From Hot Pockets to Master Chef with Michael Varga

Welcome to This Feels Right, TFR Season 3.

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We are now being listened to in 21 countries. So, thank you very much, everybody. We continue to be the show that's about influencing others, shifting behaviors, ideas, and actions without being manipulative. And what that means is that we are effective in our communication skills and mindset on how we are able to Speak to the logic and most importantly, connect to the emotion so that both sides can say, yeah, this feels right. I'm your host, Joel Silverstone, founder of This Feels Right Effective Communication Skills Training and Coaching. And for over 20 years, I've been helping people in business and sometimes in life to be more aware of those turning point moments, to be listening for those clues and cues that they're able to now deepen those relationships. And about this podcast, if this feels right, then please leave a rating, a review, or even better, subscribe. Now let's listen to the podcast.

I, I was me on the show, you know, like I, I, I did. I, I, at the end of, uh, Chopped, I think I, I broke down. Like I just started bawling at the end of it. And it was, uh, and I'm fine with that. Like, I, you know, I own it. It's not— I, I'm happy that I did it, and I'm happy that, uh, people saw, like, I wasn't putting out some— something or somebody that wasn't me.

That's Michael Varga, our guest today on This Feels Right TFR podcast. Michael is a firefighter, MasterChef finalist, and a Chopped Canada champion. But not everything is as it seems. This was a great conversation. I'm sure you will enjoy. Stay tuned for the end where we ask Michael the feel-right moment. And we're going to have some fun with Nana's falafel ping pong. Enjoy the podcast. It's going to feel right.

Welcome to This Feels Right! We've got a different show for you today. As you can see, we're doing this outside. If you're watching us on YouTube, if you're listening to us, you'll be hearing the sounds of nature. Great guest with us, so excited. He's a firefighter, he's a MasterChef, he's a Chopped Canada winner, and he's also my cousin. Ladies and gentlemen, listeners, Michael Varga. Michael, how are you doing today?

Cousin Joel, I'm doing well. Thank you for having me.

You're welcome. Uh, how— we're going to talk about quite a few different things, and we're going to talk about the amazing job you did on MasterChef and Chopped Canada and How you did that. It wasn't just your cooking, it was the exceptional experience that you brought forward. We're also going to talk today about the communication you have with your fellow firefighters. How do you do that? I think we all want to know how you guys do that. And then of course we have our final question today, which is going to be about— well, I'll save that. That'll be our surprise question. I'll save that for the end. How are you feeling these days? What feels good for you these days?

Oh, you know what, I'm, I'm feeling pretty good these days. I've got— the family is, is doing fantastic, keeping busy. We got a new puppy, so might as well get it busier. Um, but you know, I— the work is going well. Um, I'm cooking a lot, so it's, it's, it's going well right now.

Well, you know, mazel tov! That's great to hear, uh, that things are going so well. Which is, you know, uplifting for all of our listeners to hear that, you know, good things do happen to good people.

Well, thanks.

You're welcome. So here's— let's, you know, this is where the end— you're a firefighter, you're a Top Canada winner, you're a MasterChef. That's, you know, that's where you're at. But let's go back to the beginning. Let's go to the fact that I, you know, when I knew you as a teenager, And your version of cooking was taking the wrapping off a Hot Pocket and sticking it in the microwave. That was your version of cooking. So somehow I missed the connection when you went from the Hot Pocket person to actually cooking.

When—

so how did that happen? When did you get into cooking?

Well, the Hot Pockets are— I mean, you have to admit that they're pretty genius. How do they get everything inside that dough? Right? It's, it's almost the perfect food. So you can't, you can't blame me for wanting to eat it. And it has all the food groups in it as well.

Okay, fair enough.

So, uh, but the cooking, the connection, you know, um, I've always been into cooking. Uh, the fam— my family has a history of cooking. And I think it was when I was getting into my later teenage years, uh, when I would go and visit my sister and I would go visit our dad at at his place to have Sunday dinners or whatever, and I would start requesting meals and really getting interested on what he was making and how he was making it. So that sort of really started to pique the interest a little bit more of getting into the cooking. He's, uh, um, you know, his story is very interesting as well, and he's a self-taught chef. So to be able to watch him make the meals, uh, really sort of got me inspired to start doing it myself.

Yeah, so it was, I mean, he was always around cooking, right? He was doing most of the cooking. I mean, your mom, of course, does a lot of the cooking as well. But what, you know, can you think of that moment that just felt right when you just go, yeah, I want to learn to do this now? Was there a moment, do you think?

