Find your Confidence. Own your Story! with Kira Callahan

Hi there and welcome to This Feels Right, TFR. I'm your host, Joel Silverstone. In these podcasts, you'll be hearing from leaders and experts on how you can get a better understanding of yourself and others' communication styles and skills to be able to influence behaviors shift ideas, and then put them into action.

How?

By speaking to the logic and connecting to the emotions so that it feels right for all. I'm also a speaker, trainer, and coach, and the founder of This Feels Right Effective Communication Skills Training and Coaching, helping leaders, teams, and entrepreneurs be more effective in their communication skills. If this podcast feels right, then please leave a rating, review, or subscribe. Enjoy the show.

This episode is going to feel right. Find Your Confidence, Own Your Story, with special guest Kira Callahan, sales and confidence coach, founder of Conversation Gym. Kira brings her over 20 years of experience of working with over 6,000 financial professionals To really help them master their sales conversation skills and build that solid foundation of confidence that results in success and more importantly, happier, more satisfying career. Now, Kira's background is a little bit different. She has a background in the performing arts. She was a professional jazz singer for over 20 years and trained and worked as an actor. What she knows about confidence is her own journey of plenty of challenges in life that have knocked the confidence out of her.

And she's worked hard for many years to build it back up.

And this is why building her clients' confidence is at the heart of everything she does. Let's meet Kira and discuss confidence and owning your story.

Welcome to This Feels Right. We've got Kira Callahan with us. And today it is about find your confidence, own your story. Kira, I am so excited to talk about this episode today. Oh, and by the way, if you see me holding my microphone to—

What's going on there?

Yeah, my microphone just died. So now I'm using my earphones. I want to make sure the sound is still good. So I'm gonna— if you're watching this, you see me holding, holding the microphone to my mouth. So I apologize for that. But Kira, you look great, sound great. We're talking about confidence. You and I have known each other for maybe 15+ years.

Yeah.

We've worked together on all kinds of projects, and it's— it really— it wasn't until this year that I really learned more about you. And, you know, I always thought of you as someone very confident because you are— seem self-assured. You are not afraid to ask questions. You always ask questions, uh, with no, no fear or, or validation, just, you know, right out there asking questions. And you, you stand by your decision, but you— but you're, you're fair. So you would stand by your decision, but you would not be resolute. Like if someone said, oh, what about this? You'd be, oh, sure. And those were all the signs of confidence. But I never really understood it until I got to know more about you this year when you showed your vulnerability and you shared your challenges and your resilience to sort of unpack the mysteries of confidence. And that's why I'm so excited to talk about the secrets that you're going to share today with us.

I'm really glad to be here. And it's so interesting, you know, when I hear people say to me, oh, you're really confident. And I think, you don't know the inside story. It's not the whole story for sure. But hey, I'm glad that it comes across that way. The confidence that I have definitely has been hard won, I will say.

Yeah, absolutely. And this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna talk about how you've helped some people get to that place of confidence by owning their story.

Yeah.

Then we're going to find out, you know, what is your formula, if you want to call it, or your workout reps?

Yeah, I'm happy to share some of my secrets. Absolutely.

All right. This is Kira Callahan from Conversation Gym. And then we're going to, you know, as you said, you know, hard fought to get your own confidence. So what were those key moments for you where you went, ah, this is owning your story. These are moments of building one's confidence, courage to make those decisions.

Yeah.

Let's start then. And I think this is a great way is let's start with maybe one of the examples of someone that you were working with recently. And we were talking about this earlier. I thought it was a great story if you want to share that with us.

Absolutely happy to. And this is the work that I do and that I love and that I'm so passionate about really because of all of the hurdles I had to go through to build confidence myself. So I'm a sales and confidence coach. I work mainly with financial professionals. I've been doing this work for 20 years now, and it's been an evolution for me to come to realize that, yes, sales conversation skills are what I deliver, but what I used to do by stealth and what I really loved the most was help advisors build their confidence and build it on a solid foundation. So, it's only the last few years that I've come out of the closet, if you will, and I've just put right out front and center, like, I am a sales and confidence coach. This is what you're going to get when you work with me. And the more I've shown up as the person who is the inside me and put on the outside me, the more joy I've felt in my work, and the more people seem to resonate, or the right people, the people who are ready and looking for that seem to resonate. So here's an example. There's a lovely woman that I'm working with only recently, and she, for instance, I guess I'll tell you some of the end of the story.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, so she recently basically, I would say, reconfigured a relationship that she had with a client who was quite bullying. So bullying to her, bullying to some of the other people that she worked with at work. And, you know, I know some advisors can relate to this. Of course, this client is very, very wealthy, right? So it's a high-stakes situation. You don't want to just send this person packing.

