Get Over Your Next Obstacle.

Welcome to This Feels Right, TFR Season 3.

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We are now being listened to in 21 countries. So, thank you very much, everybody. We continue to be the show that's about influencing others, shifting behaviors, ideas, and actions without being manipulative. And what that means is that we are effective in our communication skills and mindset on how we are able to Speak to the logic, and most importantly, connect to the emotion so that both sides can say, yeah, this feels right. I'm your host, Joel Silverstone, founder of This Feels Right Effective Communication Skills Training and Coaching. And for over 20 years, I've been helping people in business and sometimes in life to be more aware of those turning point moments, to be listening for those clues and cues that they're able to now deepen those relationships. And about this podcast, if this feels right, then please leave a rating, a review, or even better, subscribe. Now, let's listen to the podcast.

Hi there and welcome to TFR, This Feels Right. I'm your host, Joel Silverstone. Today's show is going to be about obstacles. Now, this is timely. I mean, we're always facing obstacles, but boy, are we ever facing obstacles in this day and age. So I'm gonna draw a parallel to what I've learned in my 10 years of obstacle course racing, and I will try to guide you as you can apply this in your own life, whether it be in business, to have a difficult conversation or to give feedback, or personal, you're changing a behavior or changing an action, trying to change an idea, just going through change. And it's very much what obstacles are. So I hope you enjoy today's episode about obstacles. We're gonna go before, during, the finish, and after. Let's start with the before. Now, one of the interesting things, uh, for the longest time with obstacle course races, and this was a big surprise to me, was There's no map. You arrive at the course and there is no map, and there's nothing online to look at before. So you show up and maybe it's a—

it's—

you've been told it's a 10-kilometer obstacle course race, and there's no even guarantee that's gonna be 10 kilometers because often it's more than 10 kilometers. But we don't know because there's no markers while you're running the race. You don't actually know how far you've gone. You have to literally Keep going and you don't know what's going to come next. You have an idea what some obstacles are, but they move them around, they change them. You never know what's coming up next and how far is it until the next obstacles. So what that means in your own life as you go forward is adaptability is the number one mindset before going in, is you have to be ready to adapt. And adapt starts with, here are the things that I can control. Which means I could be ready for this, I could train for this, but the things I can't control is while I'm going through it, I can't decide which way I'm going to go or what obstacle I want to do next. Things are going to be thrown at me and I have to be able to adapt as I go along. Resourcefulness versus resources. Now, number one, even though I've been racing this for 10 years, I'm I'm not an athlete, or I don't consider myself an athletic type of person. In fact, I probably got into running when I was maybe 15 or 16 years old. I was sitting at home watching my black and white TV, and Rocky came on. I hadn't seen it in the movie theaters, and I was so inspired by that movie that the next day I went out to— I lived in Montreal— I went to Saint-Laurent Boulevard and got myself a a $5 pair of running shoes that were made in then-communist Czechoslovakia. The shoes probably weighed as much as my black and white TV. They were, you know, not what you would say are the type of shoes you need to do running. So resources versus resourcefulness. I had the mindset that this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to try to run. If I waited for the resources, which is to have more money to be able to buy a higher-end running shoe, or maybe to get— and I went to an art school, so there was no coach— or wait till I maybe went to college and there could be a coach. If I waited for all that, I would not be tackling what I wanted to do and giving it a shot. So that's resourcefulness versus resources. And the other thing about preparing for an obstacle course race is there's nowhere specifically to go train. I mean, there is some gyms and they cost a lot of money to go and do these sort of ninja obstacles. But especially now in COVID times, you can't, you can't go train there. So you have to sort of, you have to do, figure out ways that you are going to mirror the examples of obstacles, such as working out in playgrounds or the monkey bars, the rings in playgrounds, using hills. You have to go into being resourceful. So it's the same thing about if you have to have a difficult conversation or you want to make a change in your life, physical or emotional one, is If you're waiting for the right time till you've got the right resources— I need the right book, I need the right inspiration, I need the right tools, I need the right place— there is no right place. It starts with the intention of taking that first step. So the before is adaptability. How are you going to adapt as you go forward? Things you can control and the things you can't control, and being resourceful.

Versus resources.

