really listen to one sort of a channel and you lean a particular way, they're going to feed you all the things that you already believe. Right? If you go to the other channel, everybody's the bad guy there, and you're going to hear all the news there. Everything has spin today. It's really difficult. I'll listen to a story, I'm like, oh my gosh, they're completely doing this. Then you hear the backstory on another channel, you're like, wait a minute, that's totally not true. Everywhere we look, there's spin in the news. It's unbelievable. So if you want to be more aware of where your news is coming from, welcome to Ground News. It helps cut through all the spin and clutter and noise. Ground News gathers related articles from around the world in one place with context about the source's political leaning, reliability, and ownership. Go to groundnews.com/mylett today to get 40% off the Ground News Vantage plan and get access to all of their news analysis features. That's groundnews.com for 40% off the Ground News Vantage plan for a limited time only. groundnews.com/mylett. When my dad died, I was with him. We were in his home and Just a lot of things struck me when he passed away. It struck me that we're not our possessions. His car was a car.

You were 15 when he became sober, is that right?

Bro, your preparation and reading exceeds mine and I'm interviewing you. Yes, I was.

And how old were you when he died?

I was 52. 52, 35, 15. Yeah. My dad was sober 35 years, so maybe I was 50.

Amazing. Okay.

And, um, but I was with him and just— it just struck me. A couple things struck me. I walked back in after he had passed away because it was about an hour and a half before the hearse was going to come, and my mom and my sisters would prefer not to be in the room. And I thought, oh, there's Dad. And I walked in to get close to him, and as I got closer to him, I went, that's not Dad. Whoever my father was was no longer in that room. His body was, but he was not his body. It was the most— almost the most deep confirmation of my faith ever. Like, he was right there, But that was no longer my father. And I never knew more in my life that we're a soul. And then the other thing that struck me, Jim, was that my dad's possessions were all around him. He didn't take any of those with him. His awards were in the room. You don't take your accolades. But the other thing he did not take with him— my dad had problems when he passed away, like every human being does, and fears and worries and concerns and anxieties and insecurities. And none of those went with him. So, were they even really real? Is what I started to think. And you say in the book this— I messed the saying up, but basically, the problem isn't the problem. The problem is the way you're looking at the problem in life. And life is a process of solving problems from time to time. I got to hear your take on that more deeply.

Yeah. So, Inner Excellence really is about getting into this flow of resonance every day. The energy that you have every day is the most important thing about you. And because your energy is creating these beliefs and it's really who you're becoming. So, the state that you enter when you think about the problem is the most important thing about you. That's the problem. And so, when we judge something, because if you want to have an extraordinary life or just have a good day, we've got to really reduce the judgment. And when I say judgment, I mean laying down a negative verdict about self, circumstances, or others.

Mm-hmm.

And so, like being judgmental. Because when you're judgmental, then we lose our curiosity, we lose creativity, we lose our ability to problem solve, our vision greatly narrows. So, we really got to reduce— work on reducing judgment.

Maslow and the Maserati. I'm going all the way back to the beginning because I haven't touched on it, but I think a lot of this strife and stress in our life is because of this pursuit of something that you talk about in the book.

I think it's just never-ending, especially Yeah, like Western culture I talked about has this affluenza virus, this virus of the heart that's obsessed about how you look. And, I mentioned the acronym, the PALMS, for possessions, achievements, looks, money, and status. And, it's because we have this deep need for love and acceptance. And, if I get the possessions and looks and achievements and money and status, then theoretically I'm going to get the love that I want. And so, it's this surface-level obsession with getting something that's far more deep and meaningful than we know how to pursue, so we just go for the surface. And so, Inner Excellence is saying, let's go for what you truly want and create something that's lasting, build a life that's lasting, and then you'll be better at everything else.

Is there a daily practice you do? You're a unique dude. So, everybody, he's in Spain right now. He's about to have a rotation between sort of inner-city Philadelphia where he's doing real servant work and living in Spain. You coach athletes, but you're a very faith-based man. The work that you do with these athletes, and when you hear inner excellence, I don't think it's— there's so much more depth to it than would meet the initial eye. And I'm just curious, like, is there daily practices you do to train your subconscious that you might want to share one or two of them with us?

Oh yeah, for sure. You know, I think of like fueling your heart is so crucial. Everything that you're constantly fueling— your heart is what's running your life, right? Your heart, your spirit, your will, and your subconscious. And so everything that you read, watch, listen to, people you spend time with, it's creating who you're becoming. And so we really want to be intentional about the words that we say, the things that we read and watch and listen to. Like, for example, we've got to be very careful about taking in news on audio and video because that, you know, the, the whole premise behind the news, if it bleeds, it leads. And so there's a lot of negative news. And so we've got to be very careful. If you want to live your dreams or max out, then we really want to make sure that we're training our heart to love most what's most empowering. And that takes a lot of— that takes solitude. It really takes this pursuit of like, what do I want most? Like, why, why do I want to have these achieve these goals. Because the thing is, you have your top goals in your life, but are they even good for you? We don't know. Like, I have the goals that I, you know, I want to achieve these what I call third world goals— results and circumstances. But are they? I don't even know if they're good for me at all. I think they are. Of course I want to achieve these things. And, you know, I want to be this incredible performance coach, and I want to share God's love, wisdom, and courage with athletes and leaders all around the world. But as far as my specific goals about how to do it, I don't even know if, if they're the right goals or good for me. And so that's why it's so important to hold your goals loosely and focus more on who you're becoming.