Mm-hmm.

So how to negotiate or renegotiate that relationship so that you're treated properly? So she Very exciting. So she—

and Carol, I'll just add, and you know, one thing that, you know, I will add one more end to that, which is also that because she— the confidence you worked with her on this changed how she was perceived, not just by the client, but also by her boss, and elevated her to a leadership role.

Yeah, that's right. And that happened only in the last 3 weeks.

Great. So let's— yeah, so let's now go back. Let's go back to the beginning now. So how, you know, where it started for her. And then how you helped her get through it.

Yeah, absolutely. So a little bit of context. So this woman, smart as a whip, really talented, and interestingly enough, she is perceived as confident. So when I was first talking to her, I thought, wow, I don't know if you need me because you seem really confident. But of course, you know, you peel away a few layers and then you get to know what's going on. So she really struggled with it. The kind of negative self-talk that this woman carried around, you would never treat somebody that you care about that way. And I know that a lot of people can relate to this. So that was— and how that was showing up at work was, you know, if somebody said something or questioned her in a meeting, she would just completely shut down. So that was it. She would shut down and retreat. When it came to working with difficult clients, she would do her best to just remain professional on the phone, but allow them to treat her really poorly, and then have quite an emotional hangover about that after the fact. Also, even though she's got 8 years experience and she's highly qualified, Always second-guessing herself. So these are some of the things that she was showing up with that she was really, uh, like just getting to that point where she thought, no more, I can't, I can't deal with this anymore.

And I think, you know, just about what you said, I think this is something we can all relate to, which is, um, we all have our kryptonite in a sense. Yeah, you know, we may seem confident in certain situations, but there's some things that just, uh, we retreat, um, and we sort of go into our shell and we, we feel lost.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. And it comes in different forms, right? It's that how we react to stress thing. Some people fight, so they would, you know, kind of become argumentative. Some people will freeze, where they just sort of shut up and don't do anything. And other people would flee. And in a business conversation context, that might mean— fleeing might mean, you know, giving them everything they want, even though it's not a fair deal, or it might mean leaving the meeting as soon as possible. So all of those things manifest themselves in professional conversations.

And most importantly is that she's not owning this moment. Like you said, she's got this hangover afterwards. So she's not— she knows she can do better, but she's feeling lost because she wants to do better. She doesn't want to retreat. She doesn't want to have to sugarcoat this. She wants to feel in control, not necessarily in control of the relationship, but at least feel more in control.

That's right. And not only— yeah, the emotional hangover also looks like more self-flagellation, right? It's like, oh, here I go again, look at that. Well, I guess I must, you know, I guess that's all I'm worth. Or, you know, all of those things that we say to each other, ourselves, right? When we don't conduct ourselves the way we want to in a conversation, or we react, um, the way somebody has treated us, and we don't stand up for ourselves and don't know how to do that. And then that just sort of spirals you down into more, more negativity, just reinforces the pattern.

Yeah, so she comes to you then and says, you know, this is, this is what I'm basically challenged with. And so, you know, Kira Callahan, the sales and confidence coach, you know, how did you— that's where, you know, we're curious now, right? How did we go from there where you're in this spiral, as you say, to now all of a sudden you are now managing the relationship, changing the way people perceive you, client and your boss, and you've now been promoted into a leadership role?

Yeah, that's right. And by the way, we've worked together for 3 months. So it's— I mean, it doesn't happen overnight.

No.

But it also doesn't take years, you know.

Right.

So that's a reasonable amount of time to be able to turn things around in a way that is concrete, that is lasting. So here are some of the things that I did with her, and you can do this yourself if you want to, and that's already going to help you. So one of the first things I did, and it's interesting because she told me, Jesus, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I asked her to go home and write out 100 successes that she had had in her life, and she was going to send them to me by email, and we were going to discuss them the next week. Now, by the way, the successes could be big and small and a mix of them. So this woman is also an athlete. So I said, hey, bring some of those achievements in, talk about some successes you had at work. It can be as small as somebody cut me off in traffic and, you know, I didn't flip them the bird.

