Blab with Joe Apfelbaum & Speakerman87 - 2 14 - MojoNation

Hello everybody and welcome to this most amazing blab. My name is Joe Applebaum from Ajax Union and today we have Speaker Man 87, the one and only Mark, the motivational speaker. Mark, do you have a last name?

Wiggins.

Wiggins. Mark Wiggins. Okay, so Mark, we're going to talk about 3 topics today. Number one, we're going to talk about people being real online. Number 2 is we're going to talk about motivational speakers. And number 3, we're going to talk about What to talk about when you start a Vlad. That's a good question. So let's start with the first one. A lot of people that are out there that are either watching this live or watching the recording of this, they have a fake photo of themselves online, not a real representation of who they are. They have a fake name. They don't put any information about themselves online. What do you think is the problem?

That's a great observation. I think probably is they're not certain who they are. Let's start right there. Let's start with, I'm not comfortable in, in something in a media that gets me live and direct. There's no filter right now. There's no filter. If I fall off this couch, I fall off this couch. And some people aren't quite comfortable with it. And like I said before, you made a great point. I haven't thought about that way. About how people are afraid to just come out. I admire those who come out and, and they do Blabs or Periscopes and they're just sitting there in their bed and they're just like, I don't know what I'm feeling like today. They have the most followers. They have the most followers.

That's incredible. Just being yourself is amazing. But do you think those people that are not comfortable being themselves online, are they comfortable being themselves in real life?

Probably not. I think they, they— what have the women say when you're dating someone, you send your representative? I think that's what they're like. They are that way at work, they're that way with people, maybe behind closed doors. And you know, you know, this whole blab and computer and online dating allows you to actually probably be yourself behind the screen and no one really knows who you are, so they get a little bit more comfortable with it. But for me, I'm pretty much this way all day. But here's the flip side. Me being my way all day, does that translate online and do people find it interesting? I find it interesting because it's who I am. I believe you're the same person as I see right here as you are every single day, just from these few moments online.

Okay, but let's rewind 5 years ago for me and I'll share an experience with everybody. I was 75 pounds heavier than I am today. I had a tremendous amount of fear, fear of writing, fear of public speaking, fear of people judging me, fear, just these fears that were completely not rational. I had a good self-esteem one-on-one with people. I was outspoken. I'm a business leader. I lead a community. I was always the leader within my circles. But I had these unknown fears, this lack of awareness, this lack of self-actualization. And a couple of years into it, Google contacted me to start doing seminars for them. And that started my path. By doing public seminars, it started my path into me becoming a little more aware and realizing that number one is I'm extremely overweight. Number two is I have all these fears of video and audio and I never even posted my photo on my own Facebook. And I'm like questioning myself. And I went to coaches and therapists and all types of professionals. And I read tons of books to try to find myself. And what I realized was that my mojo wasn't glowing. Like, I wasn't showing up fully in all the areas of my life. Yes, in my marriage I was there. And in my business associates, in certain business associates, I was there. And with some employees, I was there. But for the most part, I was afraid of showing up because of this unknown fear. And when I got over that, when I overcame it by facing it head on, and whatever I was afraid of, I jumped it. I said, you know what, I'm afraid of putting my photo online. I'm going to take a selfie every day. Put it on Facebook and put it on LinkedIn, put it on Twitter. And every day I post a selfie or a video of myself online, and I'm getting myself out there every day more and more. And I kind of like got over this fear that 97% of people out there have to literally just put themselves out there and be real online. And as a result, it made me feel much more confident. But it's like a muscle. The first time I did it, I was petrified.

Mm-hmm.

But after doing it, after going on Periscope and just being myself fully and putting my real name out there and putting photos of myself and talking about myself and doing podcasts and seminars and webinars and literally just being myself, I realized that people are attracted to the real me, not to the me that I thought they would want. It's not working. So, so that's like, this is real life. Like, if you were with me in the other room having a conversation with me about this stuff, right?

Right.

Like, if my son walked in and he's asking me to fix his bottle— there you go, I fixed it. Go, go, go, go. Have a good day.

So?