You know what? It was, it's funny when you're asking me this, the one thing that keeps popping into my head is the carbonara he made. And I don't know if he ever made it for you, but But that was one of the dishes that, like, I would absolutely— I would request it, you know, over and over again. And if I go back to it, that's what I think about what really inspired me to get into it. It was just such, such a simple meal, but just executed so well, and I fell in love with it. So that, that might have been the dish turning point for me that— Yeah. That really wanted me to get into, into cooking.

Yeah, I love that because it really is our senses that sometimes triggers it for us. And he never made the carbonara for me, but I, you know, I see carbonara on a menu and I absolutely agree with you. I'm like, should I do it? Should I go for it? Cream, bacon. Oh yeah. Cheese. Yeah.

Yeah. I've been ruined. I can't have it in a restaurant. You know, I've been ruined by the ones that he made me that I'm so skeptical. And I don't want to be disappointed when I'm in a restaurant. So I don't— I actually don't ever order it when I'm out.

Right. Well, you— and probably you can, you can now make it much better yourself anyways.

Who knows? That's, uh, it's subjective, I, I guess.

All right, so the smell— so the smells and the cuisine of your dad doing the cooking, uh, triggers this for you. Um, any other memories of the cooking that sort of— that really, you know, propelled you or kept you motivated to want to do this?

You know, it's funny, when, when it started to all sort of come together, I have this distinct memory of, uh, of our grandmother, our Nana and, and Nono, uh, when they had this old apartment way back. And I know I wasn't out in, uh, on your side of the country as much as, as, you know, as you were there and, and knowing them as much as, uh, as you did, but I have this distinct memory of the smell of their apartment. And the spices that Nana used and the meals that she cooked. And she— I know she did this, uh, rice and peas and carrots, but it was done with all these Middle Eastern spices and Mediterranean spices. And I just— it's funny that I wasn't there that often, but that is— it's locked away in this vault. It's— I, I just have it as a, as this food memory. And so that combined with my dad's love and passion and skill to just kind of make things happen really sort of marry my, my, uh, how I cook these days. You know, the, the old-school heritage, uh, from both sides of my family and just like the, the comfort food.

Yeah, the, the— I— it's so true. It's the, and the, the comfort food of a memory that has and And your mom keeps that memory going, right? Because she continues to make that dish that you love, the rice, the peas, the carrots. Is that what you were saying?

Yeah, absolutely. That was actually one of my sister's favorites growing up. But it's— but yeah, definitely. But not all of it was good. I think there's a good picture of— my mom brings it up from time to time— of us playing ping pong with one of Nana's falafels. Because it was so rock hard.

Oh, we didn't say she would. We didn't say she was a great cook. No, we just said we just said it was a good memory. Fair. It didn't mean all the smells came together in the right way. It triggered something for you.

There you go. It got it got me started. It got me started anyway. Yeah.

Well. But you know what, but this is, this is what I really appreciate about this is, you know, watching you on those, on those shows and is, is it propelled you to be creative, right? To go, okay, there's a way to do this. And then kind of like you said, your dad was self-taught. It's like you've challenged yourself to go, is there another way I could do this? Is there another way I can mix the ingredients? Is there a way that I can maybe make this better?

Right.

Would that be right?

Yeah, yeah, totally. I mean, him being self-taught, myself being self-taught, essentially, I, I don't really know what's not supposed to go with what. So I like to experiment. I like to marry different ethnicities together and just try things. Like, I, um, for me, cooking started out as, as really as an escape. It was my creative outlet. And Just to experiment with ingredients and dishes and, you know, dishes that my dad used to make. Really, yeah, that's what really spoke to me.

Brilliant, because it is, you know, again, it's— we're so afraid of failure, but when you look at it from a creative standpoint and go, this isn't about success, this is about being creative, that's another way to look at why you can take risks. So I I love that, that way that you're, you're basically describing you are okay to fail. And I think this takes us to, to the fire hall now, where you— we want to talk about how, you know, how you guys communicate. You know, you're, you're dealing with such high-stakes situations, and how are you able to give each other feedback? And how are you able to be honest with each other without, I guess, hurting each other's feelings or, or getting in the way?

Right.