Right.

You know, or I was kind to someone when they weren't kind to me, or I was generous in this way. It could be anything. And you want it to be kind of a well-rounded picture of 100 successes. So she did. She came back, she sent them to me. And by the way, when I read them, I thought, wow, what a powerhouse of a person. I mean, I would be bowled over meeting anybody who had this list of accomplishments. Truly amazing. And yet she, you know, we had our next session was feeling so awkward about discussing them. So this was just, just the beginning of the journey. So we've, we've sort of referred back to this in, in several different ways over our time together. Um, I've had her start to envision what relationships could look like at work. We've done a number of kind of exercises around that. I think the other thing that's maybe really important about this is It is great for any one of us to write out 100 successes, but the thing that's really transformational is when you share that with someone and you have them witness it. That's where the true vulnerability comes in.

Yeah.

And the courage to, to be seen and have somebody validate that.

Yeah, you know, Kira, because we talked the other day, um, and you mentioned this exercise, and I was like, Brilliant. Uh, and so last night I started writing, uh, my, you know, own my successes.

Oh, good.

It is very hard because you do, you just kind of go, oh, that's— no, that's— you minimize it, you belittle yourself. Um, but I could see the value then of then coming back. And then if you're gonna own your story, it's, it's really going back and talking about these positive choices, positive impacts that you had, whether it be, I gave my kids good food today, to, you know, to, I flew to India and delivered, delivered, you know, didn't sleep and delivered a 2-day workshop, right? So it varies, but like I said, it's well-rounded, but it's debriefing that. And I think because we're hardest on ourselves.

Yeah, that's absolutely right. So I think there's another big piece about it because it's in a professional context and it was about relationships at work as well. So some of the things were for us to be pulling out some of her origin stories. So the things that she's done well, the core beliefs that she has about how she serves clients, and then us practicing in a conversational context. You know, I would become one of her clients, and I had fun playing one of those bully clients, by the way. So she had a chance to change the script, to change how she would talk to this person the next time she had to interact with him. So it's, it's taking it from you do some inner work and then you want to have a safe zone so that you can try on for size this new way of talking about yourself, you know.

It makes total sense because it's, it's all in your head and then the first time you might be saying it out loud is to that client and as you said, it's not how she would speak to someone so it was conflicting with her values.

Yeah.

Um, so for her to say it all of a sudden without practicing it it would feel— it would— she would be like, who's talking? Who's saying that? It'd be really weird. Yeah, like that. She was able— you gave her the chance to— I think Conversation Gym, right? You gave her the reps.

Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. Well, actually, to talk about the reps, so yeah, the name of my company is Conversation Gym. And, you know, back in 2012 when I first came up with the name and I started my company, it really was about me realizing, like, I have, um, I have a background in the performing arts. Of course, Joel knows this. Uh, so a lot of being successful at that, just like athletes are successful at that, has to do with developing muscle memory. So neural pathways of how to do something. And to me, the joy, the joy of creating, kind of doing your reps and getting it to a point where you no longer have to think about the skill, is that then the skill disappears and you can be 100% present with that other person. And that is where the magic happens.

You know, yeah, absolutely. That makes total sense. It's, you know, it's like improv. It's like we think, oh, they're so good, but they've practiced it many, many, many times. So it becomes new neural pathways, if you want. It becomes— it's not new. They've done it before. It's— they've laid the groundwork.

That's right. And in this— in the improv situation, right, like they've practiced all of these various little skills, but It's absolutely true. When they do improv, there's no script. There's no script. Yeah, it's in the moment. And because of all those reps they did, they have all of this available to them. It's like notes on an instrument or colors in a palette. It's all available because of the reps they've done.

And that's what's going to give you confidence, or that, that flow state, so to speak, is that, oh, I've been here before. Yes, it's still a bit new, but I'm— this is— there's some familiarity around this. I, I have an idea where I'm going.