I would do the same thing, right? So I'm being real, so you appreciate that. Like, if I was being fake and I was being all anal about this, or I paused the whole thing or whatever, it wouldn't be the same thing. So I think that people are missing out big time, the people that are not willing to put themselves out there. And they come up with all these valid excuses, right? I want privacy. I'm not sure what my brand is. I don't want to ruin my brand and have some photos of myself that's not exactly with what I do come out with my brand when I get 70, when I turn 70 and I actually do come I don't want all these images and all this data about me online. They come up with all— but the reality is, if you pinpoint it, break it down all the way, they're not comfortable being them. And they don't want— because they're not comfortable with who they are today, rightfully so, because they haven't developed themselves to be the best person they can be. So the real them today is not a them that they appreciate themselves. I posted a video on Facebook today and I said, If you don't love yourself, how's anybody else supposed to love you?

Hmm, that's a great question. That's a great question. I mean, that, that is the, the being auth— I think what you're saying is the authentic self. You hear people say, oh, be your authentic self. I still believe that the conversation is not held enough on being okay with who you are, you know, being okay with who you are and having an opinion and being able to, to take the heat, good, bad, or indifferent. Matter of fact, matter of fact, Joe, I just had this kind of sort of conversation with my son, uh, yesterday. And, uh, he's 16 and he's still trying to find his way. And, you know, and I asked him questions about something, he kept saying, I don't know, I don't know. And I said, dude, you say I don't know one more time, I'm gonna strangle you. You gotta have an answer. And out of the mouths of babes, right? A 16-year-old goes, well, I don't want to give my opinion because I don't want people to judge me, and I don't want to try to win because if I lose, people expect too much from me. So I just— I said, so you're just kind of in the middle? I said, that's such a miserable life to live, being in the middle, and you have the talent and exposure. So it's not just us, our kids are getting it too, you know what I'm saying? And I have to wonder, did I put that on him? Did I— did I live that life in front of him? Was I not real enough? You know, was I not 100% all the time? If people say they are, most people aren't 100% all the time. And those who are 100% We kind of stand off from them like, oh my God, they're crazy. But those few people that live 100% are actually the happiest because you know exactly where they stand. So I just try to encourage my son to, to have an opinion, to speak, to talk, and out of that gain confidence. Because what you're speaking about, Joe, is confidence. And I too lack it sometimes. I lack the con— I've done 3 Periscopes. Why? Because I feel like I have nothing to talk about. So I can't just go on and just crack a joke and turn off. But the ones who do it, and the more you do it, you get more comfortable.

Yeah, I agree with you 100%. It's like a muscle.

It's just like a muscle. You're absolutely right.

The bigger it grows. Used to be that I couldn't do one push-up, and now I can get down and do 30 in about 30 seconds or so.

So you go, Joe.

