In this seminar recap, Joe Apfelbaum discusses why many professionals avoid video—citing privacy concerns—and argues that sharing stories (not personal minutiae) is essential for connection and influence. He explains that people act when given a reason, citing Robert Cialdini’s Influence and the power of compelling narratives. Apfelbaum emphasizes a service‑first mindset: adding value through introductions, free work, and a deep commitment to helping others, a habit he learned from his mother’s customer‑service example. He frames fear as darkness that disappears when illuminated, urging awareness and deliberate action to overcome it. He shares his own transformation from a video‑averse CMO to a self‑expressive creator, detailing a 30‑day video challenge where he pre‑writes titles for each day, practices short 15‑second videos on a private phone, and tracks progress. Throughout, he stresses that true fulfillment comes from contribution (tzedakah) rather than money, and that consistent, uncomfortable practice leads to personal growth and professional impact.
Chapters
You know what I used to say? I used to say, I'm a private person. I heard somebody at this event tell me, I don't remember who it was, but somebody here told me, the reason I don't want to do video is because I don't want to share my private life. I don't share my private life. I'm on video like a lot of times, right? A lot of times I'm on video. You guys see me a lot on video. I don't share my private life. You see me talking about my marriage. You see me talking about my issues. I don't talk about that stuff, but I do share a lot of stories. I share stories from my past, stories from my childhood, stories when I have conversations. Every time I have a conversation, there's a story. Every time somebody walks and calls me up and says, Joe, I want to figure out how to make money on LinkedIn. I was like, what have you tried? And he's like, nothing. And I was like, that's a story. That's a great story. A lot of people have tried nothing, but they're trying to make money on LinkedIn. I was like, why are you trying to make money on LinkedIn? Why don't you just add value to people's lives? He's like, what does that even mean, add value? Does anyone here know what it means to add value? And why is video even important? Human beings do things for reasons. You want someone to take action? Give them a reason. Even if the reason doesn't make sense, they'll still take action. In this book, Influence, he talks about people waiting on a copier line, and a guy comes in and he's like, excuse me, can I cut in? And everyone's like, no, you can't cut in! Get in the line! But if the guy comes in and says, hey, can I cut in? My child's really sick. I have to make a copy. People are 90-something percent, like 94% of people said, yes, you can cut in. Of course, of course, your child's sick. Of course you can cut in, right? When he came in and he said, excuse me, can I come in? I'm just in a rush because I just need to do this fast. Like 93% of people let him do it. Think about that. People do things for a reason. Why do people like rock stars? I know many people in this room might not like rock stars, whatever. But rock stars in our community, right? Why do people like Rabbis and whatever? Why do people like people who are like— I don't know, people don't like Rabbis and whatever. Not these days anyway. Because they're inspiring. Because they're inspiring, because they're all in. If you see a rock star on stage and he walks on stage and he's like, "I'm sorry. First of all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm even here. I don't even know why. I'm sorry. Okay, right? It's not going to work. No one's going to get excited. But if the guy comes, grabs the microphone, pulls out the guitar, breaks it, gets another guitar, goes crazy, and shows his full-on passion via chaya, you don't have to do it that way. You can just be yourself. I'm not that way. I'm not going to break things over here. Right? That's like." What's it called? Baltashkas or whatever, right? I'm not gonna do that, but bottom line is I'm all in. I'm here. I'm baring my soul to you. I'm telling you my experience. I'm sharing my stories, and that's engaging. That's fun. You can connect to that. You can't connect to somebody who's scared, who is afraid, because you see your own insecurities in that person. I essentially gave up on the notion of caring about not just the opinions of other people, but I stopped caring about the data. I stopped caring about needing to know or having all the answers. I stopped caring about trying to prove myself right. A marriage therapist once told me this. He said, Joe, you can either be right or be happy. You gotta choose. You gotta choose. You gotta decide. You can either be right or be happy. So I want to be fully self-expressed. That doesn't mean I'm gonna share my dirty laundry with the world. That means I'm really going to connect. When I'm in a sales meeting and I'm faking it and I'm trying to sell you something and persuade you, you know it already. my face, you know it. But if I really want to help you, if I walk over to Leah and I say, Leah, tell me what you need. Tell me who you need to connect with. She's like, oh, I need an event planner. I was like, I got one for you. What else do you need? I need this, I need that. Introduction, introduction, introduction, introduction, and I do 1,000 introductions a year. Do you think someone's going to realize and say, you know what, if I need something, I'm going to go to this guy and I'll pay him and I'll support him because he's just adding value? I used to build websites for free. I was like, I'll do this for free. And that was my attitude always, because my mother was also like that in her store. She would bend over backwards for people in her store, and I