Yeah, that's right. So instead of kind of putting the pressure on yourself, you know, to go from, you know, I have this sort of crushing negative self-talk that I've lived with for decades, and I'm immediately going to just flip the script and become this really calm and confident professional person— like, no, no, no. Unfortunately, all of the reps you've been doing are repeating all that negative patterning. So it does take a little bit of— a little while and a bit of focused effort to do reps where you want to go in order to make that change and have it stick.

Yeah, so she— so we've— so starts by, you know, owning your story by, A, going back and looking at the successes to start— make— to start looking at your story differently. Yeah, then it's the reps. Let's practice the situation right now. And then the third thing is what then?

Well, if we actually talk about, I mean, I think of 3 pillars of confidence. So for any professional, right, they happen in 3 different places. So the first one is what you would think, right? So your professional certifications. Well, you really dig in, you do all of the learning, you gain the knowledge you need to get the certifications.

Right.

And it's also experience. You're going to get out there, you're going to serve clients, you know, you'll make some mistakes, you'll do some great things, you'll see transformation happen for some of your clients, and you accrue that experience. So those 2 pieces together of that first pillar, you're going to naturally gain some confidence just by doing that. And of course, everybody knows this. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, like, I'm going to study more, right? The second piece is really owning your origin story. So when I talk about that, part of it is, you know, like 100 successes, it's a great way to start, but it's also going in and looking at some of the, frankly, crap that's happened to you in your life.

Right.

You know, some of it's been great, some of it hasn't been. And basically where you have those moments of challenge and pain and things that have stayed with you, I mean, it's normal human nature to run away from them.

Yeah.

But in fact, if you go towards them and you own that, you, you change the way you think about those things, that's where the real gold is. Like, that's owning your origin story so it no longer controls you. You're in charge because you're not embarrassed by it anymore, you're not hurt by it anymore, you own it.

You're not avoiding it.

That's right, you're not avoiding it anymore. Yeah. I actually have another story to share with you. There's some—

Let's go to the third. You have a third one before we go to that. Yeah.

So, talking about this background and how sometimes we tend to avoid it, there's another amazing advisor that I've worked with recently who, 25 years in the business, by the way, and works in a highly complex area of the business, which is cross-border tax planning. Right? Tax and financial planning.

Yeah.

Highly complex and has helped so many people in these really challenging situations. And yet, this person, this advisor always felt nervous, maybe intimidated when talking to people who were, say, really wealthy or maybe were, let's say, tech entrepreneurs or had professions that she really felt she couldn't relate to.

Okay.

And the— when we talked about her origin story and where it was coming from, she grew up on a dairy farm.

Okay.

So for her, she always had in her head, I mean, they're not going to relate to me. They're not, they're not going to take me seriously if they know that I grew up on a dairy farm. Because, you know, if I go to a networking event and somebody's talking about their golfing vacation, right, you know, or, you know, what new Lamborghini they bought. Like, I have nothing to say to this girl. Like, I don't know how to talk to them.

Right.

Right? And she just was not taking that background seriously. And, you know, I just, I had a completely different take on it. To me, I was shocked. I think the character, the strength, and the discipline, and the care, and the management skills, and all of those things that how you're going to learn just by lived wisdom, earned wisdom.

Brilliant.

Of growing up on a farm and caring for an entire herd and helping it produce. And just to me, I was thinking of the integrity and all of the strength of that. And we had lots of conversation around that. And one of my tasks for her was to, you know, over a period of a couple of weeks, start to write out for herself farm girl wisdom.

Yeah.

You know, what, what has she grown up with that has informed her beliefs about work, about how you care about others, right, about how you bring value? And that was the beginning for her of really turning things around.

That, you know, that, that is, that is brilliant because, you know, you, well, you and I have both a performing arts background and here we are dealing with people in the financial world.

Yeah.

And we could go, oh, well, you know, Why should, why should a jazz singer and, and some, you know, some guy who was in The X-Files for 6 minutes in 1996, what, what could they possibly be telling, you know, business people about? But it's really, it's about the, the values and the beliefs and the human conditions.

Yeah, yeah, that's really well said. Human conditions.

And some of the skills that, that we used that these people were also in their own bubble that they may not have, have been, uh, got a chance to use or even to think about. So they, you open their perspective. So farm girl wisdom with that kind of work ethic. And it's all of a sudden goes, oh, that's, she becomes as interesting as they do about their Lamborghini. And she becomes just as interesting as them where she might've thought, oh, they're not going to be interested in me. I'm just growing up right there.

