In this solo episode of the This Feels Right (TFR) podcast, host Joel Silverstone explains how to improve collaboration by mastering communication fundamentals that influence without manipulation. He outlines the basic communication loop—idea, delivery, reception, feedback—and shows how mismatches in rate of speech, style of thought, tone of voice, word choice, and presence cause messages to be misunderstood, leading to frustration and stalled collaboration. Silverstone details how to adapt to a listener’s processing speed, analytical versus driver mindsets, and ensure vocal tone matches emotional intent. He stresses the importance of being fully present, listening without assumptions, and making eye contact to trigger empathy and oxytocin. Citing McKinsey and SIS International Research, he quantifies the costly impact of miscommunication in large and mid‑size firms (hundreds of thousands of dollars annually). The episode concludes with a call to action for virtual, interactive sessions, and directs listeners to his website and social channels for further resources.
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You're listening to TFR. This feels right. Hi there and welcome to TFR. This feels right. I'm your host, Joel Silverstone. And for over 20 years, I've been helping people in business and sometimes in life to be more influential using their communication skills in those turning point moments in conversations. Now, the show This Feels Right is all about how to influence others without manipulation. And so, what that means, if we want to influence someone, we have to be able to speak to the logic. And most importantly, the part that's often forgotten is communicate to the emotions so that the other person says, Yeah, this feels right. So today's show is exactly about that. Better communications, better collaboration. If we want to have better collaboration and better engagement with our clients and with our colleagues, and this is a challenge now in this virtual world that we are in, well, this show is going to be for you and this is going to feel right. Let's look at the basics of communication. The basics of communication is you have an idea in your head and you deliver the message. You say it out loud. And what happens next, of course, is you are awaiting for the message to be received. And then, you have a certain expectation of what you're going to hear back. And a lot of times, it's not the outcome that you were expecting. D'oh! Now, it's not failure. Because this is actually your clue to shift your communication style, which could be rate of speech, your style of thought, your tone of voice, your choice of words. I'll talk a little bit more about that. What this means is that this is— the responsibility is now on you as the communicator if the message wasn't received. One of the biggest traps we fall into is that when we are trying to say something, we have it all figured out in our head, in our mind. And then when we say it, Well, we are unconsciously asking the other person to be mind readers, to sort of fill in some of the gaps. And if we're not expressing it in a way that matches to their style of thought, or to the rate of speech, or the choice of words, or tone of voice, the message is not received. And when those expectations are not met or understood, well, we get frustrated. We get disappointed. We shut down. And that can lead to that escalation of emotions, as I said. And so, we're unable to think clearly. We're unable to now shift. So, it's really important to be aware, vitally aware of these pivotal moments, to be conscious with our intentions in our interactions with our clients or colleagues. And so, when I said shifting our communication style, one of them is rate of speech. If I speak really, really fast and you are more of a slower, deliberate type thinker, well, you know, when you've been on either side of that, you start to tune that person out. If you're a slower type speaker, more deliberate type speaker or thinker, and someone's speaking really, really fast, you just stop listening. It becomes overwhelming. And vice versa, if you are a fast talker and the other person is slower talker, You lose your patience and you tune out. Style of thought. If someone is an analytical type person, which is it always looks like they're doing math in their head. And you are more of a driver. You just jump right in and you say the first thing that comes to mind. And you're a bit more assertive like, I want it by Tuesday. Let's go, let's go, let's go. And the other person is thinking about that let's go and planning that out. And what does that look like? And all this is going on in their head. Well, you're not communicating. You're both in your heads. So, it's important to be able to shift and realize how does this person receive the information? What is important to them? How best are they going to be able to hear it so that they understand that? And it could be tone of voice doesn't match the words that you are saying. So, to make sure your tone of voice is also matching the words because that's also a disconnect. That is going on if your voice does not match the words. For example, I am really excited, um, doesn't sound like it. That tone of voice does not match. So it's a disconnect. So if you are excited, then be excited in your voice. Be conscious of that. Every conversation that you have from now on is your opportunity to make it a new conversation. And what that means is When you want to go to— if your focus is on collaboration with your clients, with your colleagues, then you need to be very focused on the present when you are speaking with them. Listeners, if you've been listening to the show and you know we do our Improv Improve Your Communication Style and we do those yes, and exercises and those one word at a time exercises, then you know how important it is. You've heard the guests feel the pressure of trying to get it right. And getting it right means that they're just being Because there is no right answers. The wrong answer is that you're not being present. And if you're not being present, then you are not really communicating correctly with the other person in the sense that what you are saying doesn't make any sense. It doesn't follow through on that. So, being focused on the present, listen without assumptions. If you can, making eye contact because that just adds an enormous amount of humanity to that conversation that you want. And if you want collaboration, making eye contact, well, that just really the oxytocin in the other person. That just shows empathy towards that. And then, you're going to be able to turn these moments into collaborations of mutual respect and therefore, better relationships. I'll give you a couple of pieces of logic before I sign off here. McKinsey report said that 17 weeks a year is spent clarifying miscommunication within major companies. Another one by SIS International Research says that small to medium-sized businesses spend an average of 17.5 hours a week clarifying communication. And that translates to an annual cost of over $500,000 with 100+ employees. So, miscommunication from a logical standpoint is expensive. Miscommunication from a this feels right perspective is so important if you actually want collaboration and you want the two of you working towards the problem together, whether it be a client or a colleague. Listeners, I hope you enjoyed the show. Please reach out to me with questions, thoughts, or comments at joelsilverstone.com. And at joelsilverstone.com, please check out our new offering of a virtual session, 60 to 90 minutes, which is all about this, which is about collaboration and communication, highly interactive. And if you want to email me, And say that you heard this on the podcast. Let's talk and let's give you a This Feels Right discount on that. Don't mean to be salesy but this is so important nowadays in this day and age of really getting us to be able to express our wants, our needs, and to not expect people to read our minds and to be able to work towards collaboration. Thank you so much for listening to This Feels Right this week. And I will see you next week on This Feels Right. I'm Joel Silverstone. Thank you so much for listening. And if this felt right and you would like to see this interview, then come on over to our YouTube page at youtube.com/thisfeelsrightpodcast. Or join the conversation with our Facebook group at facebook.com/thisfeelsrightpodcast. Or if you just want more influencing tips and communication skills, then please connect with me on LinkedIn, Joel Silverstone, or come on over to Silverstone Communications at www.joelsilverstone.com. I look forward to connecting with you.