Yeah, I want to talk about that. I got 2 more things for you. That hold your goals loosely. Probably the hardest thing for me to describe and the thing I vacillated the most on when I coach is outcomes, is goals, and this nuance between having a goal that you prepare for But in the moment of execution, essentially separating from the outcome and just being present. This nuance, I wish I were— I'm getting better at my understanding of it and my description of it and how I teach it. But I'm wondering if you sort of tend to agree with that same concept and how you would word it.

Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, I'm a performance coach like yourself. I teach people how to have peace and confidence under pressure and also achieve extraordinary things. But like I said, people come to me for— their mindset is, I just want to achieve these things. And I help them understand, how do you want to live? How do you want to feel? Who do you want to become? What do you want most in your life? Why do you want to become world number 1? What is it that you truly want? Because let's create that life because there's so much out of your control. Then what you really want, like, for example, if we look at Rory McIlroy, just, you know, just wins this major.

Yeah.

And was that the best thing for him? I know. Yeah. Was it the best thing for JJ Spahn to win the US Open? I mean, we don't know. Did they really want to? Yes. But is it what you really want is always best for you? We know that's not true, right? What you always want is not always what's best for you. Yeah. And so that's why it's so important to pursue who you're becoming. And love, wisdom, and courage, I think, are the 3 most powerful resources in the world.

Love, wisdom, and courage. You know, it's interesting, everybody, when I do deep work with people and they'll say, I want to be number one in the world, or I want to be a millionaire, or I want to whatever it might be. And I'll ask them why and I'll push them on it. You'd be amazed how blank most people get when you ask them why. And you know what the answer is for a lot of you that are listening? It's just because you've always wanted it. You don't even remember why you wanted it. It's just, it's always been there. And it's like, I've just kept saying it for the last decade. And so I need to finish that goal. But it's okay to re-audit your life and what matters to you. It's okay. And it's okay, by the way, to be number one in the world. In fact, it's extraordinary. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I think it's tremendous. But you ought to dig a little deeper as to why. And by the way, the more deeply you understand why you want something, the more you will find the reserves and the resources to actually accomplish it. When you've just got goals you stipulate over and over again and not real depth of understanding of why, You literally shrink to adversity under pressure because the reason is not bigger than the pressure you're feeling. So I just want you all to consider that.

Well, what's so important is to understand you, every one of us has our own idea of what the best possible life looks like. Like for me as a baseball player, and for you in college as well, it's to be a pro baseball player and to make it to the big leagues and become an all-star. That was my idea. That was my vision of of what I thought the best possible life was like.

Yes.

But I didn't know, you didn't know that there was a better life that God was— that had prepared for you that you didn't know about. And that's so important to understand is that the life that you— the goals that you have and the life that you picture, there may be a far better way to live with deep contentment, joy, and confidence in any circumstance than one that you've ever pictured. Likely, that's the truth. It's like being, you know, you have 17— is it 17 businesses?

Something like that. Yeah.

So you have all these businesses and how do you be successful as an entrepreneur? You've got to be willing to take detours and like you get it out to the world and you're like, okay, that didn't work. I'm going to try something else, right?

Yes.

And so this is— it's the same thing in life. You have to be willing to fail. You have to be willing to look foolish and master your ego in order to do anything great.

Oh gosh, you're so good, bro. Last question, because we talked about it earlier and when we tease something, we need to finish with it. Which was identity. And, I just want you to talk about the concept of it and how people might misalign it and how they might get more clarity and directedness on identity because I feel like it's the underlying driving force of our lives is this concept of identity, but I want your take on it.

Yeah. I mean, identity is one of the 5 deep needs of the heart, to feel like you have a sense of worth and that you are somebody and that you can contribute something of value to the world. This is one of the 5 crucial deep needs of the heart. And, if it's not met, if you don't feel like you have some sort of identity, you're going to do anything you can to get that met. So, I work with Christians and non-Christians and atheists and it doesn't matter because I don't tell people what to do or what to believe. I help them clarify what they want most and I help them get it. But, understanding human nature and human behavior is so helpful and crucial in understanding that everyone that Unconditional love is our greatest need and desire. And so I help people like, what do you really want? I know it's that they want to feel loved. They want to love and feel loved. And so that's, that's what Inner Excellence is, the pursuit of that.

By the way, everybody, just, just to finish on that, I just want to reiterate what he said. Everybody you meet wants to be loved and feel loved. Even the biggest, baddest, most achieving person in the world. When people probably ask you, how do you connect with these athletes or Well-known people, they'll ask me as well. I know they have a flashing sign on their forehead that says, love me, care about me, believe in me. Don't recognize me. Everybody recognizes them already. But can they get a sense from you, the people that you meet, your Uber driver, a flight attendant? If you met me, if you met Jim, I love you. I care about you. You're lovable. You matter. You're, you're special. And I can tell you that if you begin to just look at humans that way, they begin to respond to you differently as well.

What's really hard for people is to let go of their past. And I think when we're talking about identity is to know that you are not your past. And if you, you have unlimited possibilities, you and everyone that's watching and listening, if you're willing to let go of your past, are you willing to let go of who you've been to become who you're meant to become? Are you willing to face your fears and face these feelings that maybe you haven't wanted to face in the past? Because if you can face those feelings and if you're willing to let go and look foolish and make mistakes and fail in front of the world and be okay with letting that go, then you can do great things. And right now, the world needs hope and you are what the world needs.

Oh my gosh, guys, you just listened or watched an all-timer. Put this in a time capsule. You could listen to it 30 years from now and it'll be equally relevant. This was like, Jim, this was an extraordinary experience for me and conversation, and I want to thank you for today. It was excellent, no pun intended. So thank you.

Thank you so much for having me.

Hey, everybody, go get Inner Excellence. The author is Jim Murphy, and you just spent an hour worth spending. Your life just got better. All right, everybody. God bless you. Max out your life.