That's right. And you know, actually, Joel, that's a beautiful kind of transition into the 3rd pillar, right? So the 1st pillar of confidence, Okay. Is all of your knowledge and your experience.

Right.

The second one is owning your origin story. And the third one is just as important, which is being able to translate the value of your origin story into how that helps your client. So it is one thing and it's absolutely freeing and incredibly powering to go within and look for yourself about, well, what are the themes of my life and how do they inform my core philosophies and how do they help me be effective for my clients, right? But if I don't know how to connect the dots so that I can talk to my clients about it, then it's not going to fully unleash my sales or unleash my success. So, that's the 3rd pillar. And we spend quite a lot of time on that, working out the language and how to express those things that are feeling-based.

Yeah.

So, it takes a little while to sort out what are your key messages and how you want to talk about it.

Well, I love this because the theme, of course, is this feels right. So it doesn't feel right when you're avoiding your background and you're, you're just, you're working so hard to try to fit in. And but then it feels right when you finally accept this is who I am. And this is how this matters to you. And this is where we could find some common ground. I mean, we all, we watch those TED Talks.

Yeah.

Because we're interested and fascinated by their stories. whether they climbed Mount Everest or they worked with the— in the projects or, you know, whatever, or they— whatever they did, we're interested in their story and we find that common ground.

Yeah, you know, it's interesting, the reason why I know myself that it's so important— well, I mean, I've lived all 3 of these pieces, but also why, why the translation piece is so important is, first of all, um, yeah, as you mentioned, you know, obviously we're both performing arts background, right? And here we are working with corporate professionals, right?

Yeah.

All business world and finance. I mean, hey, we're talking numbers here, right? It's— you guys are all about numbers.

Yeah.

So, you know, imagine that somebody who has the background of the performing arts and also who struggled with confidence much of her own life. This is me I'm talking about.

Yeah.

And thinking, oh, I'm gonna— sure, I'm gonna say that, you know, hey, my jazz singing background and that I trained and did a few plays and did a little bit of acting back in the day. Sure, I have lots of value for you. So guys, please know that I had to sweat my way through figuring out how I was gonna talk in a way that you would find compelling, in a way that you would believe and understand that I can help you. You know, it didn't happen overnight and it took some moments of courage, I will say.

Well, it took a lot of things that you now share with everyone, which is, you know, owning your story, looking at what were some of the successes and then how are those successes translatable. And, and then also practicing, maybe those first few clients, you know, you had to find your voice as to what—

Yeah.

What that was. But so, so this is a good segue then to go to the, the Ciara Callaghan story. Because you, you know, you, you, you sort of this year, like there was sort of this big moment for you where you just figured you're going to share some of your challenges. Yeah. And, and this is what's really drawn me, and I think people are gonna find this really interesting, this has really drawn me to, to think about confidence so differently, about owning your origin story. And so let's go back to when you're 13.

Well, okay, so awkward, awkward 13-year-old, not the stunning professional. You see in front of you, I had, you know, long frizzy hair and lots of freckles and not popular. We moved around a lot as, as kids for my dad's work. And, you know, in grade 8, 13 years old, I was in middle school. Grade 7, I kind of got along with everybody, but who knows why? I don't know why. But in grade 8, I got chosen, myself and one guy, to be bullied all year.

Hmm.

I don't, don't even know why. And I spent plenty of time worrying about that question, by the way, which I've finally let go. But that was a truly, truly awful year. And it led to a really kind of a dark number of years after that, you know, including assault, various kinds of assault in my life and whatnot. So yeah, my confidence was zero, like—

For sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, absolutely.

But there is some— if I look back, there is something that I feel really proud of, you know, from that year. So I always wanted to sing. And I always did sing. And when I was in grade 8, there was this, you know, final concert. And I just really, you know, there was this nice teacher who said, hey, I'll accompany you, go ahead and sing something. So, you know, I just took my heart in my, in my hands, and I sang in front of the entire school assembly, you know, including all the those bullies. And it was great. I mean, it was terrifying, but I got a little bit of respect from that too, you know.