You know, and maybe this is naive, but I, but I'm, you know, I think we're all curious. Most of us have never really been on the inside of the fire hall that, you know, we see you out there and, you know, you're risking everything, but when you're inside, how are you able to keep the peace when you are so close together? You're working so closely together, and it's important that you work as a team.

Yeah, yeah, oh, absolutely it is. I mean, everybody has a role, so You have to be able to fit into that role, right? Like, I have to know that— I have to know that you have my back, and you have to know that I have your back if something happens, right?

Right.

Um, well, cooking ties into it like quite, quite well, and I think it's a universal thing with firefighters and cooking, like firefighters all over the world. Um, we're going back to being okay to fail. I mean, when, when I was finished my first probationary test, that's when they start getting you to cook in the fire halls. And I butchered, I butchered some meals. So like, you gotta, you gotta start somewhere. I butchered some meals. I, I remember absolutely just destroying some beautiful ribeyes on the barbecue and just charring them into shoe leather and being reminded that, that I did that. So, um, it's like having judges built in. to, uh, like on, on a fire hall crew, and they'll let you know when something's good, but they'll really let you know when something's bad, and they'll repeatedly let you know.

So this prepared you for reality TV when you basically, you know, do this in front of the judges?

Yeah. Oh yeah, but to— but, uh, sorry. Oh no, just the question you asked before. Yeah, um, cooking is We, our crew, we do it together. Like, we're a very— we're a really good squad. Like, we're on the same page. And part of that is the cooking. We cook all our meals together. And we sit down and have a meal together every day. So regardless of what we go to, I know some people know the extent of the calls we go to, some people don't. So we go to fires in Vancouver, we go to fires, medical emergencies, car accidents, alarms, Like, just basically anything that you would call 911 for, we would respond. Like, we'll respond. We respond to— I have actually responded to cats in trees before, so that is something that does happen every now and then. But for all the variety of calls we go to, mostly bad, unfortunately, we always sit down and have a meal together. So it's basically, it's like Being able to diffuse. It's like, it's like a therapy session with, uh, with like a very— with like a second family almost. Um, and you know, that whole stigma of being, uh, that alpha, that alpha male that, uh, you gotta suck it up and keep it in, like, I— it's really starting to, um, go in the other direction. So we can sit there and Have our meal and I can talk to a guy on my crew and say, hey man, I'm having some issues at home right now, like I'm having a hard time, and we can sit and talk about it. And to be able to do that, it's, uh, or talk about a call that we saw that, that's not sitting right with us, because realistically, um, we do see some horrible things. And to be able to sit there around the table and cook together or work out together, um, and be able to discuss things is, is huge. It's huge in The camaraderie and the teamwork and keeping a crew tight. So when it comes to telling somebody, hey man, I think you need to pull your weight, or somebody says that to me, it's honestly not a big deal. Like, it's— that's such small potatoes compared to what we are able to talk to each other about.

So yeah, so because it sounds like that feedback when someone says, you know, hey Michael, you need to pull your own weight, because the trust is there, because you've had these real conversations with each other, uh, and you've done activities together outside of the, the high-stakes drama, like you're cooking together, you're working out together. And when somebody gives you feedback like, hey, Michael, you need to pull your own weight, you trust it. You trust it. It's coming from a genuine place, and it's not coming from a place to criticize you personally.

Oh, totally. It's, it's so— if somebody's calling, if somebody is calling you out on, on, uh, You need— like, let's just use that as an example. Like, you need to pull your weight, or I didn't think you did this. You probably do, right? So it's not— instead of taking it personal, you can look at it and say, yeah, yeah, you're probably right. And, and the fact that we're so tight and, and that something like that really is so insignificant compared to what we have to be prepared to do and with each other and for each other.

It is.

It's not— it's easy to suck that up and just say, yeah, you know what, you're probably right.

Yeah, I mean, and this is good for people who are like listening within organizations and, you know, the culture is how important those moments to have real conversations, to have activities where you're working together outside of the work. So like, you know, sitting down and having a meal together instead of everyone just staring at their phones.

Yes.

Or going off their separate ways. Like, you— like, it's like, it sounds like you do have to sit and eat together. That's— which is obviously hard right now in the virtual world.

Yeah.

But finding a way to connect with each other outside of talking about work, to also allow those personal connections to happen, just goes a long way to building the trust so that when it comes time to give feedback, you feel comfortable giving it, right? So you feel comfortable telling another firefighter, You need to pull your own weight.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think outside of being at home with your family, you spend most of the time with, with your co-workers, right? So, uh, to be able to have that, that rapport and that, that communication is, is really important. It's really important to be able to have that outlet.