It's just, it's just about, you know, just practicing, doing it every day, knowing your KPIs. Like, if, if I don't spend time doing these online videos, if I don't videotape myself For a minute to 3 minutes every single day and put it online, eventually that fear, that resistance is going to build up again. So the fact that I did it for the past couple of months makes me be able to show up online and not just look at the screen, but look at the camera and talk to the camera. I'm looking at you really in my peripheral vision, but I want the audience to see me. They're looking at them. I got used to doing that. I'm okay talking to the camera. I used to be uncomfortable. Oh my gosh, totally weird. And the reality is, to other people, the real you is very attractive, but at the same time crazy. Because craziness— you with me? Did I lose you? Did I lose you, Mark? Looks like I lost you. So anyway, craziness is just an incredible thing. It's an incredible thing. And And so it looks like you're having a technology issue there, right? You can hear me, right? Can you still hear me? Yeah, it looks like you might be having a technology issue. Can you hear me? No, I guess not. Otherwise you would have waved. Yeah. All right, well, oh boy, it's time to get a new headset. Are those Bluetooth headsets? Maybe your battery died. Anyway, so this was a conversation about being yourself fully online. Want to talk about motivational speaking? You can only have a motivational conversation with somebody if you— you can only have a motivational conversation if you are yourself. The best speakers, the best entertainers, the best rock stars, they are themselves. If you are not yourself, if you don't know who you are, then you're not going to be able to motivate other people. You're not going to be able to inspire other people because you're not going to be able to be passionate. And if you're not happy, if you're not passionate, if you're not yourself, you're not going to be able to inspire others. So Mark, I wanted to answer your question about how to come up with things to talk about on these shows, on Instagram, on Blab, on YouTube. On Facebook Live, on Periscope, on Meerkat, how do you come up with things to talk about? If you love talking but you have nothing to talk about, you know, I had a coach and I said, I love writing, I want to get into writing, I had this fear and I finally got over writing, but I don't know what to write about. You know what she said? She said, Joe, what gets you excited? And I said, whoa, what does that mean? She's like, what gets you excited? I said, you know what gets me excited? When there's an entrepreneur out there and they want to make it and they have these self-limiting beliefs and they can't make it, and then I tell them how they can overcome those self-limiting beliefs. That gets me excited. When I see an entrepreneur and they're trying to make a living and they're failing over and over and they're about to give up and I step in and make a blab like this and I get them going, that gets me excited. When I see somebody that doesn't have the skills and that doesn't have the right attitude and they're complaining about why their life sucks and I can open up their eyes and make them realize, holy crap, I just have to work on myself, I just have to work on my attitude, I need to get the skills, start adding value, that gets me excited. Gets me excited when I when I see somebody that has a lack of focus. They don't know what they want, and I help show them that because of their lack of focus, they're not successful in their life, not in their relationships, not in their business, not in their personal life, not in their community, not in their friendships. They're unfocused, and as a result, because of because they're afraid of fear of missing out, FOMO. And I tell them how to focus, or I give them some tips about how I learned to focus, that gets me excited. When I see somebody that has a fear of writing, a fear of public speaking, a fear of losing weight, a fear of social media, and I help them be able to overcome those fears by telling them my story about how I overcame my fears, that gets me excited. When I see somebody that's complaining that he doesn't have great relationships, And their relationships are not amazing, and it's saying, "Oh, my marriage sucks. Oh, my partner's always screwing me. Oh, nobody wants to refer any business to me. Oh, my friends are always standing me up." And I show them what it means to build a real relationship, what it means to take a transaction, a transactional relationship where most people say, "Oh, what's in it for me?" And making it a go-giver relationship where giving is first. That. gets me excited. When I talk about what it means to live with purpose, to fail on purpose, to have a meaning in your life, to have a drive in your life, to have a bigger meaning than yourself, to be able to give, to be able to give to others without asking for anything in return, that gets me excited. So I could talk about that for hours. Any of those 7 topics, I could talk about those things for hours. You need to figure out what gets you excited. Why did you get up in the morning? What contribution do you want to make for other people? What creates momentum in your life? And when you can do that, when you can do that, you can get up on Periscope, you can get up on Blab, you can get— start writing articles on LinkedIn. It will flow from your soul because nothing will stop you from delivering the message that excites you. There are certain things that excite you. I went to an improv class the other day. I went to an improv class and one of the things that they ask you to get your mojo going is, what are your pet peeves? So think about that. Why, why, why do they want to know your pet peeves? Why do comedians— why do comedians, to be funny, have to show up fully, have to show up with passion? Because your pet peeves hit a nerve. And when you hit a nerve with something that's real, when you hit a real nerve with somebody, That's powerful. That comes off as either funny as hell or interesting or relatable, but that makes people excited. So think about what are your pet peeves? What annoys you? You know what annoys me? Grumpy employees, negative people. You know what annoys me? People at the DMV. Road rage annoys me. People that are wasting their life away and then complaining about it. That's what annoys me. What annoys me is poo. When I step on dog poo outside and I think to myself, what the hell? And I look at the bottom of my shoe and I say, damn, that smells bad. That gets me going. Why? Why? And I think about it. And the reality is, is because somebody else is not paying attention. Somebody else is so busy in their own life that they forget. They let their dog take a dump outside my house. I walk out. and it's still effing hot. And I get angry and I get bent out of shape. Like, really? Really? Really? This had to happen? And not only is that funny to me, to other people, but it gets me excited. So think about your pet peeves. Think about the things that you want to change in this world. Think about your contribution. And if you write those things down enough, if you journal in the morning, if you write articles about it, if you really think about the things that you want to change, the troubles that you went through, your own stories, the contribution that you want to make, you're never going to have a lack of content because you're focused on what excites you. Hopefully this helped you, Mark. Get out there, start a Blab, talk about the things that excite you, talk about your stories, talk about the things that bother you, talk about the things that bother people around you, talk about the stories, and that will energize, motivate, inspire Not only take your life to the next level, but it'll help you be able to motivate other people. And you'll be part of Mojo Nation. If you want to find out more about Mojo Nation, go to facebook.com/groups/mojonation and you can join. My goal is to have 1,000 motivators at the end of 2016. One person at a time joining Mojo Nation community on Facebook. And if you're watching this and it excites you and you want to be a motivator, if you want to be yourself, if you want your mojo to shine, then join the community. Watch my videos, share your own videos, be yourself, and let's make this world a better place together. Thank you, everyone. Nice to see you. I'm going to go back to my family now, and we'll see you all very, very soon. Bye.