I mean, that, that, that is the epitome of confidence. It's the courage to make that decision and not worry about what others are going to think. Like, you don't—

you know, I was totally worried about this. I was— I mean, I would say it was courage, but it wasn't confidence. It was like, I'm gonna do this because I, I ache to do it. Like, there's something inside of me that is calling me. I really want to do this. This is who I am.

Okay, so you trusted your instincts then. How about that?

Yeah, um, yeah, that's fair to say.

Yeah. And you know what? I, I don't, I don't know if anyone ever wakes up and goes, yeah, gosh darn it, today's the day I am gonna, I'm gonna knock it out of the park. Even your client story, you know, when she, when she, you know, changed the relationship with that client, I'm sure she was still nervous, right?

She actually described that. She said, yeah, I was, my heart was thumping when I was talking to him on the phone. Yeah, she was, but she did it and it changed, it changed everything.

It changed everything.

And then you become a little bit, you could become a little bit more confident. Now the next time she has a client like that, she's a little bit more confident because Like you say, she's created a bit of a new neural pathway and you getting up to sing and trusting your instincts. Well, what did you do? You were a singer for many years.

Yeah.

You don't go up and sing there. I don't know what happens.

Yeah, it's true. There's another moment. So if we kind of connect this to how I end up working with financial advisors, So in 2012, like, you know, I sang for many years and I also found this wonderful second career that I actually frankly love even more than music. I mean, this just feeds my soul in such a deep way. And I knew, okay, I want to start my own company. So, you know, in 2012, I hung up my shingle and I was so worried about getting clients. And part of me was saying, okay, well, so how does everybody do it? I guess they need to be all corporate. You have to speak You know, the corporate language.

Right.

Otherwise, people won't take you seriously, right? And I thought, well, and now being taken seriously, you know, is tied to whether I'm going to eat.

Right.

Sure. Right? Whether I'm going to have a roof over my head.

Yeah.

So it's not— there's nothing fluffy about this, right? And it's so, you know, I did kind of go out there for a while and, you know, do the little corporate thing. And I can certainly Speak in that language if I must. But I found that I wasn't, I wasn't getting a lot of traction. You know, I was having good conversations with people, but I wasn't getting a lot of traction. So here I am, kind of banging my head against the wall trying to get work. And I hate it because I'm not being myself.

Right.

So I had this opportunity, I did a little talk, you know, at a coffee shop about networking and stuff. And this woman came up to me, she says, oh, hey, I'd like you to come and speak with our insurance company. And I thought, oh, wow, this is a good opportunity. And when I was home preparing for that, this was one of those moments in life, you know, where you— it's kind of another turning point, because you can tell I have a real, a real opportunity here.

Right.

So, Kira, what are you going to do? Um, are you going to go in there and just be all— try to be corporate and, you know, Right. What you think everybody expects you to be, or are you just going to be yourself? You know, so I just, I decided it was this moment alone where I thought, this is it. I'm going to jump off the cliff and I'm going to be myself. I'm going to present the way I want to. I'm going to talk about things that I really believe in. I'm going to figure out how to explain it to them so that they understand it. I'm just going to do it. And it was another one of those times where I swear I went there in this corporate boardroom. There must have been I don't know, 12 or 13 of them.

Right.

I mean, and they weren't all sitting like this.

Yeah.

But, you know, with their arms crossed, but in my mind they were.

Sure. Well, you know, they're—

Like facing down bullies again.

Yeah, exactly. Like, it's the stories you're telling yourself. Yeah.

Yeah. So sweating, you know, heart's thumping, dry mouth, the whole thing. But I did it. I jumped off the cliff. I I pushed them, I challenged them, I made them laugh. I told them, hey, this is exactly how this is going to help you. And you know what happened? They hired me to train 17 of their people.

That's amazing.

That's amazing. Yeah.

And that is the, you know, it's how, it's same thing how you're helping the advisors. Like when I think of an advisor, I think, meh, Yeah, they've all got the same products, you know, what's the difference?

Yeah, it's either your 3-step process or your 4-step process or your 5-step process.

Yeah, yeah, but it's really about the person that you're dealing with. And when they have confidence, which is this self-assurance, and they are human, as you were demonstrating by speaking to these insurance people, as opposed to if you just came in and did the You know, the formula. Yeah.