Yeah, uh, you know, a real, a real conversation where you guys are connecting, where it's not— you're not just talking about the weather or talking about the, the The game, you know. Yeah, you're actually talking about real things, and then that, that just changes the relationship when you talk about how you're really feeling, uh, with what just happened at work or what just happened in your life.

Sure. I mean, you can't get to, you can't get to, you know, our age without having baggage. It doesn't matter what you do. It doesn't matter if you're, you know, a firefighter, a banker, uh, you know, whatever. You can't— if you are at this stage and you don't have any baggage, you don't have anything weighing over you, or there's nothing that's bothering you, you know, you're probably living under a rock, right? I mean, it doesn't matter what you do. There's always extenuating circumstances and external issues that will affect you. And nobody's immune from it. So to have that outlet, you know, like, you know, my coworkers, for example, the crew, they're coworkers, but to be able to have coworkers that you can talk to about that is huge.

Michael, that's very wise because I think that's the biggest thing that people mistake. The biggest mistake they make in communication is they make assumptions that this is not— that client or my leader or my coworker, that their life is so perfect or that they're so firm in their beliefs or they're just judging the book by its cover, but they're not really uncovering that, yeah, that's a This person has a history.

Absolutely, everybody does. You know, everybody does.

So well, that's that's a great observation. Let's let's let's switch gears now. Let's go over to the world of MasterChef and Chop Canada. So first off, let's go with Chop Canada. You know, congratulations, you win.

Yes, thank you. Spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert. Yeah, you were a winner. Uh, you went pretty far in MasterChef. You're, you're one of the finalists. Uh, people still remember you. And this is what I want to talk about, because people do remember you. Oh yeah, I remember him. Um, because I think one of the biggest challenges people have is to allow themselves to be seen. And you were so good at sharing your stories And showing a certain amount of vulnerability that you allowed us to get— the audience to get to, to know you, to— and that's one of the keys to, to really being good at influencing someone is to allow yourself to be seen. So were you conscious of that? Were you, were you aware that that's what you were doing? Or did you make a conscious decision to do that?

Definitely not a conscious decision to do that. Uh, I think, you know, you talked about being vulnerable.

Yeah.

And I personally believe that one of the hardest things to do is to be vulnerable, to not really care what other people are thinking about you, which is so hard to do, to show. And especially, I mean, being a firefighter as well, like, I mean, There is that stigma. I know we touched a little bit about it not being as, you know, alpha male dominant anymore, but there's always that little bit of, you know, you don't really want to show emotion and stuff. Like, you got to have that little bit of bravado, I suppose. But yeah, it's tough. Like, I— it was me on the show, you know? Like, I— I did. At the end of Chopped, I think I broke down. Like, I just started bawling at the end of it. And it was— and I'm fine with that. Like, I, you know, I own it. It's not— I'm happy that I did it. And I'm happy that people saw, like, I wasn't putting out something or somebody that wasn't me.

Yeah. You know, it kind of sounds like it starts with where we started at the beginning of our conversation was I think that win just triggered all these emotions in you. Your dad, uh, your mom, your grandparents, uh, your family, uh, this— how cooking came into your life. I think it just— and, and your professional life as a fighter. I think it just triggered all these emotions at that moment.

I— it did, right? And even like, in all honesty, like, even right now, like, I feel like I'm getting choked up a little bit thinking about it because Like, my dad wasn't able to see any of this. He passed away before— he saw me get onto the fire department and not long after, um, had medical complications, which were— which was really traumatic. It was, it was a horrible situation. And—

Oh, sorry.

And then, uh, and then after, you know, after he passed is when I really sort of started to come into my own with the cooking. And with myself, my adult self, I suppose. Like, I really started coming into my own. So at the end of the show, just thinking about how much of what he did inspired me to get to where I was and not being able to share it with him, for him to see where I've gone. You know, like who I've become. It was tough. It was, it was really tough. And to— I just— yeah, anyways, I'm trailing off right now because it's, uh, it's tough. It's tough to think about. But, uh, but that was definitely a big part of it.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And, um, I think that's, you know, they say vulnerability really is, is courage. Right? That's what they say. And so I think it takes a lot of courage to be open and say, this is how I'm feeling. This is what's going on for me. And when that happens, you all of a sudden now, we see you as a human being. You become real. You're not this, you know, we say firefighter and we imagine, you know, the shirtless guy on the calendar. So you all of a sudden become a real person.