always saw that. She would go and buy them Diet Coke, but she wouldn't take it from the basement that was kind of lukewarm. She would be like, go around the corner to the bodega on the Lower East Side and get them that freezing, freezing, freezing cold Diet Coke and bring it quickly. I want them to feel how cold it is so that they spend an extra couple dollars. And she would make me go around the corner, get coffee, go around the corner, get tea. Like every time somebody would come in, she would have that type of service. And I realized that if I want to be successful, this is what I need to do. And it's helped me. It's helped me tremendously. Built a multi-million dollar business, but more importantly, be able to serve other people. The thing that will fulfill us more than anything else in the world, more than making money, is adding value to other people. Contribution. Tzedakah. Why is it so important? Is it important because it's a mitzvah? Sure, that's a great benefit. But the greatest benefit is the benefit that you get from being able to actually help somebody else. To be alive means to be uncomfortable. So if video makes you uncomfortable, do it because it makes you uncomfortable. Do it because you want to live a little bit. Do it because you can make an impact for other people. Do it because it's hard. Do it because it's not easy. Don't do it because you're going to get some massive results. Do it privately. Do you know that most people get rewarded for the work— they get rewarded in public for the work they do in private? Most people get rewarded in public for the work they do in private. If you're not aware that you're afraid, are you ever going to overcome your fear? I was actually speaking to a therapist and I said, I know somebody who's very, very close to me and she is afraid of bridges. Why? Because she had someone in her family that was murdered on a bridge and blah, blah, blah. So I said, you know what? I said, you know what? How do you solve this problem? He's like, first of all, you can't solve anything. That's number one. Number 2 is this person has to become aware as to why they're afraid and what's going on and really tear it apart, and they won't want to do it. And I said, why not? He said, because fear is darkness, and darkness, the second you shine a flashlight on darkness, it just disappears. It's gone. And fear needs to hold on to itself, so it's not going to allow you to even inspect it. So my mother, when she told me the 3rd reason, I don't want to do it because I just don't want to do it. There's no way to even rationally go there. There's no data that's going to be able to say, yes, you do want it. They're like, no, just אין דבר אין מלך נהיה רצה. And if you don't want it, it's not going to happen no matter what. Have a plan. Most people, they don't have a plan. And if you fail to plan, guess what? You might as well plan to fail. But when I came up with the challenge, I recently did a 30-day video challenge. I put 30-day video challenge. Anybody saw 30-day video challenge on LinkedIn? Look at that, about half of you. That's amazing. That's pretty good. The rest of you, go look up my profile and find it as an article. Anyway, bottom line is, before I even did my first video, what did I do? I wrote an article. The article was 500 words. In the article, I wrote every single video I'm going to do for the next 30 days. Okay? Every single video. I made the title of the video and I said what I'm going to do. Day 1, day 2, day 3, day 4, day 5, day 6, day 7. I'm up to day 7 right now. Tomorrow's day 8. I don't have to think about what I'm going to do. Some people say, I don't have value to add. That's because you haven't strategized, you haven't planned. It's not because you're not a valuable person. You haven't sat there and inspected your stories. You haven't asked people, how do I add value to you? What do I do? So the way that you become better at doing video is literally just doing it and getting out and doing it on your own private phone to yourself. So the next time I see you all here and I say, how many people here have made 100 videos on their own phone privately? I want all of you to raise your hand, and they don't have to be long videos. It can be a 15-second video. Do you know how long it takes to make a 15-second video on your phone? Can anyone guess? 15 seconds. 15 seconds! Now, 15 seconds may seem like a lifetime for some of you, but 15 seconds, especially when it's quiet— so if I was quiet right now and stopped talking for 15 seconds, you would lose your mind. Seriously, right? That was super uncomfortable. It felt like a year for some people, right? Especially for the people that are super ADD, that don't know the difference of time. 15 minutes, 15 hours, 15 years, it doesn't make a difference, right? If I look back 10 years ago, 10 years ago, I was a CMO of a $40 million luxury watch company based in Williamsburg. Okay, and I had seven side hustles, and I was trying to make it. I was yes, I was already bought a home, and I already I was successful to some degree, right? But I wasn't I wasn't successful inside. I didn't I felt like I was like always trying to figure out how am I going to make it? How am I going to get out of the rat race and whatever? Fast forward ten years, I'm a completely different person. Like I am the same person inside, but I'm completely different. Going from a person. Who was totally afraid of social media, totally afraid of his own image, totally afraid of doing video, to a person who can be fully self-expressed, not sharing garbage, but trying to really add value, but also just expressing yourself the way that you are. When we meet in person, am I hiding? I'm not. Same thing with video. I do a video, I'm not hiding behind my video. I'm just doing it, posting it. I don't review it before I post it.