And what does that look like for financial advisors, right? It's, okay, so here is our qualifying presentation, right? Or it might be, so tell me about your needs. What is your risk tolerance? Is this sounding familiar to everybody?

Yeah.

You know, here's our 5-step process that we think is our unique way to help clients get to their goals and dreams. If you're saying anything like this to your clients and nothing more, I hate to break it to you, so is every other advisor.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, and this is why I like your stories, that you had the courage to— um, because it's courage to be confident. I don't know, it's this courage to be— to make it— to trust your instincts. And then you get into this flow state, which is when you're really confident, you're not thinking about your lines, you're not thinking about what you're going to say next. It seems to just come to you because You're being true to yourself. And I guess, is that what confidence is, being true to yourself?

Yeah, it's, um, I think it's having been willing to be vulnerable, right? So you, you kind of have to look into those squishy places and go, hey, this is really who I am, and here's what's great about that. And then being true to yourself by being, by putting it out there.

Yeah. Kira, this has been fantastic, you know. This has been such a learning experience. We think confidence, we might think bravado, we might think being really loud, being larger than life. Those are all, those are all the opposites of confidence. Those are people with low self-esteem who are filling the silences and filling the voids, and they need, they need validation, they need validation of others versus being true to themselves, trusting their instincts, and And being vulnerable, being open, and that creates connection when you see—

You know what's interesting about what you're just saying right now is that one of the things that I hear quite a lot from advisors who get to that stage of confidence is they become much better listeners. They feel there's no pressure. They don't feel any pressure to try to prove themselves or prove their knowledge, and instead, they can just relax and Sit back and be present with that other person.

And seen. That is, that is brilliant. That is the payoff of confidence, is, yeah, you become a better listener because you're not panicking. Yeah, that you're going to lose control of this or that you're not going to seem smart.

Yeah, like, how wonderful does it feel when you're talking to somebody that you feel completely comfortable with, one of your best friends, or a favorite sibling or something where you're completely yourself, right? This is why we're completely relaxed in their presence because we know they know us and we know they care for us. And so we just— our best selves come out. Well, when you go through this process of gaining that core confidence, you can feel that way all the time and with anyone.

Very, very wise words. So, Kira, this has been great. I mean, so, you know, the stories you shared about the advisors where they were able to, you know, the right Writing down your successes, you know, it starts with expertise, as you said, that's the first pillar. I'll leave it up to you. I'll listen. Remind us of the 3 pillars again.

Yeah, absolutely. And working on any one of them is going to help you all around, right? But if you really want that rock-solid foundation, it really takes those 3 pieces. So, the first one is, yeah, you know, you need to know your— I was just going to say, you need to know your stuff. Oh, we can say that here?

Okay, yeah.

So you really do. I mean, there's no skipping that. You need to dig in and, you know, master your profession, right? So that, that, and that is going to earn you some confidence as well. And so is serving some clients and, and seeing the difference, right? So that's the first pillar. The second one is to go in there and own your origin story. Really figure out what it is that makes you, you. And again, that's a combination of things that were great, things that were not so great, right? But owning that. And then the third piece really is, okay, how do I, how do I take that raw material that is my origin story and translate it so that I can talk with people about how this makes me uniquely valuable to help you?

Right.

Those are the 3 pieces. Yeah.

Great. Kira, where can we find out more about you or get in touch with you?

Oh, well, I should say that I'm excited that I finally redesigned my way-out-of-date website. So I'm now proud to tell people Please go ahead and visit me at Conversation Gym, like that's gym like the muscle, right? conversationgym.com. And also the, the one social media platform that I am really active on and part of the community, glad to be part of the community, is LinkedIn. So you can find me on LinkedIn.

Conversation Gym, and gym of course as the workout gym. gym— conversationgym.com. And reach out to Kira Callahan on LinkedIn. Kira with a K, Callahan with a C.

Thank you very much.

Just in case, you never know. Yeah. Kira, thank you so much for your time. And this has been This Feels Right, and we will see you on our next show. Thank you so much.

And scene. Thank you for listening to today's podcast. What questions, comments, or thoughts you may have, then connect with me, Joel Silverstone, on LinkedIn. Or come on over to thisfeelsright.ca. And again, if this show felt right, then please leave a rating, review, or subscribe. We'll see you next week.