Now let's talk about the during. What I really find interesting about the during, and this is something we can all relate to about obstacles, is it sucks. It's uncomfortable. No matter what you're doing, it's called an obstacle for a reason because it means it's getting in the way of your path to where you want to get to. So you have to overcome that, and that moment is uncomfortable. Let me give you an example of being uncomfortable. This was the aha for me. This was what sort of has turned it around for me in how I run these races. In between certain obstacles, I was tired. I was— I needed to walk. I believed I needed to walk. The aha for me was that I saw what the best of the best did was they kept moving forward. They kept running, maybe not beautifully running, but they kept running, jogging, moving forward at a higher clip than just walking. And so I got myself into that uncomfortable moment, which was start running, start, keep moving all the way through it. And that made a huge difference in my results, which I'll share afterwards when we get to the finish. So When we are going through an obstacle, it is uncomfortable. And the other thing about being uncomfortable in that obstacle is sometimes you want to hang there in that moment because it is so uncomfortable. You don't know where to go next. So for example, I do the— when I do the rings, that's the dreaded rings. It's uncomfortable. I'm not good on those. And I sometimes just hang there. And I'm losing my energy because I'm hanging there. When in fact, again, The best thing you could do is to keep moving forward, to trust your instincts, to trust that muscle memory is there. So when you are going through those changes is to trust yourself. It's scary to move forward. It's scary to take that leap. It's scary to reach out because you don't know what's going to happen. Again, things you can't control. But when you take that step, it's creating momentum and you're moving forward and you're not draining your energy. You are transitioning. And that's what we want to do when we go through an obstacle. Other thing about during is I would approach an obstacle full speed ahead. Well, I got so much adrenaline going already. I don't need to be going to that obstacle full speed ahead. It's the opposite, counterintuitive. As I approach the obstacle, that's the time to slow it down, get my breathing under control, get my heart rate under control so that when I'm doing the obstacle, I'm prepared. And the same thing when you're about to tackle the obstacle, whether it be picking up the phone to make a difficult call, is don't just go from being on your phone looking at Instagram to all of a sudden picking up the phone and making that, making that call. Take a second, get your breathing under control, get your heart rate down to normal so that when you are having that conversation, you are not letting your, your adrenaline take over. You are in— you'll have more of a better chance Uh, feeling more confident and comfortable if you are in control of your breathing. That's something you can control. Let's talk about the finish. Where in life do you get to see that there's a finish line ahead of you? Almost impossible. And where do you get the feeling, that euphoric moment to actually cross a finish line and be able to Put your arms up, which I always do, because it's a celebration.

Yay!

So think about that. It's— you may not be able to see where the finish line is, but if you took the courage to pick up the phone and call that person that you've been meaning to call and maybe have that difficult conversation, or you took the courage to start a change in your routine, a change in the way that you maybe were going to approach approach certain things, it's important to have those celebrations along the way because the finish line is not always clear as to where it is. You know, one of the things that keeps me motivated when I'm running these obstacle course races actually isn't so much the euphoric moment of the finish line. What I keep thinking about is I'm gonna have a double bacon cheeseburger with frings, which is French fries and onion rings, and a chocolate milkshake. I deserve it. Maybe I didn't even burn as many calories as what's gonna be in that meal. But I deserve it. Guilt-free. So it's important to give yourself a celebration, to give yourself a reward for accomplishing what took courage to, you know, get in the mud, so to speak, and come out of the mud and to be able to celebrate that. Because nowhere in life is there a finish line. And don't forget, putting your arms up, as Amy Cuddy would say, is going to send all kinds of energy to your brain. So So if you want to put your arms up, that's fantastic when you think it's time to reward yourself. And then enjoy whatever makes you happy, guilt-free to have that reward. Now, I said earlier I was going to share with you the difference it made in, in the fact that I was running between the obstacles versus sometimes walking or, you know, slowing down. I have been running in the competitive age group for the longest time, and, and I'd always finish in that, you know, between 5 and 10 in my, my age group. And, and it was frustrating because I wasn't moving forward. And then one year I decided 2 things. One, I'm gonna switch into the open group, which is everybody and anybody who is running. The obstacle course race. And the second thing I was going to do was I was going to be pushing myself, getting more uncomfortable between the obstacles and running. Well, the difference was I finished first in my age group. And the more amazing thing is, I'm still blown away, is I finished 7th overall in the entire, like, 1,000+ people who were competing. So what that means is sometimes we need to be a bigger fish in a small pond, or versus that small, you know, that small fish in the big pond. So give yourself a chance to be, to be more successful. If you're not moving forward in what you are doing, then maybe it's time to shift that perspective, right? And, and how can I do this differently? Maybe I need to look at a different company I need to be with. Maybe I need to look at different people to be surrounding myself with. Maybe I need to look at different ways of starting my conversations or starting my feedback versus maybe following a set way or what I believe is the right way. So when I stopped Saying I was going to be competitive in an age group, but I still want to be competitive, but I wanted to see results. I wanted to see some motivation, some confidence. And then you know what? I probably will go back into that age group because I have got more confidence now, and that is just going to give me more oomph, so to speak, to now tackle it. So, switching perspectives goes a long way into getting what you want to get accomplished in that change A behavior or an action. It's a small shift but it's huge. So, let's review that you are going to go and tackle that obstacle professionally or personally, bringing the parallels to what I've uncovered and sharing with you around obstacle course racing. The before, adaptability, things you can control, things you can't control. When you are in the middle of it, it is going to be uncomfortable. But trust your instincts and slow down when you are coming into those difficult moments. Give yourself a chance to be successful. Finishes don't exist in life. We don't have a finish line. So when there's that opportunity that you took that first step, that you took the courage to do something, and there was that small shift, celebrate it. Celebrate it guilt-free. Enjoy it. And If things are not working out the way you want them to, then look back on what maybe you need to shift. What do you need to change your perspective? So for example, I switched divisions. I switched from age group to an open division, and the results were much more rewarding, giving me much more confidence to go back now into that competitive age group. So I hope that this has been helpful as you tackle your next obstacle and that this Felt right. We will see you next week on This Feels Right.

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Thank you for listening to today's podcast.

What questions, comments, or thoughts you may have, then connect with me, Joel Silverstone, on LinkedIn or come on over to thisfeelsright.ca. And again, if this show felt right, then please leave a rating, review, Or subscribe. We'll see you next week.