That costs extra.

Fair enough. All right, this has been great. Before I let you go, we have our final question, which is our Feel Right Moment. So here's the Feel Right Moment question. Michael, you know, thinking back now, was there a moment in your life that someone gave you some feedback or an idea or suggestion and it just kind of took you back and you sort of said, whoa, you know, huh? Wow. But when you actually gave it some thought, it felt right. Was there that sort of feel-right moment for you, that sort of turning point?

So it's funny, you know, I think a lot of this, a lot of our conversation today really touched on, on like family and family values. And I really haven't had a chance to mention my wife at all, but Before Chopped, um, and you know what, I'm, I'm gonna say something now, and who knows, this might go into a whole another episode, another episode, because I don't know, I don't think we have time to discuss it, but—

Okay.

Um, I, I, I'm not being vulnerable. I'm not afraid to say that, um, I, I suffered and, and still do from like severe anxiety and depression, and it is It's it's a struggle every day. With with chopped, I didn't want to do it at all. I was like it scared me to death to do it, and Elisa, my wife, talked me into it, and she brought it up, and she just said, "Hey, I'm you need you need to do this. Like you you don't know how good you are," and I want to fill this application out for you. And she started filling it out, and then I ended up filling it out because I didn't want her to do it. I didn't know what she was going to put in. But she, from, you know, it didn't happen that fast, but she talked me into it and she supported me. And she's been like just the absolute, like, glue that holds this, this whole thing together. She supported me from From day one and been by my side through, through like all the, like the, the really tough times that, that I did. So, um, she pushed me to do it and she really supported and helped me. So when I did get in onto Chopped and eventually won, it was, you know, and when talking about the family, when we were crying at the— when I started crying at the end, like she was definitely on my mind as well. For pushing me to do it, to get over this this hurdle of this this beast that's been weighing me down. Probably a bit of a longer answer than you wanted, but no, that's but it it's so that my this feels right moment was was just acknowledging how supportive my wife was to pushing me towards where I am now and. After Chopped and MasterChef Canada, the doors have just been opening like crazy for avenues to just further myself with a cooking career. So it's been amazing.

That's a great example because I think that's what a turning point is in our lives, is that it's coming from someone that we trust Um, and supports us, that when they give us that kind of advice or push or suggestion, uh, we— it's scary, but we know it's coming. We know the intentions are there. And so we— you challenge yourself to, to get through, uh, everything you're dealing with, um, because her belief was so strong in you. You go, I— she— it must be— she must know something I don't.

Well, yeah, exactly right. And she did. And she did, because it was all clouded and I didn't want to think of of what could, like, what could be. I was too scared to be vulnerable. I was too scared to, uh, to fail. But, uh, I mean, the rest is history, really. So I owe, like, I owe so much of it, uh, to her for just, like, basically being, being in my corner.

No, definitely.

She's my, uh, she's my Mick, Mick to Rocky.

I think that She's not quite as rough. She's not quite as rough as Mickey. As Mickey was.

Yeah.

Yeah. I know you're trying to find who.

Edit that part. I got to change that.

Edit that part. No, we're keeping that. She was your— what was Rocky's wife's name? Adrian. She was Adrian. When Adrian turns to Rocky and says, Rocky, come closer. What? Win.

Win. It happened somewhat like that, I think.

That's— well, that's exactly that moment where she, she really believes in him and says, you know, you've got everything it takes.

Yeah, yeah.

Michael, this has been great. Um, so thank you so much. Uh, now of course everybody wants to know where they can, you know, find out more about you or follow you. Where can we find out more about Michael Varga?

Uh, yeah, first thank you so much for having me. It was This was a great catch-up too. But you can find me on my Instagram page, @vargacooks. Most of my everything is there these days. I mean, everything's done by social media. So please, if you want to follow, if you want to send a message, you know, feel free.

Michael, thank you so much. And we look forward to following you on Instagram, @vargacooks, following your adventures and, you know, searching the web for Fired Up. On Chopped Canada and of course, MasterChef Season 5. All the best.

Thank you very much. You too.

And scene! Thank you for listening to today's podcast. What questions, comments, or thoughts you may have, then connect with me, Joel Silverstone, on LinkedIn or come on over to thisfeelsright.ca. And again, if this show felt right, then please leave a rating, review or subscribe. We'll see you next week.